Changed Name in Real Life

[Guest Eric6]

I've mostly kept any transgender feelings to myself and it's true that changing my name is a small thing. My original name was definitely female.

About a week ago I came to a decision that scared me: I would post a request online for my friends to begin calling me by my second name, which shortens to Alex. [Moderators, if it isn't ok to mention this, please remove the last four words of last sentence!] I've been thinking of myself by that name for awhile and using it where people didn't know me. It fits me better, is the best way I can think of it. I was afraid to do it because I thought I might be judged or that people would have trouble with it. This doesn't appear so so far, though I admit I've only interacted with friends online.

I'm annoyed with myself now for not having had the guts to do this 20-odd years ago, when I was *in* my 20s. Of course, when I was that age, there was no Internet and people were much less informed than they are now about such things. I've tried to think back and remember what I knew about transgender at that age. It wasn't much. I had heard of Christine Jorgensen and the vague information that not so many people transitioned to male because the surgery was more difficult. It was treated as something mysterious and not something an ordinary balanced person would do. I read about women who disguised themselves as male; this has always fascinated me.

Another thing I have done, which I did just *before* the name thing, was to tell a friend that I had transgender feelings. I have never told anyone away from this site. This person had posted a few weeks before that they were genderqueer. I researched this and decided that wasn't quite me; I didn't think the word "queer" applied to me. My friend was very helpful and welcoming about it and suggested perhaps genderneutral was me, since I've admitted to not having much sexual attraction to either gender. More to males but not following through. I still don't know. I have definite chest dysphoria ( ordered two new binders from Underworks today, as a matter of fact :-) ) and like to be seen as male. I wear male clothing, more definitely male all the time.

So those are my two events!

I am now thinking harder about gender counselling, if I can find the right person. This may mean having the guts to talk to my doctor!

I've also decided I have the guts to post a picture of myself and ask how well people think I pass? I've had a closer haircut since then but otherwise it's still me! It's the first time I've attached a pic, hope I have done it correctly.

[Guest Robin Winter]

The pic didn't attach, but congrats on the pending new binders

[Guest Eric6]

Rats! Will try again with the pic later; sometimes I just haven't done what I think I've done......

[Guest Madrone26]

Congratulations on your small, but big, decisions!

I'm finding that as I take steps to transition, the reality of it is much less scary or difficult than I thought it would be. And I also have moments of regretting that I didn't start this process a lot earlier - like 20 years ago! But the good news is that we now have the opportunity to live the rest of our lives as male, and that's a really good thing.

[Carolyn Marie]

Every step takes you closer to your goals, Alex. Congrats on doing what you needed to do, and best of luck on all that is to come. Your plan to find a therapist is an excellent one, and I always recommend it, even if HRT isn't a priority or a plan. When you are confused or concerned about gender, its almost always wise to talk to someone about it.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Ebany]

congrats. even small steps take a lot of courage.

Danny

[Guest Eric6]

Thanks, people :-) I feel more able to move forward now, like you get over one little bump and then it's easier. Got a long way to go, I know. It'll take awhile before people will be calling me Alex. They just forget and i don't want to make too much of a thing about it. I've resolved when I go back to my doctor for another antidepressant scrip - yeah, long-term depressed - I will speak to her about a therapist. It was offered before, must be about two years ago, but I was too mixed up to take it and I couldn't make myself believe that it would help. I wasn't even as clear about myself as I am now :-) I think I'll need to write out a letter to read to the doc or else my brain will just spin in circles.

I'm thinking about a book I've got called F2M: The Boy Within, where the transguy protagonist is so exasperated by people forgetting his new name that he starts wearing a nametag with FINN written on it, which runs him into confusion when he goes to buy some beer for an underage friend and has to produce his old ID! But I thought the nametag was a good idea!