I'm New And Have Sort Of A Dilema

[Guest Kristoffer]

Hi!

I'm never too good at these forum type things...so if I do anything wrong just let me know! haha well I guess I can start by saying I have known something has always been a bit weird with me. I could never put a finger on it...but then I figured it out with help of one of my trans friends. He was very open with me and explained how it was for him and then I realized "oh okay yeah....that's why I always feel like my body isn't right"....

fast forwarding through a few years...I finally had the courage to come out to my mom. She was only slightly freaked and was more worried that I didn't have anybody to talk to that knew how I felt about things. I have had some anxiety issues that she said I should go to therapy for and so I just told her that I could probably trace the anxiety back to how I felt about my gender. So she kind of simmered over the idea and asked me some questions about stuff and she said that she just wanted me to be happy. Though she gets these random bouts of "So...um you still feel that way?"....and "do you ALWAYS have to be binding? Isnt that gonna like compress your ribs?! Hurt your heart?!" ....i'm like...."umm....i doubt it..." But overall shes really quite cool about the whole situation and is letting me see a gender therapist as soon as there is an appointment available (YAY!)

I asked her what she would have named me if i had been a boy...She said that oddly enough they were planning for a boy and had Kristoffer Michael already picked out... she just changed it to Kristy Michelle when I popped out missing parts....So that's why on the fly i just used Kristoffer as my name here....but the more I think about it the more it annoys me. I don't know what it is...I was talking with a friend and she was like "well what would you name yourself?" and with out much hesitation I said "Jayden...i love J names"

but here's the dilemma (everyone in their heads: finally...man he's long winded haha) My sister's youngest kid is named Jaden as well... he's just a baby though....and I liked the name before he was born (like that somehow gives me rights to it ) ....my sister just liked it too apparently...*sighs*

So...what should I do? It's not like people can start calling me the name on a regular basis yet...I know a few of my friends that know about me would start calling me it if I asked them too...I guess I just want my Mom's approval...but she is like "....can we just not talk about it?" ...=_= it's not like it's avoidable lol!

Thanks for reading my rambling...any advice would be awesome! I hope I made some sense.....

[Guest Karen-1954]

I think the first step would be finding a good therapist that is qualified in cross gender therapy. They will help you and your parents navigate the questions that both of you have. What I have learned is that there are no right and wrong answers, just the answers that fit you. Another thing that I have learned is that these feelings do not simply go away and do need to be addressed. You are lucky in that at least your able to start questioning at an early age. Don't rush things and search for what feels right for you. Once you have chosen a name, if it turns out later to not be quite you, change it again until you find the name that feels right for you.

[Guest Kristoffer]

I have been in contact with a cross gender therapist, just recently. I'm just waiting to hear back from her. I guess I'm just sorta nervous about telling my dad most of all lol! And figure that the more my mom is cool with it the more she can help with dad knowing...I guess its baby steps though, right?

Thank you for the reply! I don't know what I would do with out this forum, honestly! haha

[Guest Huff]

yeah... a lot of transfolks try out a bunch of different names to find the one that's 'right'. My parents would have named me Brian had I been born male, but I had started thinking of myself as Michael when I was 5 or 6, so I went with that even though I have a cousin with that name. I just picked a different middle name so I'm Michael Keenan and he's Michael Andrew or something... I guess I don't see that side of the family too much to really care.

MK

[Guest brandt]

on the name part. i have sort of a similar problem. i go by 3 different names so far. before i came out to anyone i secretly introduced myself to people as brandt. i sticked to that name and it sticked to me. i think in my head it fit me but i know in other peoples head that knows me it would never stick to them. i had a few names picked out. either trevor trey or brandt. i was pretty much into white names... haha not to be racist or anything but its not really a typical asian name if you know what i mean. but i liked it knowing that i grew up in american culture. well then i thought about it more and more and suddenly i found the name kayden. since it sounded like my real name i thought i would use it. and basically almost everyone knows me as kayden. just about 4 or 5 friends know me as brandt. but yeah i'm still not used to kayden till this day and i still think i'm brandt. but the name doesn't matter. its who you are that matters and that is all that matters to me. if you get what i mean. lol.

[Sally]

Sounds like you are on the right track, (leaving name up to you). I know what my name would have been had I been born female and I just couldn't life with it! It might have worked had I been born earlier in the year - but April Dawn is a name that just sounds like a character in a very unimaginative soap opera. Sally Michelle seemed much better to me and how often do you go by both first and middle names, sorry Donna Jean - I just don't use two names because I live her in the land of Billy Bob and Bobby Joe and it sounds funny to me.

Good luck with your therapist - if you have a good one you will enjoy the sessions, mine are always the high point of that week.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Kristoffer]

yeah... a lot of transfolks try out a bunch of different names to find the one that's 'right'. My parents would have named me Brian had I been born male, but I had started thinking of myself as Michael when I was 5 or 6, so I went with that even though I have a cousin with that name. I just picked a different middle name so I'm Michael Keenan and he's Michael Andrew or something... I guess I don't see that side of the family too much to really care.

MK

My sister's kid I barely see, and I dunno it's just hard to find another name when that's the one i like and I was thinking too that it's not like my parents will call me by that...they'll probably always call me by "Kris" or some variation of my name they gave me...lol it might be a lost cause with them haha

[Guest Kristoffer]

on the name part. i have sort of a similar problem. i go by 3 different names so far. before i came out to anyone i secretly introduced myself to people as brandt. i sticked to that name and it sticked to me. i think in my head it fit me but i know in other peoples head that knows me it would never stick to them. i had a few names picked out. either trevor trey or brandt. i was pretty much into white names... haha not to be racist or anything but its not really a typical asian name if you know what i mean. but i liked it knowing that i grew up in american culture. well then i thought about it more and more and suddenly i found the name kayden. since it sounded like my real name i thought i would use it. and basically almost everyone knows me as kayden. just about 4 or 5 friends know me as brandt. but yeah i'm still not used to kayden till this day and i still think i'm brandt. but the name doesn't matter. its who you are that matters and that is all that matters to me. if you get what i mean. lol.

Yeah i get ya. I guess its all "what's in a name" type shakespeare mumbo jumbo haha! You have some really good points ...who knows after a little while if i find a better name that suites me...and then i can change it again lol! I kind of like how nothin is set in stone....well except my given name but yeah... its not like im under a time restriction to find the name in less than so many days, weeks, ect. haha...crazyness...my mind is just like "find one!" i guess...hmm

[Guest Sergei]

You've got to go with the name that feels best for you. It doesn't matter what anybody else wants or thinks. It's all about identity. We transition so we can become the real us. I think a name is a big part of that. I knew I was Sergei long before I even realised I was transgender. Don't ask me how. I identified as Sergei to myself even before I identified that I was male in myself. So obviously when I transitioned it was the most natural thing in the world to me to take that name. Most people that new me before really didn't like the name at all, especially my mother because it's a Russian name, and I'm British. But at the end of the day it's my life, and my name, and I have to be happy with it. Pick the name that feels like who you are. That's my advice. x

[Guest Evan_J]

Careful now, cuz Shakespeare also said "the name's the thing". (<---punning you on Shakespeare lines) But seriously though, I tried enough names (of course I'm old so I had a lot of time....) to almost be accused of having a naming "condition" lol or "ailment". Had I started my transition earlier I would have chose one of the earlier names. Having changed so much though over time I chose one that best reflected what I knew about myself having grown so much. Thats probably gonna be my best advice; choose a name that really is you, it fits you, reflects you and even if its not "popular" you know it really reflects you. I do understand the hesitancy about having a name as another family member, one of my names eons ago was Eric. I have a first cousin named that. -yikes Still if its the only one that really is "the one....." There are 3 girls in my family all named Tiara.....lol No one's mom backed down there. You shouldn't have to. Also -and this is important- imagine yourself as you get older.....45.....how does that name sound? How about 55? 65? You're standin in the waiting room for your retirement appointment....imagine em calling your name. It sounds "goofy" but that the kind of mundane stuff that happens, y'know?

For me a didn't "slack" on the middle name either. I made a list of ones I liked the best. That reflected some "other" parts of my personality. Once I had the first one, then I matched up which of those that reflected best matched best.

I hope it turns out well. A name can be a wonderful thing.

[Guest lorddillon]

Shakey also said that "a rose by any other name smells as sweet" - but we may not know its a rose if you call it something else - so my advice to you is pick a name that you like and that YOU feel fits you and go with it

[Guest leo]

i'v always been called Leo or Lee, beacuse its short for Leoner, but even b4 i identified myself as trans it just kinda felt right

[Guest Kelly Ann]

Jacob's a great name with a 'J' and not too common. Great nickname...Jake.Kevin Costner was a Jake in Silverado <whew...fans self> Kelly Ann