Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

'Attachments' and our continued, needless suffering...


Svenna

Recommended Posts

The topic of 'attachments' and the suffering that having attachments causes is at the center of more than a few ancient belief systems, as well as some new-fangled ones...

As trans-folk, we are especially prone to suffer due to our attachments...

'Attachment' to our present lives...

'Attachment' to our dreams of a particular outcome...

'Attachment' to our families, friends and neighbors...

'Attachment' to the opinions of others...

'Attachment' to our religious traditions...

'Attachment' to our spouses...

'Attachment' to our beliefs and opinions...

'Attachment' to our SUFFERING itself...

What are YOU attached to that causes you to suffer needlessly?

Are you EVER gonna be ready to DE-tach from the things that hurt you, hold you hostage, hold you back?

Why not?

Thoughts?

Svenna

Link to comment
Guest Maria_B

I can tell you something attached to me that causes needless suffering >.>

But, really only my family. I'm a family girl, always have been always will be. Everyone has proven that loves conquers all for me, but I know how it's been hard for them.

Link to comment

I am not a Buddhist, but I often find myself in agreement with Buddhist teachings...

One such teaching says this:

The Second Nobel Truth:

The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short:craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

Of course, there are plenty of other ways to look at these issues, this is just one example...

We often hear it said that transitioners should 'be prepared to lose everything', yet we often get hung up on things that just cannot ever truly serve our needs. It seems the Buddhists are already working this angle to good effect...

The longer I am in transition, the better I understand this, too, and another piece of peace enters my life..

AND, I have found that 'attachment' is different from'connection', that the illusory 'self' has nothing to do with 'gender'. That my OWN insistence on circumstantial conditions only serves to confound real progress, no matter how 'reasonable' those conditions may seem...

'You gotta give it up to get it back' is a saying that seems to ring truer every day...

Here's to 'letting go' and getting on with the journey!

:) Svenna

Link to comment
Guest Haidos

my attachment is my ambition. i always have high expectations to succeed at what i do and to improve my skills.

if it's going too slow or i fail i get hurt if it's going well i become overly critical and again get hurt.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

om.........I need to talk to my yogi. Have yet to come out to him. Is this gender issue an attachment? Don't think so. om....

Peace and Hugs,

Charlie

Link to comment
Guest Meri

Svenna,

As you might expect from me, this is a subject I keep in my mind daily. One of the "collective" attachments most members of this forum has is "attachment to their bodies". Internally we are energy, "spirit" if you like, but whatever it is that we are, we are NOT our bodies. What makes this group unique is the internal sense of gender being out of sync with the sex of the body. If one strongly identifies with their body, then this can drive the person to make all kinds of alterations to bring the two into sync.

What works for me and what helps me stay "in balance" is to detach mentally and emotionally from my body. I view my body as an encounter suit, that is, a biomachine that enables me to encounter life here on earth. This allows me to internally feel whatever I like or want to feel with respect to gender and not be upset over the discontinuity with my body.

Now, when I am in a playful mood or when I simply desire to wear something (like a skirt) that is not typical for my bodies sex, I feel the freedom to go ahead and do it. I don't overly concern myself with what other people will think, but since I remain married, I do take my wife's views into consideration and try not to overdo it for her sake.

This view has greatly enhanced my ability to stay sane and balanced. To choose when I wish to choose and not suffer the compulsion that many of us do which I have also suffered in the past.

Of course, detachment works, as Svenna pointed out, for many other life issues as well. It's a philosophy well worth exploring and adopting!

-Meri

Link to comment
Guest KarenLyn

The topic of 'attachments' and the suffering that having attachments causes is at the center of more than a few ancient belief systems, as well as some new-fangled ones...

As trans-folk, we are especially prone to suffer due to our attachments...

'Attachment' to our present lives...

'Attachment' to our dreams of a particular outcome...

'Attachment' to our families, friends and neighbors...

'Attachment' to the opinions of others...

'Attachment' to our religious traditions...

'Attachment' to our spouses...

'Attachment' to our beliefs and opinions...

'Attachment' to our SUFFERING itself...

What are YOU attached to that causes you to suffer needlessly?

Are you EVER gonna be ready to DE-tach from the things that hurt you, hold you hostage, hold you back?

Why not?

Thoughts?

Svenna

I'm attached to my husband. He's 17 years my senior, has cancer (in remission) and doesn't take care of himself. I worry about him all the time. Will I ever be ready to give him up? No, never. The benefits of this "attachment" far out-weigh the worries.

Karen

Link to comment

Karen,

Your relationship with your Hubby sounds more like a 'connection' than an 'attachment' to me...

No need to break connections to end suffering, Making real connections with other people is one of the great joys of being human...

You sound like a wonderful wife!

Love, Svenna

Link to comment

Hi Svenna,

As a Buddhist, this should be right up my alley. Unfortunately, I'm very attached to my paycheck and can't answer deeply right now.

I just have to say that I'm attached to LIFE. It's mostly organic - a natural thing that we sentient beings do. I don't feel that I have to give up that attachment, and it will take care of itself one day. But, I do feel that being aware of attachments and their emptiness is a key to freedom. I know I'm just another suffering being here in Samsara, but, with mindfulness, the suffering does become less...

Off to work now...

Love, Megan

Link to comment
Guest otter-girl

Attachment sure is a minefield. You'd think it would be easy to drop the negative stuff out of our lives but it aint. Worth the effort though.

Rachel

Link to comment
Guest KimberlyF

Every individual is different.

Some would feel amazing grief if they simply detached from their current lives and started over. Others would like nothing better. Why would someone choose to do something that they know would make them miserable in an effort to MAYBE find a greater happiness at the end?

Many of the detransitioning stories I've heard involve people who put their family above their own lives.

Fairness doesn't always factor into what makes us the happiest of the real choices available.

As for the spouse thing...if you want your spouse in your life, then you are both transitioning, and you had best listen to their input.

I wonder statistically how many of the SRS operations done on people who continue to present outside the house as their birth sex are done as some kind of agreement between a couple??

Link to comment

Little did I realize how much I need to listen to my own advice when I wrote this post 24 hours ago...

The irony is NOT wasted on me, clearly my brain has been trying to tell me something VERY important about my chances for future happiness...

Time to let so VERY much go, things I have believed I could NOT live without, things that I have held near and dear for soooo many years...

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 207 Guests (See full list)

    • Ladypcnj
    • Ashley0616
    • Rebecca Y
    • Roach
    • MaybeRob
    • SamC
    • Vidanjali
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,095
    • Most Online
      8,356

    MossycupMolly
    Newest Member
    MossycupMolly
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Carli05
      Carli05
    2. CharlotteD89
      CharlotteD89
      (35 years old)
    3. JamieL
      JamieL
    4. Jenny
      Jenny
      (71 years old)
    5. Katek
      Katek
  • Posts

    • Roach
      What a great moment @Vidanjali! It's always so cool knowing people are reading you in a way you want to be seen.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It's also networking.  Sometimes jobs come along because someone knows someone else - these older people might know someone.  "Hey, Ashley," someone might say,"My nephew is looking for love. He likes tall women. Whatcha think? Can he call you?"   Don't discount their ability to match make.  It is about networking.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      He is simply doing to get more votes. He held a Trump for trans during his first run and found out the majority of his voters were against us so he simply followed the crowd. 
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      The sad part is I'm the third oldest member. One is in their 60's and the other is past 70's. I'm even older than the president lol. It's a younger crowd that's for sure. I like to come here to feel young again lol. 
    • Sally Stone
      Ashley, I think searching for relationships are a lot like searching for jobs, they tend to come along when you aren't actually looking.  Perhaps you could step back from actively searching, at least for a little while, and instead, concentrate on just being out and about as yourself.  Like Mae and Abby have already mentioned, just keep up your volunteering, but don't focus on a need to find someone.  Maybe, just maybe, changing your tactics will result in someone finding you.    I do wish only the best for you, and I hope someone comes along who connects with you.
    • MaeBe
    • MaeBe
      First off, you can't regret being honest. You may not be changing the relationship, but it sounds like it still exists!   As for meeting people, what about through the volunteering you're doing? Maybe you can do more of that and meet people. Let some relationships grow and if they blossom into something more than friendship, great! If not, you've got more friends!
    • LittleSam
      Hi Giz, welcome. There's so many different ways to be trans and you're so welcome here. I wish you luck in achieving your goal of being more androgynous. There's forums in here that might suit you and your goals. I look forward to hearing more from you. I go by he/they pronouns at the mo.
    • Lydia_R
      Hello @JenniferB!  Was kind of in the same boat with this.  I spent massive amounts of energy over several decades to try to control my drinking and drug use.  Because I'm highly disciplined, I was ultimately successful.  I felt I could have gone on with controlled drinking for the rest of my life without problems, but it got to the point where I realized that it wasn't worth all the energy I was putting into it.  At that point I found surrender.  I got a sponsor, attended almost daily meetings for a year, worked the steps to the best of my ability, tried my best to socialize with people even though I am an introvert, I made a mess for myself at the meetings and felt a little rejected.  And then I continued on doing a little service work.   After a few months away from it, I'm in a good spot.  I accidentally ate one of my roommates edibles a couple months ago.  I have only smoked a half ounce of weed in the last 20 years.  After it kicked in, I realized that it was a marijuana high.  Then I noticed something miraculous.  I just told myself that there is nothing I can do about it and then got on with the business of the evening like I normally would.  It was like the high just ended right then and there.   Controlled drinking like I was doing was just very risky behavior and not worth the effort for me.  In any case, I'm very happy that I spent my life fighting it all instead of just giving into it.  I think that whatever you put into something, you eventually get back out.   Meetings are cool.  People generally get equal time to share.  Seeing people who are struggling reminds me of the way I was and why I want to remain sober.  And by being there, I have the potential of helping someone else.  The stuff I don't identify with I just do my best to not let bother me.  And if it gets bad there, I don't have to go back.  I can find another meeting or even just read the literature.  The literature helped me a lot.
    • Ladypcnj
      Happiness to me is when I reached a turning point in my life, that I stop worrying what others think about me, and start living my life. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very, very true.  The number of murders committed by strangers in 2022 was only about 10 percent, per the FBI.   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      Courageous film maker, and amazing subjects.  That is an incredible journey to make in so many ways.  Thanks for sharing the link, @Davie.   Carolyn Marie
    • Mmindy
      Good afternoon everyone,   I often wondered why @April Marie and @Willowgot up so early in spite of being retired. Now that I have my own puppy as a house pet I get it. We haven't had dogs since before my oldest granddaughter was born 22 years ago this September. I've always had working hunting dogs, and it was important they became acclimated to the current weather conditions. While the kennels had large outdoor runways, they also had pet passes into the somewhat temperature controlled garage. Yes, they were allowed in the house but only for short periods of time. Fast forward to present time, and I'm potty training a puppy as well as crate training. The first night Parker Von Schwinegruber, slept from 10:30 until 05:30. Last night we went to bed and 10:30 and he started making noise at 05:00. Since I don't want to test his ability to hold his business, we got up and went outside. He took care of business and we went back to sleep. This time he had a dental chew bar and I filled his water bowl. We cat napped until 08:00 and then got up for the day taking him immediately outside. He took care of business, and we played fetch and tug of war with his now favorite puffball. We came in and I put him back in the crate positioned so he could see me cook breakfast. Did he NO HE WENT TO SLEEP! We ate breakfast, did the dishes, and finished off the pot of coffee I brewed at 08:00. Once he woke up we stared at one another for about 20 minutes, because he seemed content to be in the crate. I got up and we worked on some obedience training as well as getting into and out of the crate with permission. We don't want him to crash the gate or any doors we will be going through.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...