Good day everyone

[Guest Apany]

Hello,

After reading the forum for few months now, I finally decided to register and introduce myself. I will give you the basic information about me. I'm 27 years old, I have bachelor degree in a domain I don't really like, I'm a French Canadian and I think I might be a transsexual (MTF). Though, I'm not sure yet, I'm still confused and want to know who I really am. That being said, English isn't my first language so I might do some errors, but it shouldn't be that bad.

Around 3 or 4 years ago I began to question my gender identity. I saw some stories on TV and those really intrigued me. One was about an FTM, I was amaze how he looks so much as guys. I was even a little bit jealous because I didn't think it will be possible to pass that well as a girl. I wasn't really well inform at that moment. After that, I intensified the research on the subject and I learned a lot. At some point I began to think I might be a trans. Over a year from now, I began to stack some cash and do some plan in case I decide to do the move to become a woman.

After reading countless stories, I saw a lot of stuff I was in common with, but I still have doubts. The main reason is that I never felt I was a girl when I was young. It's pretty much the same during my adolescence. I had few daydreams of being a woman and it looked more like a fantasy then anything else. I know every story is different, but this is a really important point that nearly everyone has. The only thing I can tell is I don't like my body and my face since the age of 7. Oh and I began to have some feminine manners at the same age, but my mom told me to stop it and I did it without complaining. She isn't a bad mother, she was just worried that people will laugh at me. The other major point is I've never been depress and suicidal. But I've never been really happy and I have a lack of confidence.

Today, after over-analyzing everything, I still want to be a woman, but my dysphoria isn't a real issue yet. I daydreams about it every day now, but it doesn't consume all my thoughts as well. Actually, being sexually attract to women, I'm afraid all of this is just a fantasy. So I decided to test myself. When my brother left the apartment, I was now leaving alone so I bought some make-up and female clothes. I dress as a girl and put some make-up more often now than before. I like that, I don't always like the result (being colorblind doesn't help either) but I don't find myself ridiculous when I look in mirror. I could say I appreciate my face even more. The funny part is I didn't receive my shoes yet and I'm excited to have them

Knowing me, cross-dressing isn't enough to really know if I'm a transsexual or not. I did few tests on the internet and I always end up with a neutral brain (half male half female) So, I contacted a gender therapist to have an answer or to be guided in the good direction. I've done three sessions now and it was pleasant. Already, I can see it seems that I'm at least an androgynous. I can't conclude anything yet because it's too soon.

I think that finish my "little" introduction about my confusing and boring life. I haven't chosen a female name yet, still hesitate between Alexandra, Mélanie, Julie or even Alexias. So in other term, just call me Apany. It's my gaming name for years now and all my online friends use it.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Welcome - I just approve your post but I have to go to bed, so a short reply here, sorry. I read what you wrote and I think you definitely belong here. You are probably best described,early on like this, as 'questioning'. You may be like you suspect - androgynous. We always feel those strange feelings of being wrong gendered - its called, as you know, GENDER DYSPHORIA. It's usually a waste of time to try to self diagnose, so we always recommend seeing a gender dysphoria trained therapist and starting a journey of self discovery, which it seems you have. But being in a National Health System complicates that (we have people here from all over the world!)

So some people from Canada may be able to help you more with that.

BUT

The bottom line? Whatever you really are, whatever you feel, is perfectly okay. And you deserve a happy life. That is the bottom line - and grin - we are like minded people here, so lets see what replies you get

OH - me? I am transsexual and I decided to transition. It ain't easy and I would have to say you have to be in a position where its the only way to survive in this world - I mean to transition.

Glad you are here!

Lizzy

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[KathrynJulia]

Hi Apany

Welcome to Laura's and you did come to the right place. Let me introduce myself, I'm Katheryn and I'm pleased to meet you. There are a great many Canadian who are members of Laura's and I'm sure they will introduce themselves soon. I can honestly say many people find their way to this site with many questions about their lives and we try to answer their questions in an honest and supportive way. People here know what it is like starting out questioning why they feel differently than other people. We try and help you at a pace that you feel is comfortable. So welcome, please kick your shoes off, make yourself comfortable, look around, and when you feel ready, ask away. All that is asked of you is that you familiarize yourself with the Rules and Guidelines. The site is moderated for everyone by some great moderators who care and this is to ensure your safety and to keep the creeps and the trolls off the site. This is a serious site for people who are seriously seeking answers and caring support to issues in their lives in a safe and sane environment. So welcome and I'm glad you joined. Kathryn

[Michelle 2010]

hi Apany,Welcome.

Hope ypou find a few answers here

Michelle

[Guest Apany]

Thanks for the welcomes, I will gladly continue to look around and sometime post. I really like to read this forum, so I'm quite happy to be part of it.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Apany. It's very nice to meet you.

Since you've been reading the forums for a while, I don't need to tell you what's there. But now you get to meet and hear from all our wonderful members, and ask the questions you've always wanted to ask. We'll always do our best to provide honest answers.

I do ask all our new members to kindly read the site Terms and Conditions, because we use those rules to keep the site safe and orderly. You'll see no shouting, cursing or ill manners here (well, not most of the time, anyway.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Apany,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna