Behavioral Male-fail?

[Guest LaurenJ]

Okay so I'm experiencing some strange stuff more and more lately pertaining to male-fail.

We all know the traditional male-fail term for when you physically LOOK so female that you can't really even pretend to be male anymore (I.e., getting mam'd I'm boy mode).

While this traditional definition is occurring somewhat, it is not exactly what is happening to me. I'm experiencing some different genre of it that I can only think to call "behavioral male-fail".

What I mean by this is that now, even while at work, in guy mode, I keep slipping up more and more with behavior and mannerisms. Several times a week now I have accidentally answered co-workers in my female voice. Also I catch myself realizing I was holding my female posture/walk/body language and have to quickly make sure no one saw it and correct it. I unintentionally find myself playing with my hair or crossing my legs etc., which are all casual things I know... But they are happening at work when I'm supposed to be in boy mode.

To put it plainly; what I am experiencing is a deterioration of my ability to "pretend" to be a boy anymore.

It's all I can do to stop myself just in time from saying "cute shoes! Where did you by them?!" To a co worker.

I used to hold up my front of a normal heterosexual male incredibly well and now it's like my brain is literally re-wired to not allow it.

I feel stranger than ever before even just from wearing boy clothes. It's like I can't behaviorally pass as a boy anymore or do a boys mannerisms.

I never really expected it to happen, and I GUESS it's a good thing, and I go full time in 2 weeks. But I don't even know if I can make it that long.

It would seem my mind has already converted to full time, and my body has to wait 2 weeks to catch up.

Anyone else experienced, heard of, or know about this?

Any bit of male mentality that I used to possess is completely gone now. And because I know some may ask; I'm 5 months on HRT.

Thoughts and advice appreciated,

~Lauren

[Guest SusanB]

Sorry, wish i had your problem

[Guest Paradox]

Does form follow function or does function follow form?

I believe what you are experiencing offers proof of the latter. You have developed a female form with female form, thought patterns, muscalature; I believe it only natural that female mannerisms would occur, that they are mannerisms influenced by the female form and thought.

[Guest carolinagirl]

i can tell that you will have a hard 2 weeks until you go full time. I also have a idea of what you are talking about, since i am stuck in boy mode until i move out , i sometimes will be siting somewhere or talking to someone and i will start to do things that are come naturally and then i have to stop so no one will find out.

[Guest BrenGirl]

This topic was actually brought up with my counselor yesterday. She thinks that my dad suddenly asking if I was gay out of nowhere was a result of my starting to subconsciously blend my more feminine actions into my "guy mode." I have noticed myself gesticulating a lot more with my hands lately than I used to. So it definitely happens.

[Guest LaurenJ]

I guess that's what it is then. I used to be so guarded against my actions and how I let people perceive me.

But now Its like I have almost completely dropped my guard, even around people that I'm not out to yet. Feel strange, but I guess there's worse probs to have.

If they just think I'm gay or something then oh well; joke's on them.

[VickySGV]

As you relax internally, you begin to see what has been trained into you over the years and behaviors you would have adopted if the training had not been give as all or nothing. I think its a good example of something thought to be "trained in" behavior that has some roots based on physiology and not the physiology between your legs. Since you are that close to Full Time, don't stress about the slips, folks are going to get a big helping of much more when you do change over. This is just samples of what's to come.

[Guest crissy_oakley]

Lauren,

I say, let your true self show. If you are going full-time in two weeks, why should you continue display male behavior. I understand that you have to dress as a male, but you are a woman, no matter what you are wearing.

I am in the Navy for 19 more months, so my work environment is very restrictive. I have noticed that I have been slipping more and more, into girl mode at work. This really hasn't raised to many eyebrows. My co-workers just assume I am a gay male and leave it at that.

crissy

[Guest carolynn2fem]

I dont know if I classifi manorism and actions as being male of female. I think I adapt them to the back ground or situaton.most of the time others would say they default to fem. how I walk, cross my legs when I sit exetra. My wife says she can always tell when I am talking to a woman on the phone. in thinking about that I see she is right. I do speak much softer and gentler, I'm just being me. I'm not on hormones and nowhere close to living full time

[Guest chngnwnd]

I had the same thing happen to me. Eventually, I lost the ability to mimic male behavior. I have no explanation. I just know it happened in alarming and surprising ways when I was still working as male and eventually I lost the capacity to convincingly present as male.

Bobbi

[Guest Tamar]

Seems legit to me. I find myself drooling over customers shoes at work,or commenting on their wicked nail polish. Most seem surprised I notice but happy to tell me about them. I tend to break it off pretty quick but,don't want to start creeping them out (still in guy mode) nor do I want my boss to come out and find me dribbling over a customers nail polish. Awkward. I've also noticed a few questioning glances from male and females as they try to figure out what's going on. At the end of the day but,no-one really cares who or what you are,so I wouldn't really worry about it.

[Guest HeatherAnne]

I'm super excited for you, LaurenJ. I know exactly how you feel, looks like we started at nearly the same time (though you are far more beautiful than I!).

I am at 4.5 moths HRT. At work, I often double take and wonder what voice I just used. Noticed this week that my breasts are rather obviously NOT male growth at this point, so I started wearing a trainer bra and thick shirt+overshirt to hide it. My hair is fairly long now (though not uncommon in my industry). I'm wearing long pants and long sleeves to hide my clean-shaven limbs (I was quite hairy).

All that said, my coworkers are oblivious (mostly male). Had someone from another office visit after being away for about 5 months. He immediately commented on how much weight I'd lost (37 lbs!). Several coworkers did a doubletake and one of them said "You lost weight?". *rolls her eyes* men are pretty oblivious, especially about other guys' looks (or closeted MtFs).

Once you go fulltime, expect to see lightbulbs go off above their heads. Just went to a big family function for the first time as me, and it was amazing the positive feedback I received. There were a lot of lightbulbs going off as folks put 2 and 2 together, though, and that was fun to see.

[Guest Kayleigh666]

Hi

well I've got the opposite i struggle to get female mannerisms right x

[Cyndee]

Anyone else experienced, heard of, or know about this?

Any bit of male mentality that I used to possess is completely gone now. And because I know some may ask; I'm 5 months on HRT.

Thoughts and advice appreciated,

~Lauren

Hi Lauren, yes this has happened to me, I am not full time, but I am changed to the point where I just can't be him anymore and it's hell, cause I am not even close to being done with the physical transition. It becomes a state of existence, where I try and compensate for this but it's just wrong and not authentic. I feel so out of place, I struggle through "sirs", I struggle just doing routine things somedays, I just want to tune this out, it's gender noise, it's in my head and it's loud. My wife struggles with this too at times, she lets me know how much she sees Cindy everyday. I can't turn off who I am, I can't be him, it's just does'nt work anymore.

I hope you find your peace of mind, that's all we want is peace....

Hugs

Cindy -

[Guest LaurenJ]

Hi Lauren, yes this has happened to me, I am not full time, but I am changed to the point where I just can't be him anymore and it's hell, cause I am not even close to being done with the physical transition. It becomes a state of existence, where I try and compensate for this but it's just wrong and not authentic. I feel so out of place, I struggle through "sirs", I struggle just doing routine things somedays, I just want to tune this out, it's gender noise, it's in my head and it's loud. My wife struggles with this too at times, she lets me know how much she sees Cindy everyday. I can't turn off who I am, I can't be him, it's just does'nt work anymore.

I hope you find your peace of mind, that's all we want is peace....

Hugs

Cindy -

Isn't is weird Cindy? I never thought I'd see the day where I would have to actively TRY to mimic male behavior, and be unsuccessful at it lol.

And walking... oh gah... I move my hips when I walk now too and I never used to before. I'm pretty sure people are getting it in their heads that I'm just a gay male (which there is nothing wrong with)... but still!

~Ren