So I Wrote An Email..

[Guest Cody_T]

calm down dude! That "thinking of a well thought out response" thing? That's good. And I think I'm beginning to speak like Evan

but anyways, the absolute worst thing that is going to happen to you is that she's gonna try and convince you that you're not trans. That's not so bad, because if she opens up a dialogue, you can educate her. She doesn't seem like she's gonna just let it fall to the side, since she's at least thinking about it. And she's not freaking out about it. A discussion wouldn't be too bad, since it will probably make her more understanding. The one issue that you might run into is if she does feel that you are alike, but feels that you are both women. You could use that to your advantage though; your histories might be alike, but she is a girl and you're not; that distinction might come in handy if you make her think about it in the right way.

Not to mention- if you end up having to talk to her/convince her- do not emphasize your masculinity as proof. As much as you might take pride in it, it's nothing in today's society. I'm sure you'll meet women more masculine than you are, and even if you don't, they're out there. The only masculinity that counts is the masculinity that she picks up on. If she needs persuading, stick with other things. It's better to keep out of social stereotypes when making an argument, because they're generalizations and don't actually say anything about your gender, as much as you want them to. They're good for indications but as for proof, that won't cut it. The best way to let people know is to have them know it is something internal and personal, because often trying to point out external proofs makes it seem like you're grasping at straws or trying to prove something that isn't true.

[Guest leo]

why are you panicking?

she abviously doesn't mind else she would of said, and she is even thinking about it

just be patient

[Guest Evan_J]

MG, dude, calm down. First of all, in the final analysis, who cares what she thinks. You're still gonna be you aren 't you? Yeah, its nice to have a nice relationship with her but honestly a couple minutes of her telling you "I got your email" doesn not tell you if thats whats gonna happen. The only way you'll know that is let the relationship occur. Second, QUIT TELLING PEOPLE "ignore what I said". It does make you sound confused. You aren't confused are you? Didn't think so. So quit it.

**clobbers you over the head with a big fish** .....its love....just accept it.

And Cody.....

And I think I'm beginning to speak like Evan

......which is not a "bad" thing

(kidding)

[Guest My_Genesis]

MG, dude, calm down. First of all, in the final analysis, who cares what she thinks. You're still gonna be you aren 't you? Yeah, its nice to have a nice relationship with her but honestly a couple minutes of her telling you "I got your email" doesn not tell you if thats whats gonna happen. The only way you'll know that is let the relationship occur. Second, QUIT TELLING PEOPLE "ignore what I said". It does make you sound confused. You aren't confused are you? Didn't think so. So quit it.

**clobbers you over the head with a big fish** .....its love....just accept it.

well great, she probably thinks im a confused nutcase now

yeah she still treats me the same and stuff, but she hasn't written her response yet.

Not to mention- if you end up having to talk to her/convince her- do not emphasize your masculinity as proof. As much as you might take pride in it, it's nothing in today's society. I'm sure you'll meet women more masculine than you are, and even if you don't, they're out there. The only masculinity that counts is the masculinity that she picks up on. If she needs persuading, stick with other things. It's better to keep out of social stereotypes when making an argument, because they're generalizations and don't actually say anything about your gender, as much as you want them to. They're good for indications but as for proof, that won't cut it. The best way to let people know is to have them know it is something internal and personal, because often trying to point out external proofs makes it seem like you're grasping at straws or trying to prove something that isn't true.

So what exactly am i supposed to say to make it sound like it's a real issue? just say it's an internal/personal thing and that's it? because that doesn't sound very convincing to me

whatever, she has better things to do in her life than come up with a well thought out response to my email. and part of me doesnt want to hear that response because I do have a feeling it's gonna be some kind of argument that you can have a masculine personality and still be a girl. shes into debating and arguing stuff so that's what i got from her reply - a more diplomatic way of saying "I'm just trying to come up with a valid argument to counter yours."

[Sally]

Sweetheart,

You are spending a lot of time trying to formulate all of the possible answers she might give, why not relax and wait for her real answer?

From the amount of thought and indeed worry, fear and actual terror that you have attached to the long awaited responce it would seem that perhaps she is a good deal more to you than just a casual friend.

You have to stop obsessing about this - are you going to go through this everytime you tell someone?

Good heavens, you're going to take twenty years off of your life just worrying and what good has it done so far - none!

Worrying about things that you can not change is a waist of time - worrying about things that you can change doesn't change them only action can change them.

This is one of the things that you can not chnage - think about something else - here comes Momma Sally - you're in school try thinking about your studies!

Let it go, if she tries to tell you that you are wrong, how is that going to hurt you, are you afraid that she is such a good debater that you will change your mind - no!

Do you have any remaining doubts about yourself (as an FTM - you obviously have some self doubt and the usual self esteem issues that so often accompany our gender variance), if not - her words can not change anything.

If she had told you to go away or had been avoiding you, you would have something to be concerned about - but now, just relax!

Love ya,

Sall

[Guest Evan_J]

So what exactly am i supposed to say to make it sound like it's a real issue?

Dude, you don't say anything to "convince" her. Thats just it. You just keep living and let "you" -the regular you - be your "proof". I'm gon' give you the BEST advice I ever got- and it was about this very subject -gender- from a stranger- "forget what other people think". That's it. That's the whole advice. And its perfect. You're waiting for her to respond to you like you're waiting for her to tell you whether or not you're "allowed" to be an ftm. MG, this isn't about her. It isn't about anybody but Genesis. Nobody will "be there" but yourself when you have to live this, when you have to "be you", when you have to get old and die. Quit worrying about what people think. Yeah, friends will be there around you, lovers, mom whatnot but nobody will have to be "Genesis" but him.

And I'm gonna tell you -and I'm only tellin you so you can quit waitin- she likely is not goin to email you back. Forget it. You told her not to. You tell a woman "don't talk to me about it, it disturbs me" and you're waiting? lol Dude, she's doing what you literally told her to do. She (in all likelihood) feels she's honoring what you feel. Quit waiting for the opposite.

Like Sally said,

Let it go, if she tries to tell you that you are wrong, how is that going to hurt you, are you afraid that she is such a good debater that you will change your mind - no!

and what would/should you say if she does say that? "I'm sorry you feel that way, I was just letting you know what was going on with me". Thats all. Cuz honestly thats all there is. Unless, (as she speculated) there's something else this RA is? Something else you would like her to be? (and yeah, at this point I'm grinnin cuz I'm fishin' lol) Cuz it'd be easier for you to just "confess " it to your "family" (thats us) than bein psycho in the dorm lol.

....besides, you might actually get some advice on how to actually get the girl

[Guest Jackson]

Dude, you don't say anything to "convince" her. Thats just it. You just keep living and let "you" -the regular you - be your "proof". I'm gon' give you the BEST advice I ever got- and it was about this very subject -gender- from a stranger- "forget what other people think". That's it. That's the whole advice. And its perfect. You're waiting for her to respond to you like you're waiting for her to tell you whether or not you're "allowed" to be an ftm. MG, this isn't about her. It isn't about anybody but Genesis. Nobody will "be there" but yourself when you have to live this, when you have to "be you", when you have to get old and die. Quit worrying about what people think. Yeah, friends will be there around you, lovers, mom whatnot but nobody will have to be "Genesis" but him.

Once again, Evan is right. You don't have to explain anything. Most everyone I have told (and there have been a lot) don't even care to hear an explanation. H**l, I just found out last week that the women I was smitten with is devastated that I'm doing this. We were professional colleagues before any of this started happening. That's it. Professional colleagues. So the night before New Year's when I took her out for a beer as friends, I had to listen to her give me s**t because of it. I was a little hurt, but I decided that I really didn't care. She doesn't actually know any of the reasons that I am doing this. Maybe someday we'll have a chance to sit down and I can explain. But I don't feel like I have to. I'm not going to let her dictate what I do in life. No matter how much I'd like a woman to tell me what to do sometimes.

[Guest leo]

evan and jackson are completely right

it may be hard that someone may not agree with what you are doing and i know that hurts

people what everyone to accept them, but truth is there will always be someone who wont, thats just life

so if she accepts great

but if she doesnt, just blow it off, not big deal, her loss

[Guest Elizabeth K]

hummmmm

Just an opinion here and please remember I am going the opposite direction MTF..

You last post? Full of girl-think. It's soooo full of self doubt and second guessing. And guys don't worry so much about relating to others, but are so full of themseves they offer once, no taker, heck, move on.

Just a thought. I understand you went vulnerable for a moment - and nothing seemed to happen? Remember guys are super thick skinned because of their position of power in the world over girls, so the heck with her. Let her recognise her mistake and you MIGHT reconsider talking to her again - plenty of other ichtyloplasma in the salty realm.

Ooops outa character fo me again - darn it

[Guest My_Genesis]

not really that I care about what she thinks so much as I'm tired of feeling isolated and different, and that I wouldn't be treated "normally" by her or anyone else once i tell them..

You last post? Full of girl-think. It's soooo full of self doubt and second guessing. And guys don't worry so much about relating to others, but are so full of themseves they offer once, no taker, heck, move on.

Well at least now I have something else to worry about...

I'm always self-examining my thoughts/behavior to see if they'd be typical of a guy. Like I wasn't already paranoid enough about that...

Geez, there's another more feminine thing - paranoia.

Anyways, she's been sick the past few days & earlier tonight she was lying in bed, I was in her room, and I told her there was something I was going to ask her from my writing class but I can't remember, and she goes, "Oh, by the way, I'm really sorry I never replied to your email...I wanted to give you a good response and not just be like 'ok, well i'm sorry, whatever.' but all this s**t was going down and i didn't get to write back" (guessing that's because it was the first week back from break..) "..if you ever want to talk about it my door is always open..unless i'm sleeping which has been pretty often lately" (and something about helping me fit in better?)

So yeah once she didn't reply right away and she always acted the same around me I figured she either forgot about it, didn't know what to say, etc.

Unless, (as she speculated) there's something else this RA is? Something else you would like her to be? (and yeah, at this point I'm grinnin cuz I'm fishin' lol) Cuz it'd be easier for you to just "confess " it to your "family" (thats us) than bein psycho in the dorm lol.

lol, to be honest i didn't even pick that up when i read what sally said. i took it as a "close friend" - like, if you value a friendship more than just an aquaintance, like one of your good friends, you're going to worry about it a lot more.

Although, again, to be honest...it's always the conservative ones...lol...but she's older than i am so let's be realistic here

plus when i was in there i had enough fun hearing her talk about how her boobs got bigger today which seems to have some correlation with this cold or whatever she has. lol. and it's funny because when i originally walked in i thought "better" with complete disregard to the "bigger" part, assuming it's all in my head anyway....and after that i was pretty much wondering as we were talking why she keeps complaining & making it sound like a bad thing.

ok, enough of the lusty anecdoting. at least in written form lol.

[Sally]

It seems like is so often the case you have worried and worried about a problem that doesn't seem to be much of a problem.

Now can you relax a little?

She knows, she told you that her door is always open and is willing to talk about it - that's really all you can ask of anyone!

I certainly wouldn't expect her to turn cartwheels down the hallway, well not until she's feeling better anyway!

Relax, be yourself and let life happen - you can enjoy it if you don't worry so much!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest bronx]

G-

Dude to dude your a man, bottom line. I think you should stop wondering about what makes you a man and what doesn't. All people men and women have both masc. and femn. qualities. I know I do. Infack I'm told I ack like girl cause I'm in the bathroom for a long time and I iron everything I wear and I wont leave the house unless I look and smell good. Do I care? Nope. I'm a man and that's that I don't allow society or anyone to tell me what makes ma a man. I just am!!!

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Bronx - you got it down. Yes, I realized that I didn't need to LEARN to act female because I already am, have always been. I just need to let it out, and to blend with my male experince what I want to keep, and lose what I don't want anymore. Its a mature step, realizing that. My therapist helped me understand.

We are Gender Gifted that way - double experienced in most things.

And My-Gen?

I would like to take back what I said about 'girl-think.' It was sorta stupid to say that, as you are what you are and thats a fine young man working toward understanding.

Wow - this topic is long - not a complaint please understand - but I am always tuning in to see the latest developments - a sorta AS THE DORM TURNS, or The Young and the Restless in College - HA...

Shut up Liz - I NEED MY COFFEEEEEEE - the commute was horrid! Oh I want this to work for you, My-Gen...

[Guest My_Genesis]

Bronx - you got it down. Yes, I realized that I didn't need to LEARN to act female because I already am, have always been. I just need to let it out, and to blend with my male experince what I want to keep, and lose what I don't want anymore. Its a mature step, realizing that. My therapist helped me understand.

We are Gender Gifted that way - double experienced in most things.

And My-Gen?

I would like to take back what I said about 'girl-think.' It was sorta stupid to say that, as you are what you are and thats a fine young man working toward understanding.

Wow - this topic is long - not a complaint please understand - but I am always tuning in to see the latest developments - a sorta AS THE DORM TURNS, or The Young and the Restless in College - HA...

Shut up Liz - I NEED MY COFFEEEEEEE - the commute was horrid! Oh I want this to work for you, My-Gen...

coffee doesn't work for me anymore..i have such a high tolerance for drugs lol.

Didn't mean to turn this into a soap opera. I'm not too crazy about soap operas myself

Yeah idk if i'll ever actually take up her offer. I'm more of a show-er than a talker. Like maybe if I ever have any physical/medical evidence (I'm discussing getting natural T levels tested with my therapist)..I'd go in her room and just hand her the paper & not actually say anything about it. My points generally seem to get across better that way lol.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

You know we loves ya My-Gen!! Loves ya loves ya loves ya

Soap Opera was a joke you know that - but I thought I was rather funny with that

And what the heck is this high tolerance for drugs thing? Get outta that habit now if you are talking about the recreational stuff! If you have any sorta problems like that you are NEVER gonna get outa therapy or on HRT because the med profession won't buy in to your need to transition until you are clean/ Besides, much as you hate where you are sometimes, you can make it worse by trying to make it better through chemistry. When i went on HRT I gave up alcohol - no real additction or anything - I just gave it up. I wanted the new girl hormones to work without competiton of any kind.

Great Aunt Lizzy - sorry

I just worry 'bout you.

Coffee? yes - need to cut back. I drink one cup a day but it's in a 32 oz cup - ha!

My-Gen - you really seem fond of this person - hope it works out.

[Guest leo]

My-Gen, glad things worked out better then you expected!

see there was no need to worry was there?!

she seems like a nice girl,hope everything turns out the way you wont it

[Sally]

Did you ever stop to think that she is very busy and had been very ill, a lot of catching up to do. You have spoken, briefly, about it and maybe since she is just fine with it and still likes you - she has moved on, thinking that everything is OK between you. Which it is!

Do you need a signed letter from her before you can transition? NO!

Do you need her approval to transition? NO!

Do you need her friendship? YES! You have that now, don't worry about a response and push until you drive her nuts and she doesn't want to be your friend anymore.

Just be friends and one day she might send you that well worded response, if not do you need it more than your friend?

Lov ya,

Sally

[Guest My_Genesis]

hmm, well i don't know if this happens to anyone else...but every time someone says anything that even SUGGESTS I have any attraction for guys I completely flip out. For example, the night before I got back to school..ok, backtrack a bit. there's his kid in my hall that i hang out with sometimes. so the night before i got back to school i wrote a quote on my friend's facebook wall from someone else's profile, it was like a dialogue and there was a guy with the same name in it. so she replies "you're obsessed with Jon I swear :/" And I go "different Jon". And for the rest of the night I was just freaking about it, thinking that she thinks I like this guy, feeling completely disgusted and disturbed and depressed by it.

So now, earlier today, my RA comes in my room and I have a few tabs open on my computer. and one of them is this guy's facebook page. so she asks me who he is, and i said "a friend from 2 of my classes..." and she goes "some guy you like?" and i go "no..." and she's all "You're blushing! You're totally blushing! You have a crush on him! So busted!" And I was trying to say I didn't and she just kept saying "Busted!"

So really I guess I just blush because of anxiety? Because every time something like that comes up I blush....

So at this point...I was freaking just like I was with my friend, but even worse, because (1) it was in person not on facebook , and (2), I never discussed orientation or anything with her so I'm pretty much up in the air with what she thinks about this whole thing....and obviously if she thinks I like guys that kinda makes everything i told her seem less valid, ya know?...

So I went to eat dinner like 30 mins. later and while I was eating I texted her and said "Ok well I was definitely blushing but that wasn't the reason." and she replies "So what's up then?" And I said "It's just when people say things like that....you know, never mind. I don't want to talk about it." So just about 15 mins ago she replies "haha ok." then knocks on my door, comes in & goes "you still don't want to talk about it?" and i go "No." ":pats me on the shoulder: Well ok. Then I guess I'll just keep bugging you about it." "You can do that if you want. That's your decision."

and that was pretty much it. but it just...idk, it really bugs me. and it actually makes me cry same as the time she was asking me if there are any guys I like and all that...and same with my friend on facebook. And I hate it. I feel like I have to prove something to them when they do that. I wish I could just be like "You don't get it. AT ALL. I identify as a straight male. Quit saying things like that already!"

Something else that happened kinda like this....so there's this other guy who's a sophomore and he has a gf, and his facebook status said "I have one thing on my mind. I miss you." (Maybe I should get off facebook ) So anyway someone comments on it "that's really gay." And idk it just really made me angry. I mean I actually noticed he can have that "personality" sometimes (I laughed at a photo he had posing in a new shirt or something ) But seriously...it just drove me insane. Like if someone said that to me it would just crush whatever ego & self esteem I have. So do all guys go through this or is it exacerbated by the trans thing?

[Guest Evan_J]

All straight, marginally homophobic guys go through that

And I put the smiley face cuz you are not a criminal for not wanting to be thought of as something you're not. If a lesbian gets angry that people assume she's straight or likes some guy people who "know what she is" defend her. If a gay man or even straight woman are in the same spot they too get "defended". But if a straight guy does it a lot of people want to act like he committed some evil sin for it not being ok to take him to be something he isn't. Its part of that whole villanizing heterosexual males thing thats going on.

No it is not "cool" to be homophobic however it is (to be real honest) "understandable" when a straight male doesn't want to be cast into a grouping that he knows will be "looked down upon" should other het guys find out about it/think it too. And thats really whats going on, both for the genetic straight guys and the trans straight guys. Is it all ultimately based on the notion that a gay male is somehow "less" than a straight male? Yes. Is that wrong? Yes. But while humanity is getting EVERYone to feel that way a whole bunch of people are gonna be "bothered" by being wrongly grouped. Plus, like I said, even when we hit "nirvana" you still don't wanna be made into something you aren't. Gay peeps (a lot of em) don' t want to be made out to be straight. Why's it ok to make a straight person out to be gay?

I dunno. I will take the unpopular position of "friend to the straight man" cuz I never see that as "alright to be" anymore and personally I don't like it.

[Guest My_Genesis]

All straight, marginally homophobic guys go through that

And I put the smiley face cuz you are not a criminal for not wanting to be thought of as something you're not. If a lesbian gets angry that people assume she's straight or likes some guy people who "know what she is" defend her. If a gay man or even straight woman are in the same spot they too get "defended". But if a straight guy does it a lot of people want to act like he committed some evil sin for it not being ok to take him to be something he isn't. Its part of that whole villanizing heterosexual males thing thats going on.

No it is not "cool" to be homophobic however it is (to be real honest) "understandable" when a straight male doesn't want to be cast into a grouping that he knows will be "looked down upon" should other het guys find out about it/think it too. And thats really whats going on, both for the genetic straight guys and the trans straight guys. Is it all ultimately based on the notion that a gay male is somehow "less" than a straight male? Yes. Is that wrong? Yes. But while humanity is getting EVERYone to feel that way a whole bunch of people are gonna be "bothered" by being wrongly grouped. Plus, like I said, even when we hit "nirvana" you still don't wanna be made into something you aren't. Gay peeps (a lot of em) don' t want to be made out to be straight. Why's it ok to make a straight person out to be gay?

I dunno. I will take the unpopular position of "friend to the straight man" cuz I never see that as "alright to be" anymore and personally I don't like it.

I think what bothers me even more is that what she said is kinda implying that she thinks I'm a straight female. Which is probably even worse, because like I said, it invalidates my whole "I've had this strong desire to be a guy since I was 2-3 y.o." email explanation that I sent her.

I call it self-homophobic though just to distinguish it from actual homophobia. I'm not homophobic..although I don't think any of them should have the right to be happily married until I do..which involves me in a sexual relationship, which in turn involves having functional male equipment.

So I'm kinda jealous of gay people..ok, time to come out of the closet with this lol: When Prop. 8 went through, in the back of my head (though def. not subconsciously, just not outwardly spoken), this is what I was thinking "Haha! in all of your faces! You have no right to be happily married and treated equally until I am able to get married like anyone else does."

:feeling a bit guilty and selfish:

[Guest Cody_T]

I'm glad you posted Evan... cause I try not to let it, but those kind of things bother me (no reflection on you, MyGen, just a subject area I don't like). But I do think you have a point about the taboo it is to stick up for straight guys on this kind of matter, and I really respect that because I see a lot of "reverse -ism" going on where it isn't considered a problem to bash someone just because they belong to the majority, and that's wrong. So it kind of made me consider it more to read that.

Still, I hate it when people say something like, "and obviously if she thinks I like guys that kinda makes everything i told her seem less valid" or "I feel like I have to prove something to them when they do that" - because where does that put me? There was a time when gay guys couldn't even transition because of that societal prejudice that you had to be attracted to women in order to be trans. So I recognize the homophobia, I understand it, but it still kind of hurts, when I see it laid out there that people consider straightness to be such an indication of masculinity, and even just acting slightly effeminate to be a weakness. I think that it's someone's perogative how they act, and it's not up to other people to put them down for acting gay or straight or whatever. And if you dare think I'm any less of a man because I'm gay, I will challenge you to a urinating contest. And win.

And I'm sorry, this is kind of a frequent topic of mine in response to your posts, it seems .

I will offer some good words:

Most people, in order to be nice, will not automatically assume someone is "homosexual" (not your situation, I know- but that's how they see you), so chances are they are saying this because it is a normal reaction. Even if they think you do like girls, most girls (I'm assuming... I don't quite have their social graces though) will not point blank ask you, "do you like girls?" or assume so outwardly without you admitting it. It's just like the "are you sure you're not just a butch lesbian" comment I got from my best friend when I came out (someone with whom I've probably discussed Johnny Depp's supreme hotness just a few too many times). They go with what seems most normal for the situation. I bet you, if you were to tell those friends who tease you about guys (based on your own assessment of your masculinity- I can't say for sure) that you actually like girls, they won't be surprised. But it's not as socially acceptable, or friend making, to go around teasing "straight girls" about liking girls as it is to tease them about guys... the second is practically a form of female bonding. And male bonding, strangely enough. So trust me- in your situation, it is not likely an indication of you that people say those things. I get people asking if I'm a lesbian or making jokes about me being a lesbian, and it bothers me too... mostly because in order to be a lesbian I have to be a girl, but I guess a little bit because I don't like girls either. So I know how you feel, but you just have to realize that it's a product of the uncomfortable situation you're in. Is there any way you can come out to more people or something? Because it seems like the closet is really not working for you.

[Guest My_Genesis]

I'm glad you posted Evan... cause I try not to let it, but those kind of things bother me (no reflection on you, MyGen, just a subject area I don't like). But I do think you have a point about the taboo it is to stick up for straight guys on this kind of matter, and I really respect that because I see a lot of "reverse -ism" going on where it isn't considered a problem to bash someone just because they belong to the majority, and that's wrong. So it kind of made me consider it more to read that.

Still, I hate it when people say something like, "and obviously if she thinks I like guys that kinda makes everything i told her seem less valid" or "I feel like I have to prove something to them when they do that" - because where does that put me? There was a time when gay guys couldn't even transition because of that societal prejudice that you had to be attracted to women in order to be trans. So I recognize the homophobia, I understand it, but it still kind of hurts, when I see it laid out there that people consider straightness to be such an indication of masculinity, and even just acting slightly effeminate to be a weakness. I think that it's someone's perogative how they act, and it's not up to other people to put them down for acting gay or straight or whatever. And if you dare think I'm any less of a man because I'm gay, I will challenge you to a urinating contest. And win.

And I'm sorry, this is kind of a frequent topic of mine in response to your posts, it seems .

I will offer some good words:

Most people, in order to be nice, will not automatically assume someone is "homosexual" (not your situation, I know- but that's how they see you), so chances are they are saying this because it is a normal reaction. Even if they think you do like girls, most girls (I'm assuming... I don't quite have their social graces though) will not point blank ask you, "do you like girls?" or assume so outwardly without you admitting it. It's just like the "are you sure you're not just a butch lesbian" comment I got from my best friend when I came out (someone with whom I've probably discussed Johnny Depp's supreme hotness just a few too many times). They go with what seems most normal for the situation. I bet you, if you were to tell those friends who tease you about guys (based on your own assessment of your masculinity- I can't say for sure) that you actually like girls, they won't be surprised. But it's not as socially acceptable, or friend making, to go around teasing "straight girls" about liking girls as it is to tease them about guys... the second is practically a form of female bonding. And male bonding, strangely enough. So trust me- in your situation, it is not likely an indication of you that people say those things. I get people asking if I'm a lesbian or making jokes about me being a lesbian, and it bothers me too... mostly because in order to be a lesbian I have to be a girl, but I guess a little bit because I don't like girls either. So I know how you feel, but you just have to realize that it's a product of the uncomfortable situation you're in. Is there any way you can come out to more people or something? Because it seems like the closet is really not working for you.

What makes it seem invalidated is that I don't know if she's aware that this is a real gender identity thing. I explained it bare bones deliberately because I didn't want to go into too much detail about it so I don't know if she realizes that it's so deeply ingrained into..basically my neurological wiring. So when she asked that, I figured she must just think I'm a straight female who's really confused? I don't know, but if she thinks I'm a straight female, that definitely invalidates everything I told her.

About coming out to more people..well she's the first person here I spoke to about it, and she's the one that started all this stuff up again. Like the other friend who left me that facebook message also knew. So it's actually the people who I've spoken to about it that make me crazy when they say stuff like that. What bugs me more about my friend though is that I've actually told her (multiple times) that I identify as a straight male. At least with my RA I can't really worry about it as much because I completely avoided any mention of orientation in the email I wrote her. But ith my friend..sometimes I just feel like she doesn't get it. The day before I left for college in september, she said "sorry I forgot to say this before, but good luck in college, be safe, pay attention in class, don't look at hot girls/guys, etc..." And I asked her what "don't look at hot girls/guys" is supposed to mean but she never answered. So I just feel like maybe she's trying to figure out if I'm attracted to guys by saying stuff like this.

So my point is, if it's someone who I haven't mentioned anything to, it doesn't really bug me like that. It's when someone knows about it, yet still says things they would have said to me if they knew nothing about it, that it really starts to get to me.

[Guest leo]

dont worry My_Gen i feel the exact same, cus of my body people automatically think i like guys, just as they would think a guy likes females.

really does my head in when people think that, mind the circle of friends im in now, know i likes girls, even at work people know, and ppl who dont know me, dont talk to me so its not a problem.

mind when i get to uni in september then im gona have a problem

[Guest bronx]

Hey G-

This is coming from my experience, in stages.

1- when I was around your age in my early 20's people knew that i was attracted to women and thought I was a butch lesbian, I hated that. I spent alot of time and energy trying to explain to them tha I was a straight man. I tried to over masculize everthing I did to be seen that way. That really didn't work because I wasn't being myself and others saw right through it.

2-I then started to live as a man and some people thought I was a gay man 'cause I looked feminine and I again tried to over masculize myself. That didn't work. I thought what the...now. I needed to transition.

3-I started to take T and I started to pass and I started to be myself. No-longer caring about how others saw me. As I started to become more comfortable with who I was then others treated me that way.

Straight men make gay jokes to each other all the time it's no big deal to them. Infact I work with all guys at my job and I've learned it's a part of male bonding.

I guess what I'm trying to piont out to the guys just starting out is that your transition doesn't just go from I finally realize I'm a man to everyone seeing and treating you for who you are. It all happens in stages, and as you move though each stage you learn more about who you are. You start to see things a little diffrently. You become more comfortable in every day situations, such as using the mens room, talking to other guys and girls. And life does change for the better. You just have to be patient and allow yourself to grow. It can be frustrating at times even painful, You might even overthink yourself. That's normal, but what I can say is that in the end YOU will become YOU. (others will see that) Just be open to what's going on around you and sinsitive as well.

[Sally]

Listen to Bronx, it does take time. You guys are young enough to remeber puberty and how long that lasted - well guess what - when you start on T, they take your body through a second puberty, this time as male. It can't happen over night, as your body changes, so will you , you are male in your minds right now, but as your body becaomes more masculine the inner conflicr dies away and your acceptance level grows along with your confidence, if you don't undermine it by over thinking and rushing things.

Basically you are a teenager again, going through puberty like all og the other guys did - you're voice will crack and you have a very good shot at acne before the facial hair starts and the muscle mass begins to show - enjoy it, you missed it the first time around, don't rush past this experience and chance for emotional growth aw well.

Love ya,

Sally