Why do some people 'fake' being transgendered?

[Guest theotherway]

A couple of responses to posts in the forums mention 'fake' transexuals. I don't really know what this means; why exactly do some people fake being transgendered? Is it some sort of sexual thing or what?

[KathrynJulia]

There are enough nutcases in this country who want to give anything a try. They just don't have a clue what the truth is. Those statements are designed to give people on this site a good roll on the floor. Kathryn

[VickySGV]

I would personally need to know where you found that language, and what posts it might have been in to say too much.

Off the top of my head, I can think of a couple of situations where a non-TG person was trying ot disrupt things here with total nonsense just to "have fun" or to write erotic fiction for their own pleasure. We are on the look out for those types, and they are people who are not allowed to be members. In fact, only people who ARE transgendered or who are related to someone who is transgendered can belong here and post here. Some of these people may also be actual people looking to sexually assault us who will try to win our confidence with their pretending to be one of us.

Another type of fake Trans person is one who is actually prejudiced toward us and wants to hurt TG people and their friends and family members. They are either trying to convince us that we do not need medical help and will be cured by snake oil religious counseling or a variety of far out treatments, or they try and convince us in a very sneaky way to feel terrible about ourselves which, lets face it, we don't need help to feel that way.

Its a pretty long list, but the one thing we do not do here is say it to one another that the other member is faking being TG. To say "you are not trans<something> since you do not <something> or You must not be <something> because only <real TG> people would be that way" is going to get you into a fight or worse, could endanger someone's life! Those of us on the moderator staff will be on the look out for that though, which is why we moderate every members posts.

If you think some one who is posting here is not really a TG person please PM one of us on the Moderator Staff and let us look at it, we have experience with chasing out the skunks, and we can rely on Laura or Mary Ellen or PJ who are the big experts to give you and us a hand.

Hope this helps on what little I know.

PS-- There are also some people who just like to get attention and pity, and they think we are pitiable enough that they want to pretend to be one of us. Lastly some may be mentally ill but they need treatment and not pity.

Edited July 6, 2012 by VickySGV
added PS instead of new post

[Guest Just "B"]

There are a number of nefarious reasons for someone to disguise themselves as a TG person. I personally think it's for sexual thrill, a fulfillment of their proclivities in a perverse way. Other than that, Vicki touched upon some valid points.

[Guest theotherway]

Sorry, I never really made myself clear! There were discussions about transgender health care guidelines and I remembered somebody saying new WPATH guidelines would make it easier for 'fakes' to get through the system. I never read anybody calling somebody a fake and there's nobody I believe to be a fake on this website. sorry, I have a habit of being a little obscure when I talk... But anyway, im still confused by the whole sexual thing, it just doesn't really make sense to me. I can't really explain it... Like, I cant picture somebody going on a journey to hell and back, completely changing their minds and bodies in the process, for a little thrill. So I was just asking out of sheer confusion really...

[Drea]

Sorry, I never really made myself clear! There were discussions about transgender health care guidelines and I remembered somebody saying new WPATH guidelines would make it easier for 'fakes' to get through the system. I never read anybody calling somebody a fake and there's nobody I believe to be a fake on this website. sorry, I have a habit of being a little obscure when I talk... But anyway, im still confused by the whole sexual thing, it just doesn't really make sense to me. I can't really explain it... Like, I cant picture somebody going on a journey to hell and back, completely changing their minds and bodies in the process, for a little thrill. So I was just asking out of sheer confusion really...

fake, welll seeing this I presume you don't mean the typical internet fake.

I haven't seen what you referring to specifically and use of term fake in that context. There are however a number of transgendered folks who convince themselves that they are transsexual, that having hormones and or surgery would benefit them. Such folks are rarely called fakes however and are consistantly encouraged by the community to persue such after self idetntifying as transsexual. As the standards have been relaxed it becomes even easier for such folks to get hormones and surgery. I could see that some folks might call such fakes.

[Guest KarenLyn]

No harm done. Thanks for clarifying.

[Carolyn Marie]

I can see someone deluding themselves into thinking they were TG. But I wouldn't use the word "fake" to describe them. I know of one well-publicized case of a millionaire, I think he is British, who got divorced, and in his boredom decided it would be "interesting" to transition. He did, too, finding some willing doctor who took his money along with his penis. The guy made a big splash, but after a couple of years, made a bigger splash by de-transitioning and then became famous telling the world that we were all as deluded as he was.

Him, I would call a fake.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Mia J]

Personally I think anyone who would want to "fake" being a transsexual and get through the system must really be nuts.

Why would anyone want to put themselves in what we have to go through if they did not have to.

The standards of care used to be extremely rigid and very few people were accepted to transition. Now it is more about finding where someone fits in on the gender scale that will make them happy and be able to live a productive life.

Also, if someone is trying to fake out the system that is going to be their problem in the long run not ours. Unless what they are doing is going to harm me or others in transition.

Mia

[Charlize]

We all see people on the site who have doubts about who and what they are. Some of us can really get bound up in this problem. I have wondered often if its worth the pain to myself and others. Doubts don't make one a fake. It means we are moving at our own pace, slowly finding our place in the world of gender. Doubts are normal and those who have them may just need more time. To call them fakes would be hurtful and counterproductive. I live full time now but i be called a fake if doubts creep in. I think not. There is an expression that just came to mind..."fake it till you make it". Maybe thats what i'm doing. The more i live as me the more comfortable and less fake i feel. I'm sure i'll have doubts on and off for the rest of my life after all i've spent most of my life denying or trying to forget this part of me. At his point you could call me a fake and i would just have to smile and continue being what i am as i discover that day by day.

Hugs, Charlie

[JenniferB]

We all see people on the site who have doubts about who and what they are. Some of us can really get bound up in this problem. I have wondered often if its worth the pain to myself and others. Doubts don't make one a fake. It means we are moving at our own pace, slowly finding our place in the world of gender. Doubts are normal and those who have them may just need more time. To call them fakes would be hurtful and counterproductive. I live full time now but i be called a fake if doubts creep in. I think not. There is an expression that just came to mind..."fake it till you make it". Maybe thats what i'm doing. The more i live as me the more comfortable and less fake i feel. I'm sure i'll have doubts on and off for the rest of my life after all i've spent most of my life denying or trying to forget this part of me. At his point you could call me a fake and i would just have to smile and continue being what i am as i discover that day by day.

Hugs, Charlie

This is how I feel. There are times I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, and I really get anxiety when I'm about to take the next major step. However the more I move into my transition, the more comfortable I feel. And when I turn the tables and think about becoming a man again, I know I made the right decision to transition. One think I know is that my gender dysphoria is greatly reduced.

Love,

Jenny

[Carolyn Marie]

I actually asked my G.T. at one point if she thought I was deluding myself. I was half convinced I was making it all up just to feel special or something. She assured me that I was for real, and so were my feelings. It was reassuring to get that validation from someone with no skin in the game.

Some of us are lucky to never have any doubts. Lots more of us have more doubts than we know what to do with. That is why a G.T. is a good thing to have.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Drea]

I don't know what in the topic brings up doubts, so I am puzzled.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi hon,

I am not aware of the posts that you are referring to so I am not clear as to the context of your topic. With that said, I will attempt to provide you with an answer. Ironically, I have seen posts that refer to "true" transsexual to imply that many who claim to be transsexual are not. Being transgendered is nothing that I would wish on even my worst enemy. I often think to myself how different my life would be if I wasn't transgendered. One cannot actually fake being transsexual or transgendered for that matter. I have seen a few malcontents slip through the cracks here and are able to join Laura's. It doesn't take long for everyone to see who they are and why they are really here.

I have heard about some homosexuals that somehow succeed in getting SRS because they feel that they need it to be themselves. To their horror, they find that they are actually farther away from who they are than before surgery.

Indeed, there are some people who might believe that they are transsexual, but in actuality fall at a different place on the transgender spectrum. This is one of the very important reasons to seek therapy to help one sort all of this out.

A little winded reply. My apologies.

Love.

Brenda

[Guest theotherway]

Thankyou everybody. I completely relate to the whole doubt thing - I almost feel like 2 different people, one of which is transgendered and the other being, well, not, and I feel like they're constantly at war in my mind. I doubt my feelings constantly, and yet, at the same time, I need HRT more than anything in the world. Part of me thought that I wasn't transgendered for feeling that way, that I was a fake. but it's wonderful being on this website, discovering how everybody else feels and realising that I'm not alone in anything, and that every day I feel a little more happy with myself because of it. Thanks everybody!

[Guest KimberlyF]

Thankyou everybody. I completely relate to the whole doubt thing - I almost feel like 2 different people, one of which is transgendered and the other being, well, not, and I feel like they're constantly at war in my mind. I doubt my feelings constantly, and yet, at the same time, I need HRT more than anything in the world. Part of me thought that I wasn't transgendered for feeling that way, that I was a fake. but it's wonderful being on this website, discovering how everybody else feels and realising that I'm not alone in anything, and that every day I feel a little more happy with myself because of it. Thanks everybody!

With my own journey, these periods of doubt were because I had a difficult time really accepting myself. I *KNEW* I was transsexual, but my life would be so much easier if I just had a small case of crazy, or was seeking attention. People feel compassion for someone who's a bit crazy usually. It's not their fault.

One thing to remember is that your path is your own. You are doing this for you. Work towards whatever point you feel will make you comfortable and block out the static of the world around you.

[Guest Pammy]

I know of one well-publicized case of a millionaire, I think he is British, who got divorced, and in his boredom decided it would be "interesting" to transition. He did, too, finding some willing doctor who took his money along with his penis. The guy made a big splash, but after a couple of years, made a bigger splash by de-transitioning and then became famous telling the world that we were all as deluded as he was

I believe the name you are thinking of is Sam Hashimi/Samantha Kane/Charles Kane.

I agree with you.

[VickySGV]

I do know the specific reference that Theotherway saw, and it was made by a person who has since left us over a very touchy issue in transdom. The issue involves the idea that "true" as opposed to "fake" transsexuals have never made any attempt to live as their birth assigned gender beyond puberty and entered the trans world without any questioning or deviation in thought that they were not their target gender, they have had surgery before any use at all of their birth gender organs. This view would exclude any person who lived in their birth gender and acted in it during adulthood from being elegible for therapy and possible SRS. The view also excludes people who will, for a variety of reasons never be able or inwardly compelled to have "corrective" surgery. People holding that view are a very small number, and the new SOC7 does not affirm their view of transsexuality and provides treatment for all.

I am not posting this to open a debate on this subject that has been the fuel for many destructive arguments, I am only trying to answer Theotherway's original post.

[Drea]

I do know the specific reference that Theotherway saw, and it was made by a person who has since left us over a very touchy issue in transdom. The issue involves the idea that "true" as opposed to "fake" transsexuals have never made any attempt to live as their birth assigned gender beyond puberty and entered the trans world without any questioning or deviation in thought that they were not their target gender, they have had surgery before any use at all of their birth gender organs. This view would exclude any person who lived in their birth gender and acted in it during adulthood from being elegible for therapy and possible SRS.

I would point out that definition of "true transsexual" is far from being limited to what you describe. I seen "true transsexual" defined many different ways and of course the speaker is defining it around what they believe makes themselves "true" compared to some others

Some define it around age, never living in a different role as Vicky suggest. Others define it around how "girly" they are, how feminine they dress and how long of a history they have dressing before transitioning. Others define it around need for surgery. Others define it by how depressed or stressed they are from dysphoria.

Even among people who don't grasp onto the "true transsexual" moniker, there is a tendency to define what it is all about around themselves.

[Guest Maria_B]

I do know the specific reference that Theotherway saw

That means what she's described is directly how the poster felt, and not some base description to be disputed.

[Drea]

I do know the specific reference that Theotherway saw

That means what she's described is directly how the poster felt, and not some base description to be disputed.

I never said she was wrong, nor was I disputing the instance. I was extending that very narrow instance into other ways the "True Transsexual" thing manifests.

[Guest KimberlyF]

I do know the specific reference that Theotherway saw

That means what she's described is directly how the poster felt, and not some base description to be disputed.

That would be an amazing gift. She may describe how the poster said they felt. But on the net a poster can just as easily be a 13yo boy as a 40yo post-op. Take that out of the equation and look at how many debates happen on the net do to people not getting someone else's tone. Then of course I've been married over a decade and I'm not 100% about how my wife feels all the time even though people call us sympatico. And the phrase differs from person to person.

How do we define true transsexual without first defining transsexual?

I have no idea how any other poster feels about things and wouldn't be so bold.

[Carolyn Marie]

I think we're starting to pick nits here. Please lets get back to the original post.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Maria_B]

I do know the specific reference that Theotherway saw

That means what she's described is directly how the poster felt, and not some base description to be disputed.

That would be an amazing gift. She may describe how the poster said they felt. But on the net a poster can just as easily be a 13yo boy as a 40yo post-op. Take that out of the equation and look at how many debates happen on the net do to people not getting someone else's tone. Then of course I've been married over a decade and I'm not 100% about how my wife feels all the time even though people call us sympatico. And the phrase differs from person to person.

How do we define true transsexual without first defining transsexual?

I have no idea how any other poster feels about things and wouldn't be so bold.

Well, what you do is take the words the poster has put and regurgitate them. Then it's open to whoever to define however, including yourself, it is not such an amazing gift. Whether the post was made by this that or the other is, as you said, out of the equation.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

This is a good and fascinating topic.

Let's all try to keep it that way

Brenda