When will I see a woman in the mirror - semi dressed

[Guest Krisina]

I know being on hormone therapy fat redistributes and there's a 30% reduction in body mass and body strength with upper body. I was just curious how long it would it be before looking in the mirror I saw a female body staring back at me in panties (tucked) and push up bra? A body that to everyone else saw only female. Would I see that even with a lower dose of hormones? The scenario would be not living ft, not out at work in my 40's.

Krisina

[~Nova~]

I look ine in clothes, but not so good naked. I I'd put on weight tho. Ugh

[Guest vtphoenix]

This is a complex question because I think the gender/body dysphoria makes us hypercritical of our bodies, much the way a thin person with a poor body image might see themselves as fat. I look in the mirror sometimes and I am amazed that the world sees a girl, but I seem to pass pretty well so they must. And yet, I am so familiar with every plane and angle of my face and I lived as a male for 23 yrs, so I always see the remnants of that person even though it's not the person I want to be or be seen as, and it's not the person I am now.

The hormones have brought improvements but I still think my breasts are too small. I measured them one day and was pretty sure they were an A cup but Dr. Brassard said I was more like a B, which is actually not bad for 2-3 yrs on hormones and 10+ yrs past puberty, but I'm still not happy with them. And body hair is much better but I still epilate every few days. Fat distribution makes me look more feminine and I have lost 60 lbs but I'm still 20-30 lbs overweight. I'm 6'1" and there's no cure for that, I'll always stand out because of my height.

Do you see my point? It's a psychological thing. We can keep improving our presentation but if we don't learn to accept ourselves, where does it stop? Eventually we'll be "improving" things that don't even need fixing and having a difficult time accepting the things we know we can't change about ourselves.

So, in summary, when will you see a female looking back at you? You are female right now, embrace that, and don't expect the hormones to make a big difference in how you see yourself. The changes take years and are very subtle for the most part. If you figure out how to fully accept yourself, let me know your secret, because I still struggle with that and think it's the hardest part of the whole process.(And coincidentally, the part that is almost never talked about).

[Guest Krisina]

I do have troubles accepting myself and no doubt always will too, with this or that. More and more I am accepting that I am female inside, regardless how I look, dressed male or female. My fantasies/daydreams or of me feminine in nature, my envy of beautiful women is of a feminine nature, I wish that was me!

About the body. I am in my 40's so I don't know what to expect, miracles, no. I hope I won't see a male looking body undressed because if I see one, then others will see one too. Yes, we are our own worst critique. Maybe I will have to continue to cover up somewhat always. The process on hormones takes a long time does it. Good! I think. I would still have to epilate every few days? I hope they will be soft fine feminine hairs. Can I go without shaving for a week on hormones, and what will it be like or change in the first few months? When will my legs look feminine and be more soft and smooth, my arms look feminine and shoulders more feminine as my skeleton re adjusts with the muscle loss and fat redistribution. So many questions. Hormones yes, conquering other fears like separation, work, coming out? I will leave that for another time. Baby steps.

Krisina

[Guest vtphoenix]

It depends how hairy you are and how dark your body hair is. Epilating is not the worst thing and the hairs are pretty spread out and not too dark, as long as I don't let it go too long. I do 15 min or so every 3-4 days but it may be different for you. Also, I've been on hormones for 3+ yrs and my highest dosage for over 6 months so I'm not sure how much more I can expect. They don't do anything really for facial hair. I've had about 140 hrs of electrolysis and don't ever have to shave and I still go back about 30 min every 6 weeks. My legs are reasonably feminine and my upper arms have gotten a bit smaller but I'm still overweight a little so it's not perfect. Mentally, it feels great to be on hormones but I think people over emphasize the physical effects which I would say are subtle and take a while to manifest.

So, to answer your questions, I think the woman within is starting to appear but I think it's more a psychological process than the changes in physical appearance (although that doesn't hurt!)

As for your other fears, most of my fears have been unfounded. I didn't lose a single friend because of coming out. My partner is still with me and plans on staying with me. Of course I did tell her I was trans a month after we met and I've always been out to her so I think that helps. I did have a lot of problems at work and had to quit my job because of it but my job honestly wasn't that great anyway and everything turned out amazing when I left there - better job, paid writing gigs, traveling the country playing in card tournaments, and generally having a pretty awesome life. So I don't know what to tell you there. It takes time and like you said, lots of baby steps.

You'll get there *hug*

Thanks for chatting with me

~ Ashley ~

[Guest JennX]

I know being on hormone therapy fat redistributes and there's a 30% reduction in body mass and body strength with upper body. I was just curious how long it would it be before looking in the mirror I saw a female body staring back at me in panties (tucked) and push up bra? A body that to everyone else saw only female. Would I see that even with a lower dose of hormones? The scenario would be not living ft, not out at work in my 40's.

Krisina

No one can accurately and absolutely answer that question for you. Everyone's physiology and metabolism is different. HRT effects everyone differently. Also, HRT is not a magic pill and will not magically turn you in to a "woman" overnight or even over a period of years. Also there are a bunch of things way more important that have a bigger impact on your appearance and presentation like diet, exercise, makeup, hair, voice, mannerisms, walk, and on and on. HRT has little to no impact on these things.

I've been on HRT for 2 years (I'm in my 20's) and at best, in my case, it just helped with some small things. I was living FT 24/7 3 years before HRT and would've continued to do so with or without HRT. Too many people view HRT as a panacea, a final destination, or a fix-it-all. It simply isn't. It doesn't define a person. There are a bunch of things you can do to change your appearance and presentation without HRT. If you are not happy with your appearance now, HRT does little to ameliorate this feeling in my experience.

[Guest Krisina]

Ah JennX, to be young when transitioning. If we had only had the Internet when I was your age and all the information and acceptance we have today too. When I was in my teens, I had longer hair, no MPB on the top of my head, was single etc. Transition would have been so much easier starting out in life as a young adult (sigh). Back to present day. I have a spouse and I have to move slowly sand make small changes keeping anxiety low for both of us. We go o couples therapy for the gender issues too.

I have done the hours of laser treatment to get rid of the dark hairs on my face. The last treatment I didn't even need the whole beard area done. After laser treatment, electrolysis on the light hairs. I am in pretty good shape, a little bit of a tummy but nothing really bad body wise, five ten and w size ten shoes. I wear a wig and some blush, lip gloss/lipstick, eyeliner when out. I don't get stares when I am out and look feminine and haven't had any problems when I have, so I am very lucky. My voice is tine btw.

I have read before someone saying that the dysphoria gets worse with age and if they had known that would happen they would transitioned earlier. For me, I will go slow, and do what works for me, my life is pretty full as it is and what time I have to myself, this introvert usually stays home. So will I go ft? I'm not sure, I don't want to really think about it, anxiety, society. My life is very very busy, but I do dress up in my comfy clothes that I like at home and do like others do too, women's socks and panties at work, make me feel better. I have also read countless times of the emotional befits of HRT and inner calm The HRT is in the works. I would LOVE to only be seen as a cisgendered woman when dressed up. I am doing well now, i just want more changes to my appearance, my face, skin, body hair, body shape etc etc. I am uncomfortable about my body, people touching me dressed up as Krisina. Its because if they knew my birth gender. I am not comfortable with the body parts not matching my outside appearance when I am dressed up. Am I worried about the unknown of HRT, yes and no.. I've given up and resigned myself that I am transgender and my feelings won't go away. The outside packaging of the box says male. The inside contents say female. I like to think of the comparison if someone had been in denial about their sexuality, tried to suppress it to be normal, got married and later in life went out and did something about it, to deal with it, seeing a therapist etc and then coming out, or not coming out. I know sexuality and gender are two different things but, just a comparison.

I envy cis gendered women who have a body where they can look in the mirror without makeup, messy hair and just a bikini, or a bra and panties, look in the mirror and see a gorgeous woman looking back at them.

Krisina

[Sally]

Krisina,

There is no time period on HRT or magic dosage to make you see a female body in the mirror - as has been mentioned it is more your disphoria than it is your actual reflection.

When you are truly comfortable with who you are and let go of the 'I will always look like a man in a dress' mentality - much easier said than done - you will see a female body, not perfect because virtually no woman looks at her own body and thinks that it is perfect.

I first saw a female body in the mirror when I was in college, I was slender at the time and the smaller waist helped but it was just one day home alone so dressing was on the agenda - there was a full length mirror in the bathroom and I happened to glance at it while getting dressed - I wasn't planning on looking in the mirror to analyze how I looked until I finished dressing.

But there she was - just for a moment I saw a tall attractive woman with gorgeous legs and then my conscious mind took over finding all of the faults and my joy quickly faded.

We are so very hard on ourselves.

Let go of all other thoughts and comparisons with supermodels and try to see yourself as you know you are - she is there in the mirror looking back at you and wondering why you never see her.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest shadowghost21]

I have seen results in my short 2 months on it but it might be my imagination, I have also lost a ton of weight with diet and exercise so that might be why I look so much better. Everyone is different and it's hard to tell. I don't like to show much because my back has always had back acne scarring from my teenage years and my chest is a mess when I shave I break out so I usually prefer something a bit less reveling. It might be fine for an older lady but I'm in my 20's.

Honestly to answer your question. HRT helps, but your body shape will change according to your chemistry and food intake. Estrogen can tell you body where to store the fat so at least lose any belly you have and if you gain weight it will go to you butt and hips But I think within a year you should see some changes in measurements. You should have a least some breasts by then too to help with you self esteem hehe I know it helped me. I think honestly the body hair is the worst and laser can help but let the hormones thin it out with the help of laser or epilating like Ashley said.

[Guest Krisina]

Krisina,

There is no time period on HRT or magic dosage to make you see a female body in the mirror - as has been mentioned it is more your disphoria than it is your actual reflection.

When you are truly comfortable with who you are and let go of the 'I will always look like a man in a dress' mentality - much easier said than done - you will see a female body, not perfect because virtually no woman looks at her own body and thinks that it is perfect.

I first saw a female body in the mirror when I was in college, I was slender at the time and the smaller waist helped but it was just one day home alone so dressing was on the agenda - there was a full length mirror in the bathroom and I happened to glance at it while getting dressed - I wasn't planning on looking in the mirror to analyze how I looked until I finished dressing.

But there she was - just for a moment I saw a tall attractive woman with gorgeous legs and then my conscious mind took over finding all of the faults and my joy quickly faded.

We are so very hard on ourselves.

Let go of all other thoughts and comparisons with supermodels and try to see yourself as you know you are - she is there in the mirror looking back at you and wondering why you never see her.

Love ya,

Sally

Thank you Sally, I needed that.

Krisina

[Guest Valerie]

Kristina;

One day around my 22nd month on HRT. I was in a little clothing store, I was trying on a new slip and about three dresses. After I took off the first dress, still wearing the slip I looked into the mirror and I almost started crying. For when I looked into the full length mirror, I saw a woman looking back at me. This was the first time that I had actually seen all of my new curves. From the flairing of the thighs to the shape of my hips, the curve of my new smaller waist line to the flairing of my waist up to my chest.

A couple of days later I was at my GT's house where she has a monthly get together of all the girls and the guys. I was talking to a friend who had just completed her SRS surgery in Thialand, two months before. As we were talking, she remembered that her and I were about 2 months apart on our HRT regiment. She told me that when she hit the 2 year point, her body changes really became noticable. I related to her what I had seen in that mirror at the clothing store, I even mentioned that I had almost started crying. We both giggled at that. Then we went on talking about her surgery and what my plan is for when I have my surgery.

I believe that one daysoon or down the road, you will be amazed to see a woman looking back at you in the mirror.

/Love

Valerie

[Guest Krisina]

The hormones have brought improvements but I still think my breasts are too small. I measured them one day and was pretty sure they were an A cup but Dr. Brassard said I was more like a B, which is actually not bad for 2-3 yrs on hormones and 10+ yrs past puberty, but I'm still not happy with them. And body hair is much better but I still epilate every few days.

Do you see my point? It's a psychological thing. We can keep improving our presentation but if we don't learn to accept ourselves, where does it stop? Eventually we'll be "improving" things that don't even need fixing and having a difficult time accepting the things we know we can't change about ourselves.

So, in summary, when will you see a female looking back at you? You are female right now, embrace that, and don't expect the hormones to make a big difference in how you see yourself. The changes take years and are very subtle for the most part. If you figure out how to fully accept yourself, let me know your secret, because I still struggle with that and think it's the hardest part of the whole process.(And coincidentally, the part that is almost never talked about).

It's a psychological thing, well I got that part. Truem we have to be happy with ourselves at one point otherwise where will it end. I really was suprised that you are epilating every few days after 3 years on hrt. I have read from others where they only do it once a week or something like that. I know of other women who will shave their legs every 3 or 4 days and less often for their upper body chest stomach. That is the part I am hoping for. Not epilator on my upper chest with hrt. I found it painful, I do have a really good quality epilalator that can be used in the shower too. I like my razor. Maybe I might change my mind about the upper chest part. I just remember it was painful, and I have rarely used it so far. I was hoping on feminine body hair on the chest stomach and maybe shave once a week. Or just finer hair and not have it appearing for a week. I am demanding aren't I. I would like to get laser done on the back of my neck. I am tired of shaving that part.

Krisina

[Cyndee]

This is an interesting thread Krisina and all to catch up on. Ahh yes the perception on how you view yourself. HRT is simply one more tool to have at my disposal. It's an important tool, but certainly not the end all. I worked hard to get myself in decent shape before starting, this has paid off nicely.

I am just past 11 months now, I admit I spend a fair amount of time in front of the mirror I have to agree that exercise and diet can do alot, I exercise daily, and consider this just as important as Estrogen. For me I see changes, and it's not all related to HRT. I love my body, and my developing curves make me giddy. I have never felt better seeing these types of changes unfold, it's a confirmation of what I already know, my own personal validation if you will. When I view my silhouette at certain angles, I see nothing but female, other times, well it's less than that, so I work even harder to try and fix what decades of T did to me. I just measured myself yesterday, because I guess have to have some kind of number. My measurements have not changed all that much since starting HRT, added a few inches up top being the most noticable, my weight is in the same range as when I started, but how I carry myself, how I feel about myself, says female, it's a beautiful feeling, it radiates from inside.

Best

Cindy -

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Well, I'm on HRT for 2 years and 6 months now, and within the last month or so, FINALLY, when I look in a mirror (which I do a lot!), I see a fiftysomething Victoria's Secret Supermodel! I look myself in the eyes (via the mirror) and say, "I love you, Lacey Lynne!" Sound silly? Superficially, it is. Profoundly, it is not.

At Portland Pride 2012, I got lots of affirming looks (lingering ones) from both sexes from people of all ages, grins, winks, nods.

SELF-ACCEPTANCE IS PARAMOUNT!

Many fine people right here on LP taught me this! They were right!

Thank You Lacey Lynne

[Guest Just "B"]

Krisina,

It just takes time. I focus on all of the other things with transition. It's difficult I know, but ONE day you'll see great things when you look in the mirror. My advice is much easier said than done, I know. Good luck with your transition.

[Guest]

Hi Krisina,

I don't know if I will ever look feminine from the neck down. I never looked masculine either, but HRT's effect on breast growth or fat distribution is minimal after 15 months. I compensate for having a body that's stubbornly androgyne. And that means padding when necessary. It's just a fact of life, like a wig.

I used to comb my hair back before transition. These days, I've resisted doing that because I really see my male features. Tonight, I combed it back so that it wouldn't be in my face while exercising. The guy is gone now. That's good enough for me...

Love, Megan

[Guest Paradox]

As the oddball in this family, I will just say, be careful what you wish for! I have no choice, but am on a ride my body has chosen for me. Five months ago I resumed Spironolactone so as not to die. My body responded by quickly changing. Five years of non-stop spiro had given me AA growth, but stopping almost to the point of death and then going back on changed something. I am now a solid "B" and still growing. I haven't had body or leg hair for years, and my skin has changed in 5 months to now be identical to my wife's. Subcutaneous body fat has now made me soft. I have lost 70 pounds of upper body muscle mass in those five months. I was a size 52 male chest. Now in 5 months I am a 42 "B" female measurement.

While this was happening, my wife asked me how I felt. I said, " I feel insane! Anytime I try to think about this, I feel like my head is spinning around like in The Exorcist." She looks at me and gets my point. I look more like her every day.