dont know if im transgender or not

[Guest Skuld]

So i´m building up the courage to go see a gender therapist but am kind of worried he will just say i am not transgender but have some serious mental problems instead.

alright i am not sure if all of this is related or not, but i will just write down what i think best explains my situation.

i don´t feel like i am male nor female and honestly have no idea what people mean when they say that, i have also never understood any of the social behavior people do except for the most extreme stereotypes (for example body language or when someone says something that makes everyone else feel awkward, but i just don´t get it, or when your in situations where you are expect to behave in a certain way when something happens, again i don´t get it but everyone else seems too), so i have basically given up on even trying and just sit quietly thinking and don´t speak unless someone addresses me first (even when i´m surrounded by people i know well(the only exception being my closest family and my two closest friends)), but for some reason i handle more formal things like job interviews and such much better, or stopping drunk friends from getting into fights and such.being in groups of people also makes me very tired for some reason and i´m always trying to act more manly (the way i keep my legs when i sit,move my arms,walk and so on, it never feels natural, so i sort of have to act all the time, otherwise the people i hang out with (or rather use to hang out with) would make fun of me for quite a while, i was also bullied trough most of my child hood so trying to act more manly may be related to that rather then feeling like being a man).

i quite frankly hate my body, it just looks weird (for a male at least, i think i would not look that bad as a female), the only parts of it i don´t hate are the face (mainly cause i can´t judge how good males look) and the penis which i feel rather indifferent about. now when i think of myself as a woman i get a feeling around my chest that i can only describe as similar to a morphine high and about a year ago while watching the news with my father something came on about trans people and my father said something about some kids being born with both genitalia and the doctors "fixing it", he said in a way that made me wonder (or rather hope) if i had been born with both (previously i had been wondering if my hormone levels were off since parts of my body look rather feminine (while my father looks alot like Brian Blessed and the only thing similar between us is the beard color(not growth at all) and height )).

not sure if its related or not but i´m attracted to transsexual women and women, i cant even tell if men are attractive or not(unless they are really ugly), and sexually i would far prefer being treated like a woman then a man.

[Charlize]

Hi Sculd,

Welcome to Laura's. You will find many folks here with similar feelings. It seems intimidating at first and i'm still finding nooks and crannies but jump in.

We ask that you read the terms and conditions at the bottom of any page unless you may have already done so.

I have been working with a GT for several months. Like you i felt like i was alone and a bit crazy. Well i may be crazy(not really) but i'm not alone.The therapist helped a lot. She has seem many of us and is very understanding. You can learn much here as well reading and responding to others. But going to a real person in the real world brings the honesty that can set us free. It is scarry but very worth it.

Hope to see you more

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest MsGsptlsnz]

Sometmes the only label that fits is "Me". The human mind works in strange ways so maybe you don't fit into any conveinent box. That's not bad, just hard to work with. A therapist can help you narrow down some of the questions you need to ask yourself.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Skuld. I wouldn't worry too much about the therapist, hon. If they are experienced an knowledgeable, its very unlikely they would pass judgment on you like that, and certainly not right away. Their job is really to help you find yourself, not tell you that you are this or that. So the more open and honest you are, the better they will be able to help you.

The gender spectrum is very broad, and one doesn't need to fit some stereotype of gender, or put a label on themselves. Without it sounding like the Popeye theme song, you are who you are (you probably don't even know what I'm talking about, but you can Google it. ).

Please look around the forums and post any question in the appropriate place. We'll do our best to help.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest MsGsptlsnz]

you probably don't even know what I'm talking about, but you can Google it.

I have been having those moments lately where I make a refereance and people look at me like I'm frm Mars. Most days I can delude myself into thinking I'm not gettng old but when that happens I know I'm getting along in years.

Grr...

[Guest Skuld]

Thanks for the reply's and yes Carolyn i get there is no universal law that says you are either male or female, but i still feel uncomfortable talking to the therapist especially since the one i have to talk to is a old man, while i would feel much more at ease talking to a woman.

[Guest Robin Winter]

Keep this in mind above all else. You don't have to figure yourself out overnight. You owe it to yourself to explore your feelings and learn who you really are, and this can take a lot of time, sometimes a lifetime. Don't rely on anyone else to tell you who or what you are or aren't, and don't rush to find the answers. That's not to say others can't offer some insight and guidance along the way, but ultimately it's up to you.

A *good* therapist will not "diagnose" you anyway, and if they offer you concrete answers about who you are, find a new therapist immediately. A *good* therapist will only act as a mediator between you and your subconscious and help guide you toward finding the answers yourself. Of course, they may wish to have you speak to a psychiatrist first to rule out other possible reasons for your condition, but in my case that was a single visit and any alternate "conditions" were quickly ruled out.

[Guest Skuld]

Keep this in mind above all else. You don't have to figure yourself out overnight. You owe it to yourself to explore your feelings and learn who you really are, and this can take a lot of time, sometimes a lifetime. Don't rely on anyone else to tell you who or what you are or aren't, and don't rush to find the answers. That's not to say others can't offer some insight and guidance along the way, but ultimately it's up to you.

A *good* therapist will not "diagnose" you anyway, and if they offer you concrete answers about who you are, find a new therapist immediately. A *good* therapist will only act as a mediator between you and your subconscious and help guide you toward finding the answers yourself. Of course, they may wish to have you speak to a psychiatrist first to rule out other possible reasons for your condition, but in my case that was a single visit and any alternate "conditions" were quickly ruled out.

well i kind of have to figure it out as soon as possible since its keeping me from concentrating at school (i will fail at math this semester for sure), but i got an appointment for next month with the psychiatrist that leads the committee that decides if you can go trough treatment or not.

[Guest Robin Winter]

If you go through with treatment long term i.e. HRT, and later discover that it wasn't the right decision, I think I can guarantee you that the consequences will be far worse than lack of concentration at school will have. You can go to school again, you can't reverse physical transition, at least not perfectly or affordably.

[Guest Skuld]

If you go through with treatment long term i.e. HRT, and later discover that it wasn't the right decision, I think I can guarantee you that the consequences will be far worse than lack of concentration at school will have. You can go to school again, you can't reverse physical transition, at least not perfectly or affordably.

I guess you´re right, and i am fairly sure, just not 100% which i probably will never be since i tend to over think most things, but i also want to start as soon as possible since i am still fairly young and the hormones wont be as effective later.

[Guest ~Emmie~]

It's very possible you have some sort of anxiety disorder, coupled with some feelings of transgenderism. You should absolutely ask your Dad about seeing a therapist, even if you decide you aren't transgender. I've been diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder since 2001, and that has definitely played a role in discovering who I am, in relation to the world- when I begin my GT next month, that's something I have to take into account.

There are a staggering number of mood disorders, caused by improperly balanced brain chemistry, which manifest in the form of social awkwardness, feeling indifference or anger towards everything, insecurity about your body, and dissatisfaction at how others treat you, ALL of which I've felt (probably most people here have felt) at some point or another. The therapist will work with you to help you figure out what's what. Just remember- no one else can truly tell you how YOU feel.

And hey- if the person you (or your Dad) is paying sucks, isn't listening, or is dismissive of your opinions, get someone else. Bad therapists prosper when scared, confused people do nothing.