Does This Feeling Really Last Forever?

[Guest Megan188]

Hi! <3

I feel incredibly torn about how I feel about my gender identity. Although I identify as straight from the male perspective, I don't consider myself to be masculine and feel a bit uncomfortable representing myself as a male. I'm not really super effeminate, and have certain male tendencies, but in general, my mind tells me I feel more like a woman. I've been struggling with GID for about seven years, and it's been burning on my mind almost the whole time.

Around the third week of February, I started taking HRT for a little over a month, and while I was doing it, I felt quite great. My body was slowly but surely feminizing, and I felt optimistic that I would become the girl that I see myself as. At the fourth week of March, however, my mom, who had previously come to support me in my journey to transform into a female, researched all of this terrible stuff regarding transsexualism and subsequently forced me to stop taking the hormones. She was worried that I would hardly be able to conduct a normal life, and that the only place in Southern California (where I'm from and where I want to live after college) I would be safe is West Hollywood. She was also afraid of the risk of breast cancer. I know that my mom is a bit of a waffler sometimes, but I generally trust her dearly, and having been intimidated by everything she told me, I completely went along with her. I was able to keep the whole thing off my mind for another month and a half, but now the feeling seems to be coming back. Actually, it always seems to come back. I've shied away a few times before after having certain bad experiences, but it really does feel like this is something pretty serious, considering its long-term permanence.

My question is, would my life really be that much harder if I did carry out the whole transition? I figure it depends on where you are, but if transitioning is the only way for my body to feel congruent with my feelings, then I feel like I may ultimately have no choice, despite the challenges that come with all of it.

[Guest Risu]

Hi! <3

I feel incredibly torn about how I feel about my gender identity. Although I identify as straight from the male perspective, I don't consider myself to be masculine and feel a bit uncomfortable representing myself as a male. I'm not really super effeminate, and have certain male tendencies, but in general, my mind tells me I feel more like a woman. I've been struggling with GID for about seven years, and it's been burning on my mind almost the whole time.

Around the third week of February, I started taking HRT for a little over a month, and while I was doing it, I felt quite great. My body was slowly but surely feminizing, and I felt optimistic that I would become the girl that I see myself as. At the fourth week of March, however, my mom, who had previously come to support me in my journey to transform into a female, researched all of this terrible stuff regarding transsexualism and subsequently forced me to stop taking the hormones. She was worried that I would hardly be able to conduct a normal life, and that the only place in Southern California (where I'm from and where I want to live after college) I would be safe is West Hollywood.

Absolutely not true. There is plenty of bad information on the internet and it seems you mom managed to find it. There are Laura's members from all over the west coast, and also living all over California. I live down by Palm Springs, you know, that famous town where Lindsay Lohan comes to do her detoxes at the Betty Ford clinic. I live in a small, heavily conservative religious mountain town near there and I've met nothing but positive experiences. Granted, there are places that I would not want to go (like anywhere the Marines from the nearby Marine base are) but I have yet to receive so much as a single negative comment. There are plenty of places you can live but it's up to you to live safely and wisely wherever you are.

She was also afraid of the risk of breast cancer.

When you're not on HRT there's also a risk of testicular cancer and prostate cancer, among many others. The occurrence of breast cancer in MtFs is generally pretty slim but that's what mammograms are for. Also, from what I've read in the news recently more and more men are also getting breast cancer, so there's always a risk.

I know that my mom is a bit of a waffler sometimes, but I generally trust her dearly, and having been intimidated by everything she told me, I completely went along with her.

Do your own research and form your own opinions. I know you love and trust your mother but you can't allow her to run your life for you. Likewise, take what you read on internet message boards with a grain of salt, but do try to find reliable sources for information and make up your mind for yourself.

I was able to keep the whole thing off my mind for another month and a half, but now the feeling seems to be coming back. Actually, it always seems to come back. I've shied away a few times before after having certain bad experiences, but it really does feel like this is something pretty serious, considering its long-term permanence.

My question is, would my life really be that much harder if I did carry out the whole transition?

Transition does add it's own new complications to the mix but nothing impossible to overcome. I have found that besides funding HRT and electrolysis, my life is not that much harder than it was before transition. In fact, it's easier. I am starting to like the way I look and I feel great. I have more confidence in public, I'm less irritable, and I am able to concentrate and remember things like I never was before. I'd say it's worth the trade off, for me anyways, to go from self loathing to actually liking myself, and from being depressed and miserable all the time, and envious of all the women I see to actually being the woman I felt I always should have been. Your Mileage May Vary, as may your experiences but for me transition has been the icing on the cake of my life.

I figure it depends on where you are, but if transitioning is the only way for my body to feel congruent with my feelings, then I feel like I may ultimately have no choice, despite the challenges that come with all of it.

Transition or not there will always be challenges in life. The only thing that can hold you back is yourself. Cisgendered people struggle sometimes too, and yeah being trans adds a unique set of complications and circumstances to everything, but I tell you what... I learned that certain members of my family love me unconditionally. I made friends with amazing people I never would have met if I weren't trans. I've formed true and sincere friendships with both trans and cis people who like me for me AND I met someone who loves me unconditionally as myself. And yeah, those things come with or without transition but if transition is what you need to do to be happy then happiness can only come with Transition and living as the person you always felt you were inside.

In response to the title of your thread, yes. If you truly suffer with GID or Gender Dysphoria these feelings will really last forever. Emerging research studies show that trans people seem to have actual structural differences in the brain that make us feel this way. Basically we really do have a woman's brain in a man's body (or vice versa). Until there are surgeries available to correct that, which probably won't be in our lifetime, I think you're stuck with your feelings, whatever those may be.

The best thing you can do is sit down, think about everything and be 100% honest with yourself. What are you really feeling inside and what do you need to do to make things better?

I hope this has helped.

*Hugs*

~Jade.

[Guest Megan188]

Thanks a lot! Definitely helpful. <3

Based on my experience from when I did tell some of my friends about my situation, it did feel like most people I talked to were likely to be accepting or supportive of my situation. My mom made it seem a lot worse - I mean, after all, transgenderism is such a difficult thing for most people to comprehend, which would suggest they'd be uncomfortable with it - but for the most part it doesn't seem that big of a deal.

I guess I'm more worried about how hard it is to get a job and therefore live a financially stable life. My mom and I both started to fear that this would all be exponentially harder, but if it really doesn't ruin your life that much, then it would surely be worth whatever trouble does come with it. I have a classmate in college who's been transitioning for nearly a couple years now, and she says that being transgendered doesn't affect her to that great of a degree.

[Cyndee]

I guess I'm more worried about how hard it is to get a job and therefore live a financially stable life. My mom and I both started to fear that this would all be exponentially harder, but if it really doesn't ruin your life that much, then it would surely be worth whatever trouble does come with it. I have a classmate in college who's been transitioning for nearly a couple years now, and she says that being transgendered doesn't affect her to that great of a degree.

Jade gave you some wonderful advice already, I would add.

Getting a degree and obtaining work that supports yourself is challenging regardless of transition, however if you make good choices and work hard in life, there is no reason you can't be successful in any gender, opportunity is everywhere, just have to open the doors. I would add if you are at peace with yourself your effectiveness would definately increase. Be honest with yourself Megan. I can say in the decades I have dealt with this condition, you can put it aside for a while but it always has come back in my case. I have choosen to deal with my transsexulism now in this age, as conditions to transition have never been better in my view.

Best wishes

Cindy -

[Svenna]

Megan,

Are you seeing a Gender Therapist?

You've received super feedback from the folks that answered already, so I won't go there, but...

What does your GT say about your mother's fears and how they are affecting you?

Has your mother attended any of your gender therapy sessions with you, or is she in any therapy of her own?

This stuff is almost impossible to deal with without proper guidance from Gender professionals, it really is!

Love, Svenna

[gennee]

Megan, the question is what do YOU want for your life? If transition is for you then go with it. Find out all you can about it and decide for yourself. I understand your mother's concerns but ultimately it's your decision.

[KathrynJulia]

Hi Megan

As a parent I watched my children grow up and sometimes letting go was really hard, so I gave them pros and cons and then let them choose. At some point you graduate from being a child and dependent on your parents and adulthood where you have to decide what is right for you. This dysphoria doesn't go away. You can hide from it for awhile, but it's lurking waiting for an opportunity to roar back into your life stronger than ever. From age 5 to my mid 50's I knew who I was and through all that time I fought dysphoria every step of the way and it left me angry and unhappy all the way. I've taken care of my responsibilities now and I can't put it off any longer. Please do yourself a favor, when you can safely begin your transition, do it. Before you tie yourself down with a career, kids, family. You are in charge of your life and it is now your decision for what you want to do. See a Gender therapist. Let them arm you wth facts to counter your mom's objections and misinformation.. Don't fight this alone or you will loose. Bring an educated experienced therapist with you to talk with your mother and have them in your corner, but also for them to keep the discussion civil and fair. Parents aren't perfect and the job of parenting is learned over decades. My kids are grown and I'm still learning. Good luck and a strong hug to you Hon Katheryn

[Guest jennahtx]

Megan, I transitioned in San Antonio, Texas, and let me point out that, for the record, the population in south Texas is mainly Catholics and Republicans, neither of whom are known for their acceptance of transgender people. I've been full-time for more than 5 years now, and acceptance has never been a problem other than from my wife--but that's another story. I'm thinking they're far more liberal and accepting on the West Coast than here in Texas.

That said, I recommend some form of professional counseling before you resume hormones, or at least along with them. It helped me a lot, believe me.

Good luck & hugs,

Jenna