Wife Going With to 1st Therapist Session.

[Guest JamieJamie]

Has anyone else ever included their wife in their gender therapist sessions?

I really want my wife to be involved and I encouraged her to go. Although she is supportive to a degree she has a great deal of apprehension still. I want her to voice her concerns, I believe they are very valid. She wants complete openness and honesty and that is a given expectation. However I think I will be more open with the therapist with some 1-1 time.

I already know she does not want me to present as a woman. She is okay with me starting HRT but eventually my shape will likely change to a point where it is difficult to hide.

Any thoughts from anyone.

[Guest angels wings]

Hello Jamie . I went with my partner to all the appts the therapist encouraged it . It was hard for me but I learnt alot about my partner that I did not know . Even though After each session I was down it helped me understand her better . I too wanted and want complete honesty . Because for so many years in a marriage you think you know your partner then you get told that your partner needs to transition is hard . Like I know I wasn't betrayed she told me when she could no longer hold it in . She tried to save me from the pain . So now because of this I too feel honesty and complete openness is very important . As wives we get very confused and emotional going to the therapist with her eased some of the confusion . Also joining Laura's helped me to know I was not alone in how I felt . And that what my partner was going through was normal for this condition . You have to feel comfortable and so does she . Maybe you should discuss with her what she would like to do and go from there .

Angel

[Guest MsPerseveres]

I'm in a similar position to you - if my being transsexual meant that I continued to present as completely male, then my wife would have no issues with it. Since it does not, she wants nothing to do with me, primarily because of what others will think of her as part of a same-sex relationship. I think that coming to therapy with me would be useful - but what she wants is validation in her rejection of me and rejection of our relationship if/as I transition, and she can't find that in therapy (or here at Laura's).

If you can get her to therapy with you, at least part of the time, I think that could be useful. What does your therapist think/suggest?

Brenda

[Guest JamieJamie]

My wife has much to lose in this relationship. She comes from a very conservative culture, her family abandoned speaking to her when she married me. She only has our two boys and I now and a few local friends.

I feel terrible for what this is putting her through, I know it is not fair to her. I iwsh I could have told her before were were married, before we had children, before she lost the support of her parents and sisters. For this reason I want to do everything I can to make this as easy for her as I can.

[Guest angels wings]

You have a heart of pure gold . Good on you Jamie she will feel and see the love you have for her is priceless. You can't change the past you can't deny who you are but you both can make this beautiful and stay united .

Angel ((((hugs))))

[Guest Mia J]

The first time I attempted transition my ex-wife came to most sessions with me. In fact she insisted on it. I do not think it helped me because I always felt I could not be as open with my therapist because I could not talk about issues about her. I really think she insisted because she is a very controlling woman who used the sessions to her advantage.

I think it would be okay for a wife to go to an occasional session but not to every one.

Mia

[Guest Eh-lyssa]

My wife supports me and went to one of my therapist appointments. She did quite well and the therapist was impressed at how much she backed me up and was a "gender defender" She says she needs therapy herself and I agree but she hasn't seen one yet on her own - either mine or another. Lately she is more concerned with our son and how he is doing.

[Carolyn Marie]

My spouse went with me to one session, and it seemed to allay at least some of her fears. I suppose it helped, but I couldn't tell you in what specific ways. We are still together and doing well.

I wish you and your spouse much luck and love.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Sunshine B]

I've only had the opportunity to go to one of my partner's (Nicole B on here) counseling appointments due to time constraints. Nicole has asked that I go to as many as I want to. She feels there should be no secrets during this process and wants to have openness through the whole process. I agree; that will help me a lot too.

I plan to invite my partner to one of my sessions in the future (I just started recently) and my therapist is encouraging of this as well.

Sunshine B.