Don't know what to do

[Guest snowraven16]

I'm only 16, but I've wanted to be a boy since I was 11. I'm also bisexual. I just came out to my friends and family a month or so ago.Everyone took it great except for my mom, but she accepts it a bit more now. I haven't started therapy or anything yet....I can't. My mom refuses to help pay for anything and my dad has five kids to take care of. I'm all alone in this and I'm starting to fear that I'll be stuck in this body forever. Does anyone have any advice or tips on what I can or should do? I wouuld really apriciate it.

[Guest angels wings]

Hello snowraven welcome to Laura's I can't give you any advice but I know alot of people here will have plenty .

Edited June 4, 2012 by angels wings
typo

[Guest Raging Shadow]

welcome to the forum!

the fact that you have a support system is a great start. the fact that your mom is a little more accepting is a step in the right direction. I'd start pushing for a gender therapist. see if your insurance covers it, and get your mom some more information on this. it isn't a lifestyle choice it is a medical problem. do research. act like who you are if you can, wear guys clothes if that's what makes you comfortable. if this is who you are, you will not be in this body forever and by joining this forum you are taking a step into your future

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

Hey Snowraven, it's good to meet you. I hope you'll come on over to post in the the introductions forum to give us a chance to get to know you a bit.

I feel for you with your problem with your mum, I truly do. Although I am older I'm having trouble with getting my mum to accept me too...that combined with problems I'm having with the way getting a gender therapist and medical help with transitioning works over here, I'm feeling very similar to you right now.

I do know that these problems aren't a forever sentence though. At the worst case they are waiting game. I have to wait for the red tape of the UK medical system to work through, and you may have to wait until you are out from under your mum's control and financial dependence. I know that may feel like forever to you right now but take it from an 'old' 33 year old (and some here are plenty older than me and still working their way through these transition stages), if you hang in there you can still achieve your target destination and that body you so desperately long for.

For now though, Have you tried asking your mum calmly what her objections to you seeing a gender therapist are? It may be that you can reason with her and help her to see that whatever she fears is probably not realistic. She may fear loosing you - the child she loves and you can reassure her that you'll still be you even if you transition because you have always been a boy inside, but you will be a happier, healthier you who doesn't have to live with the pain of dysphoria clouding your life...she may fear the adversity you will face and other peoples reactions to you and you can reassure her that there are people who live perfectly normal lived post-transition and who can attest to the fact that the struggles of transitioning are worth it and better than the alternatives.

You could also try pointing out to her that seeing a gender therapist isn't a commitment to fully transition (which is another fear some resistant parents have) - a gender therapist will help you to work out what you need in order to live a healthy life but wont push you into anything and plenty of people see a gender therapist and don't end up taking hormones or having any operations as well as all those who do.

You say your mum accepts it a bit more now than she did though? The biggest thing I would recommend is giving her time to get used to the idea. How long has she known?

Your mum probably found out at a scan before you were even born that she was going to be having a girl and she started building a belief and image of that girl and her future life right then. Now 15 years later she's suddenly discovered that her baby is actually a boy and she's got to reconstruct all her beliefs and rebuild them. That can take a bit of time. It may be worth suggesting to her that she could find some support, maybe here in our parents forum or at a parents support group, too to help her process and work through it. You know how she processes things better than I do and if that would be likely to help better than I do though.

She may not even believe or understand that it's possible for you to be a boy when your body is female, in which case some info about how transexuality works in the brain might help. It all depends on what bit of you seeing a gender therapist is a problem for her. If you can try to find that out you'd have way more idea how to help move her forward towards supporting you.

I wish you luck in the process

Gabe