First Time In Front Of A Counsellor

[Guest Amanda L Richards]

Hello everybody

I have noticed occasionally that some of us have made comment on our first time sitting in front of a counsellor.

My own experience was one of absolute terror. This was the first time I ever came out to anybody besides myself. Iguess by definition this meant that i was closeted.

I had set the appointment for one week away. IN that week I struggled with myself and questions like, What's going to happen when I get in there, is she going to say I am dimented, sick, what!?. Then I wrestled with should I go through with it or not, maybe I can wait until........

THe day arrived and I started to tremble all over the whole day untill I got there. I went in and sat down and fought with myself. I remember she had/s kind eyes and on the phone when she asked for a history, I felt oddly trusting of her. Maybe that was the winning number that got me to go through with it.

Anyway there I sat and she said how would you like to start. After a moment of thought she said I can see this is hard on you so take all the time you need. I looked at her again and I remember the feeling of shame as if I was admitting to somenthing like stealing the elderly laadies newpaper or something shamefule like that, but I thought I needed to do this now or I was never going to do it.

So I opened up to her and instead of going straight to the point, I found that I was giving her examples of what I was doing sin recent years that would be undoubtedly crossdressing activity of all sorts.

After about four sessions altogether, I finally got all I wanted to say out and she said I had the idea in the first session, but I needed to say it myself. I must have been going to her for about three months before I started to feel I could really trust her. At that point I realized that it wasn't all as bad as I thought it would be.

My question is: What was your experience to opening up for the first time to a counsellor?

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Is this a first reply again? Probably someone will answer as I type this... I hope - don't want to always be the first.

Answer? It was very good for me and my counselor, both.

I know that is a bit of a strange answer, but the councellor, he/or she, if that person is experienced they will have seen practically everything through the years. So many people come to a councellor totally unprepared. It may take several sessions just to work up to hello.

Both my daughters are councellors.

I didn't want to spend FOREVER in counceling.

So - with my case - (1) I researched for a long time before selecting a councellor, (2) I wrote out my goals before hand - three of them, (3) I wrote out a brief history of my life before I went - just notes - and I didn't take them to the session - I just had my life organized in chronological order, so as to be clear in my talking, (4) I spoke with a post-op friend who had been in councelling before - just questions on how to dress, what to say, what not to say - what to expect.

Item (4) above was probably the smartest part of my preparation - advice on what to do.

How to dress? What you are comfortable in - I so wanted to wear something feminine to show my sincerity regarding my "condition" - I decided it would be too distracting, thinking about what I was wearing rather than what I wanted to say - so I didn't present as anything other than male. [later session - yes I presented to a degree - it was practice, I was never really out as a crossdresser or as a transsexual - sitting in the waiting room was.... interesting.. her practice is varied, not just gender dysphoric like me]

What to say? My friend told me to be TOTALLY honest, not to tell what I thought the therapist wanted to hear, but rather what I really wanted to say. To confess when I wasn't sure, to ask questions when I wasn't clear on a matter. Hummmm.. to be BRUTALLY HONEST... I can't say that often enough.

What not to say? Hah - we all read what a therapist is supposedly 'looking for.' That's bogus information - the therapist will see through that immediately. A person must say what is on her mind. Cliche' after cliche' if necessary - if they are sincere - whatever is in the heart.

What to expect? Expect understanding and - yes - a lot of questions. A therapist wants your history. A therapist wants your mind, and does't really want to judge your appearance or your body. My therapist told me right at first, she was there to give advice, show the good and the bad, BUT "I" had to make all the decisions.

We hit it off - she has been an angel from heaven. I am so very blessed to have found her.

[Guest Evan_J]

Excellent advice from Elizabeth.

My experience? It was awesome. Beforehand I was a nut case. I ran through the "what am I going to say" thing till I practically gave myself a condition. I worried over "what will the therapist say", "will he say I'm crazy? Delusional? AM I delusional? Ok, maybe I'm not delusional, but am I balanced? Is all of this 'for real', God what am I doing? Am I nuts, what if I'm not dysphoric? etc, etc. "

On the day of the appt I opted to "wear what I normally would wear" -not "try" to be anything. I had on a sportshirt and sweatpants. When it was over I never felt so "free" in my life. I loved the therapist. I loved life. I loved the frikkin world.

[Sally]

I had found my therapist through a link on Dr. Bowers' GRS sight (She doesn't like SRS so much) and arranged our first meeting over the internet!

I had never spoken to anyone about my feelings (I was such a guy! Had the mustache to proove it!) so as the day arrived I was terrified - I'd never been in any kind of therapy and never spoken about feeling like a woman.

I drove to the office building where she works and realized that I had forgottrn to write down the office number, as I was looking around a woman standing alone in the courtyard talking on her cell phone lowered her phone and approached me. She asked if she could help and I told her who I was looking for, she spoke into the phone and told the person that she would call them back. She looked at me (6' 4" guy with a mustache) and put her arm around my shoulder and said, "You must be Sally."

We were best friends and I don't remember the dtails of what we talked about but I do remember crying for almost the whole hour - it felt great!

I learned from that day the truth about happy tears and how good they can make you feel,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I had found my therapist through a link on Dr. Bowers' GRS sight (She doesn't like SRS so much) and arranged our first meeting over the internet!

I had never spoken to anyone about my feelings (I was such a guy! Had the mustache to proove it!) so as the day arrived I was terrified - I'd never been in any kind of therapy and never spoken about feeling like a woman.

I drove to the office building where she works and realized that I had forgottrn to write down the office number, as I was looking around a woman standing alone in the courtyard talking on her cell phone lowered her phone and approached me. She asked if she could help and I told her who I was looking for, she spoke into the phone and told the person that she would call them back. She looked at me (6' 4" guy with a mustache) and put her arm around my shoulder and said, "You must be Sally."

We were best friends and I don't remember the dtails of what we talked about but I do remember crying for almost the whole hour - it felt great!

I learned from that day the truth about happy tears and how good they can make you feel,

Sally

Darn it Sally - you finally made me cry - so beautiful, that story, I never knew... happy tears to you!

[Guest Kelly Ann]

I've been considering going into see a therapist/councilor...when I logon to this site it just seems so confoundingly right that what is wrong with the rest of the world? Then I consider how much I push at the envelope of the populaces perception...and me too sometimes...it surprises me that I haven't had a LOT more trouble out and about. I went in once when I was going through my divorce...this was 20+ years ago, I was so organized in what I felt and how I did it that he was actually able to take the shards of my ego/being and piece them back together so I could function in one session...he actually told me it was the first time he had ever seen a 'bag person' pull so many interesting things out of a bag that told such a story in so short a space of time. I think he may have gotten more out of it than I did...but it did work for me. THIS is a different matter entirely though so I am actually seriously considering counciling as a healthy alternative again. The trepidition is daunting, but I wonder if I have an escape? I have come to terms with myself yeeeeears ago and am actually pretty balanced, happy, inquisitive and, um, bull-headed (Taurus..oops...keep me outta the China/Crystal shop). I do accept me for whom and what I am and I suppose that's what is making me question myself...argh I despair when I vasillate...so it's off for a talk, sooner than later...this is going to be a VERY interesting New Year for me. Thanks Amanda...sometimes we All just need a nudge in the right direction (-; *wink 'n a smile w/a big hug, Kelly Ann

[Guest Amanda L Richards]

Hello all.

I am feeling a bit humbled at what I have been reading on the responses so far. At one time my perception of life was that I was standing in total darkness, thinking that no one else was "in here with me, and that I was the only one" It was so cold and isolated that it felt vacuuous inside and out, but lately your responses is like light shining all over seemingly getting brighter and brighter. As the light gets stronger I am compelled to look around again but this time I see that there are others standing with me.

It doesn't feel so alone anymore, and becuase of that you are all helping provide me with tangible proof that we are a unique and beautiful being that has lots to offer the world. Like a precious gem, few seemingly few in number but valuable beyond words.

Beuase of this I want to thank you for the light you have shone into the darkness. I have been noticing that the darker feelings of guilt and fear are melting away and in it's place it would seem that a sense of comfort in my own body is beginning to grow. I feel more proud of who I am, this is the only word that came to mind. But Iam happier with myself.

Thank you again

Talk to all of you soon,

Amanda LR

[Guest Donna Jean]

What a totally wonderful thread!

I resisted with all my being at first...but, knowing that without facing the music I would go no further. I thought the therapist would be judgemental and belittle me and just down right tick me off..how stupid of me! Once past the first one, I look forward to the others with excitement! I never knew that I could have such an insight into myself.

There are so many people in dark places out there...and some have problems piled on top of trans issues and really need to sort it out. Others are confident in their feelings and just want to "get their ducks in a row" and make sure they are doing what they doing for the right reasons.

Just like being here on the Playground..people find kindred spirits and freindship and to know they are not alone can be extreamly helpful to a hurting soul. Sometimes this place is like one big session!

And, yes, Amanda, we are ALL precious jewels ..all different...all beautiful...

The arm around the sholder that Sally got and then welcomed by name wa SO comforting in a scary time!

There's nothing wrong with talking things out....

Love you all............

Smarter Donna Jean

[Sally]

Never be afraid to come into the light here in Laura's Playground - she is working very hard to make it a safe place.

And as you can tell we are all working to make it a friendly place - it isn't work when it is a labor of love!

I mentioned before about discovering happy tears, I also discovered the word 'love' and all of its many meanings - I never used it much before, but now it is so often the only word that applies!

I love the world, myself and all of you,

Sally

[Guest mia 1]

We are smarter and, more important we are all releived we are not lonly freaks in a side show for people to point to and laugh at. We are united in our understanding of each other, and not prejudjing, but embracing to all. I never thought my androgynous cross dressing Mia would see the light of day and break out of the lonliness and the deep hidden fear,not the fear of bing outed to society. That is a minor annoyance, but the fear of admitting that I was more than just a kinky guy. Now the realzation that I have this beautiful<if I do say so myself>woman who is seeing the world for the first time is reason for tears of joy.

I can't begin to express what Laura's has done for me. More than therapy, more than meeting once a month with a C.D. self help group, this daily contact between us has made me not only happy, but proud to be part of the transgensder, cross dressing community.. Love to all of you Mia

[Guest Karen Kay]

I had no problems/hesitation at saying the words "I'm a crossdresser" once I was sitting down in session. Which is funny, because I used that fear as a reason NOT to go see one. If you can get over your fear of making the first appointment, it'll get much easier.

For myself, it's been 3-4 months now with seeing a female therapist and I'm finding myself more embarrassed at sharing all the details I've learned by watching women.. with another woman. It almost feels like I'm being accepted into a club that I've wanted to join for so long, and I'm worried about passing the entrance test. *blush*

I'm also trying to figure out if I actually could go to session dressed as Karen, but that's for later.

[Guest JoshuaJennifer]

I can remember when I first went to see the school counsellor to ask for counselling I was literally shaking, but it turns out she was so nice nine months later and here i am ^^

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I had no problems/hesitation at saying the words "I'm a crossdresser" once I was sitting down in session. Which is funny, because I used that fear as a reason NOT to go see one. If you can get over your fear of making the first appointment, it'll get much easier.

For myself, it's been 3-4 months now with seeing a female therapist and I'm finding myself more embarrassed at sharing all the details I've learned by watching women.. with another woman. It almost feels like I'm being accepted into a club that I've wanted to join for so long, and I'm worried about passing the entrance test. *blush*

I'm also trying to figure out if I actually could go to session dressed as Karen, but that's for later.

Karen I go dressed - not 100% but with a definate androgyness, heels and earrings, my breasts forms in place, and with my purse, but not in a dress or skirt and blouse, or with make-up (no time for all that). My therapist encouraged me because she has a gerneral practice as well as one with gender dysphoric. When I sit in the waiting room, somes times others see me as I am. You know what? They are as friendly as can be and never judge. I suppose that's why my therapist suggested it. She told me if they had a problem with it it was their problem not mine. It is building up my confidence

You may want to ask your therapist about it.