So I Wrote An Email..

[Guest My_Genesis]

...To my RA. you know, the hardcore Republican?

One of my new years' resolutions was to follow my instincts more and stop second guessing myself so much. so there we go. haha.

Before I could think through it too much I sent her a really quick email last night asking her if I could talk to her about something, and that it's kinda personal. So this morning she replied "yes. what's up?"

And I just finished typing a rather long explanation about how basically since I was about 2-3 years old I had this desire to be a guy, hoped it would go away but it never did, etc. I left out some details such as sexual orientation and stuff. I tried to keep it as basic as possible to start out. And I guess she can ask me about anything else I didn't mention. So I'm kinda freaked right now.

What do you guys think?

Obviously I'll have to check my email again tomorrow before my flight back to school to move back into my dorm.

[Sally]

Good luck!

Please don't leave us hanging, tell us how it goes, we are all behind you!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Evan_J]

No doubt dude, let us know how it goes.

[Guest Liam]

Nice. Good luck, I hope everything turns out well.

[Guest bronx]

Good luck , let us know how it went

[Guest Elizabeth K]

YIKES Scary - let us know...

An' ya know we hope for the best for ya... wow

[Guest Drew]

that's a big step in the right direction man good luck, i hope everything works out for you!

[Guest My_Genesis]

Yeah Drew it is pretty big, she's really the first of my college friends who i told but i figured if it works out well with her it'll work out with the rest of the people i had in mind..none of whom, as far as I know, are as conservative as she is (a few are republicans but idk they're not like the ones i see on tv all the time with that tick me off with their religious bigotry. lol)

So the first time she replied was in the morning...i havent checked my mail yet, im gonna do that soon ..anyway, she has a friend who i met through her on facebook. she was abroad for the fall, and i dont remember exactly how it happened but we have this joke now that im a creepy stalker. lol. so i got this text from her that said she told my RA that and she said to be nice. so if she checked her email this morning, and said that to her friend...

well maybe ill post again in a little bit and let you know how it went. im just kinda afraid to check my email now. lol

[Guest My_Genesis]

well i checked and she didn't reply. though she's read stuff i sent her before and not replied...so idk if she read it yet or not...and i guess next time we're in touch will be when i see her tonight. grr..why is she torturing me like this? lol.

[Guest mia 1]

M.G. You are following the same path I am. Just outed myself to my oldest frienf (4th grade)by email still no reply this a.m. The differnce I graduated college in 1970. A little slower for me...By nearly 40 yrs.....Mia.

[Guest Drew]

waiting is the worst! ...that must be incredibly frustrating.

[Guest cerise]

I told everybody in person so far.

My best friend I told I was androgynous after a game of golf 2 summers ago. I have known him since grade six . We had a long discussion about the swapping of pickups out of strats (guitars ) this morning .

(After I told him he told me something I know he has never told me before ). ie it just made us better friends .

I told my son I was TG while driving him t o work on friday .

Still unscathed .

[Guest leo]

good luck!

bet the tension must be killing you?!

anyway wanted to say well done as well as it takes guts to tell people

[Guest My_Genesis]

anyway wanted to say well done as well as it takes guts to tell people

it also takes testicles and i'd like to think i have enough to do it

i just got into my dorm about 30 mins ago, she lives in the room next to me, everyone is asleep - or at least they're in their rooms with the doors closed so it's dead quiet...my roommate was smart enough to sleep in someone else's room tonight lol....

well yeah. so this is way awkward...she still hasnt replied, cant really blame her it was move-in day...lol. whats bugging me is i still dont know whether she actually read it or not...and idk, i dont want to bring it up in person, and be like "so, did you get my email?" just way awkward. so idk, im either gonna wait for a reply or wait for her to bring it up to me first. I really hope she replies though, i told her i'd rather discuss it via email, then i told her in the second email that it's something i don't really like to talk about and all...so if she brings it up in person she really is torturing me. lol. now i dont want to see her in person...way weird...

maybe i shouldn't have put it off til like 1 day before move-in day

[Guest Crossroads]

This is the reason I tell as many people in person IMPORTANT things as possible. I see all these videos online of "letters" they will give their families and lots of people write e-mail, but to me, if it's important, they should hear from you. The first reason is because that is the most fair and the most noble way to go about it. The second reason is because if I wrote a letter/e-mail, I'd be freaking out day and night 24/7 until I found out what the response was.

You can always write down what you're going to say and then read it, but I've always believe that's the best way to do anything like this.

I hope you hear back soon and get some peace of mind. And I hope your RA is better than mine were.

[Guest My_Genesis]

This is the reason I tell as many people in person IMPORTANT things as possible. I see all these videos online of "letters" they will give their families and lots of people write e-mail, but to me, if it's important, they should hear from you. The first reason is because that is the most fair and the most noble way to go about it. The second reason is because if I wrote a letter/e-mail, I'd be freaking out day and night 24/7 until I found out what the response was.

You can always write down what you're going to say and then read it, but I've always believe that's the best way to do anything like this.

I hope you hear back soon and get some peace of mind. And I hope your RA is better than mine were.

guess I'm too chicken to do it in person

well she spoke to me for like 30 secs. before going to class about an hour ago. but she was just asking about my flight and stuff.

still no reply...im thinking she either read it and doesn't know what to say, or hasn't read it yet because she's been too busy with everyone moving in, and classes starting today. im hoping she read it already...that would be pretty cool because she's still treating me the same and stuff...but really idk. maybe she has no idea yet.

She is a pretty cool RA, and she's friends with 2 other RA's in the building who are gay so maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion a bit? idk, i just hope what i told her doesn't change things because we got along pretty well..i mean she told us that she thought she was a guy until she was about 13-14, she was really tomboyish and had short hair and stuff, and it wasnt until that age that she actually realized she was a girl. lol. she says it's probably because she grew up around so many guys. so maybe that's one reason why.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I have always been told 90% of what we worry about never happens.

Yikes, by email - see what it put you through?

I always want to out the, face to face, look me in the eye, way.

You gotta do that eventually, anyway, right?

[Guest My_Genesis]

I have always been told 90% of what we worry about never happens.

Yikes, by email - see what it put you through?

I always want to out the, face to face, look me in the eye, way.

You gotta do that eventually, anyway, right?

I don't like face-to-face. I go speechless. lol. and i get really panicky and stuff.

reason my therapist back at home still thinks I'm "confused"...when she asks me stuff about this that's really personal I end up just saying i don't know

haha, well i hope she doesn't think im crazy now for not having just spoken to her in person. whatever, i'm just gonna pretend i never sent it and see what happens

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Hey - did you ever think about making copies of your emails and stuff and giving them to your therapist? I mean paper copies - next time you go? That would certainly express what you are and how you think. I thought about it for me - but I post too much.

[Guest My_Genesis]

haha, still being tortured...

like i said she lives in the room next to mine. so i got back from my afternoon class, she was standing there talking to some people and we started talking...then i go into my room, and a few minutes later i hear her in her room talking to this guy in my hall. i couldnt hear it all very well, but i heard her describing to him something about her psych class. whenever she brought up the psych class she took (i think in high school) it was about how she took the myers-briggs test and she had a really high masculinity score, because the traits she got were stereotypically masculine. but since then they got rid of that section because they figured it's based too much on stereotype. so then i tried to listen in on what she was saying....and i heard something about how was always a tomboy growing up..and all that stuff i already mentioned. and she said "i mean i played sports and i was a tomboy and everything..(all the stuff i said about how she probably didnt even realize she was a girl until she was about 13-14)...but im still a girl." so then, this is what i thought i heard her say: "I had to explain to someone today that just because they have a masculine personality doesn't mean they're a man." and i started thinking "oh my god, she must have replied to my email and said that"...this was about 5-6 hours ago now.

so i mean shes still been treating me the same and all so i dont know. maybe she just doesnt know what to say...and i can understand that. funny thing is, what makes this so difficult for me is i tend to see things more the way everyone else does. like i can picture how other people might react, and i can see her as not knowing what to say. and i can nderstand why someone might find it a bit crazy (or maybe more than a bit?..) so i just now went to check if she replied....still no reply

so either she didnt know what to say, or i misheard what she said, maybe she said "i don't want to have to explain that to someone."...ya know?

but really if what i DID hear was all my imagination, i have a very active imagination. it definitely seems way too coincidental that what she was talking about had absolutely nothing to do with that email i sent her..

well tell me if this makes things worse or not: I just sent her another email, i said forget i brought it up, its not your problem, i dont like imposing my problems on other people..and im sorry i brought it up. i guess if she was talking about me...it was a good idea. and if she hasnt even read it yet and im just really paranoid about it and feel like shes talking about me when she probably knew i was right next door, since it was right after i got in...then, well, i guess she'll end up reading both of those emails at the same time...i hope i didn't make things worse by ever bringing it up to beingn with. maybe i should just second-guess myself? because it sure seems better to second-guess your actions before doing them rather than after, and im really starting to question whether or not this was the right thing to do now...

[Guest My_Genesis]

Hey - did you ever think about making copies of your emails and stuff and giving them to your therapist? I mean paper copies - next time you go? That would certainly express what you are and how you think. I thought about it for me - but I post too much.

yeah i see my therapist on friday..maybe i should do that. if i dont have this figured out by then i def. have to bring it up to her...

along with the hormone/prostate/intersex thing thats been bugging me as much as the fact that no one in college really knows me

my gosh, why are our lives so complicated??

[Guest My_Genesis]

ok, well she just replied to my forget i brought it up email. lol

this is what she said, word-for-word:

"No no no! I was just thinking of a well thought out response"

yeah, that didnt help much. still freaking.

[Guest mia 1]

Relax It seems that you are overthinking this entire conversation. It seems that you will take Liz's advice. As a matter of thought I may do the same next tuesday.I emailed my oldest and best friend also. Yeah I will take that email to the therapist thanks for the thread M.G. and thanks for the idea Liz. Mia.

[Guest My_Genesis]

Relax It seems that you are overthinking this entire conversation. It seems that you will take Liz's advice. As a matter of thought I may do the same next tuesday.I emailed my oldest and best friend also. Yeah I will take that email to the therapist thanks for the thread M.G. and thanks for the idea Liz. Mia.

i overthink things too much! difference is im overthinking it after the fact rather than before. so now in addition to overthinking im freaking out as well. its mostly because of what i thought i heard her say to that guy earlier.

idk. i had trouble eating dinner b/c she was with us and i couldnt stop thinking about it (even though shes the one who invited me to join them...) then she was watching a movie with us. and i just felt really awkward about the whole thing, since i didnt even know whether i heard her right....

think i should stop posting now. lol

shes on duty downstairs in the lobby right now, which is why im finally able to do this without worrying that shes gonna walk right into my room while im typing about it. lol

[Sally]

Oh my goodness, we are having a severe attack of paranoia!

Relax, she obviously is not disturbed by what you have said and she is not trying to exclude you,

so why not wait until you get her 'well worded' responce before you react to it?

She might think that you are a lot like her and she can help you or she may even support you.

The one thing that is obvious is that she is not trying to avoid you at all, so that's looking good.

Be patient,

Sally