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[Guest shounenbat]

Allow me to introduce myself. I am an asexual, androgynous-though-male-leaning FTM if that makes any sense. Now, before you all welcome me with open arms, let me say that I'm posting here because I'm looking for opinions and answers. I put very little emphasis on gender, though I was always peeved that I was born female, and puberty was particularly ugly, as most of you can imagine. I didn't know what transsexuality was and can remember sitting on my grandmother's couch late at night and seeing a commercial talking about procedures women could use to make their breasts bigger and thinking, "I'm probably the only person in the world who would ask if there was a way to make them disappear!" I prayed day in and day out over my dilemma, but I should note that I will probably never transition. I might also note that while I did attempt suicide when I was 17, I wouldn't currently call myself suicidal. I'd like to transition, but unfortunately I don't think that would be the best idea.

This is where I ask for your opinions, since this is less of an introduction and more of a survey. Why did you transition or why will you transition or why will you not? What hinders you? What helps you? If you're a Christian or any other religion for that matter, how has being a transsexual hurt or helped your faith? Anything else is helpful, too.

I'll answer myself, not to offend or cause controversy, but just to let you guys know where I'm coming from and give you some insight into a part of me that I keep locked up.

1. I probaby won't, and the reasons will follow.

2. I'm mostly hindered by my faith and love for my family. I'm young, single, and have no plans for marriage or children, but I love my mom, siblings, and relatives, and I know it would kill them (some of them literally) if I "came out." As Spock put it, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one." I can sacrifice a little to keep my family healthy, and I will not be the one to cause a crisis.

3. I'd say that I share my feelings only with God, but I really don't know if it's Biblical. I'm from a family of fundamentalists, so I'd say that I, too, lean that way. However, my recent studies are pushing me in the way of Christian Universalism (not Unitarian). Too many articles about the subject written by Christians keep me at bay. I have no desire to break God's laws, and quite frankly no matter what is done (at least in this time) can change my chromosomes or make me biologically male. That and the fact that I don't believe people shoud dye their hair, let alone take a knife to their body for any reason that doesn't endanger their health.

Before the flaming begins (but I beg for a kind response every once in a while), let me tell you a bit more about myself.

I'm a huge Ron Paul supporter, for one. I will probably never consider Obama to be my President (only Ron Paul is suitable for the job, I feel) and am a member of the Campaign for Liberty. I am not against gay rights, although I do believe that the government should stay out of the matter altogether and let the states ban or grant such a union.

I'm also a huge Legend of Zelda fan, and I collect everything related to it. On that note, I also love anime and animation in general. I also love languages, and am currently studying Japanese.

Well, that's a good enough intro I think, and I look forward to reading your answers. I appologize in advance for any spelling errors, but my keyboard sucks right now and I have to practically punch the keys to make them work.

じゃあ　ね。

[Guest Karen-1954]

Let me welcome you to the forums, we have a lot of wise, well informed people on here. In responce to your question as to why I started my transition, I simply could not handle living a lie any longer. For me it was begin transition or suicide, I chose transition. The feeling of relief, being able to simply be me out weighed all of the losses which I suffered. I held on and started my transition at 53 so, better late than never.

[MaryEllen]

Hello shounenbat,

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

MaryEllen

[Guest jantonio]

Hi and welcome to the playground.

Jose Antonio...

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Yikes - I wish I had seen you post earlier so I coulda responded!

First let me say you are in the right place here - welcome

Let me say I am the opposite - MTF and in transition - YEA! And I am older - a T-granny

I am also married with a supportive wife (finally - my second wife took off when I confided in her).

And most importantly, I am very spiritual. For some reason those here may not be so - not because they don't believe in God but (my opinion only) they just don't have that spiritural interconnectedness yet (I believe it comes - has to). Me? Does God approve? I ASKED Him for a resolution - he led me to where I am now - let me clarify, as a Catholic Methodist (hummm - good story there - ha!) I asked for an intercession from the Blessed Mother, a solution/explaination/support for my gender confusion - guess what? Be careful what you pray for! Yikes! I went to therapy - I was diagnosed transsexual - wow, terrible? NO I was thrilled. My Dear Lord has led me to peace - I told my wife I may never have been so much at peace in my whole life...

Woww - I think I just witnessed! My fundalmentalist sisters would be shocked.

Oh by the way, Spock was a communist. Stay with the American ideal of 'me first.' You will be surprised of the results of outing to your family.

Hey - just the other day I outed to my 30 year old daughter. Whewwww - hard thing to do, will she hate me?

She said, "I am not surprised." So much for deep dark secrets.

I probably won't look for SRS - as you said you wouldn't either - too old me, Cher (Louisiana roots)

Finally - I have never seen flaming on this site - probably never will.

Welcome - welcome - welcome

[Guest shounenbat]

I haven't been on in a while, but I'd like to thank everyone who posted, particularly Elizabeth. Your story was amazing and I was particularly touched by it. I'm still leaning on the side of spiritual warfare, myself, but your insight was much appreciated. It's difficult to be a Christian in this world. But, that's where I draw my inner strength, too.

Anyway, I probably won't be posting very often, so I had to thank everyone now. I've been on the search for homeless shelters, as I think I'm well on my way to officially succumbing to my financial crisis and getting kicked out of my mom's house as the result. There's no way my father would take me in (and I personally don't get along with him at all, so we'd probably just wind up killing each other), I have no friends (officially), and I don't like imposing on people. I think I have until next fall, though, so I'll be able to check back for a while yet. Needless to say, my other problems are way in the back of my mind, but thanks for all your input.

For the sake of nerdiness (nerdyness?), Spock was actually a socialist, although there is but a razor thin line between communism and socialism. I believe it was Gene Roddenbury himself who said that Star Trek was meant to be a socialist utopia. At any rate, I don't agree with Spock's words on a political level, but I do agree with him on a personal level. I've never been fond of the American self-centered way of thinking, unfortunately.

In other Spock words, "Live long and prosper!"

[Sally]

I have to tell you haow I feel about portions of your post - some I agree with and some that I don't. we all have free will and are thinking individuals.

I have started and am currently stalled in my transitioning, because of a pending divorce (becoming true to one's self can carry a hefty price). Once completed I intend to complete the journey all the way through SRS - I am also as old as Elizabeth, but I have a good friend who transitioned at my age and had the surgery and now feels like she is truely complete.

On the subject of religion and faith (there is a world of difference between the two), I haven't come out in my church and when I do I may have to find a new church after 54 of my 57 years on this little planet. I find that my faith has never been altered by my transitioning - I believe that becoming the woman that I have always been is like correcting a club foot or any other birth defect - I don't feel that it is wrong. Others may differ, but I hope to one day be able to find out that I was right and God loves everyone for there souls and not their physical bodies

Religion on the other hand being organized has it's political structures and power struggles within each group - that's why there are so many branches of Christianity! If you don't like this one, form your own. Catholics lost the Lutherans, becasue Martin Luther didn't feel that giving the church money to buy a loved one out of hell was exactly what God had in mind. The next split (that's a pun)was because Henry VIII was tierd of killing the women who could not produce a male hier and wanted to divorce - and the denominations just keep on forming! You can find a Bible verse to support almost any thing that you want to, if you look hard enough and ignore all other verses. A friend of mine used to tell people that the Bible approved of smoking and recited the verse, "and Ruth lit a camel." We all find the verses that make us feel good, that's why I don't read Job every night before I go to bed!

I live in Texas and therefore so often my favorite candidate is usually gone befre the primary here - don't get me started about having a one day primary for the entire contry - I'm tired of a handful of states deciding who I get to choose from!!!

We can only hope that the new president can handle the job - we have a couple of real meses going on!

The other part of the quote that Spock left out is, "Sometimes the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many!" It's Dickens from "A Tale of Two Cities" as I recall and he stated both sides of every issue as Cliff Claven noted when he heard the opening passage, "It was the best of times it was the worst of times..", "Boy, that Dickens sure liked to cover his butt!"

I have never cared for the me first attitude either, I don't think of it as American - just greedy. Hitler wasn't an American, but me first was certainly a way of life for him!

There, that should stir things up a bit!

You wanted our opinions and I thought I would make you happy.

Love ya,

Sally