Unexpected Personality Changes

[Guest Crossroads]

Upon talking to a few of my friends about this gender change business. And something worries me. Everyone keeps saying, "Go for it! You'll always be the same person." And, not that I'll become a completely different person, but I know changes will occur. And it kind of annoys me that they don't see that. Even something like the way I deal with anger (to me) is going to be a complete change in personality. It's not like I'll just slap on a penis and say I'm a man! I'm going to go through changes like anyone "growing up" or going through hormonal puberty would!! I know they're trying to say, "We'll love you no matter what." But it bugs me. And I want that! I don't want to just be the same person with a 'penis' and 'flat chest'. I want to be a man!

So, on request of my partner, what were some personality changes that perhaps you didn't expect? Or that you wouldn't have expected if you hadn't researched? Anything at all that changed personality-wise, even the tiniest thing, I want to hear it! Even if it isn't personality related, please!

Thanks in advance!

[Guest raydub]

dude... lol.

uuh.. yeah. personality changes. it really is like going through puberty all over again. i blog about whats goin on with me.. ive been on T about 4 months.. you can browse the blog to really get a sense of it (rayunbound.blogspot.com).. but lets see if i can name a few eh?

youll hear it from a lot of guys.. i cant cry anymore. i hear i should be able to after a couple more months, but i cant shed emotional tears and havent for months now. my s/o (who should really be the one posting all this) says im more.. uuh.. less likely to talk to her about whats going on with me. its true, i admit it. um.. im less likely to put up with nonsense.. which is kinda funny considering i wasnt very likely to put up with it before.. its gotten worse.. lol. im happier. my s/o actually said to me the other day that im a much better man than i ever was a woman...im way more comfortable in my skin than i EVER remember being. that feeling alone makes me different in a way. ya dig?

hopefully some other guys will chime in..

good luck figuring it all out man. things definitely change and i dont think one can ever really be ready for all the changes.. all you can do is hang on for the ride.

much love and welcome to the Playground eh?

-Ray

[Guest Evan_J]

I so hate to do this to you cuz I hear the desperation to want to be "whole". -thats what I hear. But the truth is, at least with me, I had to be a man first. What I mean is, I had to "feel" it first. I had to do a lot of self examination and admit all the places times and ways I felt it. -Even the times that were lousey and I felt it.

I think its probably there for you, but perhaps you can't see it. ...actually its there in that lousey feeling that came when I said that

But will you physically "grow up" into a man? Yes In order of appearance, [takes ya over someplace private] the very first ones will involve your uh.... (cough) yeah....what you might utilize in a meta [looks around, makes sure no one heard that] thats what most guys report as "first" that I've heard. Ongoing of course, but it wastes no time gettin going. Then I think the next thing I noticed was change in smell. Not all over. (cough) The meta-area. It starts smellin like penis-area.Even my urine started smelling different. The thing that was coolest to watch (and I dunno if there'll be future episodes, or if it'll just be other things but) I enjoyed when it looked like my face shape changed. Does it change more than once? Thats a question for the guys who are longer time on T. It was really cool when not just me noticed it but my grandma pegged it right off the bat Iwas like "do you notice anything different? (cuz in a way I was sceptical, maybe its just me wanting it to be different) and she goes, "yes, the shape of your head is changing and I don't like it!" lol It sort of widened or something across the forehead, and got kinda puffed up in the cheek area but lower down -not quite at the jaw- for a while. Then it was that a pair of shoes I'd bought a month earlier slightly too big (just enough so your heels slip) were no longer too big. My shirt collar on a dress shirt I liked got "filled up" better. <--when they say "builds muscle mass" they are not kidding, you work out and a lot of stuff will just "fit" better. When my voice first started changing I didn't know if it really was or not or if it was a "pre" symptom cuz I didn't squeek I got reeeeal tender (kinda hurt to touch) right where the voice box is supposed to grow. I never could "feel" where that was before but learned real quick. You'll know when its starting because people will at first say "you sound like you have a cold" all the time. When I started hanging on this site with a bunch of FtMs I got "inspired" to really utilize the exercise benefits of T so I started working out, nothing spectacular, just a little regimine and found I reaaaaally liked doing it, that was different for me, I was one never to like working out, but it felt good. With T I like working out. So that is a like/behavioral change. I definately watch more porn. The libido definately does an upswing -closer to the beginning- but mellow out some after a while. Its not a change in personality -at least not for me cuz I had the capacity to actually be a prick before T (technically I'm less like that after being on T cuz I'm less likely to be peed wth the world)- but I found that I was much shorter on the length of time I would put up with b.s. before callin someone on it. It doesn't make you "mean" but it does make you less likely to put up with b. s. My thoughta are a lot clearer. More rationalizing (I was already a rational sort before T but am even more so I think after). Not likely to respond based on an emotion. But yes, you do have emotions. You'll still laugh, be able to have compassion all of that it just comes out more "reserverd". The moods are waaay more excellent. More relaxed. My nose got wider -through the bridge- turns out theres a space behind a guys nose that gets wider as his voice is gonna get deeper, it does so to allow more air to be in that space and it outwardly makes your nose a bit wider. Oh and I got hairs The upper and under lip ones only got slightly darker but a whole crop of brand new under the chin ones showed up goin from the chin to neck bend. Not a heavy amount. If it was snow you'd call em flurrries But they're there. Tryin to think if there are more....those are the ones I can think of.

Just remember thats one person's experience, and only the start.

[Guest bronx]

I think that changes that you're going to go through are diffrent for everyone. yeah there are the phisical changes which are gentic. I was able to grow a beard really fast now I find myself shaving but I like the fact that I have an option right now I have a gotee and maybe next week I'll be clean shaven, I like that options on my apperance I never had that b4. As for personality I was never a man to cry before T although I would feel that lump in my stomach and hold it back now that lump is gone. I have less to say in situations involving drama and I tend to want to be by myself more. I was told b4 I started T that I was to aggressive. Now I 'm told that gentic men aren't as agressive as I am now that I'm on T, funny thing though the people around me have said that I've calmed down. I find myself walking away from alot of arguments or shall I say discusions that I have less time for. I keep getting to know myself and that's a good thing. I feel okay with myself and my since of self has changed for the better. Just fall back and get to know you as you go through this process, and enjoy getting to know you as you were ment to be. I'm having fun a year and a half into it part of me is still that 16 year old boy. GOOD LUCK.

[Sally]

People in general are not very good with language - any language and English is one of the most easily misunderstood. Any one who has English as a second language knows how horribly odd our language is ! Double meanings, multiple sound alike words with spelling being the only difference and widely different meanings.

Let me tell you what I think that they are trying to say - This is just my best guess.

You will at your very core be the 'same' person - in as much as you will still have the same basic beliefs and values - these help to form your pesonality. As Evan said you become a man or woman before you start the change - the differences that made you come to this point in your life have already begun to surface, they are and always have been a part of you!

You will have some changes in your personality, but not a total reversal and that is what they mean and are doing their best to support you. Forgive them for not being able to express their thoughts as well as they would like and accept their love and support - men need friends to!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest bronx]

Sally said it the best.

[Guest raydub]

Sally said it the best.

yeah she did.

women. just better at expressing stuff, i swear.

...sheesh.

-Ray

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

For me, the personality changes have been subtle and mostly positive. I'm much less likely to tolerate BS from people and am more likely to stand up for myself rather than be the "peacemaker". I'm more single-minded in the pursuit of goals. When I do something, it consumes me. If I'm reading, I won't hear you if you talk to me. It's hard to get my attention. My ability to multitask is shot. If I am cooking something, I can't go check my email or I'll forget it and let it burn. I can't carry on a conversation while doing something else. I have to do one thing or the other...can't do both anymore. A lot of this stuff is similar to how I was pre-T, just more pronounced now.

I can still cry, but don't do it very easily and not over the same stuff. I used to feel like crying when I was frustrated or angry, now I don't. It doesn't feel like it will help. It doesn't feel cathartic like it used to feel. The things I'll cry about now (which doesn't happen often) are true sorrow. If someone close to me dies or gets really sick or if I feel like I've hurt someone I love, I'll cry. It's not the same type of crying...just tears, no sobbing. The other day, right after my chest surgery, I cried a little because I hurt and needed help with EVERYTHING. I couldn't get out of bed by myself. Tears ran down my face, but that was about it. Thank goodness that helpless phase after surgery only lasted a day.

People I'm close to, that I've dated, say that I am more easy going now than I used to be. I'm more "happy go lucky" and one person says I am "sweeter". Some of this probably comes more from being at peace with myself than being from T.

People don't "get to me" like they used to. I don't get pulled in to "weird family stuff". I'm my own little island and can be rational. I'm not insensitive or anything, just able to detach and be sensible. Again, I was already like this...T just enhanced it.

My physical changes are pretty much on par with what everyone else is reporting. The sex drive is different and stronger. I'm still in control...but I DEFINITELY think about it more.

[Guest Kelly Ann]

I would have to wonder what it's like to take 'T' as a FTM...it's said testosterone makes for an aggressive stance towards the world...i'd debate that...and ahem I CAN be the MASTER DEBATER...oh no I can't believe I wrote that out...well yes I do believe it. <SIGH> I think the old stories about the effects of hormones are more based on younger people thats why they're OLD stories...they apply to people like me. I believe that HRT when properly diagnosed is not only proper, but essential to an individual to allow themselves to grow as they should. It's good to see you posting StrandedOutThere...all went well obviously so a MAJOR hoorah as they say (-; funny how we all share something that is so similar...yet well...different. ELVIS MADE MR SAY THAT!!! Can I get a double bacon/banana/cheeseburger here?...nevermind....natural T only made me stand up for myself I suppose on occasion, a long time ago...I'm not certain. I would be in favor of EVERYBODY having a 'taste' of the otherside as it were...hormonally speaking...I would give ANYTHING to go into a Florida RedNeck Bar in say Old Homosassa and see a couple of Shrimper's in their little white rubber go-go boots emoting to one another...I'd die laughing on the floor...while they kicked the heck outta me...nah I'd definately run like the wind outta there!!! I haven't done HRT...but thinking,thinking...I've waited 56 years...whats a few more...glad you did T...it seems to be working well for ya'll, Kelly Ann...oh jeeze the mind-pic of the shrimpers....oh my....

[Guest Crossroads]

Thank you everyone. I hope more people post, too! I've always been one to "Survey", ask a million people the same question before deciding how I feel about a topic. Actually, the choice to transition has been one of very few choices that has been "easy" for me. Anyway, to me, even a small change in personality/behavior makes me a different person. The things that make us different are those small changes. To me, even a change like, "I like seafood, and I didn't before" (which no one has said yet...did your tastebuds change?), is a complete change in my opinion!

Even something small like a haircut can create a different person.

Recently, I saw an old friend (who is not a friend anymore, I suppose I should have called her an ex-friend) who I hadn't seen since I graduated high school. I haven't changed much since then, looks wise. Maybe put on a couple healthy pounds, and cut my hair. I wear somewhat nicer clothes because my partner dresses me. And she freaked out completely when she saw me, asked me what she should call me (I went by some odd nicknames in high school). So, little changes can come across huge when put in the big picture. I think many people are scared of change, and want to think, "At any given moment, I am who I am." and think that is the same as "You don't change who you are on the inside, just who you are on the outside" But all changes mold us into different people, and therefore make us change personalities!

My partner said this the other day, and I thought it was pretty smart (I wish I was as smart as her...or as poetic):

A flower is 'the same' it's entire life, but it doesn't stay a stem forever. It grows leaves and buds and eventually blossoms. It even dies and comes back to life. It's always changing, yet always the same.

I think this is very true. Even a flower, through strength, is changing 'inside'. Strength makes us a different person, changes us. To me, change is the best thing that can happen.

I am already a man. It doesn't matter what I look like. But what kind of man will I become? And how is that affected by hormones, genetics? These are the ideas I'm playing with right now. I feel like I'm studying myself, but I like that. It's fun for me.

Guess it'll all boil down to the nature vs. nurture again.

Anyway, now that all that is out of the way (sorry, I went on a tangent), THANKS AGAIN!!! Anyone else? What about food preferences? Did your tastes change (like when we get older?) This is all so interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest Evan_J]

Crossroads, your partner is deep. And no food taste changes though I have to watch out for cravings of meat. I don't eat any more on T, I actually eat healthier and I watch out cuz I don't wanna over indulge.

[Guest Jackson]

In my experience I've become quite a bit more patient. I don't get mad near as often. I almost feel like I'm less aggressive now even. I'm more relaxed and on an even keel than before. Although a good friend told me that I've become a little more cold. Also more serious. These maybe from all the stress I've been under from working overtime the last month or two and grad school. I also won't put up with BS anymore either. But I think that is partially from the T and partially from the idea that not everyone will respond well to what I'm doing. I really don't care what people think anymore about me or what I'm doing.

I have noticed my food preferences have changed a bit. I don't have quite the strong sweet tooth that I had before. Granted I still like sweets, but not as much as I used to. If I come home and want a snack after work, I'm just as likely now to hit the chips and salty snacks than something sweet. I have the meat and protein cravings too, but I'm doing a lot of working out now. Like Evan, I didn't mind working out before, it was just kind of boring. Now I love it. I work out for an hour every afternoon after work.

I'm also maybe a little more likely to take risks than before. I'm not sure why. Just more of a daredevil.

[Guest My_Genesis]

I have noticed my food preferences have changed a bit. I don't have quite the strong sweet tooth that I had before. Granted I still like sweets, but not as much as I used to. If I come home and want a snack after work, I'm just as likely now to hit the chips and salty snacks than something sweet. I have the meat and protein cravings too, but I'm doing a lot of working out now. Like Evan, I didn't mind working out before, it was just kind of boring. Now I love it. I work out for an hour every afternoon after work.

I never crave sweets when i'm hungry. always salty food, meat, protein. I'll really only crave sweets after I've eaten a salty/meaty/protein meal. And sometimes after if I have too much sweet stuff I'll start craving salt/meat/protein...maybe like a balancing out or something?

yet another "T effect" that I already have pre-T...along with a lot of this emotional/personality stuff we're discussing

[Guest Crossroads]

To My_Genesis - I'm noticing a strange increase in energy. Normally, I'm too tired to do anything on my days off, but since I made this decision, slowly my energy level has increased!! I think we're onto something here. Like fish that can change genders when they need to.

Anyway, thanks again to everyone who is putting up their experiences. I'm still interested in more!

[Guest Crossroads]

I'm seeing quite a few posts about dreams being more vivid. Anyone else have that?

[Guest jantonio]

Actually changes will occur, not only physical, mental and behavior. In my experience I am finding myself more assertive and not afraid of almost anything. Could it be the testosterone? Maybe, but I attribute alot of it the fact that I am myself and not pretending who I am not. So basically I am happier and project who I really am. Hope this helps a bit.

Jose Antonio...

[Guest Huff]

changes I've noticed on T-

don't ever cry anymore

less afraid of people (probably due to self-confidence)

want to eat meat all the time

want to have sex all the time

higher visual stimulation

slightly more likely to feel aggravated by stupidity of other people

Mike

[Guest Martin]

I process emotions and thoughts differently now. It's hard to say exactly what the change is, but they feel more correct now - and less chaotic. I still cry as often as I used, maybe even more often, but I never cried much in the first place. My ability to multitask has decreased. I used to be able to listen to someone and think about something else at the same time. Now I can't - I have no memory of what they said if I don't pay attention. I'm more laid back. I dissociate less. I consider my body to be me now - before it was simply an object that was at my disposal.

I don't crave meat more than I used to (in other words, I don't really crave it), and my cravings for sweets such as chocolates has been unaffected (in other words, I still want them, often and badly). My attitude towards working out hasn't changed. I've gained some muscle mass, but not a whole lot.

I think my sex drive has increased, but I think it's still below average. Some days it's pretty high, most days it's pretty low.

My dreams are no more and no less vivid than they were before.

[Guest Jackson]

Actually, now that someone has mentioned "vivid dreams" it actually did remind me that my dreams have been quite a bit more vivid. I'm also more apt to remember them the next morning. Before, I hardly ever remembered my dreams.

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

I'm not on T but my T production has naturally spiked over the past couple of years...

First thing I noticed was a major reduction in depression as I became more masculine, though I don't know if that was because I was more comfortable with my body, or the hormone had an actual psychological effect.

I've become much more rational and distant. Cold, even. It's not always bad - I don't cry nearly as much or for as long as I used to, though crying is sometimes a good thing... I can still cry at poignant things though. I'm also more sarcastic, though I was sarcastic before T so T is more exacerbating the effect than causing it.

I smell a lot different than I used to, though it still bothers me... doesn't smell as masculine as I wish it did.