Come Out Or Not To Come Out

[Guest bronx]

I have this on going debate with my wife on should I being out as a transman. My veiw is that it's no ones buisness, her view is that by being out I'll be able to help other guys like me and that I could educate others on being trans.

The reasons I have for not being out are that for one my safety. The other is I don't want someone to see me one way today and then see me another way tomorrow. See me for the man that I am always. The last reason is that if I'm not being intamite with you, does it really matter.

How do you other guys feel about coming out as a transman?

[Guest Dutchie]

Sorry guys for being the first to reply in this corner of the forum... I normally wait a while.

Bronx: I have no idea what the other consequences for you are if you do or don't come out.

Do you work or are very frequently in the position that you can help and educate? If not, is it worth risking your safety?

How important is the label for you and for your wife? It sounds to me it's more important to her than to you.

Just some thoughts...

[Guest Zabrak]

I was so scared about comming out but its been working out really well. Everyone so far is very understanding. Maybe I'm just lucky.

Although, I do understand that you fear for your safety - be careful bro. Come out slowly or move if you have too.

[Guest cerise]

After I first came out as twin spirit ,female brained ,gender dysphoric non opp . blah blah in a session for Dual Recovery Anonymous I talked to a old friend and hinting at telling him he asked if iit was something he really needed to know and if it would change how we interacted And I said no . so we mutually decided to leave it alone.

I continue to work on a need to know basis .

Dual recovery sessions is relevant as it relates to my drug and alcohol use but I don't say it at every session.

Other transgendered people if I think it will help . Yes .

One person (normie] I told and he sent me emails about x dressing clubs in the city I live .

Another after reading me as not straight but androgynous (a bit of a fib) I got unwanted trans related videos and various porn he had collected.

I call them tourists .

However I would like to get in a group that can discuss TG issues in .

I live in a large city so people are more accepting here. I understand your views and think this is a personal thing but for me I am unscathed so far.

[Guest bronx]

Thank you everyone. When I was first starting to talk about transition to my friends and family and while I was first starting transition I felt that it was important that everyone knew about me, but now I pass 100% and I just don't feel the need. I'm a man and that's that. I just don't want to be treated any diffrent than I'm being treated now, its like now I'm one of the guys and not that guy.

Then I sometimes get into these conversations with people who don't know about me about trans stuff, such as I saw this person dressed like a girl and this person thinks their a boy and some people can be so close-minded and trans phobic. I then start to wonder how would they treat or even see me if I said Hey I'm a transman. That I think is a question I ask myself.

[Guest Jackson]

Well, when I first started this whole thing, I didn't want anyone to really know. But I like my job; I like my home; I don't want to have to move to someone know one knows me.

So of course everyone at work knows. I was actually worried when I first had to come out to people at work that I'd lose their respect; however, I've actually gained respect at work. And I'm sure some people in the small rural community will end up finding out. But that's life.

I don't think I'd be willing to just tell people years down the road. I'm not kind of person. But I do want to be a resource for others who are doing this too.

[Guest Ben]

it is nobody's business but your own. you shouldn't have to be out to anyone you don't want to.

i don't think anyone should know, but i have a feeling in 20 years people will say "oh yeah, Ben used to be a chick... isn't that funny"

[Guest Crossroads]

I have this on going debate with my wife on should I being out as a transman. My veiw is that it's no ones buisness, her view is that by being out I'll be able to help other guys like me and that I could educate others on being trans.

The reasons I have for not being out are that for one my safety. The other is I don't want someone to see me one way today and then see me another way tomorrow. See me for the man that I am always. The last reason is that if I'm not being intamite with you, does it really matter.

How do you other guys feel about coming out as a transman?

As for "helping others", I just need to say this. I'm the type of person who flew into this head first. Once I made my decision to transition, I decided it was imperative to not only be open to others about what I've been through, but also to do what I could for my community. I'm a strong believer in supporting my own causes.

However, I don't think anyone should be required to get out there and support your community just because you may be going through something. Just because some people are black doesn't mean they should HAVE to go on and on about civil rights. You have to take care of what is important to you. To one person, protecting your family from harm by holding back the truth of your past is the most important thing. To others, educating the world is the most important. I don't think there is a wrong thing to do. We each have our place and our meaning, and as long as there are transmen out there, transmen will fight for the rights they (we) deserve. But it isn't each and every one of our RESPONSIBILITIES to that cause. Your responsibility is to what you think is important.

Anyway, as far as telling, I'm a 100% honest kind of person. I'll probably be the one to introduce myself, "Hi, I'm Jules. I used to be a hot chick and now I'm a hot man. Deal with it." But that kind of thing is totally not for everyone, so...you know...

...I think you know what I'm trying to say.

[Sally]

A simple thought froma simple mind, mine!

Do genetic men (and women) go up to strangers and say, "I am biologically and mentally Male (Female)."?

No! So why do you feel that you have to? Your wife already knows and she is the only one that needs to>

Love ya,

Simple Sally

[Guest bronx]

Thank you so much, I needed to hear that.

[Guest Crossroads]

Do genetic men (and women) go up to strangers and say, "I am biologically and mentally Male (Female)."?

No! So why do you feel that you have to? Your wife already knows and she is the only one that needs to>

I fore go all witty remarks and say, WELL SAID!! Thank you!