I'm A Boy But Want To Be A Girl. Where Should I Start?

[Guest chibi_usa]

Ya I've like wanna be a girl 4 like along time.... where do i start?

[Sally]

The best place to 'start' is to find some profeassional help. Find a therapist who is trained in Gender Identity Disorders. They will help you find your 'comfort level', like every other group in society - not all transgendered people are the same. They will help you asses the amout of change that you will need. Some are very happy 'dressing' at home only and never have to tell any one (very few), some are completely satisified by 'dressing' and living as a woman. Then the ones who have the need to alter their bodies are in multiple groups as well, for some just having breast implants will 'fill the bill', some have to have the hormone replacement treatment, then others need the SRS and others require extensive feminization surgeries. You have to find out where you are headed before you make any major steps. Don't run out and scream to the world that you are a transsexual woman only to discover that your comfort zone is dressing in private.

With that sobering thought to mull over - go out and get some female clothing that you can wear under your own. You are in california, so the weather could be very warm or very cool - if it's warm wear some panties under your clothes to school or work (you haven't stated an age). If you are afraid of detection, wear your own underwear over them (most women's panties are cut lower than men's). If it is cool enough wear some pantyhose, they will make you feel more feminine - nothing in a man's wardrobe has the same feel. If you can get away with it maybe a sportsbra as well. Find out waht makes you feel feminine and comfortable. At some point you will be dressing fully at home and maybe one day going out. I remember the incredible feeling the first time that I went out in public as a woman (not very attractive and terribly overweight, but a woman), Iloved the feeling of freedom that comes from being yourself.

I hope that helps a little, good luck and welcome to the journey,

Sally

[Guest Evan_J]

Ditto. The first stop is a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist and one who specializes in gender issues. There's not only the direct issue of gender that'll get looked at but your overall psychological makeup, social interactions, skills, prior or underlying mental states, and the liklihood of you being able to handle "what life is" after transitioning should that be a consideration. It might sound like a lot but really it gives you a more whole information bank regarding you to work with.

[Guest chibi_usa]

Ok well ummm im 16 btw. I dunno how 2 get a gender identity thingie O_o how much does it cost and do they tell you parents?

[Sally]

You can find list of gender identity therapists on various websites, one of the moderators has a link - she should read your post at some point and add it (I don't remember what it is - I believe that Marry Ellen is the one who knows it - having a senior moment). The price varies and the laws concerning the notification of parents vary by state.

Wish I could be more help,

Sally

[Guest Evan_J]

This doesn't sound like the the one Sally's referring to, but it also is a start.

http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm

Also, -and this goes to what Sally said about being sure where you're at before big steps- You're talking about "starting" and seeing gender counselors in order to do that yet still have an issue with your parents knowing anything. If in fact you were to start transitioning its not the kind of thing you could "keep secret" its kind of like secretly growing a second head. You might want to think about your first tasks as being checking with a gender therapist to make sure. Working out how to address this with family members you think are inevitably going to know. Figuring out how this all integrates into your overall life, like if college is in the picture. Or, if the plan is to not do anything physical until you're away from home so that they "never have to be part of it", then you might be wanting to work on building other real time support systems, other mtfs you can turn to for support when that time comes, coming up with a plan for financing things, stuff like that.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

You just started - grin! If you are serious and not just curious, log into chat or the forum. You will get a lot of advice.

[Guest eshaver]

You can find list of gender identity therapists on various websites, one of the moderators has a link - she should read your post at some point and add it (I don't remember what it is - I believe that Marry Ellen is the one who knows it - having a senior moment). The price varies and the laws concerning the notification of parents vary by state.

Wish I could be more help,

Sally

Sally I sure wish I could come back to da CEMENT SWAMP AND GIVE YA A HUG ! Really you really impressed me with yer advice that Ive seen there on the forum girl! I lived in North Houston in the 70's Now as far as where to start , I would also suggest Lambdas books on crossdressing and gender . Society for the Second self. Uh I F G E A in Washington D C . Listen I'm In Richmond , the next time I go there , I'll get a better address for you . Its gotten a lot better than when I lived there in Texas in da bad ole days . Yeah you can still be a victim in Montrose but at least you wont do thirty days in Harris . Ellen Shaver

[Guest StephS]

You're like me. I'm only 17. XD We're in the same boat, haha.

I know I can find a therapist out there, and I know I don't need be concerned with my parents finding out, but it's god expensive, and making minimum wage, I'm on my own. I still have to pay for gas and whatnot, which at 17, no matter what the price, is quite expensive.

Even though I'm still new myself, I can tell you that this place welcomes everyone with open arms, and can help you any way they can. Myself included, so if you have any questions, let me know. <33

[Guest stephphorever]

OMG steph, u and i share a name! Is it fate...lol. But seriously, I'm in the same boat as you two but my parents know. I mean, I realize that that is a huge difference, but u should look into possibly telling them, are the homophobic/intolerant? If so, I'm sorry. I came out to my parents yesterdaay, after years and years of trying to build up the courage to do so (2 or 3 to be exact). Im 15 btw and havent started passing at all. Well, there is a select group of friends that call me she/her and Stephanie (God i love that name), but other than that I'm Alex. Unfortunately, I've always been a bit of a butch guy (overcompensation) so I'm not really sure how to start transition as well. Hope I could help, HUGS AND KISSES!!

[Guest StephS]

Fate indeed... XD

They're not intollerant, I know that. I've just always been afraid of being hated by the people who are supposed to love you the most. I think that's why I'm afraid. Also, to be honest, I'm not 100% sure of what I really want. As of right now, yes, I'd strongly consider starting to transition if I had the chance. But I may or may not be happy with that. I wouldn't want to commit to something unless I KNEW I would be happy. But I'm getting closer.

Also, you've been aware for much longer than I have. I could never put a finger on what I really wanted. However, with college on the horizon, I feel I will be able to experiment and decide once and for all what it is, or who it is, rather, that I want to be.

Thank you for your kindness, though. I appreciate it. <33

~Stephanie

[Guest chibi_usa]

Uhhhh is there any way 2 find a gender therapist. WITHOUT ur parents finding out? ^_~

[Guest CharliTo]

I guess if you're over 18, you're responsible for your ownself...so you can visit the therapist yourself...

but...and this is from first hand experience...nothing great comes from sneaking around.