Help

[Guest debo]

ok do yall have any advise for helpin me sober up i mean im only 15 and i have ben drinking sinces last tuseday not none stop but every day ill wake up around 10 and just start drinking till midnight i guess if helps me deal with all the nuts i have to put up me beina transgender and my depresen but i know it aint good for me but in way i feel if helps me but i mean im only 15 years old but still no ignorent comments plz

[Sally]

Debo,

I'll try not to make any stupid comments, but you do know already that you are the only one that can stop you from drinking (short of checking into rehab and then just starting again when you get out). You are also aware that when you do sober up the same problems are still there.

Now that I have stated the obvious I will try to help, I have never been a drinker so I have never had to give up alcohol - it is very difficult and will require a great deal of effort on your part. I have my problems with food - I used to eat when I was depressed, angry, happy, tired any excuse and I would eat! End result 367 pounds! I'm 6'4" but that is stll huge! I have started loosing weight and am down to 326 in around 5 months just by adjusting how much I eat - not what or adding any exersice! The only way to achieve results is to set an attainable goal and force yourself to reach it.

When I had an ulcer while I was in college the doctor told me to quit tobacco, alcohol and coffee - I didn't do any of those so he moved to where it hurt - no caffine, no Italian or Mexican foods (tomatoes are loaded with acid) and no fried foods - that was my entire diet! With my health as the main concern, I was able to stand my new diet of broiled meats (beef, chicken, ork and fish after a while all taste pretty much alike after you broil them with no butter or oils or anything that resembeled flavor) steamed vegetables and baked potatoes with no butter. I hated it but I did it for about three years until I was sure that I wouldn't just open it up again - I can now eat anything that I want to and my stomach never hurts - it expands, but it never hurts.

You know that if you keep this up your health is at risk. If you drink because you like the taste allow yourself one drink each day, if you only drink to get drunk - no drinking at all. You have to do this for yourself, if you can't then I hate to say it but you will need to consider AA or a similar group just to have someone to help you.

It isn't going to be easy, but it will be well worth it - you will clear you head and feel better. It won't seem that way at first but in the long run you know that this is aproblem that you have to face and master.

I hope that you can do this and know that we are here for you,

Sally

[Guest Arbon]

Hi Debo

I would suggest trying some AA meetings, maybe there are some young peoples groups in your area or I can give you some on-line resources if you want to check out some on-line groups. Heck there is even one in the chat room here on Sundays that I have started going to the last couple weeks.

It is hard to tell someone how to sober up. Are you just trying to drown out how you feel but not alcoholic or are you really alcoholic - I could not tell you. But you are feeling that, either way, it is a problem or you would not be asking. So do check out some AA resources, or even other resources to help figure that out.

I relate to you. I started drinking when I was 16 and things really spun out of control fast. It was like trying to put a fire out by pouring gasoline on it. In fact in just that first year of drinking I ended up with a weeks vacation in the loony bin for evaluation because, well, I tried to hurt some people while very drunk and when the cops came I tried to hurt them to, which cops just don't take well. But got lucky as some people pulled some strings to keep me out of youth detention.

By 19 I was having serious trouble eating. I was 6' tall and down to about 130lbs. When I finally dragged myself into a doctor he was convinced I tried to kill myself by drinking drano. No, I just drank a lot alcohol, and he just shook his head either in disbelief or disgust.

There were a lot of other things to that happened in my brief 8 year drinking career.

I got lucky, in a sense, at 24 and sobered up. I found drinking myself to death does not work very well, but I had gone well past the point of being able to stop drinking on my own. And I wanted to get out of that hole.

If I can help with anything let me know. I can give you some AA on-line resources if you are interested. Or try to answer any questions. As Sally said, we can try to cover up our problems by drinking but they are still there when we sober up. Along with a whole slew of new problems brought on by the drinking.

[Guest Huff]

Keep in mind that becoming an alcoholic doesn't take years and years for everybody. For a lot of folks, they just have the gene for it so they pretty much start drinking alcoholically from the very first drink. That's pretty much what happened to me. I was able to drink just one drink once or twice a week for the first two months and then I got drunk one night and then I just kept getting drunk. It was pretty incredible. I went to treatment within 3 months after that 'cause I knew pretty much right away that I was about to self-destruct. Granted, I didn't get sober right away - it took me about a year (plus a slip about a year after that), but I ran to where there was help - AA, treatment, and a good counselor - 'cause I didn't and don't want to loose my future to a damned bottle.

So, you're young... that means you have a couple of options. You can either keep on drinking for years even though it's obviously not a positive benefit for you (as most alcoholics do) and make yourself miserable and sick and cause ever-increasing damage to yourself and those around you. Or, you can stop before it get real bad. The difficulty here is convincing yourself that yes, you really do have the alcoholic tendency and that if you were to keep trying to drink the results would be very, very bad. For most alcoholics, they are not convinced until a lot of that really bad stuff starts actually starts happening in their life. They cannot see that they are on the same path as someone who is more progressed as they are. Here's a secret that I learned: even if I'm not really an alcoholic, who cares? I hurt myself and others with alcohol and, furthermore, my life can only be better without it.

The 'Big Book' (that's the AA book) gives an idea of how you can tell if you're alcoholic or not: really honestly try to give up drinking and if you find yourself drinking again, you're probably alcoholic. Or, go and try real hard to drink just one drink, and if you end up drinking more than just one (or feel like you're absolutely dying to have more but can't since you've put your pajamas on and locked yourself in your room where you can't get any more - that's what I did to test it out), then you're probably an alcoholic. Decide for yourself.

MK

[Guest Sergei]

It's difficult to stop drinking. Even after a short time it can really fill that void. I've only just stopped drinking after about 4 years of hitting it really hard. I still from time to time have relapses.

It's hard to give really good advice, because the thing that really helped me to finally stop drinking was when I finally felt happy with who I am. I never wanted to go down the AA route, but I do know that it helps a lot of guys.

The only advice I can really give is to try and set yourself targets and goals to distract you from your drinking. I enter exams, work more, give myself projects to try and fill that void that drink used to fill. You can't just snap out of depression and drinking. It takes time and growth to get there. But you can at least try and distract yourself until you reach a point where you will feel finally free from it.

I do believe as well that the issue isn't whether or not you are an alcoholic. I think there are different types of alcoholism. I never felt physically addicted. Yes if I stopped I would get some withdrawal sysmptoms, but once they passed I always felt physically fine. But I do believe in emotional addiction. That's what I considered I had.

I probably haven't said anything that useful, but my one final thought for you, is that yes it is hard to be trans. Particually at a young age. If you feel upset or depressed try and focus that energy and do something productive. I drank to lose myself in it. So even if it was just for a few hours everyday I wasn't aware of my situation. Find something else that does that for you. Write, compose, paint... etc Do something that gives you the same effect but is positive. I practise piano and lose myself in that now.

x

[Guest Huff]

Sergei -

way to go on staying sober. that's absolutely awesome, man.

I agree with the bit on picking something to focus your energy on. That's the main way I got sober and abstinent. For me, it's running and going to the gym. I know that there is no way I can run or lift weights the next day because alcohol makes me so sick.

MK

[Guest cerise]

Hi Debo

I am in AA and have not drank or drugged in over 1 year and a half . I am also transgendered (non opp). I found AA worked for me and have discovered a few truths since being in the program .One being , it is easier to not drink altogether than to try and control your drinking . AA is not the old guys in smoke filled rooms anymore and most large cities have meetings that will meet most individuals needs . I came out in a meeting for dual disorders as a twin spirited individual and the world was lifted from my shoulders . From that meeting I found my still present sponsor and later employed him as a counsellor dealing with everything from my x-dressing through transgender feelings (I call it being myself). Although being transgendered is not a mental disorder I have been allowed to stay and participate in this meeting .

My transgendered status is still on a need to know basis and I am very careful who I tell as apart from the usual some people send unwanted emails and links to unhelpful sites . Check out AA by phone and try a few meetings . Part of being sober is working on the problems that cause you to drink .

Another truth about alcohol use is that it gets worse never better.

Cerise

[Guest Evan_J]

I think a bit of dealing with an alcohol or abuse issue is knowing it isn't "just you" just like being trans isn't "just you". When you see it it gives you a minute to stop beating yourself up for being it and instead look at how to address it. It is hard to have that kind of problem at such a young age. Its hard mentally on you, socially on everybody (including your family even if they don't know "why", and physically on your health because your body is still in a growth time. I had my first drink at 12, I didn't consider it a "big deal" it was just "fun", I also got high for the first time that same year, mostly because I didn't want to be the "goody two shoes" in the company of my older cousin. HOWEVER dealing with all the other crap that comes with being a teenager, trans issues(even though I didn't have that word), sexual preference, family dynamics... it quickly became a way to "escape". I didn't do it with friends. It wasn't cool to them. In fact it was exactly the opposite. So I kept it a secret. ...and grew myself a nice big problem. At a certain point (maybe around 19?) I tried to at least get off the drugs, and it worked....for a while....until I got involved with the wrong butthole lol. I didn't worry so much about the drinking because regardless of how much I drank I didn't really "get drunk". I figured it wasn't really a problem if there was no falling out, stumbling, blacking out, fights and incidents ...none of that...so really it wasn't a "problem", right? I didn't see alchohol as a problem till waaaay later after a bunch of other junk that brought me to a day when I was in the basement of depression, walking to a hospital (5 1/2 miles in the rain mind you) to check myself in for being so depressed and when I got there and the nurse said "do you drink alcohol" and I said "no" she said "ok, I need to check your pockets and all before I can admit you" and in every single pocket -including the 3 inside jacket ones, the inside breast pocket, all of em- there was a liquor bottle. You know the ones. They're like 3 inches tall and they sell em in the glass part of the counter at the liquor store. Yeah. And I think it really messed me up when I saw the Chambord.....who the heck carries around Chambord??? lol ...it was a clue.

I refused the clue though in a sense....I lied to my therapist for the next two years about how I wasn't drinking.....even though I emptied the dresser and threw out 27 empty liquor bottles. But the point approached when sobriety -or maybe sanity- was something I wanted- and it isn't until you do that you will get there. Not me or anyone here or anyone in your real life can want it for you. That has to be you. And when you do you will fight you and all the 9000 demons that got you there. It'll involve a lot of being honest. And tears. And a lot of other stuff. Groups like N/A and AA are WONDERFUL and if you can't go there in a group, do the work, get the work, manuals, info online and do em, find a sponseor, you don't have to go to a group to hook up with someone who's been through what you're going through. But most of all don't stay bottled up in yourself. The more you like you and are able to deal with yourself the easier it will be. Definately having something productive to do or achieve is good. -The whole throw yourself into something strategy. But take heed, an addict is an addict and will use other things to fill the addiction if they are not careful. Sometimes the best stategy is to do something for someone else. By getting outside of yourself you curb it.

I hope this has helped you.

They say around N/A that "the only way we keep what we have is by giving it away". I hope thats what this is.

[Guest cerise]

Hi Debo and others

Cerise here again. Check out ICYPAA or the international Conference of Young People in AA site on the web and you might find some place to begin. If you Google YOUNG PEOPLE IN AA you will find there are many affiliates that may be more suitable to your needs. People that I know in the AA program are very much involved in this and I know it allows them to connect feel apart of something where they felt apart from everything.

Keep coming back.

C

I stay sober by getting and keeping involved