How long have I been sober?

[Guest erinanita]

I haven't been to an AA meeting since before I transitioned because I did not feel as though I was accepted during my transition. So now I want to go back. I really need to continue working the steps. I haven't had a drink for over thirty years but

I never did a proper step five so I need to start over and do it all again.

So the question is - if I ever get asked how long it's been, do I just say "yesterday"? I don't want to get embroiled in a discussion about the fact that I am not the same person.

[Charlize]

Gosh dear you have wonderful sobriety. I have 6 years in Feb. I came out as trans at my meeting after 5 years. I was accepted there as nowhere else in the world. Don't forget the 3rd. tradition. "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking." It says nothing about gender, sexual preference or even how many murders you may have committed. In most of the meetings i've gone to all are welcome. I did the steps early and will be doing them again this winter. I have grown since my first time through and it also gets me the opportunity to know my sponsor better. Do you have a sponsor? I don't know how many meetings you have in your area but i would certainly try to find an accepting meeting and sponsor. The answer to your question is in the section how it works. Its the first paragraph of chapter 5. In it it mentions honesty 3 times. That is the chapter that gives us the steps.

I think if i couldn't bring up my time i might say "quite a while" At least that would be honest. 30 years is wonderful!

We have good meetings here on chat. Sun @9:00 Eastern and Thurs @ 5:00 Eastern. You can also PM any of us if we can help.

Thanks for the post,

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest]

Today, just like everybody else. Hmm... I think you are asking for rigerous honesty. OK I had ten years worth of days stacked up and then I had to learn what relapsing was all about. It was my yets. I was in and out of the program like a pin ball. Drinking never made it better at any time, it just led me back to the old me. In that time almost two years was the best I could do.

Today, this time, this month I celebrate my one year madallion. I am a different person now and this time my sobriety is just for me. He is gone and so is his drunkeness. I don't ever want to be drinking partners with him again. The only way I can do that is to work the program. You will find the right answers, they are at the meetings, in the Big Book and in your heart. Hug. JodyAnn

[Guest rita63]

Erin, I only have almost 1 1/2 years and have not come out at AA and am years away from any SRS. I know that every meeting I hear people tell me that AA has changed the way they live beyond being sober.

When I joined AA I realized that honesty meant dealing with my trans side and so I started by discovering Laura's and was encouaged enough to find a support group and now venture out dressed and am making some trans friends.

My AA sponser, who I'm not out too yet. acheived 34 years Jan 1 and everyone here is happy for him. He will tell you hew's not the same person he was 34 years or even 24 years ago.

Thirty years is a marvellouse and proud accomplishment, just go back to AA and and tell them you made it snd they can too. Inspight of whatever life brings you deal with it on lifes terms not theirs. Your sobriety is a gift you have been given share it gratefully with others and maybe inspire someone else. Sharing it is the only way to keep it.

hugs rita

[Guest]

I want to share something else too. My sponsor is female. I don't hang with guys much anymore so I don't want a male sponsor. I can't do women meetings out of respect and I don't do men meetings from there being too much testosterone. I have been out in all meetings about being bi-gendered since I got sober again. I have four home groups, three AA, one AlAnon, all over my city. I do service work at my Central Office, with no problem being myself. The program is way more inclusive than exclusive. My Higher Power is a member too. Giggle.

I have many AA friends over the years and some still remember me as him. They are getting to know the new me. I am loved and accepted in the program as just Jody, as I am. If anyone is wondering about coming out, talk to your sponsor first, then your closest sober friends. I think it may be the best conversations ever, but I can't speak for others. Hug. JodyAnn

[Michelle 2010]

I haven't been to an AA meeting since before I transitioned because I did not feel as though I was accepted during my transition. So now I want to go back. I really need to continue working the steps. I haven't had a drink for over thirty years but

I never did a proper step five so I need to start over and do it all again.

So the question is - if I ever get asked how long it's been, do I just say "yesterday"? I don't want to get embroiled in a discussion about the fact that I am not the same person.

Congratulations on your willingness to revisit the steps. I was six years sober when I revisited 5 and put it all out to my sponsor. I did it to the best of my ability at 1 year but had so much craziness in my life I said at the time that I had an issue i might take to a professional to talk about but never did. Six years later I saw a Gt and went and unloaded to my sponsor.

It was very scary because by that time he was my best friend and I was afraid he would reject me. Of course he did not. He totally understood how vulnerable I felt, naked if you will, and treated me with the respect and love we learn in AA. Our friendship only deepened. 15 months later he was dead of fast moving cancer and I was able to love him until the end the way he loved me. Thank goodness... (and god?) that I had the chance to be as totally real with another human being as I ever had been in my life.

We learned alot from each other.

Oh, other than picking up the anniversery chip where you give a specific #of years, most people with a significant time sober where I am usually say something vague. A popular one is "A few twenty-four hours..."... as in" I've been around a few 24 hours..." Hope that helps!

Michelle

[Guest erinanita]

Thank you all for your comments. I still haven't got around to getting to a meeting, but it's still in the works. The thing is that I am really busy here with activities in various trans groups, but soon I will find the time. I enjoy being helpful with younger trans persons on their journeys, I believe that I need to get back to working on myself.

It's an interesting thought that I should seek out a female sponsor. I do and always have spent most of my time with women, but I've just always tried to fit in with the male population. (mostly unsuccessfully). I will make that change as soon as I can find a female that can accept me and my recent past. The last three men I approached to request their sponsorship flat out rejected me when I was honest about my life and my journey.

Hugs to all,

Erin

[Guest]

Hi Erin, Thank you for the update, I was wondering if you are OK. AA is such a miracle, I wish we could give it to the whole world. I hope you find your space there soon. Not so much for the no drinking and drugging, but for the growth, joy and freedom to discover you, it brings. My Higher Power has given me mini meetings with one or two other progam members, many times in my life, so a meeting hall is not always required.

I want to share a bit more about finding my AA life, if I may? My girl friends in the program are my cheering section and support. Even over a year, most of the guys just can't seem to get it. Why would I ever want to change camps? Why don't I want to do guy stuff? Dah! Because I'm a girl? Excuse me, I'm wearing a dress, in complete male fail and you're still calling me yo bro, like dude, he, him, buddy... Hello?... Wake up... smell the coffee!... Yes, it's an annoyance, but only an annoyance. Since my legal name change and such, many more are showing me respect as a lady. That, and near constant pronoun corrections for them, from my girl friends. Giggle. I do have many great guy friends in the program, I just don't hang with them much.

The girls on the other hand, get it right out of the box! They know, I know and we know, just how I'm wired. They have helped me grow and learn, that has been huge for keeping me sober. Not all women think I'm the cat's meow. It is like they think I am invading their space or something? It's not important what they think of me, it's important what I think of them and the most important what I think of me. Today I love me. They have that same right and luxury for themselves. My sponsor keeps reminding me, that people think or say about me, is none of my business. She is very good heathy program, I think my Higher Power led me to her. Keep trying to find your new female sponsor, she is out there somewhere. Also the old AA addage, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. If you need a mini meeting feel free to PM me or any other AAers that are here. We all love to share program and transitioning. Giggle.

Warm, clean and sober hug. JodyAnn

[Guest erinanita]

Well I guess this would be another update. It's been a long while since I started talking about going back but I finally made it. Three meetings in one week. I did join a group and would like to be able to talk about my progress here. I really haven't looked for a sponsor yet. I need to find myself first. I hear so much about rigorous honesty and I hear about coming out in AA. Is that a suggestion that I should be so open with group members to say that I am trans?

One problem that I do have is that I very often talk about my past as a guy without giving any thought to how confusing this must sound to them. If I get asked I will be honest about my past, but I'm not sure how.

Hugs,

Erin

[Guest Jaques]

If you havent had a drink for 30 years, why do you want to go to AA? I dont understand, do you still find it hard not to drink even after so long? If so, you must be very strong and to be congratulated.

[Guest erinanita]

My problem is and always was Erin. Me. The reason for my drinking was related to who I was. I wasn't cured by going to meetings. What I was able to do was find a way to not use alcohol to alleviate my problems. I believe that The only way that I can help myself now is to continue to go to meetings so I can meet with like minded people, improve my conscious contact with God and work the twelve steps. There is nothing in this world like The Twelve Steps to promote healing.

I do want to thank everybody for your comments. I feel so much better already. And I am ready to go to battle for myself. I need to renew my belief in my higher power and talk to Her always. I need to work on my step four and do a step five so that I can continue to help myself to help others.

Hugs,

Erin

[Guest]

If you havent had a drink for 30 years, why do you want to go to AA? I dont understand, do you still find it hard not to drink even after so long? If so, you must be very strong and to be congratulated.

My problem is and always was Erin. Me. The reason for my drinking was related to who I was. I wasn't cured by going to meetings. What I was able to do was find a way to not use alcohol to alleviate my problems. I believe that The only way that I can help myself now is to continue to go to meetings so I can meet with like minded people, improve my conscious contact with God and work the twelve steps. There is nothing in this world like The Twelve Steps to promote healing.

I do want to thank everybody for your comments. I feel so much better already. And I am ready to go to battle for myself. I need to renew my belief in my higher power and talk to Her always. I need to work on my step four and do a step five so that I can continue to help myself to help others.

Hugs,

Erin

That is exactly why we go to meetings. Not for dreary drunk-a-logs, like we miss the good old days of booze and drugs. We grow, we learn, we live, we laugh and we do it together. We also discover just how unhealthy the bar scene is. I didn't notice back then because I was too ripped, wanted people to think I was something I was not. The number one reason, to get laid! Today I can be the real me, be transparent and find a lot more than a booty call.

One little suggestion though, don't wait to find a sponsor. As they say "an alcoholic mind is a dangerous place, don't go in there alone." Giggle. Keep up the good program. Hug. JodyAnn

[Guest LoveBeingMe]

Thirty years!!! That's fantastic!!!

[Guest erinanita]

Thank you, JodyAnn,

I will ask for a temporary sponsor tomorrow evening at my meeting. I am so very afraid of this. I'm afraid that I won't be accepted but I will turn it over and ask my higher power for guidance.

Hugs,

Erin

[Guest]

Thank you, JodyAnn,

I will ask for a temporary sponsor tomorrow evening at my meeting. I am so very afraid of this. I'm afraid that I won't be accepted but I will turn it over and ask my higher power for guidance.

Hugs,

Erin

I'm off to bed soon, I will put in a call to my HP for you before I zonk. Hug. Jody

[Charlize]

October 28

"In this life we shall attain nothing like perfect humility and love. So we shall have to settle, respecting most of our problems, for a very gradual progress, punctuated sometimes by heavy setbacks. Our old-time attitudes of 'all or nothing' will have to be abandoned."

I'm so glad to have another bunch of alcoholics to share with. Then to add that i have grown to know some who are trans like me has helped me to make some progress. I still get knocked down and always will but with the help of others i can stand up, dust off and move forward again. It's not me but a higher power that brings me to my knees and then to my feet. Charlie has to learn to let go and enjoy being the puppet she is. Thats best done with other friends on the same stage.

I'm glad you are all here!

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest erinanita]

Thirty years!!! That's fantastic!!!

Sorry, that's just a bit of an exaggeration. I quit drinking in 1979 but I had a toke in '85. Same problem. A little slip. I'll settle for twenty some years. I tell people I don't like to celebrate birthdays. It shines the light on my mistakes.

Erin

[Guest erinanita]

So I did go back to my meeting last evening. It was an open meeting so I wasn't asked to speak and that was good because I was able to maintain my composure and not run out the door right after the Lord's Prayer. I spoke to the chairperson and was introduced to my temporary sponsor. It didn't take long for us to be discussing my trans issues. She said that she recognized that I was trans when she saw me at my first meeting. We talked too about why it is so important to have a female sponsor. We aren't anything like those men. They don't understand how we think. So I expect to meet with her this afternoon to discuss a little more about me and my goals and plans for my future.

I cried tears of joy after leaving that meeting. It is so wonderful to be out and accepted by someone. I like myself so much better than I did yesterday, but I need to continue to work at my program and to keep turning over to the care of my higher power.

And Charlie, thank you for the "Quote of the Day". I do need to remember that I am just coming out of a really heavy setback and I need to do first things first and not rush. And as much as it is great to have found a temporary sponsor, I really owe it to friends on this forum that were willing to give that extra friendly push.

Thank you all for your comments.

Hugs,

Erin

[Charlize]

Erin , I'm so glad for you! Tonight is my home groups' meeting. I really love that group. Some gay but mostly straight. What an interesting and varied bunch. It is an open speakers meeting and one of the only places i don't feel that i have to be stealth in a straight crowd. I come out whenever necessary and it seems to help others to be honest with themselves and others when they do the steps. Going to a meeting is just such a treat for me.

Hugs,

Charlie