Really REALLY confused

[Guest Marishka]

kk So the deal is.... My biological sex is male. My gender identity was adrogyne. And my sexual preferences were none.

However.......

2 years and 8 months ago I started getting symptoms like a girl gets during her periods. The cramps, bloating, pain, mood swings, irrational anger, swollen tender breasts. My age at that time was 33. I'm nearly 36 now.

At first it was really irregular and a full cycle would last 5 weeks.... but this became very regular and now occurs every 4 weeks like clockwork. I occasionally miss one or it is light - but that is rare. I noticed also my weight was fluctuating with it. I was keeping a record and calorie counting. The fluctuations had 2 peaks, one large and one small.

I tried to seek help, naturally as any guy would - because this was unusual.

I noticed a change in my nipples too, which I discounted as just a random thing.

Though, the more worrying things are - my personality has started changing with it. My gender identity has moved to female, and I now have a boyfriend who I am sexually interested in.

My skin has become softer and the need to shave declined substantially. Tho, I can no longer effectively shave as my skin is now very soft.

Also of recent, my sex drive has started to escalate and is becoming a problem - especially in the last 3 months.

It feels as if my whole brain is in hyper state and re-writing itself.

I have been trying to learn what is going on - but having difficulties. The country I'm in, is a small pacific island - we have very limited resources.

I did find out though - that my testosterone fluctuates between 6.7 and 9.2 when normal is 8.7 to 27. My estradiol prior to the spikes was 55 pmol/L so nothing unusual there. I skipped the mood changes in puberty, the penis growth, the attraction to girls, never had acne, and passed a few times in the last few weeks for an 18 year old - even tho my real age is 36 at the end of this month.

I've told my mom about what is happening as best I could, but am now in a position of having to explain further when I myself do not know. I wonder if I have a hormonal imbalance?

Although, my partner thinks it is more than that. I'm also prone to thrush infections in the 2 flaps behind the scrotum. It gets damp in there during arousal, some thin layer of mucus it seems. This is really inconvienient I might add.

I'm hoping someone might know what is going on. For 5 days of this 4 week cycle I'm basically wasted - feeling too ill to concentrate or do anything, which also makes employment difficult.

Regards,

Matthew/Marishka

[Carolyn Marie]

I can't offer any advice or recommendations, other than to see an endocrinologist, urologist, or geneticist, or some combination of all three. A hormonal imbalance, intersexed condition, or genetic issue are all possibilities.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[VickySGV]

You need a complete physical exam by an MD to get to the root of this, and it needs to be one with an open mind. Hopefully your MD and medical insurance can get together on a complete genome study on you. You are not going to figure this one out without medical assistance.

[Guest]

Yes you may have an inter-sexed thing going on, that may need medical monitoring.

I have a few things such as this that were my clues. I was having very bad menopause symptoms, that put me on the trail to discovering me. Then I discovered the joy of estrogen.

"2 years and 8 months ago I started getting symptoms like a girl gets during her periods. The cramps, bloating, pain, mood swings, irrational anger, swollen tender breasts. My age at that time was 33. I'm nearly 36 now."

--- I was slammed with the same symptoms at the end of my very first progesterone cycle. Now they are less severe and I know they are coming on the cycles. My Doctor and I discussed that that is a strong clue to the birth me. I have not had the means or true desire to pursue it conclusively medically.

My immature breasts always had a female shape and I was glad chest hairs covered them. My nipples have always been hyper-wired to down there. Never a complaint from me. Now they are in full female bloom, with all the features that go with. I could not be happier and thankful all the itchy hair is gone naturally. I hope all this isn't TMI...

"Although, my partner thinks it is more than that. I'm also prone to thrush infections in the 2 flaps behind the scrotum. It gets damp in there during arousal, some thin layer of mucus it seems. This is really inconvenient I might add."

--- I discovered I was a little different down there too with vulva shaped mounds in nearly the same place. I didn't get any irritations until later in life and it is mostly in the heat of summer. I just attributed the damp to summer sweat and sex. Now on hormones, that is a little more noticeable on arousal but not enough to be a hindrance. I know by the way hormones have changed my arousal patterns that have slowed way down to enjoy and ability to have semi-consistent female orgasms, it is defiantly connected. My doctor and I had a discussion about that, but I don't care to share it with anyone.

I had to talk to several of my close girl friends to find out how they contend with the problems, They all have to continue working while having the problem and they have it most of their adult life. I'm a late new-comer. I got some compassion, useful information and coping skills. The knowledge gave me some comfort to endure. They all tell me, "welcome to womanhood..."

God's miracles are a mystery and I think we are one. Hug. Jody

[Guest Marishka]

Thank you,

Your replies just came at the right moment. I was just having trouble with people telling me it sounds like science fiction.

Um... ye ... my nipples are also hard wired to down there. My entire breasts are a joy centre - a major joy-happy zone for me. Again no complaints from me either. I was encouraging my partner to show an interest in them early on. I since learnt that apparently male breasts don't do that but female ones do. Not exactly sure what that means .... but 2 extra joy zones = no complaints from me.

Also.... my doctor gave me creams for the infections in those flaps. Twice a day I apply it, and um ... its one of the high points of my day if you get the implication xD I'm overly keen on it. Thats 3 extra joy zones.

I was also discussing with a friend who is female and my partner, and they seemed to think .... my um .... pleasure responses were more female than male. Prolly, the main one being that if I'm not careful I can cause my muscles to go to jelly on me. Noteably bad, if I'm standing up at the time. I remember the first time, I only just made it to the bed and thought it was a heart attack and I was dying. Then I realised .... wait, this isn't pain - its pleasure - and its not my heart either.

I"m definately sorry, if this is TMI. But prolly better to be honest if it helps me to find out whats going on.

I'm also dreaming at night now about being pregnant and breast feeding. Yes, I know that is bizarre.

Thank you all, for your responses

[MaryEllen]

Ummmm, yes. That was a little TMI. Perhaps you should discuss these feelings with your therapist.

MaryEllen

[Guest Marishka]

Terribly sorry. Just trying to get help, and kinda desparate.

Sorry,

Mari

[Guest]

Mari,

I can relate, but I am not a medical anything. MaryEllen is right. When you get a few more posts on board and your PM feature starts working you may feel free to PM me. I would like to swap notes some more. I promise it will not be a "can you top this" kind of thing. Just stuff I don't want to share as common knowledge about Jody to everyone on the board. If not, that's cool too.

I can assure you, even right here, that you are NOT a lunatic, or destined to become a specimen in a glass jar. Giggle. I would not want to trade my discoveries of my journey for anything else. I do answer PMs quite a lot from caring people that have questions about me. God is blessing me with a very broad spectrum of womanhood. I'm like, really old too, so sometimes I sound like a grand mother. But I don't doze off the sleep when I'm PMing. LOL.

You're doing OK. Hug. Jody