How to React to Guys Flirting?

[Guest Charlotte Mattier]

Okay, so this is probably one of the biggest problems for me in terms of passing.

I consider myself a lesbian, and I just can't imagine ever being with a male. So, if I go out in public and a male tries flirting with me, I sort of just get this sick feeling and have no idea how to react. I'm pretty sure I make a really bad face and my body language slips into a really defensive male pattern. The last time I went to a club without a large group of people with me, I was read by a male because of this, and I've not been able to go to a club without a group since then, because I'm afraid of it happening again.

I guess what I basically would like some help with, is reacting like a normal lesbian would in this situation.

[Guest Maria_B]

You can react extreme or casually, usually saying a no, not interested is enough for guys. Sometimes it takes getting the bouncer to remove them from the club, it all depends on the guy.

Personally, I'd go with a No, not interested at first, if he persists, be firmer about it, and if he keeps going, take actions to remove him from you. That might be going to the toilet and waiting a while, getting friends to help you with telling him to bugger off.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

You could tell them you're not interested because they're not your type.

If they press it and ask what your type is you can be upfront and say 'female'...

[Guest LizMarie]

Practice in the mirror. Figure out what you want to say in advance and actually rehearse it like lines in a play. Then do it ad hoc, again in front of the mirror. Repeat this for a few days until you are comfortable with your delivery.

When you go to a club, mentally prepare yourself for your "stage debut" before you enter the club. And at the first sign of a flirt from a guy, give him your rehearsed response. Just let it flow.

Do this a few times and it will become easy. For instance, I might tilt my head a bit, smile, and say "I'm flattered, honey, but I'm not available." Then turn away and leave them standing there.

You just need to figure out what you want to say in certain situations before they arise, practice it, let it become natural, then do it.

[Guest MsGsptlsnz]

First off, if you have guys hitting on you then bravo! If I could pass that well I might encourage it just for the ego boost. But I'd have to shut them down at some point I suppose, sooner better than later. I'd tell them that I was in a serious relationship. Most guys wont try to steal a girlfreind away from another guy. Letting them know you are in essence a lesbian might just make them see you as a chalange to overcome.

You might also try gettng a freind to act as your boyfreind when you go clubbing. Women are not like men in that nothing in more attractive to a woman than a man in a relationship. So, while his presence protects you from being hit on it almost guarantees that he will get hit on. Don't ask me why but I was never as popular with the ladies as when I was dating one already...

[Guest Jo-88]

Im not into guys either but... I still wish I had that problem >_< well hopefully one of these days. I think the advice here is good, just be straight forward I know its probably hard not to get defensive (it would weird me out too) but you don't need to out yourself. You can use male psychology to your advantage in this situation... its inevitable that within moments the guy will be nervous and ask something dumb like "how are you tonight?" or "are you having fun?"... to which you respond "I would be better if I could find a girl to dance with" or "Im ok, but I was hoping to meet some girls tonight", basically come right out with the fact that your a lesbian... no need to hide it or sugar coat it, if you do that you will get rid of the guy and not come across defensive.

[Guest Deenah]

What i would do is first not announce myself as a lesbian,reason one is that there are lots of guys that when they hear this take it as a challenge and get out of control.The other is simple,it's none of there business to begin with.You don't have to be rude with them. A simple..not interested ..should work just fine. In the case of a guy getting uncontrollably aggressive i would not hesitate to address this with the bar tender or bouncer if you feel threatened.

[Guest Charlotte Mattier]

First off, if you have guys hitting on you then bravo! If I could pass that well I might encourage it just for the ego boost. But I'd have to shut them down at some point I suppose, sooner better than later. I'd tell them that I was in a serious relationship. Most guys wont try to steal a girlfreind away from another guy. Letting them know you are in essence a lesbian might just make them see you as a chalange to overcome.

You might also try gettng a freind to act as your boyfreind when you go clubbing. Women are not like men in that nothing in more attractive to a woman than a man in a relationship. So, while his presence protects you from being hit on it almost guarantees that he will get hit on. Don't ask me why but I was never as popular with the ladies as when I was dating one already...

Hehe, if pretending to be my boyfriend would get a guy hit on by other girls, then I know more than a few guys who might take me up on that offer. The campus here has a pretty bad female:male ratio, so the pickings are slim.

I'd never thought of that before though, I guess I might need to keep a guy around, at least until I can respond to other guys appropriately.

[Guest MsGsptlsnz]

I guess I might need to keep a guy around, at least until I can respond to other guys appropriately.

Any guy who is hanging with you is going to have other guys asking him for dating tips so they can get a girl like you. Any single gal who sees that guy with a girl like you will wonder what amazing things he does to get you and want him for themselves. Whomever this theoretical wingman will be is going to owe you big time. Just make sure he dresses nice when you use him so he doens't make you look bad. Worst thing to see is a well dressed lady out with a guy who looks homeless. Makes you seem cheep somehow.

Good luck.

[Guest Nostros]

Okay, so this is probably one of the biggest problems for me in terms of passing.

I consider myself a lesbian, and I just can't imagine ever being with a male. So, if I go out in public and a male tries flirting with me, I sort of just get this sick feeling and have no idea how to react. I'm pretty sure I make a really bad face and my body language slips into a really defensive male pattern. The last time I went to a club without a large group of people with me, I was read by a male because of this, and I've not been able to go to a club without a group since then, because I'm afraid of it happening again.

I guess what I basically would like some help with, is reacting like a normal lesbian would in this situation.

Hey!

Hah, my situation is the same! I was so shocked when it first happened to me.. It was my first weak of living 100% as myself and I was just sitting in a bus stop waiting for my buss and then this guy just sat right next to me even if the bus stop was empty and he could have sat anywhere and then started flirting with me for a few minutes and kept asking my number and I was seriously freaking out, I thought he might be somekinda serial killer or something.. thank god the buss came... ow god what a horrible experience that was, how can girls stand that, or even like that???=oo Haha funny thing afterwards I bought a shirt that says I'm a lesbian so I wore it so hopefully no other guys will hit on me... eww

[Guest]

I have raised my complains to my girl friends and they laugh and say welcome to female. For the most part the not availible works. I don't look or acknowledge when men hang beside me driving the car. That gets creepy, but I love when they pass me on a turn and I get the instant goo goo eyes. That is so flattering! Giggle.

I do have one that is being hard to shake at my G&L meeting. That is my favorite AA meeting and I love to dress to the nines for that one. This guy knows I am not interested in men. Yet he leers all meeting long at me across the room. I sit where other people block his view and he shifts around until his salavating mug is up in my grill again. I have told more than one friend to keep me safe, but it is so annoying. If I forget to check going in the door, I move to sit with a different friend, When he grabs the coffee pot to pour for the room, he makes a bee line for me. I hide my cup, I turn my cup over, or I get up for a smoke or rest break. When my creep meter goes off like a bombing raid siren, I know I'm not imagining it!

I told my favorite girl friend about it ofter the meeting last weekend. We are the only TG girls at the meeting regularly. I didn't sit with her because of Mr Leer with no jet! She said she just didn't see it. I laid it all out. Beside the above stated, that meeting he sat where I usually sit, so I moved to the other side of the room but not where he usually sits as not to send a cat and mouse message. When I went to the restroom to touch up my lipstick, he was waiting at the door leering as usual, I hurried to get out of the way so he could use it next. She said, I noticed that he seemed to like you, but now that you pointed that out, he is being very creepo." My next approach is to speak to him directly, but quietly as not to embarass him in a croud and ask him to be a gentleman and stop staring at me constantly. From there... well I just hope it works. Hmm Maybe invite him to straight meetings. LOL. Oh Jody you're awful!