Best Way To Come Out To An Older Friend

[Guest Exeter]

Well, I said a while back that I was going to come out to an online friend. I haven't done it yet.

I hate to make another post about this, but I was really wondering if anyone had any tips so I won't make a fool of myself. I'm afraid I'll go about it all wrong.

I don't know how much my friend knows about trans people. I assume she would know a bit, though judging from her age (probably in her 60s) she might only have been exposed to negative things.

I wonder whether I should use the word 'transsexual' when telling her. Do you think maybe that will put it in a negative light?

Would transgender make any difference, or do you think it'd likely have the same associations in someone's mind?

Do you think it's best to avoid terms all together and simply explain I was born with a birth defect? The only part I find difficult about doing that is then it might seem like I'm trying to be deliberately subversive.

Either way, how much explanation would you suggest going into here? Like, how much should I try to educate her? I worry that if I don't explain anything, she might not have enough information to try to understand, but yet if I say too much it might be awkward.

Another reason why I'm asking for advice is because I have this horrible problem of always being apologetic. I assume that if I tell her in such a manner (i.e. I'm sorry, please don't hate me.) it will be more likely to turn out weirdly, right? It's best to be confident, isn't it? Any tips on how to do that for someone really timid?

Thanks everyone.

[Guest SusanB]

Why don't you send a link to Lauras and ask her to check it out

Give her a day or two and then contact her

As you know there is a lot of information here for the unimformed

[Carolyn Marie]

Exeter, it's impossible to guess what methods and what words will work best for any individual. Reactions vary so much, and they often surprise us. But in general terms, I think avoiding the use of the word transsexual is a good idea. Perhaps bring up the story of Chaz Bono, and if your friend knows about him, tell him that you feel the same things Bono did, and you have the same issues. Hopefully that will lead to questions and discussion.

Don't be disappointed or defensive if you don't get immediate acceptance. Give it time to sink in. For a lot of people, its a big shock. Just be calm, patient, honest, and reassuring. Then hope for the best. I wish you luck.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Exeter]

Thanks Susan, that's a good idea, but I'm not sure whether I'd feel comfortable doing that. I admit I would be a little embarrassed if she stumbled onto some of my posts here.

And thanks Carolyn Marie, you're right that we can't know what will work or how someone will respond. I'll try something like your suggestion. Thank you for the luck.

I'll let everyone know how it goes.