Reverse Ftm Fakery

[Guest Evan_J]

Every one of us has read our fill and sometimes may even have fallen into "the FtM who tried too hard" syndrome. Thats the one where the FtM shaves their head, takes up opening beer bottles with their teeth, and can only be found chewing nails while simultaneously holding up a hemi on one hand and rescuing a little old lady while she crossed the street. You've all read it, "pretending" to be tougher than you are and swearing that you have never EVER in your entire life owned anything pink and liked it. That phenomenon.

It exists. Its true. But how about this one.

Of late, it has almost seemed to be a new "requirement" to so vehemently disavow participating in "FtM who tried too hard"syndrome that you may feel pressed to need to claim to knit doilies for the Kwawanis , cry on command, love pink and any of a whole slew of other things even if you don't just to satisfy the newest way to try to dictate "what a man" is in the FtM community.

Is it just me? Is anybody else seeing this? How easily we seem to swing from one end to the other and yet still want to dictate "what is ok" for the other person. At what point do we honestly let the other person be who they really are?

I think its kind of pathethic to have to "prove" fake femininity as much as its to "prove" fake masculinity.

It is a fact. Not all men are all that masculine.

But it is also a fact that not all men are all that feminine. And when does that get to be ok.

Because if its all about "hating everything that ever was inferred as being male" what are you doing?

Why is it "good" for a man to say "I'm feminine", yet "bad" for him to say "I'm masculine"?

Its like some kind of new "man hatred" amongst FtMs?

[Guest TBForLife]

But I honestly do knit...not well but I have a fondness for making anything and its just buying a color I like and watching it turn into something that I love.

But thats honestly me.

My mom and I had this conversation last night.

She said "There was nothing to "notice" when you were growing up because you didn't hate dresses or date girls"

But yeah mom, I don't hate dresses or date girls now either! And I just got my T last night so emmm yeah doctor must see SOME reason to give it to me!

Best I can say. From MY ideas is that how masculine or feminine you actually are has NO BERING ON YOUR GENDER.

Same with orientation.

I just can't HANDLE being a girl, my body does not want it, my life does not want it and I am absolutely two hundred million times more happy as a guy. My whole life rocks.

Mom and I figured. I'm a guy all right. It's my honest and true self. And the reason I'm so happy, and the only reason I feel so good is that I'm being totally honest about my entire being.

She also thinks it's genetic. She's a butch and so was her mom and all down that line very strong butch women in my family with almost no breasts or female fat and tonnes of muscle.

Who love to swing a hammer all day and dress up in cocktail dresses for socialite functions.

Well me, I'd rather be making that cocktail dress all day and have someone wear it to say I created that beauty at a function.

Rather than being the beauty myself. I prefer to wear a nice black suit. I think that speaks volumes about me.

I make my daughter's clothes too so maybe before I mention knitting, I should mention I also make wigs/hair extensions and that I can hand stitch anything now for the lack of a sewing machine at the moment.

But really, how many male fashion designers are there who can sew? And it was a guy that taught me how to do dreadfalls and I just ran with that and started doing all sorts of things. I love playing with synthetic hair and doing punk styles and most of the dresses I've done other than for my daughter have been head turners on my girly drag queen best friend who wears them on stage or as cosplay at places like anime north.

I CAN take apart a car and put it back together, I am an experienced drywaller, painter and have roofing and a wee bit of electrical under my belt. I've done some plumbing too but my parents flip homes and that's just what I did with them growing up. You were expected to help out and I enjoyed it a lot.

What else do I do...Play violin and sing tenor!

I have a whole mix of femme and masc.

I wasn't trying to state that I'm femme femme, what I'm really saying is yes, I'm a guy. But that does not mean I shun off all the girly stuff or at least what society deems girly .

I'm well balanced, I'd say

[Guest Evan_J]

But lets say that a man is not 50/50. Lets say he's as extreme as 90/10. Am I justified in telling that man "be more [of either direction]" because I think it makes him more acceptable? Not "does it make him more of a man", but that it makes him a more acceptable one.

And another thing: even in your own posting you felt the need to offer both ends of your masculinity and femininity up for examination. It wasn't fine to offer either/or. You still would have known the other existed, but its almost becoming a requirement in the community to be willing to prostrate yourself and show "whatever" about yourself in order for one thing to be accepted. Why so much "proving" either way is what I'm asking. Why even the necessity to prove "being balanced".

I guess my original question, if I can shorten it, is why do you have to be a "balanced" male before you can not be criticized? Cuz believe it or not there are still places in the world where the "uncivilized neanderthal" is the preferred.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Evan, this is a very interesting topic. I'm glad you brought it up!

I'm sensing a lot of the same stuff that you are. There is quite a lot of genderqueer presence in my neck of the woods. It seems like that subset of people embraces feminine traits and behaviors more than those of us who are pretty much okay with the gender binary, just don't like the side of it we got assigned to at birth.

Now, separate from that, there is a general backlash against traditional masculinity, even in mainstream culture. Have you noticed this "metrosexual" stuff? Have you noticed how the "ideal male" is getting more and more androgynous looking? Appearance-wise, there is a trend toward de-emphasizing masculine traits. A lot of my cisgendered male friends shave their chest hair and trim their armpit hair. Some of them even use zit cover up makeup and use like 50 different things on their hair. Yeah...so it seems like that is changing for everyone.

With respect to "attitude", for lack of a better descriptor, I think "traditionally" masculine traits have been demonized to a greater and greater extent since around the 1960's. The trend has evolved over time. For example, asssertiveness, not talking about your feelings, being a loner, drive for achievement, wanting sex...the list goes on. Just think of any "traditional" masculine trait. They are all less "okay" now than they used to be. My roommate was saying this morning that he wouldn't wish being single and male on his worst enemy. Men are increasingly penalized, in a fashion, for things that are, for them, natural behaviors. Our culture is demanding a "kinder, gentler man" and, to some extent at least, the demand is shaping the supply.

Cut to the FTM community.... Here we are. We weren't socialized male, not the same way cisgendered guys are. All of us are searching for what our male identity will be. We are influenced by the feminist driven rejection of traditional masculinity, but we are also influenced by those masculine traits and behaviors that were "kept from us" for so long. We want those things. We want to embrace masculinity. We also sense that there are a lot of good things to borrow from that are considered feminine. However, we are a diverse group. We're all different. Just like natal men, we vary a lot in the kinds of guys we are. Some of us are ready bathe in our testosterone laden sweat as we kill animals with our bare hands and eat the raw flesh from the steaming carcass while we roar in defiance at the full moon (longest sentence EVER). Others of us are content to sew, blog about our feelings, wear pink, and study the culinary arts. Most of us probably fall somewhere in between those extremes.

Because the FTM community is smaller than the community at large, I feel like we magnify the trends in mainstream culture. Small samples are often more extreme. As our community searches for "the norm", the pendulum swings...to one side and then to the other. We try on some of the rites of passage of manhood. We look back at the female past we are leaving and are deciding that we don't have to abandon all of it. When a community is trying out new things, I think it tends to swing too far to one extreme and then maybe too far back to the other one before it ends up settling somewhere in the middle.

The man hatred? It's not all FTM's. I think it is everywhere, particularly among educated folks...less so among the blue collar crowd. Academics are often very "anti-masculine". My advisor has said over and over how she hates the posturing that men do...trying to establish that hierarchy of who is the biggest and baddest.

Sometimes I definitely get the feeling that I'm not "trans enough". I don't go to support meetings and I'm not in the GLBT group here at school. The only thing that has changed for me is that I've met some new guys who I have a lot in common with. For the most part, I've kept living in the same little world I came from. I was never in the lesbian community and never identified as lesbian. For years I just lived kind of on the outside of everyone's little groups. I developed my own masculine identity. Yeah, there are a lot of feelings that I share with other FTM's, but then there are a lot of ways that I feel like I don't fit in. That's just me though. I'm kind of eccentric. Another reason I don't fit in so much is because of my age. It seems like a lot of the other early transition guys are a lot younger than me. For this reason I think that the 18 to 25 crowd influences and shapes FTM culture to a greater extent than it does mainstream culture.

Just some thoughts... I'm curious what others think.

[Guest Cody_T]

I think that probably this shift toward faking femininity is a good thing just because it's an *attempt* to throw off the old stereotypes. It's not working if it makes people fake in the opposite direction, but there is an improvement as to the fact that we don't have to be 100% male 100% of the time. Now we just need to shift to where no one needs to be anything if they don't want to be. I think that in a way, you start proving yourself to be masculine so that people will believe you, and then you need to prove that you're feminine so people will believe you. I fell way into that 'be super masculine' trap when I started realizing this, but luckily I didn't get to act on it. And the pressure to appear that way to people is still really big. My mom even said, "you didn't act boyish as a kid... you played with stuffed animals". Since when were stuffed animals gendered?

But then if you're super masculine, I think the ftm community projects their insecurities onto you and declares that you're not a real man unless you have female qualities, and so you have to fake those too. The best solution is just to ignore everyone and be yourself.

as for me, I don't really have huge leanings either way. I like crafts, and I have a huge bead collection, but I was always more drawn to the model cars and build-your-own birdhouses, they're just more expensive. So I started sewing and beading because I thought it was fun. I read voraciously, I play guitar. Which I think are two pretty genderless activities. I can't do anything with a car except wash it. I can't tell you the make and model of anything except my own. I can name the WWE stars, at least the ones that were popular before high school started and I stopped having time to watch. I can tell you the rules to baseball and basketball, although that's because I've played both. I can't tell you who just won. I like to go paintballing and I've always been drawn to pocketknives. I've built a ladder from scrap lumber, two swings out of wood, rope, and a tree, and some stools. I love working with wood. I like to sing along to songs, even if people may want me to stop. Oh, and I do my homework with pink pens every chance I get. And I'm not going to change any of that.

Ultimately, either you prove yourself or you make people accept you the way you are and get over it. So hopefully we can shift toward the latter.

[Sally]

Evan,

We came to the trans community for support and caring and to no longer be judged. Well, welcome to reality it is human nature to judge others by our own standards just like 'they' judge us. It is also human nature to want every one to adopt 'our values'. We need to fight this basic instinct and learn to live with everyone without holding them up to our yardsticks - you really can't hate someone until you have judged them!

Trends come and go, but bigotry in some form or another is here to stay.

Sally

[Guest J-Walker]

I think "faking" is a big part of the transsexual community. In terms of FTMs, we try to fit in to the female role in order to get by and then in transition we try to appear as masculine as possible in order to pass. The excess femme probably derives from us finally becoming comfortable with our place in male society so we drop the act and then go to the other extreme (This is all a generalization). I think it takes a while before we become males in the eyes of society as well as, at the same time, the ideal person we want to be.

And in agreement with Stranded, I've seen that too. Women (and men) aren't as attracted to the big macho man anymore it seems. People magazine names the top sexiest guys every year and this year the winner was Hugh Jackman, who is a bit of a stronger screen personality, but he was followed close by guys like Zac Efron, Kevin Jonas and Robert Pattinson, teen dreams but not exuding masculinity. It's not like Vin Diesel or Samuel L. Jackson got a nod. I have no idea how they pick these though.

I would say as far as faking it goes, let the Ftms do what they want. We all find ourselves eventually, just some of us take longer than others. We feel it so necessary to appease society of course we're going to rebel when we're finally accepted.

[Guest Evan_J]

Evan, this is a very interesting topic. I'm glad you brought it up!

I'm sensing a lot of the same stuff that you are. There is quite a lot of genderqueer presence in my neck of the woods. It seems like that subset of people embraces feminine traits and behaviors more than those of us who are pretty much okay with the gender binary, just don't like the side of it we got assigned to at birth.

Now, separate from that, there is a general backlash against traditional masculinity, even in mainstream culture. Have you noticed this "metrosexual" stuff? Have you noticed how the "ideal male" is getting more and more androgynous looking? Appearance-wise, there is a trend toward de-emphasizing masculine traits. A lot of my cisgendered male friends shave their chest hair and trim their armpit hair. Some of them even use zit cover up makeup and use like 50 different things on their hair. Yeah...so it seems like that is changing for everyone.

With respect to "attitude", for lack of a better descriptor, I think "traditionally" masculine traits have been demonized to a greater and greater extent since around the 1960's. The trend has evolved over time. For example, asssertiveness, not talking about your feelings, being a loner, drive for achievement, wanting sex...the list goes on. Just think of any "traditional" masculine trait. They are all less "okay" now than they used to be. My roommate was saying this morning that he wouldn't wish being single and male on his worst enemy. Men are increasingly penalized, in a fashion, for things that are, for them, natural behaviors. Our culture is demanding a "kinder, gentler man" and, to some extent at least, the demand is shaping the supply.

Cut to the FTM community.... Here we are. We weren't socialized male, not the same way cisgendered guys are. All of us are searching for what our male identity will be. We are influenced by the feminist driven rejection of traditional masculinity, but we are also influenced by those masculine traits and behaviors that were "kept from us" for so long. We want those things. We want to embrace masculinity. We also sense that there are a lot of good things to borrow from that are considered feminine. However, we are a diverse group. We're all different. Just like natal men, we vary a lot in the kinds of guys we are. Some of us are ready bathe in our testosterone laden sweat as we kill animals with our bare hands and eat the raw flesh from the steaming carcass while we roar in defiance at the full moon (longest sentence EVER). Others of us are content to sew, blog about our feelings, wear pink, and study the culinary arts. Most of us probably fall somewhere in between those extremes.

Because the FTM community is smaller than the community at large, I feel like we magnify the trends in mainstream culture. Small samples are often more extreme. As our community searches for "the norm", the pendulum swings...to one side and then to the other. We try on some of the rites of passage of manhood. We look back at the female past we are leaving and are deciding that we don't have to abandon all of it. When a community is trying out new things, I think it tends to swing too far to one extreme and then maybe too far back to the other one before it ends up settling somewhere in the middle.

The man hatred? It's not all FTM's. I think it is everywhere, particularly among educated folks...less so among the blue collar crowd. Academics are often very "anti-masculine". My advisor has said over and over how she hates the posturing that men do...trying to establish that hierarchy of who is the biggest and baddest.

Sometimes I definitely get the feeling that I'm not "trans enough". I don't go to support meetings and I'm not in the GLBT group here at school. The only thing that has changed for me is that I've met some new guys who I have a lot in common with. For the most part, I've kept living in the same little world I came from. I was never in the lesbian community and never identified as lesbian. For years I just lived kind of on the outside of everyone's little groups. I developed my own masculine identity. Yeah, there are a lot of feelings that I share with other FTM's, but then there are a lot of ways that I feel like I don't fit in. That's just me though. I'm kind of eccentric. Another reason I don't fit in so much is because of my age. It seems like a lot of the other early transition guys are a lot younger than me. For this reason I think that the 18 to 25 crowd influences and shapes FTM culture to a greater extent than it does mainstream culture.

Just some thoughts... I'm curious what others think.

EXACTLY!!!! EXACTLY!!! YOU get me. (Throws arms around) Thank God you exist lol I'm not by myself.

I wanted to find a place I could snip what you said due to length yet still quote you and I can't snip any of it. Its all critical.

And how can faking femininity (or anything) be good if its just that? Faking. I'll come clean, when I first started dating my exwife I FAKED being waaaaay more "evolved" than I ever actually was. If I'm honest it was because I realized mainstream culture had demonized how I actually felt to the point that that there would be "no chance" (which basically is what your roommate was referring to Ainsley) so I figured "yeah, ok, whatever, mmhmm, suuuuuure I this-and-that" hoping/wanting/and outright PLOTTING how to ease the real deal in over time because THAT actually was how I was. And anyone who has read any of my prior posts involving her you know it crashed and burned like a sack of hot poop caught on fire. Why? Because it was faked. No matter how "bad" the sterotype might be, its accurate of somebody. And why do we honestly need to change? Can it not be "a desired mate" for someone. Not that long ago I had an exchange with a female cousin of mine in which she read, wrote, and erased me (and peed me the frik off....) about "being a control freak", yet, in the end added "but there's someone out there who's looking for that". I think that in this equation both halves of this topic are getting a bit of a bum deal. -The guy and the girl who wants that.

[Guest Michelles_husband]

I guess what I never understood, as an FTM myself, is why we're so concerned (in general) with fitting in during our transition? The way I look at it, my own opinion, there is the transition/coming out time and then the aftermath. If we want the people around us to be comfortable and accepting with us as men, we can't pelt them with flowers and ask to be treated like the hulk. Maybe it's because I'm from small town, maybe not. I have never changed who I am. To back up my point, most of the clothes I wear I've had for 9 years (grade 6 haha). I just don't think that I should have to be flamboyant in one direction or the other to be accepted. Until I read this topic actually, I didn't really think of the stereotypes that I suppose I fit into. I'm an apprentice automotive mechanic, I like to drink and play pool, I do tattoos and love tattoos, I keep my hair short so that I don't have to comb it. I don't frolic, I just can't do it. But do I have to?

[Guest Zabrak]

Evan,

We came to the trans community for support and caring and to no longer be judged. Well, welcome to reality it is human nature to judge others by our own standards just like 'they' judge us. It is also human nature to want every one to adopt 'our values'. We need to fight this basic instinct and learn to live with everyone without holding them up to our yardsticks - you really can't hate someone until you have judged them!

Trends come and go, but bigotry in some form or another is here to stay.

Sally

That's the first thing that popped up in my mind.

"Trends come and go."

People use to act more manly you say? Its the same right now to the 'media culture' but the other way around.

You don't have to follow this years 'trend' as I'm sure not every girl you like will expect the same from you. I'm sure people out there respect the 'mucho man' as much as they repect the 'girly guy'. I on the other hand have grown up with medias influences and perhaps it changed my perspective sometimes but I am who I am. I don't try to hard I just act the way I want to act so I'm alot more free. I don't really care if someone heres going to point at me and say 'sweetheart' because all I'm going to do is smile and say 'so what?'

[Guest Huff]

Cool topic, guys. I've been thinking about gender and gender perceptions and expression a lot recently too. I'm too tired to write a dissertation on it all right now. Maybe some other time. For now, it's sufficient to just ditto Ainsley... I think you're right on, man.

In terms of my own gender expression, it's strange 'cause I find myself dressing and acting more masculine than a lot of bio-guys. For example, I really can't understand those tight girly jeans that seem to be in style. Lame. Stripes and plaids and khakis for me please. I've been thinking about my feminine qualities and came up with the fact that I like salads (I eat them less often know because they're not enough calories) and I willingly go to the doctor or chiropractor or wherever to take care of myself and I need to talk about my day and how I'm feeling just about everyday (I'm an oral processor) and I tend to carry way more stress and anxiety than is necessary (seems more common amongst women than men). That's about it though.

I'm glad that I finally get to be ME. I tried for awhile to make myself more mannish and it came off pretty fake. Or, I distressed about the fact that I distress and that in and of itself is feminine and I finally came to the conclusion that since I'm a TRANSman and not a BIO-man, estrogen probably messed up certain parts of my psyche and is just part of the birth defect (of being born with two X chromosomes, that is). And, there are some days where I actually get to feeling like maybe... just maybe... I'm lucky to be trans and have a few female thought processes... because I have a fusion of male and female perspectives on things that cis-gendered people never will. Plus, that's got to work to my advantage in dating (if I can ever find an available girl...) to have some clue as to her emotions.

Speaking of women, (since I'm constantly thinking of them anyway) I think I'm going to burst if I don't find a girlfriend really soon... ahhh! Ok, now that I'm totally off-topic, I think I'm going to go to sleep.

MK

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I'm lucky to be trans and have a few female thought processes... because I have a fusion of male and female perspectives on things that cis-gendered people never will. Plus, that's got to work to my advantage in dating (if I can ever find an available girl...) to have some clue as to her emotions.

Not that I am exactly a ladies' man, but I do think women appreciate that we understand them. There are DEFINITELY aspects of the feminine experience we 'get' that bioguys never will.

Speaking of women, (since I'm constantly thinking of them anyway) I think I'm going to burst if I don't find a girlfriend really soon... ahhh! Ok, now that I'm totally off-topic, I think I'm going to go to sleep.

OMG, me too. I don't want a "girlfriend" exactly, but maybe just to date someone.

Evan, you definitely aren't alone. I think we all lose when we have to pretend to be something that we are not. The trick is to be the person you are comfortable being and don't worry so much about what others expect. The way I figure, if I am true to myself then that is one less person I'll have to apologize to for how I act.

[Guest Jackson]

Not that I am exactly a ladies' man, but I do think women appreciate that we understand them. There are DEFINITELY aspects of the feminine experience we 'get' that bioguys never will.

Evan, you definitely aren't alone. I think we all lose when we have to pretend to be something that we are not. The trick is to be the person you are comfortable being and don't worry so much about what others expect. The way I figure, if I am true to myself then that is one less person I'll have to apologize to for how I act.

I don't claim to understand women. I finally realized that I had made the right decision to transition when I was sitting in the middle of a committee meeting (all made up of women). Someone said something and everyone laughed except me. I didn't think it was funny.

I used to feel that I had to censor myself. I didn't realize that I really had censored myself as much as I did until now. Nor did I realize how much I was pretending to be something that I was not until now. I've had more people tell me that I am much happier, confident, and comfortable in my own skin now. And people are treating me different too not because of my gender or the changing of it, but because I am more settled in myself.

[Guest Evan_J]

I finally realized that I had made the right decision to transition when I was sitting in the middle of a committee meeting (all made up of women). Someone said something and everyone laughed except me. I didn't think it was funny.

Bro, we definately got to hang out. Go to SCC next year lol. Something about not just reading that passage -which I totally got- but reading it and then looking immediately at the picture on you av? rofl well you see where I'm goin with this lol

[Guest Jackson]

lol That's great. Yeah, that's a common expression with both of us.

The only time I'll ever grow any facial hair will be to grow a goatee so the dog and I match. I'll have someone get a picture and then it'll come off.

So I am the naive country boy: What is SCC?

[Guest Evan_J]

SCC is the Southern Comfort Conference (don't feel bad I didn't know what it was either till this year). Its an annual transgender event held in Atlanta GA. Ray and Ainsley were two of the fellas who attended this year. Brother Ray actually tried his darnedest to try to get as many peeps off the board to go as he could, and I think a few more were there too but I'm not sure who. In any case, since the date for next years has been released at this point (Sept 22 folks!) and the two of them reported much information as well a swell times for the attendees it is now "officially" the plan for next year.

http://www.sccatl.org/

[Guest John68]

Hello Evan,

I believe an explanation for this behavior is definitely the "What makes a man" question. People, like you, are simply overcompensating, because of the way you were born and the way you wish to be perceived. You want to be perceived as female, but were born male. Therefore, you try to compensate, receive hormones, go through surgery, and others, so that society perceives you as male. I believe that some people of this community are too anxious and nervous that they might try to change in the opposite direction. They might fear that they are looking to masculine, more masculine than other males, so they try to look less masculine to mix in with the crowd and be perceived as normal.

It is just a mental game. My advice to those of you who are afflicted with this "syndrome" is to cool down. Most people, this includes me, remember that I am just a parent, really do not care that much about how you look and who you are. If while you are walking down the street, a man realizes you were born a female, both your life and his life will continue. Most likely you will only get an odd stare. Your true friends already know you are going through this. This is no reason to get so stressed out. Relax.

John

[Guest Evan_J]

Hello Evan,

I believe an explanation for this behavior is definitely the "What makes a man" question. People, like you, are simply overcompensating, because of the way you were born and the way you wish to be perceived. You want to be perceived as female, but were born male. Therefore, you try to compensate, receive hormones, go through surgery, and others, so that society perceives you as male. I believe that some people of this community are too anxious and nervous that they might try to change in the opposite direction. They might fear that they are looking to masculine, more masculine than other males, so they try to look less masculine to mix in with the crowd and be perceived as normal.

It is just a mental game. My advice to those of you who are afflicted with this "syndrome" is to cool down. Most people, this includes me, remember that I am just a parent, really do not care that much about how you look and who you are. If while you are walking down the street, a man realizes you were born a female, both your life and his life will continue. Most likely you will only get an odd stare. Your true friends already know you are going through this. This is no reason to get so stressed out. Relax.

John

Nope.

This time thats not the case or the topic. Affraid your assuming that the topic is about passing. The topic is people who feel that a male who actually is not effiminate is almost being pressured by society to be. Not just me. Not just FtMs.

I'll reword so that you actally have the right question. Do you, since you're a biomale, feel that traditional masculinity in biological males is being attacked? Do you find that males as a group are encouraged (almost to the point of discouraging traditional masculinity) to "get in touch with their feminine side"?

[Guest CharlieRose]

Hello Evan,

I believe an explanation for this behavior is definitely the "What makes a man" question. People, like you, are simply overcompensating, because of the way you were born and the way you wish to be perceived. You want to be perceived as female, but were born male. Therefore, you try to compensate, receive hormones, go through surgery, and others, so that society perceives you as male. I believe that some people of this community are too anxious and nervous that they might try to change in the opposite direction. They might fear that they are looking to masculine, more masculine than other males, so they try to look less masculine to mix in with the crowd and be perceived as normal.

It is just a mental game. My advice to those of you who are afflicted with this "syndrome" is to cool down. Most people, this includes me, remember that I am just a parent, really do not care that much about how you look and who you are. If while you are walking down the street, a man realizes you were born a female, both your life and his life will continue. Most likely you will only get an odd stare. Your true friends already know you are going through this. This is no reason to get so stressed out. Relax.

John

Thanks for pitching in; it's nice to get a cisgender (translation: not transgender) person's perspective. I don't think most of us are worried about passing; it can actually be relatively easy for transguys to pass, depending on body type and stuff. It's more like trying to find out who you really are and being okay with it.

But you're totally right that sometimes we just need to chill. That's what I keep having to remind myself. It's hard for me to find a balance sometimes, like, if I was raised male then certain things about my behavior, mannerisms, etc, would be different and so then I try to do those things. And then I remember that I wasn't raised male, if I was I would be a completely different person... So I'm sort of left tottering between acting like a girl and feeling like one or putting on an act. All of which is overthinking. So I have mild OCD, so what?

[Guest John68]

Perhaps I did not write everything in my thought process. Perhaps this extends to all males, biologically or not, who wish to be perceived as normal. No one wants to stick out as irregular, but here it seems to have caught some additional concern, than in the rest of the world.

I do not believe that masculinity is truly being attacked. I do not believe shaving to be feminine. Not only do I shave my chest, I even shave my legs. I tried shaving my legs because I was curious to how it would look and feel, and it turns out my wife likes it. A few of my friends, who are men, also shave their legs. There are other ways of expressing femininity, and many of those I would consider true feminine traits. Society's present trend is a little on the feminine side for some people. I do not think this is an attack, only a trend. There are people affected by this trend, who then try to act more feminine to be "normal".

John

[Guest Evan_J]

Good answer. That actually is what I wanted to know John. You and Zabrack actually have the same opinion.