Half Coming Out To Parents?

[Guest Magical3]

OK this week has been bad. It has been some of the worst, if not the worst gender dysphoria I have encountered (Don't worry about self harm or suicide, I would never do that). I don't know what triggered it, but every day this week little comments have made me self aware about my gender. At my school we have about 2/3 girls (or more) school wide. In almost every class this is exaggerated. In my AP Biology class we have 3 boys, in my music theory class we have 4. Most classes are less than 1/4 boys, and it is stressing. Being stuck around those who you envy, or you feel yourself as one of, but they don't feel the same. But I am only self diagnosed at this point (I have known for about 4 years), how do I go about talking to my parents to getting a GT. They are very accepting, not religious, which may help. But I know that their first reaction, especially my mom, will be either, "What happened? have I screwed you up?" or "This is just a phase, you just have this idea stuck in your head." Also is there a way so that I may get a GT, without my parents direct or indirect knowledge? Because I would have no problem coming out to them if I knew for sure, or had a letter proving that I really am transgender. But if I can't, how should I go about getting a GT, should I explain I think I am transgender, and see where that goes? I really don't know, and I don't think I can wait a little over a year when I turn 18 to get a GT. I have some money, but I have heard I need a parent's consent under 18. So any thoughts and suggestions would be great. Thanks!

[VickySGV]

OK, here's the plan, GT's are going to be licensed as any other Famiily Counseling therapist in your state, and there is nothing about them to wave a red flag at your parents. You need a therapist for your stress and attention problems, but you pick one who has this little edge to their practice, which is really all it is. While you may find a few GT's who won't see you unless you wear a dress to truck driving school, most will go hungry without some clients who have more normal things like crushes on a high school teacher or hating your cousin. You start as a regular client working on the stresses that GD/normal teen life puts on you and that WPATH SOC7 says should be known or controlled before HRT and SRS are addressed, and let the GD evolve while you take care of the other business. Once you are in the room with the therapist by yourself, talk your heart out. If you think M&D will be cool, tell them you suspect the GD and this therapist can see this, but will competently deal with you on less drastic but life saving issues too.

I'm a parent, and I would buy the primary reason of stress and anxiety for seeing the therapist.

[Charlize]

Vicki is right on. I would only add that you should speak to the school councilor and be honest about what is bothering you. They should be able to recommend a therapist that will help and could also explain the need to your parents. When we finally come out we do cause major changes in the lives of our loved ones. Get some help as you can so that you can find more about yourself. It is a difficult path and you have time to travel it.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Magical3]

I have thought about doing something like this before, but I have never seen a therapist, really any sort of counselling at all. So my parents may find it odd, having good grades, and doing well overall in everything to be having any sort of distress when I have never had any before. But maybe I should contact my school counselor, by an anonymous email, and ask what the procedure is for transgender in particular, and maybe a email from my personal email what the procedure is for normal depression or similar. Yeah I am just nervous, because my parents view me as solid, and nothing bothers me, I highly internalize everything, I think that my GD may have just spiked from keeping it in for so long. But I don't have the opinion of a parent, so I appreciate the feedback. I hope the GD just goes down, then I can refocus a little bit. Thanks!

[VickySGV]

A common theme I keep hearing from people to whom I have come out is that I never let on about the problem and hid it so well for years. Trying to be perfect and even looking that way are a stress in themself. Its perfectly OK to admit that you have been putting on a front of solidity but are realizing that it was an act. That admission is a sign of maturity and personal responsibility that your parents should take with understanding and a degree of pride. I have sat in a front room with one of my children letting the carpet get soggy when they admitted to stress that no one else would have guessed. The only thing I could do really was listen, blot my own tears, and hug them, and then encouraged them to get help they needed. I would still not make the gender issue your first priority until you KNOW how your parents will meet it. A good therapist of any qualification will be helpful in getting you and they on the same couch with hugs and not fireworks.