Passing! and the importance of it!

[Guest kandice]

Like a previous lady mentioned on here its all in attitude and your soul!

That's how most connect, I feel a sense of sadness when I hear how intense some ladies are on passing! We only have one life and we should spend it on enjoying our daily lives smiling, looking and feeling the best "we" can as individuals and not look at other genetic or trans ladies to validate us!

I may be only 21 years old but I don't feel the need to have others judge me on my appearance. I do the best by "me" and if that's not okay for others than hay I'm okay with that.

Take good care of your health, wear things you love, love yourself, be happy, don't take things for granted in life! Cis yu do have a life.

X0x0

[Guest Federica]

Dear kandice,

you are very wise to be only 21 . I agree with you also if I can understand the importance for many of us (for me too) to be able to pass as a woman/man.

XOXO, Kika

[Drea]

Generally those who are secure in themselves aren't particularly concerned with passing.

[Guest Sascha]

Hi Kandice,

It is true but I am really stressed about passing. I tried to comfort myself by telling myself that the inside counts, but I noticed that it doesn't that way all the time. For the reason that I am female born in a male's body. If people still see a male, then I fail at transitioning and I fail to be woman. Otherwise I wouldn't take hormones and surgeries, so the outside does count. But, the inside counts as well. I think that both are needed to pass.

Hugs!

[Guest Misaka]

I justify wanting to pass so badly by telling myself that I just want to live an ordinary life and not have to have trans stuff influencing conversations all the time. I tell myself that if people can tell I'm trans, then it will be like when people can tell you are pregnant. Every other conversation is about "how are you and hows the baby doing" kind of thing. I also try to justify it by telling myself that I'm a bit of a perfectionist and that I've not been able to be like that with my looks before, untill now, it felt as though nothing I could do with myself would make me look in the mirror and smile and that now it feels like the courage to go through with this is a gift and I shouldn't squander it by not making the most of myself.

In reality though, I know Drea is probably right and it's probably just an insecurity thing and a desire to have others approve of how I look so I can feel good about myself. Still, untill I can get over that, may as well make the most out of a bad situation and try to be pretty! : )

[Guest JoannaSydney]

I normally dont post when i hear this topic come up.What is passing? please dont anwser that.The way i feel is becoming a women is a long process for me.There are alot of things i haved learned.One is that the outside doesnt define the inside its the other way around.I am becoming the women i want to be is because i put in alot of work and effort.I see what i want and i see what i dont want and its easy to see what i strive for.The way i feel is pass is just an ilusition of others perceptions.What matters most for me is the way i think and the way i feel.If anyone i see in my day day doesnt aprove too bad thats me.

[Guest Sascha]

I agree Joanna. If the inside isn't there, the outside won't count also. Meaning, that if I do laser treatments I do it for my inside, I do it for myself. But I also do it so that others see I'm not male. I want my body to match my inside, to match who I am. Otherwise, it would be pointless to transition in the first place. That's my opinion. If folks still greet me as "sir" I get annoyed and correct them. Now I wish for the day I didn't have to this anymore, and just be accepted as who I feel inside: a woman. No amount of self-talk can fix that, sadly I need the physical changes in order to "pass".

[Guest sleeping chrysalid]

Passing can be critical in some situations while in most cases it doesn't matter that much. Yesterday I was at Canada's Wonderland and it came time to go to the splash park.

I didn't want to risk going into either of the changerooms. I wasn't confident that either of them were completely safe. If I knew that I would pass or I had documentation to protect me I would've been fine but I chose to just avoid them.

Luckily for me there were single bathrooms with no gender specifications and I got some privacy changing in the bathrooms.

After that passing mattered a lot less. My two piece bathing suit was a clear gender marker and I didn't care whether people thought I was MTF or Cis. What was the worst that could happen? A few people might be thinking things but chances are I'm never going to see them again or know them.

It can really depend on the situation but passing can be very important. It doesn't always have to be but certain things can be a lot easier if you do pass.

[Guest JoannaSydney]

I agree Joanna. If the inside isn't there, the outside won't count also. Meaning, that if I do laser treatments I do it for my inside, I do it for myself. But I also do it so that others see I'm not male. I want my body to match my inside, to match who I am. Otherwise, it would be pointless to transition in the first place. That's my opinion. If folks still greet me as "sir" I get annoyed and correct them. Now I wish for the day I didn't have to this anymore, and just be accepted as who I feel inside: a woman. No amount of self-talk can fix that, sadly I need the physical changes in order to "pass".

I agree with you Sascha i feel the same way it gets tiring correcting people

[Guest MsPerseveres]

I wish I was able to be so certain about what transitioning means to others. The one thing that I think I've learned, and I believe it is wisdom, is that each of us is an individual, and, despite the things that link us and make us a community, there are still things that make each of us different from all others.

My transition is for ME, first and foremost and always. I have no choice but to become the woman that I know I am, in the best way that I know how, despite the pain that it will cause me, and the things that it will reveal about people that I think care for me. I also know that this journey is NOT set in stone, but as we travel along our different roads, we will suddenly find an intersection that diverts us, or a lay-by that distracts us - and we may not end up in the destination, or on the highway, that we thought we would.

I have more security, peace and confidence in myself now than I have ever had in my life. I also want to "pass" so well that the only comment that is made about my physical appearance is "she's a tall woman, isn't she?". Inside I know who I am already, and passing well means that my outside matches.

Hugs, Brenda

[Guest kandice]

I'm happy to hear from all of you here on L'P!! =)

I agree that "perfection" or being a perfectionist is in a sense what we all feel towards our appearance and life but where it upsets me is when that "perfection" is viewed as a standard of others and not your own.

But I do agree having a high standard is good but be honest with yourself and love yourself no matter what! As your soul and character will not change with your appearance. =)

X0x0

[Charlize]

I am worrying less and less about passing as i live my life as a woman. Its nice but the people I know have all known my old male self. Thats most of the people i relate to. i might pass to a stranger but old time friends will always know i'm me. i just have to accept that. They will always know i was a man whatever i do. I will know as well so for me its more a matter of whether i'm comfortable and peaceful in my self.

Hugs,

Charlie