fell of the wagon tonight

[Guest BreanneB]

The pain was just tooooo much for me to handle. I just wanted to escape and not have there feelings and be normal. This has cost me so much and I dont know much more I can take. I just want to feel normal. I know this will not happen Until I have completely transitioned. I wish I could be a woman tomorrow, It has taken so much from me. My wife, my marriage, I have isolated from friends. Its even cost me some friends that cannot handle me being TG. I just want the pain to stop. My arm is an array of scatches. I just wanted to get to the vein and bleed to death. I am losing all hope

Bre

[Carolyn Marie]

I'm very sorry to hear about this setback, Breanne. I know that the usual platitudes are not enough. I wish I could give you a big, long hug, and promise you that everything will be better tomorrow. But I can't do either of those things.

What I can do is ask you to be patient if you can, to remember that nothing stays bad forever, that things do improve, that lives get better, and that you are important. Your life matters, your safety and well being matters, YOU matter. The world will be worse off by far without you in it. You've already made a contribution to this site, to the people here. We care about you, and we are your friends.

Please log into Chat if you can, Breanne, and talk live to a Crisis Counselor who can help you better than I can.

You fell off the wagon, and that is sad. But tomorrow you can get back on it, and start over. It is a new day, and every day you take a breath is a good day.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Breanne:

Carolyn Marie (above) gave you the best advice you ever have ... LISTEN TO HER!

Please, DO get into the Chat Section and definitely ask to speak with a crisis counselor!

Many of us here have lost the things you mention ... I certainly have too ... we understand.

With Concern Lacey Lynne

[VickySGV]

I'm not quite sure what you did, you mention the "wagon" which I associate with alcohol abuse and you posted this in the Alcohol Forum but yoiu also talk about the scratches and bleeding which are self harm issues, . So what I am going to say applies to whatever you did.

OK, like another one of the prime elements of the universe, relapses happen. This may not sound too comforting, but I think you have some things a bit backwards. Transition will not answer enough of your problems to prevent drinking or any other type of self harm, but getting yourself into recovery from the other abuses will greatly help the transition and make it less scary and less stress filled so you can do it right.

Do you have an AA group, or better yet, a sponsor?? You need to get with them and get going again. Do you have a Chemical Dependency Recovery or a Self Harm DependencyRecovery team at your health plan, or hospital where your health care provider works at? They need a call first thing in the morning, and you need to get yourself picked up and back on the program.

Colorado has some good resources for TG people, and the number of us that have all of the harm issues in these forums means there are resources that treat the doodoo that has happened here. Again, relapse happens and folks like myself who have been there will probably just shrug our shoulders, and have you pull a chair into the circle again. I know you are hurting and while I sound rough on it, its the only way we can find hope. Get into recovery again, and help it work for us.

[Guest angels wings]

I don't have advice but I want to tell you YOU are part of our family here at Laura's YOU are special to us please take care and know that the rain doesn't last forever u will see the rainbows thy are there waiting for u . One small step at a time u can be happy u can achieve . Sending u lots of big (((((hugs)))) filled with strength and hope . Don't look back just look forward

[Charlize]

Bre, i feel for you. it could so easily be any of us. Have hope. Get to an AA or NA meeting as soon as you can. There will be open arms there. You are so brave to reach out to us. Keep reaching we are here for each other.

So many hugs, Charlie

[Michelle 2010]

I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable- Step One

I am powerless over Trans, and my life has become unmanageable

Only a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity- Step Two

Honey, if you are like me and some of the others here, you can't fix your problems by yourself...

Please consider joining or rejoining us Sunday night at 9 pm EST in chat and being with people who have been where you are. (If you are not registered there you need to do so in advance)

In early sobriety all I wanted was for the pain to go away. I found something much larger... A new way of life... as bad as any problem I have in life may be, it will absolutely only be made worse by pouring alcohol on it. The temporary relief from feelings comes with a very high pricetag.

Hugs

Michelle

[Guest rita63]

I know what you mean. Relapsing is probably my biggest fear right now, it would be so easy to retreat into the hole in the bottle and isolate and add my life to my marriage and my friends and the rest of my losses from drinking. Part of my new sober life is accepting my trans side and being honest about me to myself. But I can't deal with alchoal by myself and I can't express my trans self alone. I am blessed with new AA friends and new trans friends like the ones I have at Laura's to help me through.

Those same folks are your friends too, listen to them, get too a meeting,come and shre with us on Sun., lighten your load. We can't do it alone we arn't built like that.

many hugs and one of Charlie's hankies

rita

[Guest bibilei1]

Hello breanne im bibilei

And i want to tell you that if you have a enviroment like

That try to go out for a while (another home)

That can feel you comfortable with no blockage of your

Freedom because were only humans were not perfect

But this i will tell u that try achieving your goals that can make

You rich like that and after that try smashing a pie in their face

Without the abusive powers of discrimination and alcohol

Try meeting new friends like our sisters

Thats all

Bibi lei

Hugs and cookies )