Why Purge?

[Guest mia 1]

We all seem to do itOr we have done it and vow never again. Maybe this time I won't. This time I've outed myself to you all, my wife, my ex girlfriends[2] and tomorrow night a C.D. group meeting. We will see. Gosh darned I widh I had some of those garter belts and see through nighties. Especially the clinging green one and the see through beige one. NOt to mention the perfect fitting high heels.

Well this time I found the perfect fitting bra 40 A and at a Goodwill store to boot. I swear they'll have to pull my dead fingers off of that article of clothing before I give it up.. Your thoughts.... Mia

[Guest Evan_J]

Sounds like you're settling into accepting you

[Guest Kelly Ann]

WoW Mia,

And I thought I was speedy once I make up my mind about something...you GOOoooOOoOO GIRL (-; I've had a couple of small 'purges' throughout the years and 2 biggies...one of those across country and the other across state...still don't know why as I was single.It never made me feel better, it didn't 'repress' anything and eventually it all got replaced with different degrees of sucess.Now it's a matter of if it hasn't been worn in 2 years...Goodwill/Salvation Army,if it starts to get tight (in a bad way) donated,if it suddenly makes me think, "Why on Earth did I ever purchase THAT?" off to the donation box and most importantly...I stopped getting garbage in the first place...I treat myself to the quality I think I deserve as I'd rather have one really nice thing than a bunch of shoddy stuff that falls apart all too soon. Glad it's going so well for you Mia *smiles* Resolution, confidence,Love and more confidence girl, Kelly Ann

[Guest eshaver]

Mia, I'm 58 and I can say with all honesty that I have NEVER PURGED. I've had my wife and before that my parents find my stuff and throw it out , but never me . Hell, since I was five , Ive always known I was a girl trying to be that, a girl. I wish I could understand the WHY so I can help my people in my T G group . If you have any suggestions , please E-mail me . Ellen Shaver

[Guest Elizabeth K]

CD people - from experience - hey I know how it can be... sigh...

Trick - when I felt soooooooooooooo guilty - and want to purge, I just threw out the cheap stuff. I would say to that newly emerged better and reformed self, "I am gonna keep the good things and donate them to Good Will." Then I would pretend I was putting the good stuff in the attic waiting for an opportunity to give it away later.

Later, when I would go back to my old ways - ways I was probably born with and really couldn't do much about - I would pretend to be surprised when I suddenly decided to clean out my attic and found... "oh my goodness, look what I never gave away!"

That way my expensive items would not have to be painstakingly replaced; it was cheaper.

As to your preferences:

Unless of course "your" obsession is really in the thrill and danger of BUYING. If that is the case purge EVERYTHING and purge OFTEN! I just hope you have a good income...

Hey - if you are really transsexual (or a really liberated cross dresser) - toss out that cheap CD stuff [bad energy anyway] and you and your SO (if you have one) go out and buy nice things approriate to your age and newly understood gender (female of course if MTF like me) .

Hey, my wife borrows my cotton night shirts, and my sheer trousser socks, now. I borrow her gold earrings and ornately embroidered house coats. She is hinting I need to start buying 'diamond' jewelery for myself - ummm...

My post op friend told me her secret of passing at first was to wear expensive clothes, shoes and jewelery. Good advice I think...

[Guest mia 1]

I am adding to my own post. A thought occured to me. Why Purge?

Well when you have broken off with a lover or most important if they have "dumped" you. First thing you do is theC&W song thing. I've got your picture, and he's got you. "Feel sorry thing." Then' and here is the purge thing. You rip up the picture, delete the phone# from your cell and email list,and think O.K. it's over.

BUT it sin't. A phone call from your "new" ex has you meeting at the local bar of coffee shop.

SO!!!! The ambivalnce of a C.D. of T.S./T.G. et al creates the purge.

Until we realize who we are, and accept ourselves as the beautiful people that we are and realize that the objects in our closet are us, we will continue to purge.

Then and only then do we come out of the closet and the world can accept us or they can go their own way without us.

I know it sounds like Logic 101 and I only get a "C".

[Guest Elizabeth K]

A+ in my opinion - well said!

[Guest Amanda L Richards]

Hi Mia,

When I read your first post, I thought, "purging" I have done it and to this day I can't figure it out. But then I read the second one and the word denial came to my mind.

I purged tons of really nice clothes, including a pair of pumps that fit perfectly and bras that fit my shape to a "t". There were some nighties and jeans that fit my hips perfectly in every way. NOw that I look at it, I am a little peed off since these were really nice clothes and relatively fashionable, not to mention expensive. But the thing that peeves me the most is the lost opportunity of enjoying these articles to their fullest wear potential for myself.

I compare that to now and the difference is denial. I hid and was hiding and the clothing was a very tangible reminder of who I am. It wasn't untill this year that I accepted myself and am ticked off at the purgings. Now I want to replace those items and it's going to be a chore finding the clothing to fit as well as they did, the bra, probably the hardest to find the proper fit.

Anyway the point is that now I accept or at least growing into it, who I am, what clothes I do have left are never going to leave my sight untill their natural demise.

Thank you Mia, your post just brought another realization to mind that answered a question I have had for a very long time.

Amanda L

[Guest jenncrosser]

Purged before, yes. I had this one real cute sexy red stretch lace teddy that was so comfy. I wish I had it again.

[Guest Guest_]

Many, Many, Many Times over the years. Was always the gulit trip. Since I have found this site I know in my heart now who I truley am, and I will never purge any of my things again. I just wished instead of throwing them all away I would have donated them. I never thought of that. There is so much great information here and the learning expierences never cease. Love Amber L.

[Guest Melissa~]

I did once as a teenager, lousy idea, I figured that out then. If you have an openly hostile family member, there's nothing wrong with hiding a stash deeper so they don't interupt or dispose of items.

That's just my take from 23 years of successful closeting. Please don't take the "succesful closeting" the wrong way, I simply mean in that family did not discover my occasional CD during that duration.

[mara13]

I never purged, I just happen to be so scatter brained that I lose things left and right! I can set my keys on an empty table, and five minutes later not be able to find them. So since I only had 1 to 5 items at any one time, I usually end up misplacing them at some point in time. Now that I plan to extend my wardrobe to a proper size, I'll need to be more careful not to lose things.

[Guest Jamie_cd]

I'd purged before in high school out of guilt, and the fear of my mom finding out haha! Now that I've got my own house and an accepting wife, I don't have to worry.

[Guest Wendae]

We do it with tears in our eyes as we trash our prized possessions and regret it shortly afterwards. Swear we will never do it again and that does not work well. I regret all of my purges and the prized clothing that is no longer on the market. It will never happen again!

[Guest Emma Leigh]

Never had the urge to purge myself so cant understand why anyone would want to...my problem is resisting the urge to buy more clothes..a heaving wardrobe with overspill in a number of suitcases is testimony...I dont however have a problem with those who do purge...I am often the gratefull recipient

[Guest Lori Brady]

I've had a few purges,,,,my last was when my Dad passed away,,,I felt so depressed and filled with guilt......only to have the feelings well up inside me again and having to spend more on clothes......pretty much to the point where I'm in a good place with myself now and I've accepted my femme side

[Guest Emma Leigh]

If you ever do get the urge again Lori....remember me

[Charlize]

For years i had guilt and shame about dressing and about my feelings. I desperately wanted to be a 'good' husband and father etc.

I felt it was weakness that made or rather let me dress. Sometimes i would make that never again decision and it never worked. I have purged again about a year ago. I put everything, years of clothing in bags and gave them to a clothing drive at my grandsons school. I'll never dress as a man again unless someone get me a suit to be buried in after i die.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Lori Brady]

........you'd cry if I told you what I gave away to Goodwill or tossed in the dumpster........

If you ever do get the urge again Lori....remember me

I know how ya feel Charlie....

For years i had guilt and shame about dressing and about my feelings. I desperately wanted to be a 'good' husband and father etc.

I felt it was weakness that made or rather let me dress. Sometimes i would make that never again decision and it never worked. I have purged again about a year ago. I put everything, years of clothing in bags and gave them to a clothing drive at my grandsons school. I'll never dress as a man again unless someone get me a suit to be buried in after i die.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Sarah Faith]

The only thing I can conclude about why one might purge is guilt and shame because of how our society tries to drill the concept of a completely binary gender rule, and shun anything outside of those neat boxes. I think with the idle pressure of society and well defined gender roles that people get into a cycle where they hate being different, they feel like they are perverts or bad people for doing it so they purge. They feel fine about it for a period of time but then the need to express it builds and builds until one cant help but start all over again.

I actually would wear womens clothes all the time when I was younger, I had a decent stash I suppose. Then around 12 or 13 I got rid of everything and never cross dressed again, even after I started HRT it took sometime before I was willing to start changing my wardrobe. So I suppose with me I had the ultimate purge of all time, though for me it wasn't about shame either. My reasons are kinda complicated so I won't go into them here.

[Guest DeborahTS]

The last time i purged i got rid of everything, wigs makeup dresses etc.

Now that my financial situation is worse i can't buy a lot of the items back.

I purged because i was in my back yard smoking in full drag and my neighbor was standing in her yard looking at me lol. For some reason i thought if i got rid of everything if she called the cops on me there wouldn't be any proof. Extreme paranoia i suppose.

[Guest ~Phoebe~]

The last time i purged i got rid of everything, wigs makeup dresses etc.

Now that my financial situation is worse i can't buy a lot of the items back.

I purged because i was in my back yard smoking in full drag and my neighbor was standing in her yard looking at me lol. For some reason i thought if i got rid of everything if she called the cops on me there wouldn't be any proof. Extreme paranoia i suppose.

I didn't know crossdressing was a crime in Florida? I was down in Ft Lauderdale area winters of 1987 - 1988 and 1988 - 1989 and went out quite a lot crossdressed. Police squad pulled up next to me at a stop signal and the officer looked at me and didn't aresst me.

Janet

[Guest Eve Caillard]

I re-started cross-dressing last year at 53 (after doing it as a teen). Because it caught me quite by surprise, I read a lot as things happened. I now have a lovely collection and because I read about purging I'm aware of it, and I have noticed the occasional faint urge and reasoned myself out of it. I stored stuff I am no longer keen on (early purchases while trying to get my style) up in the attic in suitcases.

I can fully understand the 'urge to purge' as I've experienced it in full with another (ahem) 'habit' I have. So I know the feelings, and know that I don't want to go down that route. I have no guilt about my lovely clothes and who I am. They are truly part of my identity and to chuck them out would hurt beyond belief. Each item I bought with joy and excitement and wore with happiness. Each generates a memory. Each is part of who I am.

I would urge anyone who wants to purge to think again. Store your stuff in an attic or elsewhere. One day you will want to come back to it, and that will be inevitable.

Hugs,

Eve

[Guest MaudeB]

I HAd to do it three ago, just four months after starting... I began a new Relationship with a girl and I knew that she certainly wouldn't approve being a bit close minded on this subject. I regretted it and the Relationship was the WORST thing I ever did in my life so far. It was abusive and I spare you the details of the hardship I had for three years.

This culminated two months ago in me being thrown out of my own house and had to get a small appartment in a village nearby... The MOMENT I realized that there was no solution to this, I promised myself that the first thing I would do at my new adress, beside being organized pretty well, would be to order as much lingerie as my credit card would endure and then some ! Freedom again !

The FIRST bra I bought was the one I cherrished most three years ago and it is one of my prized possession to this day even though it's only been two months... Being a knowledge junkie, I found early Internet forums about CD'ing and figured out my "special" needs and came to terms with them.

BUT, Under NO circumstances will I purge again ! there's a saying in French that you should NEVER say NEVER so I'll say that I will make EVERY effort NOT to be in a situation again where I wouldn't be able to dress at will. EVERY effort, including staying "without a girlfriend".... That's as much important to me as that...

Now, I understand that Under certain situations, you may either feel the urge to purge or be forced to do it. Please, put all those things in a bag, shove it Under your be or ANY other place safe for years to come ! I regret sincerly I hadn't done it but I was lucky that the bra is still made and it gave me the time to very well consider WHAT I would buy and I relish the time I spent on the Internet, browsing sites of lingerie, bras and everything else, including forms...

So, again, shove all the stuff in a box, place it somewhere safe that you won't looked at with shame or fear everyday and wait for better times to come. They will come !

Maude

[Guest Roberta-Belinda]

I used to purge an awful lot but I don't anymore. I would only regret it. I think of all the lovely skirts dressed and tights and shoes I have consigned to the dustbin over the years. I feel much better about my crossdressing nowaydays. Don't think I would purge anymore. it only leads to frustration and is such a waste of good money. . The way I look at is I am denying my female alter -ago. I need her so much it doesn't make sense to repress my girly self.