New To So Many Things (forums And Chats)hi Everyone

[Guest michelle8]

Hi everyone,

I am glad to find this forum, like so many, I have been dealing with transexual feelings since about eight. I'm in my early sixties and an artist so for a long time I attributed by female feelings to an overly sensitive artistic nature. There was no information out there to help discover what I was really dealing with. About ten years I got so desperate, that I sought out a counsler through my EAP service at work. The counsler they sent me to had no experience with transgender issues. Infact his speciality was rapists and child abusers. Needless to say, that sent me into denial for another ten years. Then I finally realized that I was probably dealing with a gender issue so I sought out a really fine counsler who has been working with transexuals and transistioning for twenty years. I am still struggling with coming to accept myself. My wife and I are both trying to find a way through this. That is my story in a few words, I hope to get some insight by reading how everyone else is handling their Dysphoria.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello, Michelle...

Welcome to the Playground....We want you to feel comfortable, so, have a cookie and this hot coco and sit down over here!----->

We love to have you here and we're very accepting and caring. Wait 'til ya meet some of the guys and gals all sweeties..(that's the only kind we get in here!) You most certainly will learn a lot here and find many kindred spirits..I can think of a couple, off the bat,that are close to your age!

So, sit back and visit with us.. (there's some pie over there, too, and cinimmon rolls) and like Sally likes to say.."There's no calories in virtual food!"

XXOO

Donna Jean

[Guest DeniseNM]

Welcome Michelle to our wonderful little community. Like Donna said you will find all kinds of great people in here of all ages. We all know what you are going through so feel free to ask anything or say anything (within the rules that is) here and don't worry about feeling weirdd or anything because we all each other here. All the guys and gals here are really wonderful great people, you've meet one already in Donna (you are a sweetheart girl). So sit back realx and be yourself here.

Denise

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Darn - just saw your post and I gotta leave to go home.

ME? a design professional, married and 6O plus - WE NEED to campare notes. I am about two months into this and have been diagnosed as MTF transsexual. I am also in transition - and my wife, well she ain't that pleased, but is staying with me.

All that is gonna be a little hard for you to wrap around if it applies to you - but it is REALLY a very natural thing to be transgender - you really can't help it, you just ARE.

I am also a trouble maker and very opinionated - ha. Wish I could add more...

WELCOME - WELCOME - WELCOME

You've come home. We will take care of you.

[Guest Courtney Hamilton]

Hello, I just started see a gender therapist and I think it makes a world of difference. I am married also and we are trying to figure out how it all works too. So welcome to the forum!

[Sally]

Hey there and welcome.

I'm afraid that I am one of those more mature women that Donna Jean refered to.

I'm very creative as well, a musician and photographer!

I was married to a woman who had a number of problems of her own and didn't want to deal with mine.

I am now aware that it is all for the best. I was trying to help her so much that I never had a chance to help myself - it was another manifestation of my female mentality, I married someone with the thought of improving them not for who they were!

I hope that you can stay together - there is so much hope in that she wants to know about it.

The most valuable advice that I can give you is to accept this and love yourself! Let go of any feelings of guilt they are given to you by people who do not understand.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest michelle8]

Thank you for the encouraging words, My wife is meeting with a counsler who is just across the hall from my therapist and about once a month we do a group session just the four of us and touch on what we are dealing with individually. My wifes therapist is great and I think she gets alot of credit for helping us work this out. At this point, I don't know what "working this out" means. It may mean we are able to stay together or it may mean that our marriage of 40 years evolves into something else that allows both of us the freedom to march to the beat of our own drum.

love

Michelle

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Thank you for the encouraging words, My wife is meeting with a counsler who is just across the hall from my therapist and about once a month we do a group session just the four of us and touch on what we are dealing with individually. My wifes therapist is great and I think she gets alot of credit for helping us work this out. At this point, I don't know what "working this out" means. It may mean we are able to stay together or it may mean that our marriage of 40 years evolves into something else that allows both of us the freedom to march to the beat of our own drum.

love

Michelle

Sad but true - what will happen to the marriage?

My wife and I have been married ten years (not our first marriage) and my research shows that we transsexualr have a better chance of having our SOs stay, the older we are when we transition - which makes sense. A thirty-something wife isn't gonna want to stay with another woman in the house (once her 'male' partner) if she wants a 'normal' life, or if she is afraid of what society will think of her, or what it will do with the kids. It's a hard thing.

So if we are older with kids gone, it is the "society's opinions" she has to overcome.

I need my wife's support right now. You most likely need your SOs support right now. It can be done. Our wives are strugglling with something we have struggled with our whole life, except it is 'brand new' for them. My wife still looks at me - full presenting female (I am out at home) - and still sees me as male, most of the time. I know she does . It kills me, but that is where we are. She winces when I put on a dab of color. She checks me out to see how 'fem' I am as I go to work (not out at work). I even caught her rummaging through my purse - and I got upset (that was a month ago - she doesn't do that now).

To more important problems with transitioning. I have talked with my therapist about this for a while. Will I want to use my ... equipment... if I transition all the way? Think on that for a while! VERY IMPORTANT CONSIDERATION. Wow... my wife and I talk about this all night sometimes. If I am a woman all the way will I want a man? I have left it at the wait and see where the HRT goes - the SRS question is still unresolved. Where is my comfort zone gonna be.

She is also saying if I SRS she isn't sure she can handle it. Oh Liz, be truthful, she actually said she would leave...

So I may be alone again with my transsexualism 'condition' - and we have agreed to give each other advance warning if it looks like we need to split. My therapist did say once, I might want to leave first - I thought that would never happen. But nowwwwww... I am not so certain...

Being transsexual can be expensive! We potentially lose our wife, children, family, friends, community status, job, profession, house and even possessions.

Just some thoughts to 'cheer you up' - yikes - so sorry! Maybe its a bad day for me...

But like I say to people here, 90% of what we worry about never happens. Maybe I need to start taking my own advice.

[Guest DeniseNM]

Hey Liz no matter what you are never alone with your transexualism because you have all of us here to help you and give you a shoulder to cry on. So remember we all love you girl

Denise