The roar of silence, isolation, and loneliness

[Guest ~Brenda~]

At times, like now... I realize how absolutely alone I feel. I feel that no one really understands me. I have had support from my family, but they remain distant. Seaking to myself in the darkness, in the abyss, seems more of the norm than the exception. Who I am has made many people feel uncomfotable when they are around me. Why can I not fit in?

No friends. No lovers. Just the roar of silence.

Brenda

[JJ]

Though it is late tonight and I am getting fuzzy brained I just wanted to let you know that I hear you, You may be alone in body but never in spirit, I know that I am not alone here at Laura's in holding you warm and close in my heart,

Tomorrow will be a new day, And the glory of that is sometimes amazing and unexpected things happen when we smile and invite the new day in,

You have so much love to give in a world sadly in need of love, It's just a matter of finding out where and when

Hugs and Love

johnny

[VickySGV]

I guess I am lucky in that while I have people who are surprised and confused about me, they are there if I need to just be in someone's presence. Still, there is a silence because we do not share a language the other can understand.

I am alone the greatest part of my time just now, but I am in the process of discovering a new friend that I really did not believe was possible. The friend is my own self, not really a split personality, but a branch of myself that sat in pain and loneliness for many years but who now shares a life and gives it joy where there was little if any at all. If you will, an inner child that could not grow up until I recognized it for who and what it was and whom I am now parenting to full and wonderful life.

The other friend that is also with us is my higher power who I know has been waiting for me to become the person I truly am.

[Guest]

Hi Brenda,

I'm sorry that you've found yourself in such a situation.

You don't deserve it. We see the loving, lovely person that you are, and that others aren't accepting of you is sad. .

It's the transgender curse, loneliness. At one time, I thought that I could go alone - go stealth, just be a woman in the world. But, it didn't take long to realize that the only people who totally relate to me are other transpeople. That's why we have our community here on line at Laura's Playground. And, tomorrow night, I'm going to a potluck of transpeople to have an evening of enjoyment and comradarie.

It's the way I'm wired - I do need a community, and without it I'm not complete. I hope that you can continue to be a part of this community who understands, and that you can find a community in real life as well. It really does help. You're not alone, honey!

Love, Megan

[Guest Juniper Blue]

BRENDA!!!!

Girl .. you know love you!! What is going on sweetie?? I am going to send you a big mushy PM right NOW!

Hugs,

JB

[Cyndee]

Brenda you are not alone in spirit, many care for you here.

When feeling isolated or alone, that is the time to reach out. I know I have had those periods in life, and those have been some of the most profound.

Music can be a force to bring people together, use your talents in music to reach others and connect is my thought for you this morning.

Hugs

Cindy -

[Sally]

Brenda,

We are all alone most of the time, a lucky few have someone who is with them always but most of us spend each night and some days in that isolation - for me it is almost sensory deprivation, wanting so much to reach out and touch someone but feeling nothing in response.

We tend to feel that it is something that we are doing wrong but in many instances it is simply circumstances, being different does not make friendships and relationships easier but it does not totally prevent them.

All we can do is to continue to reach out to the people that we meet and one day maybe one of them will think, "I really like Brenda - I want to spend more time with her," and you will not be so all alone again.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Hugs to All of you wonderful women .. I hope that you are feeling better today Brenda. People do really care about you.

[Carolyn Marie]

Dear Brenda, I am so sorry that you're feeling this way. No one ever wants to be alone, either in the physical sense or the mental. Human interactions are essential for our emotional well being.

You have love to give, and love to spare, and you are so very talented and smart. There are people out there who will embrace you, its just a matter of finding them. Through your music, or your vocation, or your other interests, you can find those who will take the time to get to know you. You have a big heart, Brenda, and people can't help but see that. Hang in there, my friend. It gets better, it does.

Love

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Thank you all for your help and encouragement. Juniper, thank you so much for your special caring.

I am not in a very good right place now and I am in no position to be of any help to anyone.

I wish you all happiness and love.

Brenda

[Guest angels wings]

Brenda ur love shines a million miles across the ocean . I can feel it always . Please don't shut yourself off lovey we care and we appreciate you. It's not fair and u don't deserve this and I pray one day someone will see ur beautiful soul and share ur life with u . Look how far u have come lovey look how many hearts u have touched , comforted , encourage and given strength too. You are an amazing woman . What ever has brought u to this place of despair let it go . Don't look back lovey U have to much goodness ((((hugs))))

[Guest Kathy B]

I've only been here at Laura's a short time, but I'm with you. I just now lost an old and dear friend when it seemed that coming out was the right thing to do.

Love, Kathy

[gennee]

Brenda, you are not alone.

[Sally]

Brenda,

It is not a good place to be - alone in a world that only acknowledges couples but that is where we are and being the ultimate survivors we will have to find ways to deal with it.

It may border on insanity but I have just given up on people in a one on one relationship, I have friends and do things with them when ever they find it convenient, when I am alone which is most of the time I talk to my stuffed animals - they always seem to have time for me and they seem to genuinely like my company, some are even good huggers.

Sometimes are worse than others, you are in one of these bad times - hang on and things will cycle and the sky will seem brighter for a while.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Brenda:

Well, I'd quit these forums; however, YOU brought me back!

Like Sally above, YOU are A Beautiful Soul ... as is Megan Rose!

You have helped me immensely SOOO many times, saying exactly the right thing at the right time in the right way. Don't think I didn't "get it" whenever you did. I most certainly did! Moreover, my gratitude to you is simply limitless.

We trans have a certain camaraderie. Megan Rose is right. We "get" each other. What I'm saying is PLEASE, Brenda, DO stay on these forums ... please ... for all of us ... most especially for you! Okay?

This weekend, I move into my own place after 20+ years of marriage. I'll be all alone all the time. Mind you, I work alone at home too. That's why I go to the mall so often. Otherwise, I'd never see anybody. It's not just you who feels the isolation. My point:

That is why these forums are so important. They offer the succor our souls so sorely seek. This virtual community is a real community, and it really needs you, Brenda.

For what it's worth, I'd decided to leave because here, as basically everywhere else in life, I'm the misfit, the oddball, the maverick. Everything I say is wrong. Everything I do is wrong. Everything I express is wrong. So people seem to think. Well, why hang around then, right? That's why I left Laura's Playground.

Transition has taught me TO TRUST MY INTUITION COMPLETELY. My intuition told me to sign on here tonight after my meant-to-be-permanent abscence. YOU, Brenda, obviously alerted my intuition. I had intended to be gone from here for good. Well, I'm back ... for you ... for anybody who wants kidness, encouragement and (let's face it) craziness (in a good way).

Everybody here gave you spot-on replies. We are family. Laura's Playground needs and wants you to stay. So, please do.

Finally, and this is for anybody who reads this, mainstream society (dominant culture) foments isolation, mistrust and debasement. All of us humans have a high nature and a low nature. Mainstream society panders to the very worst of our low nature, because those running it (not presidents, kings/queens, prime ministers, et cetera) are, in fact, evil. Most of the chaos, disarray and tension in the world is designed and perpetuated by these people on purpose to divide, conqeur and rule and control us. Mainstream society is criminally insane and suicidally ill of spirit. Do any of us REALLY want to fit into and be esteemed by such a culture? Not me.

Laura's Playground, though imperfectly, tries very hard and succeeds to a great degree to bring out our high human natures: Caring, sharing, helping. THIS is the kind of society people of decency want to fit into. IMO, that's worth staying for. So, please stay.

Brenda, you've said some of the kindest things to me anybody ever has, and I'm forever grateful to you. Let your light continue to shine for others, for me, and, most especially, for YOU!

Isolated? Maybe. Alone? No! Community? HERE!

Peace & Hugs Lacey Lynne

You know that THIS maverick NEVER says "hugs" to anybody at any time. Well, this "hugs" is for you!!!

[Guest Tamar]

The roar of silence..... For what its worth,here's my 2c. If one can sit in the silence,and carefully listen,one can often hear a small voice behind the roar-a voice I believe is our creator speaking to us. To me it is a profound and mystical experience. After all,the holy men of old didn't retire to deserts or mountain tops because of the raging parties that went on there. . Anyhoo,just sayin,a bit of silence ain't necessarily a bad thing.

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

The roar of silence..... For what its worth,here's my 2c. If one can sit in the silence,and carefully listen,one can often hear a small voice behind the roar-a voice I believe is our creator speaking to us. To me it is a profound and mystical experience. After all,the holy men of old didn't retire to deserts or mountain tops because of the raging parties that went on there. . Anyhoo,just sayin,a bit of silence ain't necessarily a bad thing.

Profound and wonderful words from our friend down under!!! (American slang for Australia ... no offense meant!)

The truth be told, this is the way I'm viewing my isolation ... as a BLESSING ... to embrace, cherish and share. I'm planning to write and speak extensively for our community. What better way to "hear the muse" than to hear that small, still voice within, yes, God, if you will?

Marvelous comment, casuarina! Thank you!

Peace & Joy Lacey Lynne

[Guest lairlane]

This one is for our friend... Brenda

"You've Got A Friend"

(As recorded by James Taylor)

CAROLE KING

When you're down and troubled

And you need a helping hand

And nothin', wo nothin' is going right

Close your eyes and think of me

© Copyright 1971 by Screen Gems - Columbia Music, Inc.

Edited July 12, 2012 by MaryEllen
Copyrighted lyrics removed per site Terms and Conditions