I Just Came Out To My Mother.

[Guest Zabrak]

As I've said me and my mom have had very troubled history. To a point where the goverment has removed me from her home. She abused alcohol accessively, to the point almost every fight she had with the man she was with involved throwing booze bottles across the room or at her head.

She always tells me that she knows I hate her and that one day she hopes I'll like her again even though she knows shes been a bad mother.

Ok..well...I just came out to her but in email. I'm alot less shaky then I though I might be. But I'm sort of scared that she will do what shes always done to me when I talked about my feelings. "Yeah sure, whatever. You don't know anything, stupid f*king r*tard." That would bring up some scars from the past...

I wrote out a semi-long email, about what I've been doing, how I've been feeling and gave her some information on transsexuals.

[Sally]

You know that this is something that you had to do sooner or later, sooner is better - less time to stress!

Whatever the outcome, you have one more on your list of people who know - and that is one more step on your journey. A small step if they don't care enough to try to understand, a huge step if they accept and a giant leap if they offer support. Only her reply will let you know how far this step has taken you forward - it can only move you backwards if you allow it to.

Those are my words of wisdom (?) and comfort.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Evan_J]

Everything that Sally said and remember this: Even though when we come out our hope is that the person we're coming out to receives us well, the real goal is actually us being comfortable enough about ourselves and able to let that self be seen. And so, in a way, every time a person comes out they've succeeded

The other thing is "remember" that your mother has problems. Yes, I know, not likely that you would forget, but what I mean is factor that in when she responds with whatever it is. If she does indeed say the things you fear, a) even currently sober, an alcoholic can still "process" things with the mind of an alcoholic. If her life skills/coping skills were not adequate in dealing with herself and her own life to the point that she misused alcohol to cope the chances are she might not have the skills to express herself in an appropriate or healthy manner regarding this either. Its not a reflection on you but rather her condition. b ) almost all parents have some "problem" (some great, some small, some easily overcome, some not) when their kid comes out as trans. Even the most "liberal, well adjusted, supporter of the lgbt community" has an emotional stake in THEIR kid being trans.

Having said all of that, I'm hoping things will go well. Either way, we're still here for you.

[Guest Kelly Ann]

Hi Zabrak,

Glad your in a place of safety and not the War Zone you were previously in! Nothing worse than having to dodge 'incoming' whether it's verbal or physical...like...WHO NEEDS IT? Glad you 'came out' as it were...it sounds like this wasn't the first time...email is a good way...it keeps the fight or flight responses to a minimum.

Evan is absolutely right about alcoholic thought processes and, sadly, brain damage is permanent if they've been practicing their trade long enough...but of course for an alcoholic it's a race between the liver, kidneys and brain to see what's demolished first and worst...like...WHO NEEDS IT?

You must be extreemly clever Zabrak...I'm something of a Hi-Tech Luddite...as I've seen your post about the Sith Site you've created. WOW! I thought there were only three of us loyal to The Empire...myself and a married couple where I work...to paraphrase the surfers out in L.A., "Sith Rule, Rebels Drool." Stay true to yourself Zabrak, and please try to keep the Vader mind tricks to a minimum...us humans bruise easy Kelly Ann

[Guest Emily1]

Here are my tips for what to do at a time like this. First, right now, it is completely out of your hands - the only way you could stop her from reading that email is something like calling her and telling her "don't read the email I just sent you," and that would probably make her want to read it all the more. If you constantly worry about this, it will do nothing to help, and will just mess you up emotionally. In fact, you can take this feeling even further back: you had to tell her eventually, right? and it doesnt make that much difference how you say this too her, so no matter what you did, she would react exactly the same. Stressing out about something like this does absolutely nothing to help, so it is best to just get it out to her, and then forget about it and enjoy yourself, without worrying at all Anyways....

Hope this helps,

Emily

[Guest Zabrak]

Your all right and I'll keep in mind everything you said - it is out of my hands now. I choose to tell her because she invited me over for xmas and its getting very close to xmas now.

I'm pretty calm at the moment, I think the shock wore off after I slept. That or I'm finding myself easily distracted for some reason. With that said, oh man am I hungry.

[Guest Zabrak]

Mom called, shes fine with me and so is my step dad. They said their happy I'm happpy. They also said that it explained alot about me - that it made alot of sense.

So...woo hoo!

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

That's awesome! Congratulations! It feels like a weight has been lifted, doesn't it? That's how it was for me.

[Guest cerise]

I told my mom after a birthday dinner with my x wife and the family.

Couldn't hold it in any longer . That was the beginning and I began to disassemble my cage thereafter .

Alateen might be be a place to check out on the web.

[Sally]

Zabrak,

I couldn't be happier for you!

That removed a huge weight from your shoulders, you can relax now - I'd over you something to eat, but the Cowboy game is about to start, yes I like sports! And besides - Tony Romo is almost as cute as you are!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Zabrak]

Thanks all. :]

Cowboy game - haha. Enjoy your football Sally!

[Sally]

I actually enjoy sports now than I did before - I used to get mad at myself for noticing how cute they guys are in their uniforms!

Now I have given myself permission to admire!

I hope that your improved relations with your Mom and Stepdad won't mean that you don't have any more need for Momma Sally.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Zabrak]

Well Im at my family vacation house in mexico for two weeks. I have been anyway...cant wait to get home. Only a few more days left till I get to go back to Canada! I hate typing on these mexican keyboards I cant get any of the keys to work.

Sorry, bros, Im full of whining today. I cant whine to anyone in real life so I need somewhere to vent.

The whole trip so far Ive just had to stay sober and take care of my drunk parents. Im a baby sitter for the 50 year old children called my parents. Ive had to catch my mother so many times because she falls down the stairs drunk. Deal with them fighting drunkenly, make sure my little sister is ok because my drunk parents cant watch her. Shes fallen in the pool after she twisted her leg and all my drunk parents did was laugh well I had to go in and help her out. My mother was so wasted last night she couldnt keep her head up straight and ended up smacking her head into my head. Then she wanted to drive home. I dont stop them from their stupid acts all the time....I just help out when I know I can step in without pisisng them off.

Im so sick of watching these kids. I try to avoid going anywhere with them so I dont end up saving their butts all day but they guilt trip me into going everywhere with them that they can.

Rant over. lol

Atlest they accept who I am.

[Guest Evan_J]

It really will be okay. Its not gonna be forever. And at least you know you are grown

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Man, that's tough with the parents. I'm sorry you are having to deal with that. At least you'll be back in Canada soon.

[Sally]

Oh Dear!

I'm glad that at least one adult made the trip - so sorry that it had to be you.

You should have had this time to celebrate so many things, your youth, their acceptance of you and all of your blessings moving towards a wonderful life as an intelligent young man. But when you have become the designated babysitter for drunken adults it puts a damper on things. I know - I was the only non drinker in my fraternity (yes I tried really hard to fit in) so I spent my college career as the designated driver/babysitter to 2 dozen drunken Frat Brats!

When you get home, you'll get a break and begin to enjoy your life again - holidays can be such a hassel!

Love ya,

Sally