So I Wrote An Email..

[Guest Cody_T]

I know it's really hard to do this, but why don't you sit down with your RA and with your friend and just outright say, "I know you see it differently, but I am a guy and I would really appreciate it if you could respect me in this regard. My gender identity is a strong part of who I am, as well as my orientation. As any other straight guy would, I feel belittled and attacked when you constantly assume that I am attracted to men. When you react like that, it makes me feel like you don't see any reason to respect me as a person, and that you have chosen not to accept something very personal that I made you privy to only in the hopes that you might at least try to understand. I don't see that in your actions, but I'm willing to try and understand why you do those things." (do they use the correct pronouns/ do you have any reason for them to use pronouns? Because now would be a good time to add that... don't know your situation though so that's up to you)

Okay, that little speech above probably isn't so good for your RA... but maybe with your friend. The main thing to keep in mind is that you have to build respect. It makes it so much easier for people to accept your gender identity, even if they don't like it, if they respect you as a person. Since it's unlikely that you just randomly have a position of respect from your RA, you need to speak in a confident way that commands respect.

And did you mention your orientation at all to your RA? Because just being trans has nothing to do with orientation so she might just not realize it. In which case you should probably sit down with her and let her know, but in a less accusatory way.

[Guest Evan_J]

I'm glad I read both your posts before replying MG and Cody, cuz MG I almost just addressed the fact that you should be careful about making it seem all about sexual preference to ANYbody.- Why would you sell yourself so short? Quit playing your cards to suit other peoples shortcomings. And even though I technically am addressing this next part to Cody, MG you need to hear it, Cody's right. You -or anybody- can very well be attracted to males and still be "a man". Its actually rather fundamental to the phrase "gay man". Whatever opinions, phobias, or anything else, a gay man is still a man. Never do I doubt that. It sounds like Cody has his head on straight enough as one that he doesn't either. But MG, even though I know the kind of homophobia that almost makes you have some "issues" with the whole liking men thing. (Heck I'm not just getting over being homophobic, I honestly had the audacity to be trans phobic.....) theres something deeper going on here and I want to be able to just pour it like water into your brain but I know I can't instead I'll have to figure out how to be there as a friend while you find it for yourself ....and that is that you're gonna have to find out and discover and know and be sure exactly "what being a man is" and its not who you sleep with, or having a penis or talking a bunch of kuka or anything else. And when you know it the woman, Cody, me, and nobody else will be able to make you feel like "you're less of one" no matter what the hell you do.

Bronx hit on part of it, and I know the intention was to help assuage how you feel, but the truth is, as miraculous as T is, the finding comfort with yourself is going to have to start long before it. You really want to believe that you only do because of a drug? You better find yourself. Or you'll spend your life thinking who you are is in your shot. Thats just as good as a guy who thinks its in his penis. The penis can be taken away from you.

Am I breathin down your throat? Yup. Am I gonna stop? Nope. Cuz its something you need to hear. And I like you.

Cody's also right in his last post. His course of action is what a "man" would do. Address what actually is wrong. Not sit there twisting your fingers and speculating on what people feel about you while you play "what if" with your friends. I know you want a fully functioning penis, but where exactly do you want em to put your cahones?

You better watch yourself.....the last time I had to kick out this much tough love I ended up "related" to that person. You don't want to be stuck with me do you????

[Guest My_Genesis]

Well I don't know, we haven't spoken about it since that last time I mentioned. I just don't feel like talking about it unless I really need to. Like I said, she told me her door is always open if I ever want to talk about it, but I don't like just going around volunteering to "vent my feelings". Does that make it sound more manly at all? lol.

Anyway, I found out last week I can get my T levels tested at the school for about $150. I'm broke right now though lol. My main motivation to get a job though is so I can get this test done, pay for it without my parents having to become more involved than I want them to be

And I'll see what happens with that. Because I'd much rather discuss it with her, or anyone else, in more depth, if I can back it up with something physiological. And if I can't, then I'll think about moving forward with it anyway. It'll just be a bit more difficult.

So another example of this, last night at dinner, we were talking about "Never Have I Ever". And I found out (from this girl sitting next to me - big mouth - lol) that these 2 guys in my hall (who are roommates) are virgins (one of them volunteered that info playing the game so that's how it came up). So in my head, it was just a giant "WOOHOO I'm not a total loser!" party.

So then my RA says "Never have I ever owned a Mac" and I say "Never have I ever liked Macs.." and this girl goes "What did you say?" So I repeated, and she said "Oooh, I thought you said never have I ever liked men..I was thinking, really, I didn't know that.."

And all that bothered me about that was that I wish I could have just said "Well that's true too." But instead I just laughed and was thinking "If only you knew..." But i didn't have a major freakout over it because she has no idea. With people who know I guess it's an issue just because it's like opening up a whole new can of worms, and I have a perfect opportunity to tell them, but I just feel really uncomfortable talking about it with anyone. And part of it is major dysphoria. I just get really weirded out talking about sexual stuff like that because I'm not physically male.