???

[Guest chibixal]

i have been wanting to be a transgender for a long time. i finally told my fiance, she was not mad but she says she would not be sexually attracted to me any more. i don't want that so i'm trying to fix my problem. how do i stop the urge & desire of wanting to become a transgender. she thinks i should do it because it will make me happy. i hate my self and what i am. i want to be beautiful and wear beautiful female cloths and undergarments and be more like my beautiful fiance but if shes not going to be sexually attracted to me then i just cant do it. if i cant make love to the person i want to spend the rest of my life with then i want to change. i'm afraid if i do it she will find someone else to be intimate with or leave me. what can i do i know there are therapists to help u become a transgender but are there therapists to help u not want to become one or at least stop the urges dreams & desires???

[Sally]

You don't want to become trensgendered - you are transgendered, you just have a desire to do something about it. While I am sure that some where there are still therapists that offer a 'cure', but I don't think that you really want to go to one. If you have a trememdous urge to become a female those urges will not go away. Trust me, I'm 57 years old and have been struggling with 'those urges' for years. The thought that 'love will cure you' is a wonderful and romantic thought but it is a fairy tale. No 'magic kiss' can cure you from being transgendered. You can make the decission to fight against your true self and remain as you are in order to keep your fiance and I will not tell you not to, it isn't my place - I recently decided to stop my very slow efforts to transition because of fear of losing my wife. Her family got involved and she has left me and I am still very much the same. The urges never went away, I was fighting against them to keep her. It didn't work - I don't know if it could have for the long run without her family's interference - I just know that it didn't. I urge you to think, you alone know how much you need to become a woman, so you alone need to decide.

Good luck and know, as I have learned, the transgendered community in general is far less judgement al and more caring than most people. Know that you are loved.

Hugs and a wish for happiness,

Sally

[Guest Evan_J]

Sally gave you the very best response of all. No one "becomes" a transgendered person. They either are or they aren't. They can discover or realize it at different points but its not a choice.

You will be accepted here (rules of the site in mind of course) as a transgendered person for as long as you want.

I have over my lifetime "put off" transitioning for any number of reasons, from significant other to family, you name it, and always I ended up "right back where I started" -wanting to transition. I can tell you that if you truely have a need to transition you will end up only more depressed, discouraged in life, despondent, and hateful of all the things you "put it off" for. People will be at the top of that list. Am I telling you to break off with her, of course not. Am I saying "do it anyway, so what if you lose her"? No. Its not for me to make any of those decisions and always I hope that peoples personal relationships can work. I am however telling you that there is a real good chance that you will regret putting your individual needs last.

I hope it all works. And I hope you stilck around.