coming out to friends and family...about to push send

[Guest Deenah]

Im sitting here at the moment looking over the email that i have written,hands are shaking,thoughts are going 100 mile a hour threw my mind. Im really scared to push send on my email client. It's ready to go,just a press of one button and everyone will know. This is the one most important decision i will ever make...EVER!! Finally it has come down to this,the final seconds.Tho my mind is not telling me not too,my nerves are killing me as i put my finger on the mouse about to hear the click and see the final message stating" you message has been sent". I wanted to wait till after the holidays but there just is no way i can,i can no longer hide what has taken place with my body in the last 90 days nor the last 40 years.So after preparing this letter for what seems to be forever,im ready for the return emails,calls,and visits..I don't pray to god often,but today i do,as i hear the life altering CLICK followed by... message sent..

Wish me luck

Deenah

[Guest Melissa~]

Best luck! There is a whole lot I could add, but you have probably already sent your letter on.

[Guest Deenah]

I did send it,but i will post what i sent....

Dear family and friends,

I am writing this letter to inform you of an important change that is currently taking place in my life. It is not easy to explain, but I am going to try. I have wondered a long time about who to tell, when, and how. I am not certain that this is the best way, or even the most opportune time, but I have come to a point when I cannot hide any longer. I would have liked to write each of you individually, rather than in this somewhat mechanical way.

For most of my life I have struggled with what is medically referred to as Gender Dysphoria, a collective name for a condition in which the biological/physical sex is not consistent with the perception of gender for the person. I have been recently diagnosed with the most extreme form of this condition, better known under the term transsexualism. I have begun an important process that will result in significant changes as I intend to live the rest of my life as a woman.

If I have decided to reveal so much about me today, it is just because I cannot accept any longer the minimization or denial of what and who I am. I want to be able to communicate normally and honestly about my life, without subterfuge, lies, and fear. I hope that no matter what your reaction is, you’ll take the time to read this letter entirely.

At this point, I would like to be clear: being transsexual is neither a choice nor is it a life-style. It has nothing to do with being transvestite, cross-dresser, drag queen or female impersonator. It has also nothing to do with sex (or desire or preferences) but everything to do with perception of gender identity. Unfortunately, most people equate the concepts of gender and sex, but it is - really - not the same thing. Sex is the fact that a person’s physical characteristics are essentially male or female. These features include both visible components (the external genitalia) and invisible components (internal genitalia, hormones, chromosomes and genes). Gender refers to the general presentation, to the physical characteristics, to belief, to behavior which society relies upon so as to classify a person as “masculine” or “feminine.” Gender identity refers to the inner conviction of a person because it is defined as belonging to one of these categories. Gender Exp

ression of a person (what that person chooses (or not) to reveal to Society) may or may not match their gender identity, because our behavior is often conditioned by strong social pressures. For most people, sex, gender identity and gender exp

ression, the social role we play, are consistent one with another. However, sometimes some people feel that their body does not match what they feel to be, and the way they are expected to interact in society is very different from what they would like. When this happens, it causes a very strong and constant discomfort, which is at best extremely difficult to control. Various degrees exist, and unfortunately it is a condition that worsens over time. This is not a mental illness and is a recognized medical condition for which treatments are appropriate in only certain cases.

Personally, I have always known, in fact as early as age 5, that I was different from other children. By the time I was 12 or13, I knew what a transsexual was, well before I even knew the facts of life. I was scared to death to tell anyone how I felt and society was not what it is today. So I made every effort to act the way boys were expected to. This strategy worked, and I decided that I’d be better off putting all that behind me. Although I had to fight at times with all my energy to repress these feelings and transform them, I decided I could manage the situation without doing anything about it. you may wonder why I had a child. That is in fact very simple: I met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with; we knew my condition could evolve but thought it would stay manageable; and we both wanted children. However, a few years ago some dramatic events made me realize that I was growing unhappy because I was not addressing those feelings. I realized that while I had established meaningful friendships, I could never be really myself, I could never be truly open. I also realized I was increasingly questioning who I really was. I did not want to impose a miserable life upon my family, so I started therapy with the hope to achieve balance. However, after a long process, the only viable choice ahead of me was to recognize the truth, be brave and seek medical help so I could live the rest of my life as a woman.

Ok, If you managed to read this far, it is quite possible that you do not know how to feel. Most of us have no personal experience with transsexualism, and lack even a basic language to describe it. If you find this strange, embarrassing, or even wonderful, just know that your reaction is not atypical. For what it is worth, most people’s reaction to my news have been remarkable in compassion, understanding and support.

About a year ago, I started seeking medical help. After a careful and detailed screening, I have been accepted to enter a very strict, internationally agreed standard of medical care. I am now followed by a team of doctors, comprising expertise from various disciplines, and acting in close concert. I have recently been placed under Hormonal Replacement Therapy and will enter now a so-called “real-life” stage. I must now live and work as a woman full-time for at least a year before applying for gender reassignment surgery. I intend to commence officially this (kind of) probationary year in 2013. I'm sure you have certainly noticed the evolution of my appearance (now, you understand why). You can expect to notice increasing physical changes. I will continue to dress pretty much the same way as I do now, but from time to time I will be wearing more appropriate feminine clothes.

For some time now I have been living two lives. I am known as.Dan, but to my friends and almost everywhere else, I am a woman known as,Deenah or simply Dee. In preparation for the real-life phase, I have recently started the process of legally changing my first name to Deenah. Similarly, Since I am legally changing my first name to Deenah, it is courteous to now refer to me by that name or Dee. It is also courteous to now refer to me as ‘she’ rather than ‘he’.

I know this is going to be hard for many to adjust to, even with the best will. I know there will be an adjustment period where you will unconsciously use he, him or even Dan instead of she, her or Dee/Deenah. I will be patient, and in fact do understand. It took friends a while to switch, too. So do not worry about it. You will use the other name, other pronouns etc., even if you are trying hard. I am not touchy, and I think that a good dose of humor about the whole thing is necessary. I will not get upset because of genuine mistakes, but I would appreciate if you make an effort. I will continue to answer to my former name without any resentment or embarrassment when done without malice.

Beyond this, there is no need to treat me differently. I am still the same person, and I hope you will continue to relate to me like you do now. I want to assure you that I will still be the person you have known for the past 40 years. I shall continue to carry on as before, and hope you will find no difference in your dealings with me in my new appearance. With luck, this will all be short wonder, and eventually new perceptions will overlay the image of the person I was, and life will go on. I welcome your suggestions about making this easier for all of us.

I am currently trying to address all the people who need to know before end of this year. However, this represents quite a big number. So how should you react when addressing someone who clearly knows me but apparently does not know yet? I would appreciate you introduce and refer me to others as Deenah. While I am open about being a transsexual woman, it’s not courteous for you to tell others about this. It is definitely not a secret, but it is my job to tell people if and when I feel it is important. So please, just refer that person to me.

It is not my intention to either embarrass or upset my friends and family, although I am realistic enough to know that I will not be readily accepted by everyone and that some may have difficulty accepting me. I will respect this right, but know that I am not interested in engaging in futile arguments if you strongly disapprove of what I’m doing. I do recognize the fact that to some people I will seem to be carrying out an act which is morally wrong. But this is a road I must take, whatever the consequences. I do not expect you to understand or approve of my decision to change gender. However, I expect you to respect my decision and that you recognize the fact that this decision has been reached after years of unhappiness, and in the full knowledge that I am hurting people close to me whom I love, giving up much that I value. I ask for your tolerance, and, if you can supply it, a continuation of your friendship.

I am prepared to talk with anyone who wants to know more about my situation, and would rather do this than have misconceptions exist due to lack of knowledge about transsexualism.

Best Regards,

Deenah

[Guest AngieT]

Dee -

Congratulations on overcoming the hurdle known as "coming out." Change may sometimes be slow, but many opinions change when people see the positive changes in you and your life. Enjoy your new life outside in the sunshine, and live a proud life as the woman you are.

Best wishes,

Angie

[Guest LizMarie]

Good letter, Deenah. I hope it is well received.

[Guest]

Luck, Deenah!

Wonderful letter, welcome out into the sunshine!

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest Tamar]

Wow Dee. Awesome. Good luck. Btw I think I might pinch your letter,with appropriate modifications,if you don't mind. Please keep us in the loop.

Love Tamar.

[Guest SusanB]

I too may also use parts of this letter if you don't mind

Very well written, i couldn't say it that well

Good luck with the responces Dee

[Guest Deenah]

The letter is open to anyones use. Thank you everyone for the support,i really could not have got this far without your help...Remember the song "walking on sunshine" ya that just about sums it up..

[Guest Deenah]

just a quick little update.Afew hours after i sent this letter,one of my sisters text me asking question.She made it a point to say that she supported me and in the end we are family no mater what. I was actually shocked,but by the time the conversation ended she was super cool with it and was somewhat disappointed that i didn't tell her in person. My one sister seen the email and called the other in return called the other..ya 3 of them to deal with. I sorta chuckled when i found this out.

More as it progresses...tired from a long exciting day..

[Guest SusanB]

Hope to see all good updates

[Guest]

The letter is open to anyones use. Thank you everyone for the support,i really could not have got this far without your help...Remember the song "walking on sunshine" ya that just about sums it up..

Way too many memories!

Hope the sunshine never ends for you Dee!

Huggs,

Joann