Should I see a therapist?

[Guest adanie46]

This post may be triggering to some due to discussion of eating behaviors.

So I'm a couple weeks out from school starting. When classes start back I have the opportunity to go to counseling at school for free. I've been arguing going because my partner has been worried about my eating habits. I would also like a few more peoples opinions though. So if you don't mind, please tell me what you think.

Somewhere between ages 12 and 14 I was diagnosed with body dysmorophic disorder with anorexic tendencies. Things blew up through and high school and into my first quarter of college when I managed to stop purging. Unfortunately that lead to horrendous uncontrolled binge eating.

So here I am near 27 and morbidly obese. I admit I will do anything to lose weight. Absolutely anything because I feel the risk of any dieting behavior is less than the risks I face as an obese person. I've lost and kept off over 100lbs, and do plan to continue my loss until I reach a particular goal weight. While I am obsessive with my calorie counting and workouts they are not affecting other aspects of my life (besides social). I mostly restrict, but I will purge if i eat over my limit. Again though, I am aware of all my behaviors and the risks that I face. I am also not "imagining" that I'm fat. I am that is true. So with all that I do I really don't see it as something to worry about. A lot of my body image issues also stem out of dysphoria about my chest and general body shape.

I really don't even know what to say if I were to go in and see our eating disorder specialist at school. I'm fat and transgender and just don't think an eating disorder is what I have.

Thoughts?

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Self diagnosis is always wrong. If your eating style results in you purging then you are at serious risk of esophagul damage as well as serious and hastened tooth decay.

Eating should be seamless in your life. Not a point of attention. That alone demands that you see a professional about this. Seeing a gender therapist will help you with your dysphoria.

Eating issues, depression and gender dysphoria are all intertwined.

Should you see a therapist?.....

A resounding YES!

Brenda

[Carolyn Marie]

I agree completely with Brenda. Eating problems are nothing to trifle with. Please see a professional about this. We care about your health, hon.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Melissa~]

Most definitely use the school resources. You never know they may have someone really good. At minimum they will have dealt with ED plenty.

[Guest adanie46]

Brenda, Carolyn,and Melissa thank you for your input. I am fortunate to go to a school that has free counseling services. I just really have no idea what to say to an ED specialist. I assume they'd just take me as lying about how I eat due to weight alone. I have no idea where to begin or what to say.. Also do any of you see a therapist for EDs and transition or do you see two separate people? Does the ED therapist handle GID well and does the GID therapist handle EDs well?

[Michelle 2010]

Perhaps, adanie, when you see the professional, you might ask if they have any input on Overeaters Anonymous. I know several people who have benefited greatly from their program. Simply put, the notion is that as a compulsive eater, one eats like some drink, that is uncontrollably. For instance, I have had OA people tell me they would eat before parties, after parties, sneak food, and keep it by the bed. This behavior mimics that of any other addict, so OA has a solution based on 12 step principles. It would be very easy for you to get info online about their program if it interests you. For many, the problem isn't stopping eating... its staying stopped. OA believes a fundamental change in our makeup is needed and is readily available if the steps are followed. Incidently, it has nothing in common with "for profit" programs, isn't an MLM, and no one makes money off of it. It is freely given away... No strings attached

Good luck!

Michelle

[Guest adanie46]

I would, Michelle, but I actually under eat. I seldom eat more than 1000 calories daily and if I do I get rid of it. I had a huge bout of overeating but I "fixed" that and have been losing weight steadily since then. I seldom every binge and if I do it never reaches 2000cals because I don't ever keep that much food around. I guess that's where I keep running into trouble. Can you have an eating disorder at all if you're fat. Looking through the stuff on OA (just skimming of course) I'd be eating 200cals a day after a while and be worse off.

That's whats so confusing. I don't want to bother with a specialist or even bringing it up because I feel like the danger isn't there when I eats less because I'm fat. I need to eat less. My partner is worried because he thinks it's the compulsive and obsessive behavior (counting everything, daily weigh-ins and measuring, work-outs, restricting, purging, and so on) that is unhealthy and will catch me in the long run. But I just don't know.

[Michelle 2010]

I just checked their home site. The intro/preamble states:

OA is not just about weight loss, weight gain or maintenance, or obesity or diets. It addresses physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. It is not a religious organization and does not promote any particular diet.

I believe if you end up eating 200 cal/day its because you would chose to do so, not because they suggest it. What they do is help you become a person who is not fighting to control the urges. They teach how to become a person who doesn't crave food, or at least become a person who can put it in remission. That's what 12 step programs do. We change on the inside and as a result, change on the outside.

I'm a little confused by your last post as to whether the issue is that your efforts aren't working, or they are working but it is through obsessive compulsive behavior which your partner thinks is as unhealthy as the obesity issue. To have to obsessively control food (or anything) is exhausting to the mind and body in the long run.

My last comment on OA is that, by doing the steps, the member changes internally; that is, emotionally and even spiritually, thus eliminating the need to eat or to control eating. While volunteer "sponsors" may suggest certain strategies to avoid craving or binging while the newcomer is learning the program, there is no program of severely limiting future meals as part of the process. It teaches sane eating behavior by modifying the drive to engage in uncontrolled behavior.

again, I wish you well in your journey both in school and with the eating issue

Michelle

[Guest adanie46]

Thanks, Michelle, I think the part in their program that worries me is the "abstinence" part. Its not a certain food that triggers me that I can abstain from. Its any food with calories. I worry that I'd find the right drive to simply switch to as few calories as possible in the abstinence step in order to abstain from triggers. I'll ask about it though when I get a chance to see someone.

Thanks again.