Is AA the only option for support?

[Guest *Andrea*]

Hi my name is Andrea and I am an alcoholic. LOL

Last year I was at what I thought was the end of my leash. I decided to try AA. I really didn't care for it. Not because each person didn't have their own problems and there was the support of many, what I didn't care for was the prayer and god. I believe we all need hope and that hope can come from many ways.

Back ground on me. I was raised in a highly restrictive christian home. God ruled our entire lives. Over the years, I discovered that I didn't believe in the existence of a god or any gods and began to become resentful of my parents for force feeding me a way of life that wasn't mine. It wasn't logical to me and no religion seemed to be able to agree with science. Anyway, I am an atheist. This is my belief and I am happy for anyone who does have conviction and faith for a belief or to a god. Let's not talk about it.

I am uncomfortable with the 12 step program and it's religious back ground. I did a search for an atheist or agnostic group but came up empty. I was wondering if anyone knew of any other options available for support groups.

[MaryEllen]

Personally, I don't know of any other option other than perhaps a detox facility. We have some AA members here. Perhaps they can give some advice.

MaryEllen

[Guest rita63]

Hi Andrea I know what you mean about the god thing,and it certainly varies between AA groups. Most around here don't want to push their god but rather hope you find your god within yourself. For many their higher power is the felllowship, support and caring that comes from sharing in the group. While I personaly have started to pray again, at 63, your spiritual communication is your' personal choice. I find talking to another drunk or druggy (not a good word) helps me realize I'm not alone and my problems can be worked through as others have.

I hope you can make our Sun meeting in the chat room at 9 EST, maybe 4:00 PM in Alaska. We often ramble on till 10:30 or 11:00 when our California girl has to go for dinner, so drop in any time.

hugs rita

[VickySGV]

Hi Andrea, I'm Vicky and I am an alcoholic too!

Your higher power need not be any diety known to anyone else. What is important more than anything else is that it is something outside of yourself. As Rita suggested, even the "group conscience" of your home meeting group can be your higher power. You by yourself have found out you are powerless over alcohol and your life is unmanageable. You are at a point where it will take something you do not negatively control to bring you out of your addiction. You need someones or someone, who can take over your conscience and help you where you will make bad decisions by yourself.

The prayers used in AA or other 12 step programs make sense even in a non-religious setting. The Lord's Prayer, from Christianity, is not really a prayer itself, it is an outline.

"<My life's hope.> -- Surround me with love, feed me what I need for this day, and forgive me the wrongs I cannot forgive myself for, and help me to forgive others. Guide me away from the substances and all that doom and confound my life, and make me reach out to those who will help me stay the course of sobriety. So is my heartfelt hope of life!!"

Its a wish list for life, which even I wish most Chrisitians would do properly.

"Spirit Of Life, Calm me and strengthen me to accept life itself on its own terms. Help me to accept and perform what I must for my sobriety. Give me peace to know what I will never be able to conquer many things in my life and must let them be.

You get to pick and choose who your higher power is, what they look like, and even the sounds you hear in your life. True sobriety though does not come from our solitary actions, we need help somewhere.

In addition to AA, there may be medically supervised support groups that are helpful, I was part of one for many months, but they can be outgrown since they intake crisis cases and resolve them quickly. Community support which is ongoing, AA is the best, the rest I have found do have even tighter religious alfliliation than AA, In AA, take what you are able, discuss the parts you have trouble with, but if a part is troubling to a great degree, save it for later.

[Guest *Andrea*]

I don't need a detox center, as I don't drink everyday anymore. I am working on it every day. I have finally reached only drinking 3 days a week. Unfortunately, I am a binge drinker, on those 3 days I drink a lot. Those 3 days tend to be weekends. I have some how programmed myself to drink on these days and that those days the only fun to be had is by drinking. Alaskans drink a lot. There is alcohol present in almost all settings. I think if I could change how I view these days or find things to replace the activities we do those days I might have a chance to finally kick this habit. I will always be an alcoholic, I was hoping to find a group of people to meet with.

Our weekends are generally very busy but I will keep Sunday chats in mind.

[Guest]

Hi Andrea,

I'm not an alcoholic, but am addicted to many things. And your reasoning about AA is understandable to me. I've been an atheist forever, can't fathom any higher power except for perhaps the sun or the universe. It does leave someone like myself outside. No therapy works for everyone, I guess.

I've turned to Buddhism - if practiced wholeheartedly, the addictions can be mastered. But, it's no instant pill either. It's just a thought - not to turn this thread into a religious debate.

Love, Megan

[VickySGV]

I skipped Rita's last little comment. I am the Californian she mentioned, and I assure you the closest we come to religion in our chats is an occasional "OMG". I click in at 6:00 pm out here near the Pacific Ocean. Love to have you around.

[Charlize]

Welcome Andrea, I know a lot of people that ran out of AA because of god. A whole lot of gay Catholic esp. who were condemned to hell for their thoughts. The ones who stayed are alive, sober and having lives beyond their wildest dreams. I was a religion major in college and had given that stuff up when i came with my tail between my legs to AA. I had no control and now have over 5 years. I said no to god too. The fellowship worked for me as a higher power. I did what they told me and still do. Now i have found a spirit that works for me in the humanity and the life that surrounds me. AA also became a place where i've been able to speak openly about my gender issues. I go to meetings as a woman now and sit with the girls at the end of meetings. Wow and i started beaten with my tail between my legs.

The Sun night meeting here is a good place to talk. We have more than a few things in common. You have to sign up separately for the chat rooms. Hope to see you there or in the other rooms of AA. It works it really does.

Hugs, Charlie

[Michelle 2010]

As said in different ways by different folks here, If we can't stop drinking, CLEARLY, Lack of a Power is our Dilemma...

where to get the Power??? Of course... from a Power Greater than Ourselves...A Higher Power ...As simple as that...

An entire chapter is devoted to the problem faced by Agnostics (such as I was). On page one of the chapter it states, " To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis, are alternatives not easily faced by some..."

Note that it says nothing about Jesus, Jehovah, Mohammed, Krishna... It says Spiritual. Megan's Buddhism is spiritual, some spiritual people remain agnostics, they simply believe something is more powerful than they are. In Alaska, Glaciers and polar bears are more powerful than I am. I used nature as my higher power to get sober. (We have hurricanes where i am!)

On sunday nights we share our experience, strength and hope over a variety of issues, usually tied to how to live a quality life as a trans person while not managing our emotions and lives through using addictive substances. We find the Harsh Glare of Reality much more enjoyable, sometimes down right entertaining, with a twelve step program acting as our Nav System.

The door is always open to the curious and the desperate... incidently, we know from the pain of experience, that the desperate have a much greater chance to find sobriety and the happiness it brings than do the curious. Of course, most of the happy, formerly desperate, were at one time curious..

Michelle

[VickySGV]

If you really need to, PM any of us here and while not as good as chat, its a bit quieter and more personal, and I or Michelle have been known to occasionally bounce over to chat if there was a need.

[Guest Arbon]

what I didn't care for was the prayer and god.

I don't know many people in AA that did not feel the same way when they came in. I did to. What I found is there is a lot of room for different beliefs about God or a higher power. I was willing to give it a try because - well God - the Gift of desperation.

I was wondering if anyone knew of any other options available for support groups.

You could try Rational Recovery or Smart Recovery. If one of them works for you great, if not I hope you will have an open mind to trying AA again if your drinking is a problem.

[Guest *Andrea*]

I want to thank you all for the support. The days I really need it is Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. My weekend. I have come a long way from being passed out in the very chair that I sit in now and waking up at 2 to stumble to bed. I know I will always have a problem with alcohol and controlling it has been the challenge. Since I am my own higher power, I feel like I have the power to conquer this addiction. Right now it's Thursday.... it's 10:30 and I just made a drink. I am afraid it's a nasty little habit that I have playing with for 22 years. At least I waited 5 1/2 hours after my usual starting time. I need to make a new habit for these 3 nights. I am working on it. Ugh...

[Michelle 2010]

I want to thank you all for the support. The days I really need it is Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. My weekend. I have come a long way from being passed out in the very chair that I sit in now and waking up at 2 to stumble to bed. I know I will always have a problem with alcohol and controlling it has been the challenge. Since I am my own higher power, I feel like I have the power to conquer this addiction. Right now it's Thursday.... it's 10:30 and I just made a drink. I am afraid it's a nasty little habit that I have playing with for 22 years. At least I waited 5 1/2 hours after my usual starting time. I need to make a new habit for these 3 nights. I am working on it. Ugh...

My last thoughts on this, since we don't "sell" AA to people, is this...

When I was within 30 days of getting sober, after 30 years of drinking, i once said to a fellow in AA that I barely knew ,(and later was the first person I came out to as Trans btw, lol) that I supposed I was a functioning "controlled" alcoholic. His response was " So was I, but I didn't realize how much energy was locked up in controlling my drinking..." So today I understand what he meant. When I was in a constant battle for control, it was like 50-75% of my "life force or essence" was gridlocked just maintaining the status quo so I didn't slide over the cliff into the alcoholic oblivion of uncontrolled drinking.

The wonderful gift of sobriety is that the energy is freed from Thanatos or fighting the slow death of Alcoholism. In AA they refer to letting the Sunlight of the Spirit shine on the Garden of the Soul. The energy released form the battle to control drinking is released to help us become the people we are meant to become if we follow the 12 steps...

For one person who i know, he went from dancing on Bar counters to traveling the world for free as a professional dancer on cruise ships catering to the dance partner needs of wealthy widows... For me, it meant forgoing a secret life lived in a closet and becoming an honest open trans person who entertains friends, trans and nontrans, at dinner parties in my home. I can live a life of honor and dignity being the best person I can, trans and all, if i am not locked in a constant battle against the tides of alcohol trying to pull me under.

So... whether it is through Rational Recovery, or AA, I hope you too find a way to release the Grip on constantly needing to control your drinking.

Hugs

Michelle

[Guest *Andrea*]

When I was within 30 days of getting sober, after 30 years of drinking, i once said to a fellow in AA that I barely knew ,(and later was the first person I came out to as Trans btw, lol) that I supposed I was a functioning "controlled" alcoholic. His response was " So was I, but I didn't realize how much energy was locked up in controlling my drinking..." So today I understand what he meant. When I was in a constant battle for control, it was like 50-75% of my "life force or essence" was gridlocked just maintaining the status quo so I didn't slide over the cliff into the alcoholic oblivion of uncontrolled drinking.

Interesting point. I haven't thought of it like that. This makes perfect sense. Thanks Michelle!