I'm in the batters box!

[~Nova~]

My surgery is less than a month away. Somehow tat month seems like forever and no time at all. The thought of what I'm about to do makes me giddy with happiness and turns my stomach in repulsiveness.

I have no doubt that I am doing the right thing and I certainly ready. Yet the thought of what I'm going to do makes me question my sanity. Can I be sane and want/need this? Is it possible that I really am a girl in a mans body, and will the surgery correct that?

The only truth is one of simplistic reality. I have been waiting for more than 40 years for something that is 26 days away.

I'll share a thought!! Why, I guess to help me, yes, to help me. In the end if my thought is shared by others, or the premise of my thought is shared, then maybe it's something we can talk about more.

You all know Lance Armstrong, the pro cyclist. Seven time TdF champ. He has been my idol for forever. I had his posters all over my workout room. His prowess on the bike made me work all that much harder. If he can ride, so can I, and I did, a lot.

I had a mental secret too. Yes, I wanted to ride like Lance, I even mimics his pedal stroke, but that wasn't the only thing I envied. In my twisted mind, I envied his cancer, his tesitcular cancer. He had a testical removed. Is that what I need??? I envied his cancer. Stupidly, I know, but in my mind, that's how bad I wanted/needed to have this surgery.

26 days

I'm off hormones. I'm flashing like crazy. It's brutal. I woke up last night soaking wet. I had to change the sheets. So, it starts. In my mind I can feel the hormones slowly dissipating in my body. I'm not enjoying it.

More to come.

Nova

[Guest Robin Winter]

Aside from the wacky emotions, I'm so happy for you!!!!! And jealous......but happy!!!!!!!....

...and jealous....

[KathrynJulia]

Nova:

Having self doubt about major surgery is proof positive that you are level headed and quite sane. Going off hormones and having hot flashes, I've watch too many women having those symptoms and questioning if they were in their right minds at the time. Must be a hormonal explosion of the mind due to the lack of estrogen. Hang in their Nova. Our thoughts, prayers and best wishes for a successful outcome. Kathryn

[Cyndee]

No curve pitches of life for ya, nothin' but straight heat down the pike...

Happy for ya Nova and good to see you posting again

C -

[Guest Danielle J]

I can relate with you I had a lump on one of my teste a couple of years ago, I was hoping they would have to be removed. My insurance would have payed for it then,But it turned out to be a cyst that went away by itself, I was so bummed

Hugs Danielle

[~Nova~]

I'm sorry that was written so poorly. It really hard to type on my iPhone. I'll fix it tonight.

I appreciate all the comments.

I question my sanity every morning while I sit at my desk and out on my make up. Watching myself transform in the mirror is amazing. I can go without the make up and sometimes I do, but like my cousin says, " I do it for me!"

With my surgery looming just ahead, my body cleansing itself of estrogen and progesterone, life sending me it's little tricks, it's amazing I make it day to day

I hope that all of you can one day say, it's 26 days away. Or, you can share my ride with me.

If my cousin doesn't shoot me because I'm grouchy, I'll share my thoughts daily.

[Guest amanda_s]

lucky you nova i'm just at the being hope it won't take more than 4 years for me take care of your self.

Amanda

[Guest]

Big hug, twin sister!

Poor dear, you're dripping wet! Ice water coming up!

Now, what happened? As your twin I should be sharing your countdown?

Well, I am. With you all the way, in spirit, of course.

Love, Megan

[Guest amanda_s]

Nova why are you off hormomes is there a reason?

Amanda

[~Nova~]

Amanda,

My physician, Dr Reed, www.srsmiami.com requires me to stop my hormones 4 weeks out. I stopped my estrogen and progesterone 2 days go. I'll stop my spiro next week.

They stop the hormones for clotting purposes. No need to get an embolis or DVT.

I have a list of vitamins I have to start two weeks out, then another 1 week out.

I stop my aspirin 2 weeks out also.

[Guest vtphoenix]

Wow, your surgery date is just a little after mine. I go on July 2nd. I think I'm going to look at Independence Day a whole lot differently after this year! I'm going to Dr. Brassard in Montreal. Your thoughts seem to be very similar to what I've been having lately, this feeling that time is going both fast and slow at the same time. It is just unreal. I've been really distracted lately. Hard to go about the motions with something so huge looming so close!

As for the hormones thing - I haven't experienced the hot flashes, yet anyway. Brassard has you stop hormones 3 weeks out. I stopped on Monday. Anyway, good luck to the both of us! Good luck to everyone for that matter! Here's to hoping all of our dreams come true!

[Guest lairlane]

Nova,

Over the years...(too many some might say but the test was a necessary evil of my journey) I have taken sabbatical from E & P (sometimes for 4 to 5 months).

Cold sweat? You bet. Changed many a sheet.

T rearing it's ugly head? That was the worst. Others thought I was bipolar. If they only knew...

Maybe I was testing my transness or simply in denial.

Your resolve alone will determine whether this time is right though you are in our prayers every day.

While the psychological effects of withdrawal from E & P seem overwhelming during preparation; recovery from surgery will diminish any memory of that obstacle. Please let us know you have plenty of local support for your recovery.

Keep us posted at LP and know our thoughts are with you always (no need for blow by blow details of course :-)

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

No curve pitches of life for ya, nothin' but straight heat down the pike...

Happy for ya Nova and good to see you posting again

C -

Friggin' A, baby! Cindy's got THAT right! Tally ho!

Right now, I'm listening to a sizzling live version of "Brown Sugar" by The Stones in the 1970s in your honor!

See you on the other side, Nova Girl!

Peace Lacey

[Guest Krisina]

Nova

You're less than a month away from SRS? Where has the time gone. It was only a very short time ago, or it seems you were getting used to going out shopping and having strangers help you with your groceries. Or having to learn about how women don't go for walks or a run late at night. Acceptance at work too. Never mind the fact about the acceptance of liking guys. There is the emotional component and their is the physical component. You have come a long way in 40 years

The next chapter is about to begin. As many have said, after GCS, it is your birth day.

Hugs

Krisina

[~Nova~]

The clock says 25 today...

I was talking with a special someone and they mentioned that it seems like bragging talking about the upcoming surgery. If I come across that way, please tell me. My intention is to INCLUDE you all in my day to day, not make you feel bad. If I'm doing the later, please tell me.

Last night I had no flashes. I didn't sleep that well (it was thundering and my 65lb dog thought the safest place was on my chest.), but even after she left I was having bad dreams. Life stress? Dunno. Probably

Today brings no new feelings toward my upcoming day. I did find it odd that when I took my pills I didn't have to wait for the E to melt under my tongue. I have noticed one thing, the weekend passes without me even thinking about the surgery. Unless I want to wear something risqué, which is most days.

[VickySGV]

I feel like I am seeing your situation through the wrong end of a telescope, My calendar reads 297 days to go. None of what you say scares me at all, and I know my turn is working its way forward. Sorry about the soppy sheets, but from what I keep hearing about the southeastern weather, I just thought that was the way life was there!!

[Guest LizMarie]

Nova, you don't seem to be bragging at all. You're excited and happy and it shows. Enjoy! And thank you for the reports!

[~Nova~]

I think its day 24, I'm not sure. It's one day closer than yesterday. I have a friend that had her surgery on Thursday by Dr Reed. She's fine and doing well. I'm getting a blow by blow so I'll know exactly what I'm in for.

It's a lazy, hot day.

[Guest]

Holding my virtual breath for 24 days...

Love, Megan

[Guest NatashaJade]

Nova, dear. I know this countdown quite well Don't worry, you'll be there soon enough. It's a trip and even though there is a LOT of discomfort afterwards and a LOT of "should it look like that?" or "should it bleed like that?", it's so worth it. Seriously. And now I'm kind of counting down to the the time when I only have to dilate three times a day. But the whole process gets you very intimate with your new anatomy very quickly.

It's not so many days now.

xoxo

Tasha

[JJ]

Been through those hot flashes-close to 15 years ago but I DO remember them. Vividly I was overjoyed by what they meant since I'm on a different road.

This IS a strange thing we do isn't it? Sometimes I feel that way too. I know and believe it is a birth defect that needs corrected but I find myself asking why it has to be MY birth defect and one so few can comprehend. However no matter what doubts surface I never for a moment regret my transition or would dream of going back even for a day. Couldn't, So I tell myself to forget thinking about it and get on with living. Guy thing maybe and it doesn't always work but what does count in the end is that we know deep inside who we are and that we are doing what we must.

I am so happy for you that the time is coming. I know it make life much happier and easier for you when you are right . And it isn't bragging-it lets others live what they dream through you a little, That is sharing instead of bragging.

Hugs

Johnny

Johnny