Frustrations

[Guest ~Emmie~]

Since I decided to sit down with my girlfriend of three years back in end of August, and tell her my feelings of gender/identity confusion, it's been a bumpy ride. We've been fighting a lot (seems like every other day), about normal things we squabble about- laundry, forgetting something, not paying attention to the other one, not being "open" about what I've been going through- but it's amplified to a LOT more than we used to. We were screaming in the driveway over cleaning a car. Obviously, this has to do with me admitting my gender disphoria. And after opening up a couple times (one of which ended up with both of us breaking down and holding each other, which actually felt pretty relieving), I thought it was getting a bit better.

But I guess "better" is a relative term? It's like once I admitted this to her (and myself) that I have some transgender inclinations, and a desire to pursue it, it's like everything someone says about my masculinity is irritating to me. More ideas and thoughts just keep flooding out. Did anyone else feel this way?

I'm not trying to suppress my feelings, but it seems inevitable. I'm living with her family at the moment (our financial situations don't allow us to have our own place), and if I decided to pursue HRT, I would most likely have to move back to my homestate to live with friends, thankfully who have already offered to put me up, and accept that I would be transitioning.

To help my feelings of being unable to express myself, I shaved my legs and chest, bought a cute pair of girly Vans (skate shoes), and brought up the idea of maybe dressing as a chick for Halloween. However, I'm also increasingly putting more time away from the family, on the computer to research MTF stuff. It seems unhealthy- but I can't figure out a better way to keep myself from going nuts. Things just seem like they're piling up, and will continue to do so, as long as these feelings of insecurity with myself persist. Any suggestions?

P.S: I'm bad at this whole..."sharing" thing. Usually very private. I apologize if this is gushy. If I *am* a girl- I'm gonna be pretty awkward.

[KathrynJulia]

Hello M A

I read your post twice before I decided to reply. Have you spoke with a Gender Therapist? Gender Therapist help people to problem solve problems that are the result of you experiencing dysphoria and how that impacts your life. From your post, things aren't working out very good right now. You need to help you first, then you and your girl friend need help together to deal with the problems you both are having over your gender issues. How do you find a therapist in your area? We have a database of therapist on this site at http://www.lauras-pl..._therapsits.htm

You can also research therapist at http://therapists.ps...ytoday.com/rms/ Before you can get very far, you need a diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria from a mental health therapist experienced in gender issues. Thats how you get started. The rest will flow from there. Good luck M A and please keep in touch. People here on this site are very good at reaching out to members like you who are having troubles. We are here to help and we can help advise you on your journey because transitioning is a journey. It's often called a marathon of baby steps. As a member of Laura's, take advantage of all the resources that are part of this community. MA, I'm KathrynJulia, and if I can help you deal with all that is part and parcel of being trans, please, just ask. I promise to do my best. KJ

[Carolyn Marie]

I can identify very much with what you are saying, M.A. Transitioning, even the first steps, can be terribly complicated and emotionally difficult when you are in a relationship. The problems you've encountered with your S/O are common. Feeling boil over, everything is seen through the lens of being trans, anxieties, fears and anger all build up and overflow. It takes time, patience, compromise, communication and love on the part of both parties to make it work.

Once you start seeing the path before you, it can become an obsession, too. When I first acknowledged to myself who I was and what I wanted, I came here and spent hours reading and posting, all the while hiding it from my S/O. She eventually noticed my hiding, and thought I was having an Internet based affair. It was a huge relief to finally tell her the truth, after I had seen a G.T. for two months, again behind her back.

At least your S/O knows now, so there is no more hiding from her. Perhaps if you give her some articles or books to read, and then discuss them with her, that will give you a place to start. Right now feelings are raw, and that isn't going to make communicating very easy. I wish you luck, M.A.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest angels wings]

Hello M.A , what your girlfriend is doing is normal . As hard as it is she is going through a lot of emotions and a lot of fears . Her life as she saw it has changed she needs time to adapt and work things out in her heart and mind. Some partners stay some cant everyone is different . What I suggest is to talk about her fears . Let her open up. There will be a lot of anger there but with love reassurance compromise and time it can work .dont take her anger personally the anger is at the condition not you. I was was a fruit loop for a while I didn't know what to make of all this when my partner told me . I was scared I was so scared that it was easier to build walls up. I resized I was doing this and quickly worked out a way to push my self out of that. I joined Laura's thanks to my partner introducing me. Here I learnt so much by reading others posts I saw deeper into what my partner was going through. I also saw that what I was feeling was normal and that I could make this work . The support I got from everyone here was priceless . When you have a spouse that wants to make it work then you need to give it your all to work at this together. Maybe if you feel comfortable you can introduce your partner to Laura's and she too can get some support. We are here for you both .

Seeing a therapist will help you also in making choices that are right for you. Also spending a lot of time on the net will only add to her insecurities try and spend some time together . Remember it takes two to have a fight . I wish you and your girlfriend all the best . Remember you are to alone (((((hgs))))))