How Important Is Srs For You?

[Guest Martin]

I know I'm not a woman, yet I found this topic very interesting. I hope you ladies don't mind me chiming in.

First the original question. When I first came out to myself (and to a few select others) at sixteen, I wasn't sure how I felt about genital surgery. I eventually came to the conclusions that I needed to postpone that decision. I didn't have the money, but more importantly, I didn't feel like I had the maturity to make the decision. Chest surgery and hormones were obvious because I had wanted them for years, but somehow changing my genitals never occurred to me. In fact, sometimes I was glad that I didn't have testicles because I viewed them as a point of weakness. I've seen my dad crumple to the ground when my sister ran into them (she came out of her room running with her head down, so she didn't see him). I didn't want the same weakness. Also, testosterone changed the way my genitals looked and so I felt less dysphoric about them. There were also a whole host of other reasons that I won't go into here.

Then about four years passed in which I didn't think about it much. I considered myself post-transition and that was that.

In August or so of last year, something shifted. I became more willing to face another surgery and more willing to go into debt. I realized that my issues with that part of my body weren't just from sexual abuse but from dysphoria. I trusted myself to make a major medical decision. And something else shifted, something I have yet to identify - much less put into words. I became more and more interested in a metoidioplasty. Now I consider it a medical necessity. I think it will help me have a more positive relationship with my body and dissociate even less. Also, I think it will lessen my fear in social situation such as changing rooms. I've talked to my surgeon about options, complication rates, and recovery time - all of which aren't nearly as bad as I first thought. I've had my psychiatrist and my two therapists agree to write me letters within the next week or so. Now I'm positively excited. I want this. I need this.

Am I transsexual? I believe I am. I believe I would have been even if I never wanted bottom surgery. I was still a guy born with a female body. That, to me, is the definition of an FTM transsexual. It's more about gender than about physical sex. To put it another way, sex itself is a social construct. Society dictates how large a clitoris needs to be before it's considered a penis. Society defines what voice ranges are acceptable for certain sexes (otherwise, the castrati would not have been accepted as male - and they were). And so on. If someone is able to do mental gymnastics and redefine their body as female despite a 5.5" clitoris and undeveloped breasts and does this in order to feel comfortable with her body as a woman, then she is a transsexual. Otherwise, most FTMs would not be transsexual because they do not opt for bottom surgery. Of course, not everyone can perform such mental gymnastics. Some people have severe body dysphoria and absolutely need hormones and/or surgery. As far as I know, almost all of these people are also transsexual. However, some of them may actually identify as genderqueer or androgens and so would (most likely) not be transsexuals. They would still transgendered because their gender transcends the culturally accepted definitions of woman and man. I admit these definitions are somewhat problematic and am open to hearing other definitions that would make more sense. Personally, I doubt there are adequate definitions out there to encompass the wide range of genders, sexes, gender expressions, and their matches.

I had some other stuff to say, but this post is already really long and I have homework I should be doing, so I'll stop here.

[Guest cerise]

I like this discussion as well .

Transgender works for me but at the same time i feel I have a voice since even though I never had SRS I went through the same feelings and had the same issues that everybody has discussed on this topic . Being transgender gives me right to have a voice in this forum and just because I have elected not to finish the job does not make anything I have to say here less valid than someone who has had SRS .

It was said earlier that SRS only solves one problem and I agree even before I read it and I have been directing my efforts into solving the other problems .

"The courage to change the things I can . "

[Guest amie]

Oh believe me, I understand!

I have never understood why using a PG-13 wordy dird (Ilike that) in the first place - you have obviously thought the rel word first and taken the time to edit it into a less offesive form, why not just leave it out?

In college, I closed a car door on my finger - it actually locked and I had to reach across my body and dig the keys out of my jeans' pocket - I saw one of my good friends a female approaching and I refrained from using any questionable language at all - not because I didn't want to offend her, but because I was embarassed - I knew less than a third of the words that I'd her use on a regular basis!

We do have to keep the playground save for the little ones but I am just fine with the * when you feel the need for emphassis!

As a trucker, have you ever used a tire iron to underscore a point in a heated debate?

I'm sorry, but I couldn't help that I have had thoughts of punctuating my points with a baseball bat!

Frustration is one of the hardest things to deal with.

Love ya,

Sally

Interesting to a point, I guess. But you can also ask yourself this, why do you devote enough thought to something someone said to the point of letting it get under your skin and offend you???

I'm rilly thankful I'm not one of those that's so analytical about these litte words/labels/spells or whathavyu. Take the word Transgender for example, it's just a simple little meaningless word used to indentify one in a specific group, in this case, ours. But I've heard so many TS Girls talk as if it's the most offensive thing they've ever been directed with. Silly, actually. But hey, that's just my take on it. Actually, it's also a minor desire of mine to convince others to lighten up on this frame of thought so as to aid in there piece of mind a bit.

Give yourselves a break when and wherever you can, we already have it hard enough.

[Guest Sheila]

Ah, a subject dear to my heart. Ever since I was about 12 years old, I knew that I had to have SRS. Being poor, uneducated, and unemployed makes this seem not likey to happen anytime soon. I never give up hope. All I need and desire, is to be the correct gender. Then I can be whole.

[Guest mia 1]

Well in my limited knowledge, there are those who want and need SRS and those who are also "gendered gifted" who do not. Some of us hate our male/female parts,and that is evident at an early age,usually before the onset of puberty.

Those who have experimented in their minds with SRS and still have fond thoughts of their primary sex organs, and great memories of their role as male or female are not good candidates for the change.

Those of us who have tried to mutilate ourselves should be first in line for the procedure, those who have mixed thoughts should hold their breaths and be involved with more therapy. Those who are happy with androgeny or Cross Dressing etc. you must not do a thing about the surgery and think long and hard about HRS>

That said we are all family and must support those who are transitioning through SRS and those inbetween thoughts,and those that are happy shopping and wearing clothes and recognizing all as having legitame opinions and stop any thought s of right or wrong. There is no right or wrong just "US"

[Guest Sandra]

Well I needed it for my own feeling of completeness. That said I would warn you against thinking SRS is the be all and end all. Because after SRS life goes on. SRS only fixes ONE problem. I have known a few people who became depressed after SRS because their life wasn't perfect. So realize SRS is but one stop on the bigger journey we call life...

I think we're in almost complete agreement at least on the definitions and the intended goal of transitioning. I certainly wouldn't feel whole if I didn't also get SRS but I'm also casual about other people's TS journey and if they choose to stay pre-op that's fine with me. I believe sexuality/gender is a spectrum and people fall on different points along it. At the end of the day what matters is how comfortable we feel within our own skin (body and mind). I also agree with your point on individuals who expect SRS to somehow radically transform their lives. People need to see it in a pragmatic sense and as a step to making themselves feel how they would if they were born in the right gender.

While I look forward to getting SRS and I know I'll be elated and relieved once I've had it, my biggest concern is just being passable enough to live a normal life as a woman. And from what I've seen its really a luck of the draw-some transwomen have great results some don't. If I'm not passable then it is not worth it for me to transition since I'll be even worse off than in my present state of loathing being in the wrong body. One also expects to have a reasonable quality of life after transitioning-otherwise it'd just lead to dissatisfaction, misery and depression. Unfortunately there's no way of knowing how it'd turn out except by actually going through it. In my case I'm cautiously optimistic that I will succeed (fingers crossed).

I agree, it is tough for transmen because its much harder for surgeons to construct a penis than a vagina, but hopefully with regenerative medicine that issue can be resolved in the future. Thanks for your comment Leah and to the others also. It's good to see this thread has become a lively and thoughtful discussion.

[Guest krisspykriss]

I want SRS but if money becomes an issue (i just very well might) then I will forgo SRS for a prettier more feminine face. To me it is not about my body, it is about how the world views me and interacts with me. Since few peeps see my goodies anymore, I am not worried about near as much. I used to hate my penis, but for some odd reason, as I became more comfortable with being trans I felt less and less ill feelings toward my penis. I would rather have a vagina, but vastly more important to me now is being accepted as a woman.

So I want SRS, but that surgery is at the bottom of my list. Above it are rhinoplasty, forehead contouring/brow shave, and moving my hairline so its at least within the same area code as my face.

I hope that doesnt make me a bad transsexual, but my having a penis really hasn't got much to do with my identity anymore.

Chris

[Guest Sandra]

I want SRS but if money becomes an issue (i just very well might) then I will forgo SRS for a prettier more feminine face...

I think that's perfectly sensible, afterall we want the world to see and treat us as women, not as transsexuals. (Like you, I also plan to get some FFS done because I am a perfectionist.) So it is wiser in my opinion to devote the limited funds to changing our outward appearance to fit in better and treat SRS as a lesser priority (I'm going to try to do both). I think its worth it as demonstrated by the example of some of the people here who've transitioned and look totally passable and attractive on top of that. It really is inspiring to see other people's successes.