in therapy for a year and still no answers

[Guest apostate79]

Well, I've been in therapy for over a year now, and still am just as uncertain as when I started. Back in January I had indicated to my therapist that I would like to begin HRT. It's been seven months now and I am still waiting for a call from the local endocrinologist. Only three nights ago I gave a frantic call to my therapist because I was becoming distressed and frustrated about my progress and fearing for my future.

Fortunately, I found this website that gave me the marvellous news that I'm probably not truly transgendered.

http://www.innerdiscovery.org/

"Real transsexualswelcome the opportunity to live full-time as their chosen gender. They know they will be rejected by many people, but living as their chosen gender is more important than avoiding rejection. Persons who seek to avoid RLT are almost certainly nottranssexuals. You see, the goal of transsexuals is always to be accepted and to live as their chosen gender. This is exactly what RLT helps accomplish. If one wishes to avoid living initially in their "chosen" gender but wants surgery or hormones, the person is most likely suffering from something OTHER than Gender Identity Disorder, such as OCD or negative gender stereotyping."

You see, according to the author, if you feel the slightest bit of hesitation about moving forward with transition, you probably aren't a real transsexual. Also, you probably aren't a real transsexual if you suffer from depression or OCD either, ailments for which the author recommends medication to help cure transgendered feelings. Too bad pills are not an option for me, I was put on antidepressants throughout high school, already tried that, and it [deleted explicative] up my life almost beyond repair.

I just don't know what the hell I am anymore. I'm either transgendered, or just a defective failure of a man with some weird sexual fantasies. The discovery that i may be the former has scared the [deleted explicative] out of me, but the realization that I'm probably the latter after all has made me more depressed.

Edited July 20, 2012 by ~Brenda~
deleted explicative

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearheart,

You seem depressed right now, but I want to assure you that however you see yourself and your expression of yourself is OK. It is OK, to not feel that you are transgendered, but I would ask why do you feel compelled to be here? Being transgendered and being transsexual are two different things. Please do not confuse the two. TRanssexualism is part of the transgendered umbrella, but being transgendered does not mean nor imply that one is transsexual.

Please watch the language. You know the rules here.

Brenda

[Guest KimberlyF]

I'd print the website and use it for TP.

There is a whole lot of stuff I disagree with...to start with a 'Real transsexual' didnt chose anything. Chosen gender my derrierre.

[Drea]

I seen a large number of ideas about what it is to be a "real" or "true" transsexual. Many such definitions conflict with each other or are mutally exclusive. This sounds like one person's view.

I will say that I seen many seek to avoid RLT, to attack it, to find a way to cheat it. These could be just anxiety or fear of changing the status quo.

From a logical standpoint, one coudl look at those who like to crossdress. Some like to do so in public. Some go as far as part time crossdressed. There are others still that would like the opportunity to be full time. So does their desire to crossdress full time make them transsexual? Not really. Yet such individuals probably would happily do RLT.

It seems to me that there needs to be more to it than just public presentation.

[Guest Krisina]

Telling your therapist you want to be on HRT and getting on HRT are two different things. You have to talk to your therapist and when you both are at a point where your therapist thinks you are ready, the therapist will write a referral letter to be sent to your family doctor and a endo. You have to pay for the referal letter.

As far as what I read from that website, that is that persons personal views and opinions. I won't go into details but I didn't find it helpful. I'm not comfortable with what they were writing, obsessive compulsive disorder, cyclic gender dysphoria etc.

Krisina

[Guest aleon515]

I totally disagree with this pov. It might be comforting, that if you don't really know that you must not be trans. But many trans people struggle with this for months or years. Maybe you are not, and maybe you are. But trans can mean many things. Transgender means going beyond or thru gender. A transsexual (maybe this article is speaking of this, but I still don't agree) is someone who actually changes gender, but people who are androgyne (do not have a typical sense of any gender), cross dressers, etc are all transgender.

I am struggling right now which is why I am reading this forum, but I had childhood feelings of being a boy. I also have body dysphoria (though there may be others who have this, but my dysphoria is specific to secondary gender characteristics). I did not and do not have a stereotyped or limited concept of gender roles by any stretch. I was heavily involved in the women's movement, for instance. There is no way I am not transgender. But I may not be transsexual.

--Jay Jay

[Guest heatherf]

Apostate,

I relate to what you are saying. I'm in pretty much the same boat as you. When I read her site, I think she just meant that if you were TS, you would want to live as a woman. If you don't want to live as a woman, then why transition? I also don't think she meant that you are not "real" if you have OCD or depression. Just in her opinion, it would be better to treat those issues first, so you can think clearly about your gender issues. I'm doing exactly that. I'm going to try some medication to treat OCD and depression and then see how I feel. It sounds like you can't treat the depression with medication, so that's not an option for you. That's ok. She does consider the therapy/hormone/surgery option the gold standard. She just wanted to present alternatives.

[Guest aleon515]

I respect your path, as everyone's has to be different. I would say that OCD and depression and transgender are NOT mutually exclusive. Almost any other disability or condition can be present at the same time as transgender. It might be easier to tell if that is going on and what is going on if you treat the OCD/depression first.

There are therapies that can be effective with OCD/depression. I think something called cognitive behavioral therapy is particularly effective. What this does is to change your thinking (in a positive way) about what you tell yourself in your head.

I mean this is what I understand anyway.

There are transgenders that *don't* live in the gender they might feel most like. There are a lot of reasons for this. It doesn't mean you are not transgender. There are also people like genderqueers (which I might be) who go thru hormone therapy, etc. but end up keeping the identity of genderqueer. So there are a lot of possibilities the author of this article did not think of.

--Jay Jay