Just had a looong talk with my parents...

[Guest Velanna]

I'm in absolute shock.. My parents just sat me down and told me about my condition. They said that I was born with both genitalia. I'm in absolute shock right now. I can't believe this. Surprisingly enough, I'm not really upset but just shocked. Real shocked. Now I want to see what chromosomes I have and see my medical records, the works! I just can't believe this right now.. I...I don't know. I think I need time to think about this. All this time I thought I was transgender and lo and behold, I'm intersex. I feel like crying now.

[Guest Paradox]

Wow! Talk about the other shoe dropping! Be strong while this all works itself out.

Debra

[Guest angels wings]

((((((((( hugs))))))). That would have been a big shock .

Angel

[Guest LizMarie]

Wow, Nyxis! That's a rather big surprise.

[Carolyn Marie]

Seems like that happens more often than you might think, hon. I can understand your reaction. Take your time with this, read up on it, talk to your parents more, and determine your next steps. I think you should be glad that they told you, although you might be angry that they waited so long.

Secrets hurt, hon. I know all about secrets, and not just my own. Some things I didn't find out until after my parents died. Secrets leave scars, but at least in your case, your parents are still here to provide some answers. Good luck, hon.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Velanna]

Thank you all for your responses. I needed some time to vent and talk with my parents. Many tears were shed tonight in my house but I now understand they were only looking out for what they thought were my best interests, and I can respect that. The only people I should truly be angry at are the surgeons who operated on me 18 months after birth who told my parents that this should have been kept a secret for my mental health. Goes to show that they may know the human body physically but definitely not mentally. I'm just glad my parents finally told me. It was their turn to come out to me, go figure!

When I told them I was transgender 3 years ago, turns out that struck a fear inside of them to tell me why I may be feeling this way. They were really scared about how this news would affect me so they resisted telling me. My mom told me that she couldn't take it anymore; holding back a secret from me was tearing her up inside so she had to come clean. And I'm very glad they did. The news left an impressionable reaction on me initially but the more I think about it the more I come to terms with this. This news has given me a little bit of closure on my life. The scars left from the surgery at birth are barely visible and I just assumed they were birth scars (like I've had them from birth. Which on a technical stand point I nearly did have them from birth...just 18 months later).

The only thing that's really going through my head now is what degree of intersexuality was I born with? Do I have XXY chromosomes or YYX or XX or XY or what? I have many, many, many questions. I also wonder about my body. Do I have anything I didn't know I had? Like a uterus? Ovaries? I don't have testes, I know that much. My parents told me when I was younger that when I was born my testes were all twisted up inside and the doctors has to remove them. The truth is that I wasn't born with any. So that leaves room to understand that I may have been born with eggs which would include all the other female reproductive organs as well. But alas, I can't assume that is so. I just have to do x-rays and examinations and such to find all this out. It's just really mind boggling and shocking to find all this out now. But at least it answers a lot of questions I had about my body...

I'm just really happy that my parents felt ashamed of hiding something from me. That shows they truly are worried about me and care for my best interest despite what any ignorant surgeon tells them. I couldn't have asked for better parents.

[Guest angels wings]

That would have been a heavy load for them to carry for so many years . Finally the burden became to heavy to carry . They where protecting you until they realised the truth needed to be told . I'm glad they told you now you can start the journey on discovering more about yourself and be able to gain more understanding . You found the piece to the missing puzzle. From my heart I wish you all the best

Angel ((((((((hugs)))))))))

[KathrynJulia]

Velana:

Having worked in Pathology for years, whatever was removed from your body would be included in a Pathology report. You can request a copy of that report from the Hospital your surgery was done. You have that right. Any tissue removed from the body is examined by law by a Pathologist or Pathologist Assistant and is described in the report. There would also have been microscopic examination of representative tissue included in the report.

[gennee]

I'm sure that must have been a shock to you. Now you can move forward once you sort things out.

I'm sure this wasn't easy for your folks. You have a right to be angry at the surgeons for what they did.

[Guest Velanna]

Kathryn, that's a brilliant idea! I already spoke to my parents about going back to Miami to visit the hospital that performed the surgery to request all the documentation from my birth! We can't go right now however; things are quite busy at home! But once I do find out what I was born with, what was removed, everything else...well, I suppose I'll have that much more closure and understanding about myself!

Gennee, it was indeed quite the shock. I'm still a little shocked every time I think about it, but it honestly doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Initially it really shocked me and bothered me but shortly after I guess I kinda saw it coming (I do have some scars that I thought were just birth marks but turn out to be surgery marks). As it stands now, I'm going to go with my parents to Miami, hopefully soon, and request the documentation. The rest is up to my, my family, and time. But I'm keeping an open mind to whatever I find out about myself!

[Guest ChrisMayer]

hay, at least you now know. (I'm still wondering about myself) Know that you got friends here and always will; you need a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to bend...we're here!

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Maybe your local doctor can order them in if you have one.

[Guest Velanna]

Thanks, Chris! I do indeed have the forum! I also have my amazing bestie to help me out! (She's been with me through everything in my life and I love her plenty so I have peeps to go to if anything! )

And, Amanda, at the moment I don't have a doctor...neither does my dad nor my brother. My brother and I were dropped from our coverage after we turned 19 (they only cover till 18 years of age) and my dad hasn't been covered for many years now. Unfortunately we haven't had luck finding any affordable health care; which seems to be a problem in the U.S. that hasn't been resolves yet... hmm... anyway, that's neither here nor there.

But yeah, I'm not covered right now so having a doctor while being uninsured would cost too much money that y family doesn't have. Which unfortunately this all leads to not being able to go through HRT.. and well, that's another problem that's neither here nor there. lol

Let's just say my life right now is at a complete stand still until something happens with my health care coverage; either by winning the lottery, health care becoming free (or at least more affordable) for everyone, or my dad finds a job that just so happens to provide health care for not only him but his family. Until then, there's not much I can do, sadly. :\