On Not Being Transgendered

[Guest ArchStanton]

I have not posted on this forum... perhaps at all. But I have been lurking for some time.

I spent a year in therapy, with a therapist that works with trans patients and while she certainly encouraged me to explore my sense of self expression, she never gave me a diagnosis or letter for HRT. After reading all of the posts on this board and in other TG boards, I thought I would "know" much sooner. I thought I would get that "confirmation" immediately and begin HRT, etc. A year later and all I have is some tips about being myself, expressing myself, being assertive with who I am, etc.

What brings me to post is that last night I had a dream-- basicaly my genitals shrank inside of me, and I was runnning around in a dress and loving it, feeling so free and happy.

For the past year, I've basically put my trans thought and feeelings on the back-burner while I focused on my career, my relationship, getting my crap together. But this one part of me has been neglected. Whereas before I dressed nearly daily, for the past year I've gone through withdrawals... I haven't dressed except maybe a handful of times.

I don't know what I'm looking for in this post. I guess just a place to connect again with something I miss.

Carinne

[Guest angels wings]

Hello Carinne Welcome to Laura's

You will surely meet a lot of members here you will be able to relate to . There are heaps of forums with a lot of good information . We have chat available which you will need a different registration to join . We ask all our members to please read the terms and conditions which are on the bottom right of any page . These rules are in place so that we can all come and share in a safe and happy environment. Looking forward to getting to know you .

Angel,

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Carinne,

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Hon, it is not unusual to go through cycles of feeling more feminine and then more masculine. This is very natural.

She will come back. That I can promise you.

Love.

Brenda

[Guest]

Hi Carinne,

Welcome to Laura's Playground!

Brenda said what I was about to say. It's possible to deny being transgender for a long time, I did that for 50 years. I wouldn't recommend that route, however!

But, what you decide to do is your choice. It is a wonderful self-discovery path to find out what is right for you.

I do hope to see you around the forum?

Love, Megan

[Charlize]

Welcome dear.

I've gone through periods of total purge and denial. During those times i felt no need to express my feminine self. She was still there and i knew it i just didn't need to express it and had other things to get on with in my life. You are certainly not unusual in leaving it behind and in your case it might not resurface as a part of you that needs to manifest. There is a joy in that. Anything we do, i feel, is mixed. I am happier living full time but it certainly hurts the ones i love.

We all have different paths and you are certainly being honest about your confusion about your way. Many folks can't get there. They refuse to open to the possibilities. Maybe that makes it easier but i can't help but think that openness and honesty makes for a better life.

Hope to see you around,

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest]

Welcome to LP Carinne!

Our journey goes in cycles. Some of us have put our inner selves on the backburner for decades only to realize that she will resurface when the time is right. Life is so much better once we accept her. Only you know when that time is. Take life one step at a time. Happy that you finally joined. There is a lot of information and a lot of friendly people here.

Huggs,

Joann

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Carinne. Very lovely name, BTW.

You are welcome to post in any of the forums, and ask any questions. We'll do our best to offer helpful and accurate information. After five posts, you will have access to member profiles and the Private Message (PM) system.

As to your therapist, have you discussed with her your diagnosis, or your desire for an HRT recommendation? If you have, what was her response? I waited three months to ask my G.T., and when I finally did, she said she would have given me a letter just about any time I wanted one, but she waited for me to ask, so I would be sure its what I wanted. Your G.T. may be taking the same attitude.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Krisina]

Carrine Thanks for the introducing yourself.

Purging, denial, cycles, busy with other things in life, feelings put on the back burner as others have mentioned. A lot of us can relate to that.

You were mentioning your therapist and how your therapist has some trans patients.

Question: Is your therapist a specialized "Gender Therapist" ?

Krisina

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Carinne,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[KathrynJulia]

Hi Carrine

Welcome to the playground. So many good suggestions, but ask yourself this, is the time right for making an important decision in your life. Is changing gender something you want to do or feel that your body is compelling you to do because everytime you look at yourself in the mirror, you feel that the sight you see is wrong. Do you feel that to be complete, your life was meant to be spent as a woman?

Being transsexual and changing your gender is hard and not for the faint of heart. It's a marathon that is won with many baby steps. Hours of either electrolysis or laser hair removal. Hundreds of hours working on your voice. Painful and expensive surgery. Facing disapproval from friends and loved ones. Discrimination in the workplace and elsewhere. For me Carrine, none of the hardships matter. I waited and agonized for decades, knowing that my body was wrong, that I was miserable living in the wrong body.

Sometimes it's the right thing to do and sometimes it's not. We are here to help with the questions. And we will except you gladly which ever way you decide. We know how hard this is. So Corrine, welcome to Lauira's Playground. I'm KathrynJulia and I glad to meet you. I will gladly help you in any way that I can. Feel free to contact me. On this forum, after you reach 5 posts, the private messaging becomes available to you. Welcome Carrine.