Sometimes Wonder - Transgender or Transsexual

[Guest Kathy B]

I am starting a vacation for a few months to drive across the country to begin work on builing a small cabin and garage on our family farm in the midwest. So I'll have a long time to think about things as I go. You see, it's another one of those days when I wonder what I am again. Am I transsexual, or transgender? I know no one can answer for me, but I guess it's something a lot of us are going though. For me there are days when nothing less than transition in the next year and a half is acceptable. Then after doing work around our house and fixing things at my sons house I start thinking about how my transition will cause me to loose these simple pleasures. And then there's the grandchild that is due in September, and I just ache with fear that my daughter-in-law will reject me.

I honestly pray for understanding by all those relatives, and my immediate family, who will learn about my journey in the next year. This is the case no matter what road I end up on. My heart says full transition, so that's what I choose, but circumstances may determine what changes occur and what I "have" to accept. I know circumstances shouldn't guide this journey, but it's very difficult, and that's where my question of Trans What comes in.

Wish me luck.

Kathy

No time to proof read, sorry.

[Guest]

Hi Kathy,

I hope your trip goes well! I love road trips, though that midwest can be a challenge. Lots of coffee recommended!

But, to the subject at hand... Are you transsexual, or transgender? I keep asking myself questions, even a year after going full time. But, I resist saying "I am this" or "I am that" because I'm not ready to settle down even yet. So, for now, can you just be "trans"? You are in transit, even literally!

Transition is a process that takes time, Take your vacation to spend some time with yourself, get to know how you feel in every situation. What you want will be clearer as time goes by.

I wish you all the best! Hope to hear more about your journey(s)!

Love, Megan

[Drea]

The answer would be rooted in the question "why?"

I tend to find the answer to that question, when asked, often comes back to some rather ambiguous response such as "to be myself" which along with another other common "community speak" phrases that creates an impression of similarity doesn't say a whole lot specific. What is yourself? would be the next question.

You are right, nobody here can tell you.

What I suggest is find a therapist and explore the idea. Don't wait till you have decided and then see a therapist.

Understand what the reasons are and why. Also be sure they are reasons rather than justifications. They aren't the same thing.

[Guest jessica55417]

Kathy,

I'm with you. I too am in limbo. Everyone says take time and you'll decide. When does this decision happen? All the fears and rejection are to strong to ignor. This is the toughest thing I've ever delt with. Ugggggg.................................I can honestly say as I sit here typing crawling out of my skin praying for a female body....I understand your situation.

God Bless,

Jessica

[Guest Kathy B]

And today while driving across Nevada everything fell into place again. I am Transsexual ! But then maybe I'm not. Anyway, everything can wait because there is no longer a reason to choose anything right now. Won't see another therapist for two months. Wow, it's a vacation that gets me away from the doctors. Oh wait, I have a phone. Darn it.

You're all correct in that there is no reason to make a decision now. And the therapists have all heard these things before, so why should I worry about it.

Love ya, Kathy

[KathrynJulia]

Kathy:

Take your time, why rush to a decision. Some of us here on Laura's frittered away as many as 50 years making up our minds, facing our fears and for some of us, we had to wait until we completed obligations. Whatever time you need you need. Whatever reasons you have, you have the right to decide to wait. It's so much better to be right than to be in a hurry. You will know when you are ready. Trust yourself. Hope that gives you peace. Kathryn

[Guest Kathy B]

Hi Kathryn:

I guess learning to take time is difficult, but it's getting easier. With almost 35 years of marriage my wife is o.k. with my "gender problem" as my first doctor called it. Didn't talk to her about the whole gender history, but that is coming up soon. She doesn't know that I saw a therapist in 1974, or that I had to make a choice back then. Now look at me, even worse choices. I'm glad there are others out there that have a similar past, becase sometimes advice is hard to find.

Take care. Kathy