MTF, CD, or just Bipolar

[Guest heatherf]

I've been working with a GT for the past 4 months who has seen about a 1000 TG clients. She requested 12 sessions to diagnose me. We're now around session 20. She says that I'm confusing because some of my answers sound CD but others sound TS. 6 weeks ago I got diagnosed with Bipolar. The hope is that treating bipolar makes the GID go away. That's the quick background.

I'm working on my history. It just occurred to me that I started seriously crossdressing in 7th grade when my girl friends hit puberty. (I had a few incidents of CD going back to 6). I also remembered that I got suicidal and became an atheist in 9th grade when I hit puberty. Looking at the other circumstances, that is odd. I had more friends, school was going better, and I finally made a school sport. The only negative I can think of is puberty.

I was wondering if anyone (everyone?) could relate to this history. If it sounds more CD or MTF or both? If others have had bipolar and how it effected GID?

Thanks,

Heather

[Guest BreanneB]

Well having Bipolar myself it doesnt make the TG go away .At least for me it didnt. Only made things worse as the depression and mood swings stopped as frequent. With all that said like others here I too didnt want to accept this at first. Damn near killed myself on multipul attemps. Wasnt till I came to terms with being TG that I am now happier than I have been in years. Gives you a chance to just be you. Things do very from person to person. So good luck

Bre

[Guest MsGsptlsnz]

I started seriously crossdressing in 7th grade when my girl friends hit puberty.

I had a few incidents of CD going back to 6.

I got suicidal and became an atheist in 9th grade when I hit puberty.

I was wondering if anyone (everyone?) could relate to this history.

Well, lets see. I started cross dressing in my mothers things at 8 or so, at least that's my best memory of it. When puberty hit I conspired to stay home sick frequently so I could cross dress more. I decided I didn't beleive in a god around that time too. I think my suicidal phaze happened a bit later, more like 10th grade. That's when I really started to go downhill and did a lot of stupid things. Fortunately this was int he pre-Columbine world or else that teacher I threated would have gotten me institutionalized...

Yeah, been there, done that, got the t-shirt, burned it to keep warm one night....

Sister, there is a comonality between all our stories, some more that others. I don't think I've seen a story here that I can't relate to at some level. It seems that the curiousity hits us young, between 6 and 10, and then the pleasure of the thing hits us around puberty so we get into it more. The differances are in who we share the truth with and how they take it.

I can tell you not to make the mistakes I made. Don't try to bury this away, don't try to hide it from everyone you are close with and don't let yourself feel dirty or evil for having these desires. That's a recipie for disaster.

[Drea]

During puberty there is a great deal of change bio-chemically speaking. Certainly gender dysphoria tends to become worse during purberty, but it could also be when bipolar tendencies started at well. The suicidal feelings could potentially be from either or very possibly both things.

I guess what I wonder is if what is happening with your therapist causes you any concerns?

I can think of a couple things that might result in that "some of my answers sound CD but others sound TS". Your therapist being as experienced as she is probably has some ideas, but won't voice them at this point as it could color your your expression of your feelings.

The self exploration thru therapy can be very helpful, but it also has its challenges. Particular for us trans. It is very common for trans to start doing online research and seeking out support groups. By the time we end get to therapy we have gotten all this external information and understanding. Some of it is good, some not so good. So as we discuss our pasts, our feelings, we look back at those with colored glasses of sorts. We see things in our past we may have viewed differently at the time compared to how we see it now because our understanding has changed. So we tend to give a more processed view of our experience with more self conclusions than unbiased expression. Add to that we often have certain wants that causes a reluctance (and even unconcious avoidance) of bringing things up that we feel might cause us to not get what we want.

So there becomes this problem of separating our experiences and feelings from the information and understanding that has come thru research of experiences of others. Not to mention the interpretations of those expereinces others give. It would be nice if therapy produced direct answers, but it isn't a hard science and so sometimes it takes a while to sort things out.