Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Can Anyone Help Me?


Guest Sam

Recommended Posts

Basically, i've been on this site for a year reading the FTM forum and thinking thats what i was, and basically i told my whole family and then went the doctor 2 months ago to tell her I thought i was FTM and could she refer me to a gender therapist.

However after thinking about it alot more deeply i think i've been too hasty, I didn't even think of the idea that their might be a middle ground inbetween the two genders, because i definately can relate to both.

Anyway, the problem is, i have no idea what to do now, i mean what do i say to my doctor, will she even know about it? And, what i hate more than anything is having a female chest, so is it possible to have chest surgery or any other surgery you may need, or would they not take me seriously because a flat chest is whats associated with men and i'm not saying thats what i am. I don't know what the hell to do at the moment, at least when i thought i was FTM it was more clear cut, but now i'm so confused, arrggh i hate myself so much, whats wrong with me!!

Can anyone help, or at least reassure me i'm not alone, which it feels like at the moment.

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean
Can anyone help, or at least reassure me i'm not alone, which it feels like at the moment.

Hello, Sam....

Well, I'm here first and I want to be the first to tell you that you are not alone..

We have a very helpful and loving community here and you'll find out real soon!

I'm MTF, so I look at the physical thing differently....But, I understand the pain...we're all here together and we share and help and support each other...

Here ..Have some hot coco and a couple of cookies..that just breaks the ice a little.....

Now.....

Sit back...some of the fellas and gals will be right along and you'll see some serious love.....

XXOO

Donna Jean

Link to comment

Sam,

Don't let yourself fixate on the only two genders idea, it does not work for everyone!

If you find a gender therapist and tell her all that you feel, she will help you find where you need to be.

Chest surgery isn't automatically ruled out because you don't want to become fully male - it is something that must be worked out between you and your therapist.

There is nothing wrong with you other than you see the world in color while the rest of the world is viewing it in Black & White.

You are not alone, everyone here has doubts and needs reassurance.

I hope that you can find someone to help you find where you need to be!

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment

You aren't the only one, I went to a support meeting in my home city recently so that I could get an idea of what exactly was out there for folks who feel like you do. Bear in mind, this information may be specific to the U. S., however.....The facilitator of that group -a transitioned woman- is also a gender therapist who supports those who feel uneasy with a complete transition. In counseling with her she would say "go as far as you need to, and keep what you feel". She also was honest and informative in saying that whether or not a therapist will follow that same school of thought is individual and dependant upon the personal views of that therapist. In truth there is a lot in transitioning that is varied according to the therapist utilized. If you are able to locate your local lgbt community resources and either attend a meeting or function in which you can meet other transgendered people you stand a very good chance of finding out the names of several different therapists who deal with gender issues in your area and will be more able to shop for the kind of therapist you need. Once you set on a therapist please ask them to assist you in choosing a doctor, whether for HRT or top surgery or whatever because they also will be aware of which doctors in your area will take a transgendered patient only intending to undergo "some" of the transitions.

Link to comment
Guest Kelly Ann

Hi Sam...Sam I am. Sweetheart I only wish I could tell you what to expect. I can't. Neither can anyone else :rolleyes: and that means erm...the point is? Trust yourself to be responsible and everyone will be better off being around you. I have more than a 'guy' should have on my chest and ah the point is? You are probably not FTM and so is that a crime? LOL...the point is? Enjoy yourself...you are agonizing over the age old questions...chicken/egg-male/female...MY brain hurts...couldn't we just play pundit square hop-scotch? Make yourself giggle and laugh all you can it's the VERY best medicine there is. Your GF, Kelly Ann

Link to comment
Guest androgynous

Hi Sam! ;)

I think you'll have to find out, that the simplest and straight to the point answer. So mu question is, what do you feel about both genders? Do you want to express only one, or do you want to express them both. Then, of course: do you want it to be permanent? or just be a certain gender when you want to? I think those are vital questions? Though not conclusive, because I also read that some androgens prefer casual cross dressing.

I have an opinion, that I'd like to say. Please, my intention is not to insult, nor is it to point fingers, so this is open to plausible discussion: I've been studying it for a short while, but in depth. I did read elsewhere that some (NOT ALL!) transsexuals can be put into the direction they went, because of two reasons: Androgyny wasn't very well known (it still isn't) and due to binary pressure. Society more or less demands your one of the two genders, and so some might or can be forced to choose for the other gender to subscribe to the "binary acceptance" of society. I think it's important to understand that this does exist, it it can or does happen. I've read that some transsexuals were quite unhappy after surgery, and felt that they've made a mistake later on, I am not saying every transsexual made a bad choice -please understand my point- but there are people who made a wrong choice. That does happen, and it is a reality for some people.

Before I noticed I was androgen, I too went through this stage thinking: What else is there? I have to be one gender or not? So I questioned everything, and first thought: well than I am gay! While I was not. I totally was not, and fell into dark moment in my life, confused of what I was.

So, I think it's very important to explore it before making any decisions before doing anything.

I think society has a problem with Androgyny, more than it has when you chose for another gender, because they don't understand that you can be both. Again, this is not to play down other forms of transgender/transsexual, but a generic conclusion because being both genders is like a myth! While, of course it isn't.

:D

Link to comment
what do you feel about both genders? Do you want to express only one, or do you want to express them both. Then, of course: do you want it to be permanent? or just be a certain gender when you want to?

I don't really want to be assigned either gender, although i don't mind if someone refers to me as she/ her because it doesn't really mean anything, its when people treat me differently according to my sex and what bodyparts i have, i dont understand. Why can't we all look and act how we feel is right and not be judged constantly.

I feel i'm at a disadvantage right away by being born female, because men just dont respect you and just think your here for their pleasure and i feel a lot of them like intimidating women because it boosts their ego, and i just hate being around all this, which has made me actually hate men altogether. But on the otherhand i have so much in common with men, like men tend to be more practically minded, and so am i, i hate the fact that just because i like comfortable clothes and short managable hair that i stand out more coz its a typical `lesbian` look.

I believe in trying to make life easier for yourself not harder which i believe is what many women do, and having a big chest just doesn't fit in, i don't see the point in having something on me that is for other peoples benefit not really mine, their just an inconvenience, i dont see the point in them. I could easy get a sex change and i know it would be so much easier to live, but i would miss all the things i like about being female like going shopping with my mum, crying at films, liking pink, being quite sensitive and gentle, not being threatening to other girls and various other things.

Link to comment
Guest androgynous

Hi Sam,

Yes, so you basically are saying that you want to be more like male, but stay feminine? that's what I draw out of your comments. The same applies for me, although backwards: I'd like to be more fem but stay male, for me it's a method to be both gender or cancel them both out to look neutral. Androgyny doesn't mean you should be both all the time, you can switch when you want to although a desire for a neutral look remains.

I get you on the fact of stereotyping, but I seems to care less each day. Yesterday I went on the streets with PURPLE! nail polish as a guy! Sure, people looked at me, but I didn't care for the reason that it feels good to me. :lol:

So I understand that you *might* be looked upon by some as being `lesbian`, but then again there isn't a real lesbian look I know off. When a girl has very short hair, it can be very sexy and really fem, if you still combine it with makeup while wearing loose clothes! :D

Here is an example I found on the internet, of what I mean. It looks pretty neutral, without tilting towards `lesbian` in my opinion. It is such a good example in my opinion, and an excellent combination of both genders. So it can be done with just altering small details, like clothes, hair style and accessories without having to go through a whole `sex` change:

2532046575436de34f6bkh7.jpg

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K
I don't really want to be assigned either gender, although i don't mind if someone refers to me as she/ her because it doesn't really mean anything, its when people treat me differently according to my sex and what bodyparts i have, i dont understand. Why can't we all look and act how we feel is right and not be judged constantly.

I feel i'm at a disadvantage right away by being born female, because men just dont respect you and just think your here for their pleasure and i feel a lot of them like intimidating women because it boosts their ego, and i just hate being around all this, which has made me actually hate men altogether. But on the otherhand i have so much in common with men, like men tend to be more practically minded, and so am i, i hate the fact that just because i like comfortable clothes and short managable hair that i stand out more coz its a typical `lesbian` look.

I believe in trying to make life easier for yourself not harder which i believe is what many women do, and having a big chest just doesn't fit in, i don't see the point in having something on me that is for other peoples benefit not really mine, their just an inconvenience, i dont see the point in them. I could easy get a sex change and i know it would be so much easier to live, but i would miss all the things i like about being female like going shopping with my mum, crying at films, liking pink, being quite sensitive and gentle, not being threatening to other girls and various other things.

So whats wrong with just finding your comfort zone???

No one ASSIGNS you to either gender really - you do that yourself. Let them accept you, rather than you having to accept the entirity of society. [expletive deleted] IT'S YOUR LIFE!

And - disadvantage being born female? I am at a disadvantage because I was born a transsexual. I know you can't relate to that statement right now - but I've been SAD_SAD_SAD forever. What if you had been born with a genetic defect, or as a child in a poor country where you are starving to death?

Overcome the feelings of disabvantages you feel you have as a genetic woman. Men overcome their feelings as soon as the are required to Join the Male Club - leaving behind all the 'sissy' ways of being sensitive, caring and (yes) intelligent. Men are dolts - just are. You said about the same thing yourself, afterall. You CAN pick and chose - keep the best of your female midset and add the best of what you feel is the male mindset.

Does that work? Maybe. Probably. Could it work?

Physical changes? I can't relate to losing breasts because I so miss having them (previous life? doesnt make sense does it!) But I understand your pain as being considered a sexually mature female and therefore available, just because of your chest.

And you say you could easily get a sex change - and I know you meant it would be possible for you to consider that - but an actual sex change IS NOT EASY. Yikes, so much to consider.

Sweetheart - I cry with you in your angst - and I hope like hades you can find a way.

Link to comment
Guest Irielle

Hi Sam -

It might take a while for you to know whether you are FTM or androgynous or whatever. I'm genetic male and always knew I was andro and I still have trouble sometimes. There is absolutely NO support out in the big binary world for us; we have to support each other. The gender therapist is a good idea, I have had a therapist for years.

Remember that male and female genders are out at the ends of the spectrum and you could be anywhere between them. I float around somewhere in the middle but more towards female. I thought I was MTF for a while but realized I have too much boy in me to make the transition but I have considered HRT and SRS many times. Somehow that doesn't feel quite right for me, at least for now. Maybe that is kind of how you feel but you are coming from the other direction, from the genetic female side? Not sure if going all the way FTM is right for you? Just go where it feels right for you.

Don't worry about what other people think if you change your mind; it's your right to change your mind. Just be sure of what you want before making permanent changes to yourself and it might take a long time before you know what you want and who you are. It's okay.

Please, please, please don't hate yourself. There is NOTHING wrong with you! You are not alone because you have all of us here to help you and support you. We all have to make this journey for ourselves but we don't have to make it alone. A good gender therapist will really help you. Don't let yourself get too hungry, too tired or too alone. Your heart will always tell you the truth.

Big hug!!

Irielle :)

Link to comment

As John Lennon said labels are for cereal boxes. You are Sam and Sam will finf the way through talk at Laura's. therapy and, through laughter, tears and your own life's experiences. Rush into nothing, observe and listen to your kindered spirit and your adverseries also. Always ask questions, listen to answers and choose your path with care. Then when your mind is made up life the moment with wild abandon...................................Mia. Welcome from your friends and family Mia.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 57 Guests (See full list)

    • Lydia_R
    • FelixThePickleMan
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Mike P
    • VickySGV
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Betty K
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,103
    • Most Online
      8,356

    his-mom
    Newest Member
    his-mom
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Ale975
      Ale975
      (27 years old)
    2. BillieB
      BillieB
      (65 years old)
    3. BrokenDays
      BrokenDays
      (34 years old)
    4. Bryson
      Bryson
      (25 years old)
    5. Jolie
      Jolie
  • Posts

    • Lydia_R
      I'm a tracker and I've paid for 100% of my transition costs out of pocket.  Counseling was a huge, huge part of my transition and well worth my money.  Not to be uppity about all of this.  I'm just sharing information I have because I have it and it may be useful for others.  Here is my analysis of my spending on transition over the last 2.5 years:   Medical Doctors and Blood Draws: $2,397 Counseling: $3,800 Medications (brand name): $2,702.85 Medications (generic): $485.39 Total: $9,385.24   I picked up on the internet early in transition that transition is a consumer activity.  I tend to agree with that.   This year (Jan - May 18th, 2024), I've spent: Medical Doctors: $102 Medications: $241.52 Total: $343.52   So I'm on a much more sustainable path with it.  I'm pretty happy with where I am with it, although I do still desire surgery and am nervous about how that will all unfold.  But my doctors have me on this steady state thing.  I could seek out other medications, but what I'm doing is good enough.  Oh, I'm missing something....  I did a bunch of electrolysis that didn't appear to have any effect.  I've always enjoyed shaving and I use pink shaving cream now (I've got some lipstick blond in me).  It's good enough.  Not sure if I'll do electro or laser in the future.  The need to shave my body has become less and less.  Before HRT, I was shaving my body weekly or even every 5 days.  Now it is more like 2-3 weeks.  Everyone's body hair is different.  My beard is very coarse and stiff while my body hair has been somewhat minimal and light.  It's nice to have smooth legs and not have to shave as much.   Counseling was $200/session.  I tried one or two counselors before I found one who resonated with where I really was.  When I was prescribed HRT, I didn't fill the prescription until 4 months later.  I had to take some time to decide that I really wanted to take on that lifetime financial commitment.  And of course the possibly negative health consequences too, but I think I was actually thinking more about the finances of it all.  Maybe 51%.   I did a lot of work to revitalize my career before jumping into medical transition.  I started counseling 3 months before I got the best paying job of my life.  The pressure of wanting to transition was so great that I couldn't wait any longer.  She was coming out.  Even though I had very little money, I splurged on some nice dresses and a full length mirror and then started counseling.  Sometimes you just have to move forward and hope for the best.  Other times it is better to wait and do some hard work.  The grace of it all..
    • Ivy
      And when the pressure is released it sucks in heat.  I had a regulator leaking and it was covered with ice.  It's how a heat pump works as well.   Why do they always pick names like this?  It's like the exact opposite of what it really is. I hate politics so much.  But I still have to follow it.
    • Lydia_R
      Wonderful!  This reminds me of a discussion I had with my brother a decade ago.  I said that things expand when they get hotter.  He said, no, they expand when they get colder.  And I had to think about that for a while.  The weird thing is that H20 is special in that when it reaches freezing, it expands.   The pressure makes the cold and then we see the condensation.
    • KatieSC
      I used to have a really good therapist, however, she does not accept health insurance reimbursement fees as they are too low. I had to pay 130 per session. When she decided to jack the rates to 185 per hour, I cut bait. Without a doubt, counseling is very helpful. What concerns me greatly is that we are a vulnerable population. Unfortunately, we can easily be targeted for some pretty high fees. How many of us have been in the situation where our healthcare provider, surgeons, or counselors, have required cash payments? We get jammed as well by the health insurance companies as they often will not pay for items that could be essential to our well-being. It is my contention that our chances of being targeted for violence, death, or harassment, go up when we cannot easily blend in with the female population.    For those of us that are MTF, some of us are blessed with more feminine features, and many of us are not. We get the whammy of a larger skeleton, bigger hands, bigger feet, a beard, a deep voice, and masculine face. It takes a lot for some of us to be able to blend in. My belief is that the better we blend in, the better chance we have of not being targeted. In this, electrolysis, facial feminizing/gender affirming facial surgery, voice/speech therapy with voice feminization/gender affirming voice surgery, and body contouring are all potentially lifesaving. Unfortunately, many of the insurance companies deem the procedures as cosmetic, and yet there is no cosmetic that fixes all of these issues.    If you pay your money, you can get anything you want in this world. The sad reality is that for us, many of these procedures would enhance our lives tremendously, yet we face ongoing battles with our very existence. Yeah, an empathetic therapist helps, but is it just the concept of reasonable empathy at a reasonable cost? When my therapist jacked her rates to 185 per hour, I said enough is enough. Your mileage may vary.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I don't think the temperature matters as much.  Think about how gases like CO2 are stored in cylinders, and they are basically the same in summer or winter.  Any gas becomes liquid under enough pressure.  What does matter is the strength of the pressure vessel.  If exposed to excess external heat, pressure increases and can burst a tank or a pipe.  Household propane tanks are often painted white or silver and have safety release valves, because sunlight can heat a tank enough to cause a significant increase in internal pressure, even though the contents remain liquid. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been a long week, and I think this weekend is going to be pretty busy.  The high school is having their graduation later today.  Although we don't have any grads in our family this year, my husband is going because he's involved with the school.  And tonight there's the torchlight ceremony for the county cadets who are finishing their program, and the reading of assignments for the new seniors.  One of my stepkids will be a senior this year.  She's talented, and will be assigned a squad leader position.  My husband is really proud of her, and she's well-liked by her peers even though she's very quiet and serious.    I might get to go on a trip to Texas this week.  The storms that hit Houston caused a lot of electrical damage, so no doubt the utilities in that area will be ordering stuff from my husband's company.  When the big hurricane hit Florida in 2022, we made several trips there with badly-needed equipment, and the entire transportation department was involved in the first convoy.  When he travels, I usually want to go along, since 1-on-1 time is kind of rare for us. 
    • Mmindy
    • Lydia_R
      Maybe surface tension?   I was in a political debate yesterday and it got way too focused on social stuff and I just had to steer the conversation back to how natural gas transitions to a liquid under pressure.  One of the people I was debating had a career working in that field and it was a good opportunity to expose stuff like that.  He mentioned that it isn't just pressure, it is temperature too.  So then I mentioned how the lines are running underground and asked how that played a role in it.  He came back saying that natural gas is a liquid under pressure.  I guess I didn't get a straight answer on that, but it did move my thinking one step down the road.  Perhaps I should have been more direct with him and asked him at what temperature and pressure.  Is there a chart?   I feel people would be better off if they paid more attention to the objects in their environment instead of focusing on some of the things that we hear so much of in the news.  People are pretty clueless as to how much trigonometry plays a role in so many things in our society.  Even land surveyors don't really use it anymore because programmers locked it away in a function.  Much like how cascading style sheets (CSS) is a wrapper for math.  I wonder what former president Trump thinks about all of that?  He must have some knowledge of how his buildings are constructed, right?  There certainly is a part of me that thinks he is just putting on a show about all of this.  Perhaps I'm wrong though.  All kinds of people in the world.
    • Jani
      Me as well.  I can use my left hand for many tasks though.
    • Jani
      Hello Jennifer and welcome back.  I find New England to be a great place to live.  I have a number of acquaintances and friends in Maine and I love the state.  It seems you are doing well.     Hugs,  Jani
    • MirandaB
      Oh, my "maybe this person is an egg" story is the (male presenting) piercing person and I discussed body hair removal methods, he says he doesn't want any hair except on his head, which is what I said during a couple hair removal sessions before and just after the egg cracked.     
    • Karen Carey
      I, too, am lucky.  Here in the UK I have a great therapist, a fully supportive GP, and a psychiatrist and endo who look after me and my needs.  I found the therapist on Psychology Today.
    • Lydia_R
      Over the last few years of being on this site and going through medical transition, I've come to own the M->F identification.  Funny, I made a typo of M->T.  It is a curiosity if I'll ever put Gender: Female on this site.  It is my intention to be there someday.   Right now, because of career stuff and a high stress event with an electric hair clipper last fall, I'm feeling much more masculine than I would like.  I think that once I make some decent headway with my third career, I'll settle into a more feminine feeling.   I never really considered gender very much.  I certainly always used a feminine appearance as my presentation goal. I think that when I was young, I briefly had the idea of transitioning, but I convinced myself quickly that medical transition would be a bad outcome, so I put all those feelings and ideas in the closet for decades.  I'm still very apprehensive about medical transition.  I've always taken health to be a high priority for me.  I wrote a book last December about my fears of it all and my conclusion ultimately is that sometimes there is more to life than being a pillar of health.  It's important to take some chances if that is where your heart takes you.
    • Lydia_R
    • Lydia_R
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...