Exploring feelings

[Guest Foxy fox]

Hi!

I'm new and just wanted to finally start discussing some things that have confused me for so long. And to see some of your stories. It's nice to see a resource like this exists for people. Ive never discussed things like this with anyone in real life, although came across another forum too.

I don't know if this is the right place but im 28 and I started really understanding there was a difference between the sexes at 5 yrs old. I used to hang out with this kid from class, and his mum got him a cartoon sex education book. We were reading it and it was then I remember vividly wanting to play the role of the female. We ended up fooling about a bit but we both knew that it wasn't something to talk about.

I could just as easily play with the girls as boys, but I enjoyed football/soccer etc etc til I was about 13/14 when it became a bit too physical. I was always more passive and reserved than the others. During that hormonal teeneage period I started developing an interest erotically in TS/lesbian stuff. Even if it wasnt erotic I'd always shown an interest in stories about TS issues in magazines or when there was a documentary even jerry springer (!) on television and recall how I felt when I saw them. I remember reading about Roberta Close and thinking how pretty she was.

I was always attracted to girls but had no success til I was 18, i was too friendly and we always got on well but nothing further. I did cross dress several times as a teen and even a few times wore underwear to school. ive not done it since but now I'm starting to feel it a little. I dont think about the clothes much, it's the feeling of having the anatomy. At the same time I don't really hate being male but it crosses my mind several times a day, and can be triggered easily. I thought I just had an erotic interest in Mtf ts and I have seen plenty, probably not short the number of GG. Common to both is that i feel like i should be female. I thought that it might disappear over time but if anything it's more pronounced.

When I lost my virginity at 18 we only had sex twice in our 6 months together. We liked getting intimate but it never went further. I loved looking at her and her body but didnt feel overly sexed either. After that I developed very quickly and had a lot of dates at university but nothing serious. Even those I sort of felt that I wasn't really enjoying as I was meant to because I was quite passive and enjoyed the intimacy rather than the sex. It's at those points I feel the feminine desire the strongest and that is what makes me excited. A lot of them commented on that I have feminine features, like eyelashes, wide hips, which I actually enjoy but feign it. I feel it less when I'm with a girl but it doesn't take long for it to return. I often feel a sense of relief when a gf doesn't want to make love because I can't really enjoy it. The feeling dissipates after climax but the smallest trigger can make it go again.

Anyway this will do for the time being! I've read the rules, hope I've not broken any!

[Guest]

Hi Foxy,

First of all, welcome to Laura's Playground!

Your exploration sounds like so many of us - just not fitting into those gender norms that society has created. So, continue exploring, and see what works best for you - there's no right and no wrong!

Along the way, you may wish to see a Gender Therapist, who can help you to understand yourself.

I'll encourage you to read around the forums and you may find common threads to your own. Join in the conversations where you will, and ask questions as you like!

I hope to see you around the forum!

Love, Megan