Officially Told Mum...

[Guest Emily89]

Hey hey,

So my initial plan was to carry on this act until I loose some weight and just slowly make small changes,

Well I got rid of my stupid "Boy Racer" car, I secretly hated it but always went with the act, and stopped lifting heavy weights at the gym.

I mentioned that Mum found some female clothing in my wardrobe and my parents had a conversation with me, and I told them I would get help, which I did.

So after my therapy today, my sister was out so my Dad asked some questions. I was pretty honest in saying, I have a problem, it's not going to go away. He replied "It's not something you can hide, it's most likely from the womb"

This got my mum upset, blaming herself and crying and He went upstairs... Typical male... Tut tut!!

So that left me and Mum to chat, and she mentioned she had been reading about teen transgender issues and how bad parenting or strict parenting can make someone feel worthless and transgendered.

I then for some really strange reason said to her, it's nothing to do with parents. It's most likely something genetic and it's not her fault. I told her clearly, I have Gender Dysphoria and gave her my COGIATI test printout, and showed her the questions.

She was actually really understanding, so I went on to explain that I was going to ask my GP to refer me to Gender Identity Clinic and most likely would end up being diagnosed and becoming who I really was.

She has a lot to think about and pretty much told me that it's a lot to get her head around, but said.... "Remember, you are always going to be our child, and we love you no matter what"

She didn't say son, she said child <3

So I'm not sat here in floods of tears, it's only a matter of time before Dad knows and it just feels soo good to finally tell her it exactly.

All she knew up until now was that I was unhappy, and that I occasionally dressed up.

I gave her some links and the printout of the COGIATI test, so hopefully she will read up a bit more, and told her that transgendered is not the same as transsexual which she should be researching.

I feel kinda overwhelmed, It all came from my Dad being a bit insensitive and as usually me being a bit over caring,

Anyway, night all from a very tearful Ems xx

[Guest Robin Winter]

Sounds like it went pretty well, all things considered I hope you manage to get a referral quickly, that's such a positive step forward, and it can lead to a better understanding for your parents as well if you're willing to include them every now and then.

[Guest Angel Heart]

Sounds like it went very well!

I hope your Dad takes it just as well!

:)

[Carolyn Marie]

You have very understanding parents, Emily. You could do worse, much worse. I'm glad things went as well as they did. There will be tough times ahead, for you and for them, but this is a very good start. I hope you have a sympathetic doctor, because I know how difficult the NHS can be for transfolk to navigate. I wish you luck.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Ems

I am glad to hear that things went well. Your parents may go through a bit of depression and think they have failed you somehow.

Reassure them that being transgendered is something completely out of their control and is not the result of their action or inaction. I am not saying this will happen with your parents, but I wanted you to be aware that this could happen.

Love.

Brenda

[Guest Emily89]

It felt good telling her it exactly and giving her my COGIATI test results. While the test doesn't prove that much, it at least gives her the exact terms to research, "Gender Dysphoria", "Transsexualism" rather than cross dressing and confidence issues.

She did say she couldn't deal with me walking around in women's clothes, but then again I wouldn't feel comfortable walking around the house until I was at least partly passable, I think there's a difference between expressing myself personally and expressing the true self outside of my own realm. It hasn't stopped me from growing my nails, shaving, stopping the weight lifting and getting a more sensible (More feminine) car but those things could be considered normal anyway.

It's kind of nice now thinking about what I can do to prepare, loosing weight is only a small part of it, growing my hair, looking after my nails/teeth ect are now all part of my everyday life, where as before brushing teeth, not biting my nails ect where things I never did. I mean I never looked after my body hence the weight ect, but now I am concentrating more on Uni work and Looking after my body, because I now have a future.

Thanks for the nice messages and I'm sure there will be many more updates along the way,

Ems xx

[Guest Emily89]

Small update, worked nearly all weekend, nice to get out and be in my own space and get paid for it.

Didn't really see much of my Dad today as he went into work early afternoon, but he just called me and said

"Sorry for the soppy phone call but I want you to know, no matter what happens over the next year with University or this other problem your going through I'll support you no matter what"

He knows I cross dress, he knows it's not for self gratification and he knows I am seeing a counselor for gender issues. And he has mentioned to me before today that I shouldn't feel bad as It's probably a "Womb thing" and nothing I can do about it.

I think my Dad will actually be ok with this, and I was worrying he wouldn't. Just my sister to go, but that can wait a little while!

Sooo happy I actually started crying after I hung up the phone

And I am no longer cutting, My councilor said to me, "Look after your body because you may end up becoming Emily but will she want all the scars to go with it?" which actually got me thinking hard and the answer is no, I don't want all the scars!

Big Hugs

Ems xx

[Guest angels wings]

Emily what a wonderful outcome so happy for you. Thanks so much for the update . You give hope to so many . Keep shining lovey

Angel

[Charlize]

This is a great thread to read. You have made such progress in being yourself. Person hygiene is a great place to start. Time will allow more forward progress. Being honest with the world somehow frees us to no longer hurt our selves. You may be free of that but remember to get help if you hit a stumbling block. It helps to know that someone has your back as you move forward. Your counselor, parents and the folks here are all on your side.

Please keep us posted as you move on your path.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Mia J]

Emily that is wonderful news. Glad to hear it.

Mia

[Guest Emily89]

Well I'm going to tell a good friend tonight / gym buddy. He has questioned for some time why I no longer want to bulk up and knows I was in depression for well always, so I feel it's time to answer some of his questions and stop him wandering why I don't want to "Bulk up".

So tonight I'm going to explain to him and he knows I got something to tell him that may affect our friendship, but he already told me he isn't homophobic and will research it, so hopefully he will be accepting.

Anyway, wish me luck

Ems xx

[Guest (Lightsider)]

Emily I do wish you the best on this. Some advice.

1. Make sure you are not totally isolated. You never know how some one might react...

2. Hope for the best plan for the worst.

I have experienced out right rejection, acceptance and even acceptance then a few days later the same person gave rejection. My Dad reacted that way. You know what he said? I will you no matter what. A few days later he said, "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE GAY?" Yeah...from there it got ugly. My sister does not care for his attitude towards me much. My sister and my gay cousin and nephew (Who is a marine of all things) are my strongest family supporters. You know what my Marine Cousin said? He said at first he was shocked...and about 30 minutes later he said, "SHE is still family."

So you never know how some one will react. Hugs and good luck.

[Guest Emily89]

I find it eassier to tell people because I was actually diagnosed the other day with a severe form of Dysphoria anyway, so the Gender Dysphoria kind of leads on from that,

By introducing Dysphoria and what that is and explaining that the world doesn't fit or feel opposite leads nicely on.

I basically wrote this to him a few minutes ago, and will wait for him to come online and read it;

Ems xx

Well here’s some reading for you, I have severe Dysphoria http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysphoria, basically I feel like the world doesn’t fit, everything is wrong or opposite to what it should be. More specifically my therapist said I definitely have a form of GID, hence why lifting heavy weights and bulking up, the boy racer saxo and growing beard etc. were really putting me down. Now I’ve got rid of the saxo and stopped trying to bulk up shaving etc. I feel slightly less depressed. It’s still really bad but with help from Therapist and doctors it’s apparently manageable, just finding the level or balance to make the world feel right.

The other week when I basically had a break down Dad was acting really friendly, I was on Testosterone for gym and had that Saxo and basically it all got too much. Nothing I could control and it’s an illness that I can’t just switch off from. It’s why at times I appear switched off or act silly in Uni, but then suddenly when I actually get focus I can knock out an assignment in no time and actually do well.

Anyway, it’s not like anything will change much while at Uni, by the time I end up getting referred to Hospital and start managing it all we will most likely be nearly done with Uni. Just want you to know so well you know why I’m like it. Obviously feel free to ask any questions, more than happy to answer them.

[Guest]

Emily, The news that you are taking good care of yourself and the lines of communications are open, is very heart warming indeed!

I was a nail biter, hoped my body wouldn't last, so i could be free of all that! My standard outfit was black T-shirts and raggedy blue jeans to fit my drab outlook on life. Now that I have found me, on the outside as well as the inside, I can live a colorful, happy and well cared for life. I didn't have much to smile about back then, but today I can smile like a florescent light bulb!

Your Barbie car is sitting somewhere with a For Sale sign on it. When you truly find you and the car, you can drive off to your happy destiny! I can imagine your hair blowing in the breeze and that very same smile on your pretty face. Your mileage won't vary, if you just keep tuning you up. Happy motoring! JodyAnn

[Guest]

BTW One of my daydream Barbie Cars would be a pink Mini Copper S Rally, not the new kind, but the real deal. Trouble is, I would have the engine out from under the bonnet and stuffed in the back seat! Mid engined with a turbo, Yes, I'm still a little conflicted at times. Beep beep and a wave. LOL! Jody

[Guest Emily89]

BTW One of my daydream Barbie Cars would be a pink Mini Copper S Rally, not the new kind, but the real deal. Trouble is, I would have the engine out from under the bonnet and stuffed in the back seat! Mid engined with a turbo, Yes, I'm still a little conflicted at times. Beep beep and a wave. LOL! Jody

Unfortunately I am the same, I had this car a week and I was annoyed that vauxhall/opel had limited the inlet manifold, so that came off, throttle body and intake and it was all ported/polished and a new air intake made, now it runs better than ever :/

I suppose girls can have fun with cars too right? Next step is to install my sound system I saved from the old car then I'll be done for now! hehe

Well I told my friend and his response was actually wonderful

Mate that dosnt change anything and it seems very small like you said and you are doing all the right things

Sorry for the late reply I wasnt at my machine

There is nothing wrong with you at all =]

I did kinda sorta know already lol =]

Figured it out with all the not so subtle changes

regardless of identity gender or w/e your still the same person makes no difference.

=]

I actually don't think I could have wished for a better response

Thanks again guys, I'm buzzing now, so got to focus that into Uni work

Ems xx