thinspiration images I can't stop looking at them

[Guest Emily Ray]

Hi everyone!

It has been quite awhile since I posted anything. Some good news first. J my girlfriend had all charges dropped against her this past Wednesday. It is a great relief to the both of us.

Now, to the topic of this post. I started viewing thinspiration websites today. I just look at the images, one after another. Some of them are very extreme,but most of the women I find really attractive. I have this overwhelming desire to be like them. It makes no sense to me because I no longer have any breasts and my backside is just as flat. I used to like my body, now I despise it. The thinner I become the less happy I am with it. Yet I continue to restrict!

I'm feeling particularly anxious today because I have been eating more than usual with thanksgiving and all. I made a duck and stuffed it with goblet dressing I made myself. It was a really good meal.

I feel like eating everything in the house and the thought of losing control like that terrifies me. I think that fear is driving me to the thinspiration websites. Something to help me maintain control or more like not loose control.

I am still working with the VA trying to get them to send me to the University of Iowa for treatment. I don't know if that will ever happen.

Huggs

Emily

[Guest angels wings]

Thanks for the update Emily sounds like things are slowly improving . Good to hear you you found the inspirational site you go on helpful . I do similar when I'm down . I like to read a lot of positive quotes . Keep marching forth Emily (((((hugs))))

[Guest wolfySH]

Thanks for the update Emily sounds like things are slowly improving . Good to hear you you found the inspirational site you go on helpful . I do similar when I'm down . I like to read a lot of positive quotes . Keep marching forth Emily (((((hugs))))

Maybe you're not incredibly familiar with "thinspiration" sites. xP

Inspiration, sure, but (I can't stop looking at them either) I can't deny that it's a message coming from a negative place.

"Thinspiration" is roughly a synonym for "pro-Ana", pro-anorexia.

Lots of pictures of really really thin people and such "inspirational phrases" as "calories can't make you happy" or "nothing tastes as good as thin feels."

...

Try to stay positive, Emily.

Try to eat healthy as opposed to restricting-- or just not restricting quite as much?

I went vegan and I've been eating pretty healthily (though I am admittedly a little restrictive-- I only eat when I'm STARVING which funnily enough isn't as often as I felt like it was before-- before, when I just ate because I was bored or for fun or whatever.)

It's really difficult, but try not to have an adverarial relationship with food. Otherwise it will be on your mind all the time-- and whenever I gave into cravings I ended up binging hardcore and then hating myself.

I don't hate food. I eat it to keep my body and brain working well, but really that's all I need it for.

I've heard the gas tank metaphor a lot. You probably have already heard it so I won't bore you with a regaling of it...

Anyway, I think part of what helped the vegan thing kickstart me into not overeating was that food was less easy and way less convenient.

Before I could just hit up MacDonald's and scarf down two burgers and a large fry without a second thought.

And now I have to (gasp) COOK. And I'm so lazy and inept in the kitchen I tend to not cook a whole lot, and thus, not eat a whole lot.

When I'm wandering around my flat in the middle of the night and I have to choose between a can of tomatoes or leftover tofu, I scowl and go back to bed (I was big on midnight snacks. Not so much anymore.)

SH

[Charlize]

Emily, I wish i knew more about eating disorders. I have been losing weight due to a no fat diet. Its a hard thing to do but the hope is that i will be able to control my heart disease. My wife and i spend so much time cooking and on this diet i can eat piles and still have slowly lost 30 lbs. It seem to have stabilized now. I'm happy with my weight. I may gain some now that i'm on HRT.

I think that you should really push the VA for help. Be a squeaky wheel before your squeak weakens. If not the VA look elsewhere.

Where you are does not sound healthy.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest angels wings]

Thank you for pointing that out to me SH . I was not aware .

I'm sorry

Angel

[Guest Emily Ray]

Thank you both for your support. I have been staying away from thins sites the last couple of days. My provider at the VA has decided to put in the request that I be treated at the University of Iowa. She doesn't however expect it to be approved. I will deal with that when it happens.

Huggs

Emily

[KathrynJulia]

I hope it all works out for you Emily and that life shines favorably upon you. Kathryn

[Guest angels wings]

Stay strong Emily ((((((hugs)))))))

Angel