About Laura LaB

[Guest Laura LaB]

Transition from a CD to MTF Transsexual

BY Laura L

Laura was born in Southern Maine where she lived through high school, joining the US Marine Corps, with one tour in Vietnam. Later I married my high school sweetheart. On discharge from the military I entered college. After graduation I began a career working for Uncle Sam moving about the country on different assignments which has brought me to my current residency in Arizona. My hobbies and interest are: fly fishing, hiking, biking, martial arts, weight lifting, flying small planes, down hill skiing, and traveling the world. I love sewing, cooking, reading romantic novels and human interest stories. I am actively involved in my church and I am also a Buddhist practitioner

I began cross dressing at an early age, maybe 10 not really sure, although I had no understanding of why I was doing this, it felt good. I was in my teens when I discovered it had a name, “transvestite” in those days now better known as cross dressing or bi- gender. It began with my older sisters undergarments. The trick was to place her garments back exactly like I found them so as not to arouse suspicion. I am not sure how well I did but I was never questioned about it. I did not wear my mothers clothing as this felt like taboo, sort of like children going yuck at any thoughts of their parents having sex together.

Cross dressing was suppressed during my military service, college, and early years of marriage. I believed that marriage would remove this desire in me but I was wrong as this was proven to me several times over the years as I kept purging my secret stash of clothing. All this has done is add to the confusion I felt about what it meant? Why I felt this need that would not leave me alone. Having grown up in a religious family I had many feeling of quilt and shame attached to my “dressing”. These feelings along with the lack of understanding and tolerance by society led to a life of secrecy and dishonesty with my spouse and later with my live in girlfriend of many years. Moving on to the present I am dating a wonderful woman that early in our relationship appeared to me to have an open mind. I took the risk and told her about my “secret” and to my surprise she hardly batted an eye and took it all in stride wondering about all the fuss I was making over it. She was very accepting telling me that it explained why I was different than any man she had ever known, that I was sensitive, not afraid of emotions, loved to talk “girl talk”, was not into typical male sports, and not macho. I could go on but I don’t want to bore you.

Her acceptance has allowed me to be more accepting of myself even though I still do not understand it I have learned to be comfortable in the unknowing. I have learned how to apply make up, walk and dress appropriately and at present I am working on my feminine voice. This has all given me the confidence to go public. At first it was at night or during the day in the forest walking my dog where there was only a slight chance of running into someone, if I did see anyone I would run and hide. Now I go out during the day, go shopping at the mall or to pick up some groceries. My first time in public was at a grocery store I will never forget how nervous I felt. I was shaking and working very hard to keep from loosing it. I found it difficult walking in high heels without twisting my ankle, lost it twice before calming myself down. I just kept reminding myself to stay cool and act naturally as a woman. It helped to visualize myself as the woman I was outwardly expressing because in my mind I only saw my male self and felt that that is what everyone saw. I was wrong of course as the people in the store generally either hardly paid attention to me or would address me as a woman. Many took long looks at me but they did not look back after passing, I know because I was checking. That experience made me feel that I was more passing than I believed and gave me the confidence to continue going out in public. It is such a fantastic feeling to allow the woman I always felt was within me to express herself not just in private but in public. All this was possible because of the acceptance and support I have received from my love and the helpful information I have learned from my support group, Alpha Zeta and Tri-Ess. Since then I have been learning more and more about my feminine side so long hidden from me. The flower within is blossoming. Now I live full time as a woman, going on a little more than a year now, and hope soon to start on hormones, that, in itself is a long story. I can also say this is the first time in my life that I finally feel whole as a person, like one having found their destiny in life. Hope this was not too long, love to all.

[MaryEllen]

Hello Laura L,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing your story with us,.

MaryEllen

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Laura. I hope that you like what you find here. We have a wonderful and supportive membership, and we will all do our best to help and answer your questions.

I couldn't help but smile at some of your story, because it reminded me so much of my early days. Trying to wear stiletto heels in public, the feeling that everyone who looks at you knows, and is judging you, the anxiety, learning how to apply makeup. Yes, I've been there and done that.

I ask all our new members to please read the site Terms and Conditions, as we use them to keep the site safe for everyone. I look forward t reading your posts.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Robin Winter]

Welcome

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Laura,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have MTF meetings-Mon & Sat 9pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Guest Megan_Lynn]

Flyfishing sounds like a plan. While not well know Arizona has some good trout fishing. Hear ya have the Apache and Gila Trout there. Hopefully some day I will make my way there as its a goal of mine to try to catch at least one of every type of trout/salmon and char. My better half and myself drive the men crazy on the streams as we usually heavily out fish them. Anytime you desire to talk flyfishing and or trans issues feel free to chat me up. Anyone into fishing is a ok in my book...

[Guest]

Welcome to LP Laura L.

Thank you for your introduction.

There is a lot of information and a lot of friendly people here.

I am happy to hear that your SO supports you, this makes a huge difference in our lives.

I look forward to hear more from you.

Huggs,

Joann