Will be coming out soon to my wife

[Guest Crim]

Hey everyone, I was just wanting a little feedback before I do this. I already have talked with my daughter about this. I didn't actually let her know my problem, just that it would be very weird for her and that I am trying to find myself. She told me she is use to weird and if it doesn't involve me killing someone or wanting to do suicide then won't be a problem for her. LOL kids these days. I actually think she would be on my side with this. Why I went to her first about it though is well she knows her mom better then I do and she would know how she would react better then myself. My thoughts are if she is on my side then after I let my wife know she could also talk to her about it. I mean the way think is this, my wife would be more worried about what it would do to our daughter more then her so this way if she knows her daughter is fine with it why shouldn't she be. I guess I'm just hoping it turns out like that. LMAO, my daughter actually said that her mom might think I'm gay lol in some ways but when I break out the news she will have quite a shock. Right now I'm waiting for some things to get through...just too much stress at the moment with me retired from the Army now and living on 2000 less dollars a month. So waiting for some things to subside and the stress to ease up a little then I will break the news to the wife.

Any suggestions out there would be appriciated....

[Guest Tamar]

Your logic seems sound. The only reason I'm not completely out is we do.t want to shock the kids at the end of their studies or have them teased/ bullied at school,thereby affecting their studies.When that is no longer an issue,I don't care who knows. Lol,,I'm sure they think something strange is going on anyway,some developments are hard to hide. I think you are doing a good thing considering your family's needs instead of rushing straight in- there's going to be enough turmoil when it happens as it is,let alone not considering damage control.

Good luck.

[Guest Ebany]

i got my kids on my side long before i ever said anything to anyone but my bestfriend. now, i really don't care who knows either.

Danny

[Guest MiraJ]

I have came out to my wife and im about to get divorced. I cant hold her cuz shes straight and she will hopefully some guy who dont have to deal what we dealing with. *snif*

Its not easy and i wish you all the best. My situation is your worste case scenario. Best case scenario your wife has a Lesbian side and dont mind and enjoyes/helps you on our journey. Its not as common.

Sorry to be so direct, but i dont want to beat around the bush and considering you been in the Army you appreciate to know what facing you rather to stay in the dark and wonder.

I wish you good luck.

Huggs

Mira

[Guest Crim]

Thanks for the replies to all. Yes Mira I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I am hoping mine won't be the same. I just found out some information just a couple minutes ago that might mean I will have the same situation though. I've been experimenting on ways to hint towards on how she would feel about me wanting to be a woman. Well we were just watching an episode of Frasier. There was a match maker that had matched up two of her friends and Frasier asked if they were still together and she said, well he is a she now and they hate me for it. I laughed and so did my wife. I looked at her and said that has to be a hell of a predicament and she said what. I said if I wanted to be a woman...she said I would divorce you right away, that would be a good reason for a divorce. So I guess I know my answer when I come out to her. Now just getting up the nerve to tell her when things settle.

[Carolyn Marie]

Coming out to family is a fearful and complicated thing. You can't ever predict how it will go. My best advice is to be totally honest, tell her everything you feel, everything you've experienced since you first remember knowing you were different, and what you think your future will hold, to the extent that you know. Let her ask all the questions she can think of, let her vent and rage if she feels the need, but try not to react in kind. Be patient, as its a tremendous shock, and a lot to process. There will likely be a period of grief, denial, anger, and confusion. Just be open, try to give her space, and don't make too many demands. This is not all about you; she will be "transitioning" along with you, and she will have many fears.

Things were rocky for me and my S/O for about a year, but she is now fully supportive, and we have settled into a good life together as "partners" and friends. My son, who was 17 when I told him, has been great from the get-go. So it can work, there are many here for whom it has worked out. But there are just as many, and likely more, whose marriages ended. There is no way to predict which way it will go for you. I wish you luck.

We will be here for you, whatever happens.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest StaciAnne]

When i came out to my (ex)wife she was so relieved it wasn't a bigger problem. Once my oldest child started in school 3 years later she told me quit or leave. We are divorced now and not on the best of terms.

Something that stuck me in what you wrote:

Why I went to her first about it though is well she knows her mom better then I do and she would know how she would react better then myself.

That is a concern, cause to me, that tells me the lines of communication have been shut down for a while.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Guest angels wings]

Be gentle be true . Give her time to work through it . It can come as a shock she will need a lot of support and understanding. When my partner told me I responded quite well . It wasn't until I began to truely understand that all these awful feelings turned up . So much fear so much pain . But if your wife is willing it can work you both can be happy just takes a lot of love , communication and compromise. Go slow and be honest . There is also an S/O forum here which has a lot of topics on how us partners try and work things through . If you like , take a peak it might give you a better understanding on how your wife may feel . Also I found it very important for my progress to have support . I joined Laura's and here I was able to get support and understanding . I was able to read others like my partner are going through . This gave me a better understanding of what she was going through. If you think this may help her , she is more than welcomed to join us . We are here for you both . I wish you and our wife all the best . (((((( hugs))))) for you both

Angel

[Guest KerryUK]

Hi Crim,

It's scary as hell isn't it? My wife had know about my 'tendencies' for years and was prepared to tolerate it. I told her at the beginning of this year that I needed to go all the way and transition. She was shocked, said that I had mislead her, I would probably get stabbed by somebody, she wouldn't have stayed with me if she'd known.......................

Well, I asked her if she could possibly stay with me and support me through all of this - not as Husband and Wife as we could not remain as such, rather as soulmates or best friends. You see, she has absolutely no lesbian tendencies and so would not wish to be in a relationship with a woman.

I let things lie for several weeks, then suddenly out of the blue - she said, 'we need to communicate more about this don't we?' We are now helping each other through this and do you know what? She really likes this new happier and nicer person to be with ME.

So, you never know - although it may be tough at first, give her time. She may come round - she may not too but you just never know.

K x.